why i don't like her

I felt somebody poking my middle so I turned to see the ex-roommate. "There's where you're hiding!"

OK, first, you never poke somebody. I stopped doing it when I was about six, and the rest of the civilized world follows the same general rule. She's 28. If I hadn't had things in my hands, I might have broken her fingers.

Second, I was in the middle of a conversation that was far more important than anything she could ever say. Interrupting is a rude thing that people do who don't have manners.

Third, the person I was talking to was my friend K, who got us in to see the lawyer. The ex-roommate owes her a big thank you, and I had introduced them before so ex-roommate knew. Instead, she completely ignored her. After interrupting her. K and I just turned and looked at her and then continued our conversation as if she weren't there, and we spoke in shorthand code so she wouldn't have any idea what we were talking about. Not her. Because neither of us care.

Fourth, I was between the doorway of the classroom and the main doorway to outside. I was even in the flow of traffic, which I try not to do but the law school is stupid set-up with no place to stand and talk. How is this hiding? Why would I be hiding? Why would she say something so stupid?

So, it's simple, why I don't like her. She's rude, has no manners, is ungrateful, thinks she's the center of the universe, is immature, and says stupid things. No, I'll go a step further - she is stupid.

I actually loathe her. I will be glad when she leaves the country and keeps her fingers and racist stupidity to herself. There are some things I do not ever forgive, and racism is one of them.

What are you going to do when he moves in?

That's what the electrician just asked me, when I asked him how to turn off the incredibly annoying attic fan. I couldn't wait, so I just turned off all the electricity to the other part of the house. Thankfully, he hooked it up to the other guy's electricity rather than mine.

"Oh, the neighbor was there today? He must have turned off my radio."

"No, that was me. I have no tolerance for noise now - my finals begin in a week."

I left the house early today to go to the library. Unfortunately, I can't study in the library, so it was some wasted time. Which is not what I need now. But I did get my exam numbers, thanks to two classmates who reminded me.

For every exam we have to use a number only, so that everything is completely anonymous. Today was the first day to get numbers, and I need to give props to my classmates who look out for spacy-old me and guide me there.

I also got my schedule for next term, and it's basically exactly the same as this term, except that I start even later on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I don't know how I can do legal volunteering with this schedule - all my days are chopped up by classes. Sigh.

So, the neighbor showed up today. It's unfortunate that we share a whole living room wall (which is my only interior wall), which apparently has no insulation based on how loud the music came blaring through today. I know it will be different when there's furniture and all that, and he needn't put a stereo right against where I study - but I fear my silence is over. And I can't live with noise, so I'll have to move. To answer the electrician.

I just realized, just now as I type this, that my neighbor will be working out of the apartment. He's a painting conservator. Which probably means that he listens to music as he works. I am so screwed. If it's Mozart or Bach, it's ok sometimes - but anything that has words won't work for me.

On the other hand, I'm extremely quiet - I only have music on to cook, no TV - the only noise is the sound of typing and printing. Maybe he's like me.

He did come by tonight to tell me how happy he is to be moving in, and he told me about his recent divorce (I so nailed that wrong - I was sure he was gay) - a fatality of Katrina he said (though I'd figured that out before he said it). Maybe it will work out well having him next door - him being around all the time will be good for security, getting packages, etc. Together we can deal with the yippy dog and partying neighbors (though, since I told Landlady and she called their landruler, there hasn't been a peep from them), and he can handle watering the yard. He can watch my pipes from freezing while I'm gone, etc.

Well, I'll hope for the best, but if not, Ahmed and Tami may be recruited to help me move again.

holiday speak

Amy, on her voting habits: "I don't care how appealing they might seem. I can never vote with somebody with an (R) after their name!"

Ashton, on his accomplishments and desires (he's 2): "I'm bigger! And I want to eat a bush baby!"

Avery, on where he wants me to find a job: "I want Auntie [insert my name here] to live with us!"

Stephen, on our latest round of gluttony: "I'm so proud of how far you've come, padawan."

"Uncle" Terry, on job offers: "There's only one firm I'd work for and it's mostly people I used to work with and enjoy. The only problem is that they need me only a state away from my family, and if there's not a continent or an ocean between us, I'm not going."

Happy Thanksgiving!

If I don't blog again before then.

So, I have my bag packed (that's why I put off doing it - because it takes me all of five minutes). Rain jacket. Check.
Pajamas. Check.
Toothpaste and facial cleanser, trial size each, in a plastic ziploc bag. Check.
Federal Rules of Civil Procedure. Check.
Examples and Explanations of Civil Procedure. Check.
Glannon's Problems Guide to Civil Procedure. Check.
My class outline of Civil Procedure. Check.

I'm sure it's what all the cool kids carry in their bags, the FRCP. I'm bringing pretty tabs and I'm going to mark them color-coded, the ones I need to know, and then I'm going to make my own index as well.

Actually I would feel way geekier if I didn't know that all my classmates are studying it, too. And today I finally had to say something to this cute Korean boy who sits in front of me (though, he looks Japanese, but it is a Korean last name so I'll have to ask him) because every day in Contracts he gets out this set of 10 colored highlighters. So, I finally asked, because that so intrigues me. Yes, he color codes what he reads because he doesn't brief his cases. And he also smokes, which is way gross, but he still has this perky little attitude in class. I know that I'm jaded and very sassy right back at the profs, but I still can appreciate the sweet innocent ones who will smile and nod.

Those of us who are there every day, we're bonding. Class attendance has been abysmal this week - I don't know if people took off the whole week or if it was the memo assignment or burn out or what - but I gotta wonder why they would skip the last few days of class. Oh well. I'm there. Soaking up the brilliance. It's the least I can do, when tuition is $38K/year.

as I said ...

OFF CAMPUS ARMED ROBBERY
Sunday, November 19, 2006
[Two blocks from where I used to live; a mile from here] @ 8:45 P.M.

Students were robbed of currency by a white male subject armed with a large, black-handled, chef-type knife
Suspect Description:5’7” to 5’8”, unshaven, with a dark complexion, and wearing dark clothing, a puffy jacket and a knit hat with the sides folded up
Possibly related: an unknown male in a parked vehicle
Vehicle description: a light-colored, old model, small, pickup truck

********
8:45 pm on a Sunday, outside the cafe and restaurant I used to always go in the evenings? Sigh.

laundromat blues

I am so over laundromats. I have to psych myself out to go now, so today's "reward" was to read the newspapers for the past five days that I haven't had a chance to read, and the daily special of soul food sold out of the back of the nextdoor Arab-run gas station. It was between the soul food or the taqueria in the parking lot, and I was craving me some greens and wanted to see how their "smothered" was.

It was ok. Cornbread really dry - again, I'm a better cook. But I learned something valuable about greens - mine actually taste at least as good as what I get elsewhere, but the problem is that I try to eat them just as greens, maybe with rice. They're a side, and if they are the main course they're always going to fall short. Too sour. The greens in Africa are just totally different.

I got there in a pretty good mood - hell, it's vacation and tomorrow at this time I'll be in Oregon with my two favorite 7- and 2-year-olds.

It started pretty well - a matronly Black woman customer told me how to work the card machines, and there was a saying about Allah hanging above the doorway, and a Mexican (ok, Latino) man was very friendly in the parking lot. All good.

And then a family came in and I thought, as I often have, how cute "paw-paw" is for grandpa. I'm over it. If I hear one more, "You want me to wup you? I'm telling paw-paw and he wup yur ass! He get his belt!" well, I'm not sure how I could be as obnoxious as that in return. Maybe I'd talk about Wal-Mart evils. The thing is that these people, the ones who threaten violence against their kids, try to do it in lieu of actual parenting. Why was this 2-year-old acting up? Because he was BORED and ignored. Be a parent already and get off your lazy ass and interact with your child. Not to the point that he's the center of the universe, but so he feels acknowledged. Until you do, he's going to keep ramming strangers with laundry baskets and sticking foreign objects into brand-new machines. But you don't really care, do you?

And then there was junk in most of the dryers (trash, candy, etc. that would melt), and the TV was blaring ESPN (I don't care!) and the parking was so tight I couldn't get out. (The next time somebody gestures there's a mile between me and their car, I'll stop being so cautious and hit them. People with small cars cannot tell me how to drive my behemoth.)

It was a new laundromat, and I don't know if I'll return. I can't study there, or in any that I know, and that's what I need. Well, there is a laundromat at the university right by the law school, but I don't know how to get my laundry there because it's in a dormitory and no parking nearby. But I might try to figure that out, because it would be worth it to go to the library during the spin cycle.

It's just annoying and unnecessary - I should have a washer and dryer. Not in this apartment, it's too tiny, but I should be able to find housing elsewhere that meets this and the off-street parking need. But there's nothing unless I want to pay more than $1000 for a small one-bedroom far from school. That's messed up. Maybe at the end of the year when leases run out and people are moving away something good will open up. This sucks.

Of course, I'm not having to wash my clothes by hand and hang them outside, like most of the world, so I need to shut the heck up.

It's just that there's always this gap - or tension in me. I like a world full of colorful characters and interesting places, but I also want everything clean and sterilized and I want people to stop shooting each other. Maybe it's just weighing on me since I got the major lecture from Kim about how I have to be safe - or maybe that in the 5 days of newspaper I read, there were at least 10 murders (I stopped counting then). 4 people in 3 hours. And yeah, it's mostly about drugs, but I don't care. I'm fed up with the death here.

Yes, Tami, I know, you warned me.

But why can't America have a city that is full of interesting culture and music (I'm listening to Rebirth Brass Band right now to perk me back up) that isn't a dangerous pothole? Why do we keep having to choose between tract houses and safety? Why can't I have restaurants and shops that are local and STILL be able to walk home after dark from school?

Maybe the violence and culture aren't related, but I can't think of any place that is interesting in this country that isn't riddled with such problems. Memphis comes to mind.

I don't want to live in sterile suburbia, I've said often, but don't I? I'm running out of patience for inner-city problems that surround me. And we all know, I'm not a patient woman. New Orleans is now smaller than Riverside but has so much more to offer because there's no LA nearby to rely upon. But even LA doesn't have to offer what New Orleans does. And I love all the people I actually know from here. I love that the soul food woman said, "Hi, baby!" and was happy to see me like we were old friends when I walked up to the window. I love that when I play my "fake or real" game, it's usually the latter - not so in SoCal.

It's a rough time for the city, there's no doubt. People's patience it stretched beyond limits. But I love how I can chat it up with former neighbors Bill and Charlotte and our conversation is not always about how they're so screwed because they can't get into their house yet. People here suck it up and find the sunny side, and their hospitality is genuine.

So who are these people who are killing so much?

Hm. I think I need to find some volunteering in the system so I can find out. My students made sense of things for me before, and I need something like that here. It just doesn't make sense to me.

Maybe it isn't about the people, but about the system. Which is definitely major fucked up here. Hm.

I need to volunteer next term. Period. I need to stop working in education and I need to get into law. I need those experiences. Which means Dayton ain't coming anytime soon, if ever. He was pretty upset about my notice that I don't have time to deal with him now - I'm too busy, and I need to start putting myself first now. Tough. Suck it up.

OK, time for one more round of "Do Whatcha Wanna" while putting away the laundry and packing, and then some more studying. I'm up at 4:00 a.m. tomorrow to catch my flight to Oregon so it'll be an early night.

Oh, today I learned one of my classmates actually took all these classes last year but walked out on the exams. Last year for the people who stuck it out with First Choice, they came in January and had a full year's worth of classes with an extended 6-day schedule. So, she took the classes but apparently cracked at the finals and walked out. She still paid for all of last year but then has to redo. I haven't talked to her about it, but I want details. I like her, she's nice. In the same category as the young woman who shouted at me when I was trying to find my ID to get through the short-cut gate, "Don't worry Ms. [Insert My Last Name Here]! I have it!" and then bustled over to help me out. That's just nice, especially since we've never met and just know each other's last names from class. I have liked every person from West Virginia I have ever met. And it's a small state, so maybe nobody will ruin that concept I have.

I just wish that - walking out - weren't in my realm of possibility now. Sigh. The test questions are freaking hard, and it totally sucks when EVERYTHING rests on like two questions. What if I read something wrong? Or ... never mind, I'm not going to psych myself out here.

mind over matter?

The student health center doctor (the one who refers to when she started working there as "when I still gave a shit") called. I didn't answer because I sort-of recognized the number and thought it was psycho ex-landlord.

She said my recent (last week) thyroid tests came back in and everything was in normal range.

OK, first, I don't really believe it, so I'm going now to pick them up to see for myself.

But second, it's possible. I used to have high cholesterol and now I don't because I decided not to. I changed my diet for a while and got it really far down, but my diet has always been pretty healthy overall and now I just eat more almonds and oatmeal. And it's stayed down for six years in the totally healthy range.

And when they pulled blood last week, I wasn't feeling any of that craziness I attributed to thyroid action earlier. My brain hasn't been spinning out of control, that sort of thing. Maybe the Oregon endocrinologist (and I) were right - that it cycles between hyper and hypo and normal, and it's just about when it's caught and tested.

Anyway, this could be good news. The endocrinologist here will still want to test me, and that's ok. But if it is Graves disease, it can go into remission. And I will do my best to stuff it there.

sane

Did I sound perky in the last post? Good. K and I just made a pact that we won't weird out. All these 3Ls and lawyers are warning us how weird people get during finals, so I swear not to be that kind of person. I won't be negative and back bitey (though, I did have to note to Son of Deepo Provero Inventor how much one of our classmates, who was wearing a bandana as a sweatband, looked like he should be from "Fame").

But I will note that I woke up this morning with a shooting pain in my side that isn't going away. It's too side and back to be appendicitis, which is good news. I hope it's just sore from sitting still too much this weekend.

Accompanying the pain is a mild delirium. Walking back to school this afternoon, I saw a car with a classmate's alma mater on it and I thought, "Oh, maybe that's her car."

Um, she's blind. Chances of her driving are pretty slim. I got that far in my analysis. But then I thought, "Well, maybe Big Black Guide Dog somehow helps her."

OK, in my semi-conscious state, I'm having blind women and their dogs driving all over the city.

That trumps K dreaming about the guy we wrote the memo about.

I think spending three hours in my 50 degree apartment today led me there, so I did just turn on the heat. Cold wins. This round.

carb loading

No marathon here - although they do say law school is a marathon, not a sprint. And I've been trained. And I know ALL about carb loading.

Got my memo in - yay!

I leave Wednesday very early - yay!

Almost done with CivPro outline and met with prof to clear up some questions - yay!

Only one more day of class this week - yay!

Um ... I'm running out of things to be excited about.

Well, I'm out of food except pita and carrots, so I'm off to some pizza at Whole Foods and then because my blood sugar is so low a cookie as well. Then I'll come back and huddle in my 50 degree apartment (oh, if only I were exaggerating - I guess I should turn on the heat already) and do a ton more work.

I read somewhere that cold weather burns more calories. Though, I do have to say that I was at my highest weight while in Alaska - and that with no bakeries to run to or pizza or any of that. My friends there, too. And we exercised a ton - always out skiing and snowshoeing and walking around, and our diets revolved around salmon and caribou (the leanest meat). I guess our metabolism slows down in the cold - like bears. I do miss my salmon curry there, and I used to make a caribou stew to die for. (Well, I guess the caribou did die for it.)

And now Dayton texted me.

I have no clarity about that. Because I don't have the time or energy to devote to it - I need to get through law school now. I'm pretty dismayed with myself in CivPro - things just aren't clicking. The test is two weeks from today, and I'm going to focus on it pretty hard-core until then. Hopefully it clicks. But I do need to also prep the other classes. But work is tapering out now and I've done all the reading for next week, just need to brief. So, there's hope. I'm not yet despondent. And I have two supplemental books that I'm going to read while traveling this weekend that hopefully help a lot. I will maximize my airport time! I'll be traveling about 20 hours total this weekend to spend about 40 hours with friends. And this is shocking to whom?

OK, pizza. My brain craves carbs during stressful and intense learning times. And who's to argue with my brain?

my driver's license is wrong

I've shrunk an entire inch since middle school. I'm officially 5'3". I'm now shorter than the average American woman.

Maybe it's spinal compression and yoga would help.

Yeah, in all my spare time I'll pick up a few classes.

Susan used to have this inversion table, and I tried it once and it hurt so much I immediately uprighted. If my spine's compressed, that's the way it wants to be.

Now I'm going back through my memo - again - and proofreading and adding a ton of commas. My instructor is comma-crazy. Too much so. I like commas as much as the next person, or even more, but she's obsessed. She actually took off a point from my last memo for the section of "typos or grammatical errors." I looked back over - there were neither of those. Not a single one. The only thing I can figure out is that she thinks there's a dearth of commas.

Whatever.

And now I only need to hack out five more lines to get it short enough.