exam view

The one thing I have to look forward to in finals?

Hot guys.

I don't know why it works out like this, but last semester during finals, for the first time I talked to and hung out with all the cute guys I'd noticed. Not that there are many, but the study groups and friends of friends got me introduced all around.

Today, I went to take my make-up final and had to kick out the only hot guy (intriguing, really) I noticed but hadn't yet met. He sat outside the whole damn time and then when I was finished I called him in - acknowledging that I know his very cool name and introducing myself. And we chatted a little and he's as cool as I thought, and he'd noticed me in the one class I have with upper classmen.

Yeah, I need me a rebound boy all right. I need to wash that Dayton right out of my hair. It won't be a law student, that's for damn sure - I'm not insane - but I can enjoy the view.

as good as it sounds

Last day of class. Last class. I'm freeeeeeee!!!

Guy says: "Now the stress really begins." Oh, whatever. Study, shmudy. You don't have to show up to some annoying professor. I just about stabbed my Legal Profession instructor in the neck today with a pen. He was SOOOOO ANNOYING. Sarah seriously sat there and plugged her ears because he was so bad. Resultingly, he was SKEWERED on evaluations. But, I checked my Ethical Rules of the Legal Profession, and stabbing instructors isn't allowable.

Other guy says: "Last day of class. It's never as good as expected." Oh, whatever. IT'S FANTASTIC!

I realize, I really hate showing up for class. I hate it because it's boring and annoying and I have to sit still for extended periods of time. I hate it because I have to show up - but that's just because of the standards I put on myself. Other people skip all the time. Whatever. It's over now, and only four more terms to go. Oh yeah, and finals.

two weeks to finals

What sucks? Stupid professor who can't count. Now at the end of the term, when we're stressed about finals, we're reading like three times what we read back in January. Loser.

What's silly? Classmate pulled an all-nighter. He studied at school until 1:30 a.m., went home but couldn't fall asleep so got up and showered and got dressed and came back to school by 2:30. People just shouldn't even tell me things like that because I'll totally make fun of them - even though I don't know them and they seem like a nice kid (as in this case).

What's stupid? People miscalculating my age. Classmate who I thought was maybe 25, found out he's 30. OK, so I'm 5 years off, and he's Korean which I think makes it harder to tell. But he guessed that *I* was about 25, and that just pisses me off. He's 13.5 years wrong AND that means he doesn't listen to a damn thing I say. How the eff would I have taught for 10 years if I were 25? How would I have travelled so much, done so many things? I'm damn proud to be almost 39 and I want the damn respect accorded to me. I'm going to get a damn t-shirt that says "I'm old enough to be yo mama so shut up."

What pisses me off? *I* got called on in Contracts today. Some guy was floundering for an answer, so I asked a semi-related question to give him a minute to collect his thoughts, and then he said he needed to pass so she effing called on ME. I wasn't prepared, but I can fake it. What pisses me off? She went from me to THE MOST ANNOYING GUY IN THE WORLD two people down from me, then skipped a row of black students, and went to THE DITZIEST GAL IN THE WORLD. Not only did she do it AGAIN with ignoring the students of color, but she picked on me and called on people who should NEVER be allowed to speak.

Sigh. When I'm in charge of the world ...

note to self

No, absolutely no, hanging out with law students any time soon. They are making me absolutely crazy. Whining and backstabbing and excuse-making. Even the people I usually like to be around, they’re driving me up a wall.

One person just told me she plans to cheat in exams because other people will. My response? “There’s karma, and I’m not going to compromise MY ethical standards just on the rumor that somebody else will. Let them deal with it – it’s not my problem.”

And don’t let me see it, because I will report it to the Honor Board (it would be a violation of the Honor Code if I didn’t). She’s got all sorts of stories – about how 40% of law review (the top 8% of the class) had ADD diagnosis and allowed more time for exams, how our classmates’ fathers’ paralegals drafted their briefs – all sorts of stories that I simply don’t believe and she is just as certain are true.

But ultimately – it doesn’t matter to me either way. Let ‘em have more time, let their briefs be written by somebody else – it doesn’t affect me, not really. It does affect my grades because everything is curved – but everything works out.

Even if I were failing out, I wouldn’t consider cheating – because then what would I have left of myself?

Sigh.

If the top 10% of my class is cheaters or have accommodations that give them an unfair advantage (which I know for a fact is NOT the case), so be it. I’ll be wherever I fall in the curve and I’ll do the best with what I got.

I’m not even tempted, which is I guess a good thing.

Or now – the property prof videotaped the class, like I asked him to – somebody checked out the tape and has had it for several days. Um, return it?? And I wonder about the quality when it does get returned – will she have destroyed it just to be spiteful? She seems like a nice person, but people are going effing CRAZY.

We were nice during our first semester exams, but these are MUCH more stressful because we know what we’re in for and how important the grades are – they seriously do affect the rest of our lives.

Shrug. My strategy? Do my best, not sweat it, and do NOT interact with my classmates at all. Smile and walk away. And, extricate myself from study groups because they’re a big waste of my time. Hopefully they don't start demolition on the neighbor house anytime soon, because I should not be studying in the library - too many of those pesky law students there.

Ugh, and today I went to this talk about a major oil company, and I saw the lawyers and clerks interact and I learned two things. 1. They’re all geeks without social skills and 2. You have to totally suck up to get and keep a job.

I won’t laugh at something that isn’t funny. I won’t suck up.

That, on top of my mediocre grades, are not boding well for my future. Shrug. At least I got my integrity, and that counts for something.

just because you're paranoid ...

... doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.

Love that double negative? I've always been excited by double negatives. A former friend with whom I had a very passionate email correspondence couldn't stand my double negatives. But, then again, he's "former" friend, so who cares. Ah, Kennymanjaro.

Anyway, my property prof is way out to get me. He's still wanting us to stalk him (today he told us the name of a housing development down the street from him), and he's started dropping clues regarding me - mentioning Ouija boards is always a good one.

But today was just, unexpected. He called on me. Which, in most of my classes I don't totally hate, because I"m kind of masochistic. No law student knows anything. That's the law, and the professors' jobs is to point out how stupid we are. It's just the way it is, and I'm adjusting. But I particularly hate to participate in Property because, well, because it's fucking hard (fee simple subject to a condition subsequent WHAT?!) and the professor is a pompous ass, and seeing him stand up there with his smirk - let's just say he's fortunate I'm not packing.

I thought I was done getting called on. I participated and made him look WAY good in front of visitors - and that was only a week or two ago. There's probably 70 people in that class (40 or so who show up), and I didn't think he'd get back around to me. He owed me.

I guess he thinks I owe him, since he's videotaping class for me tomorrow since I "can't" make it.

I was first in line - he called on me in the first few minutes of class, which also breaks rules. He's supposed to let me settle in with my surfing and emailing first.

I am happy to report, that I did not flounder. I actually understood his questions and actually answered them, and while I was pretty much wrong, I wasn't laughably so. And I was only on the hotseat for about 10 minutes before he allowed somebody to jump in. Which, is all me - the only time people participate is when I start off. I make fun of him, of myself, and of the study of property. I make stupid jokes which aren't very funny, and I don't let the smirk get me down. In fact, I ridiculed the smirk in front of the visitors, and he took it well.

What he doesn't see is that my palms were way sweaty - I was actually nervous. Good practice for a courtroom, I guess. Damn.

And now I have one hour to do five hours' worth of reading. Getting to it. Damn I'm glad I read for Property class today - the one class I prepped for, because it's the lightest book to carry (yeah, seriously - there are times I don't do Legal Profession or Constitutional Law reading because the books weigh like 20 pounds apiece, and it hurts my back to carry them home).

And damn I'm glad I'm skipping property tomorrow. Glad I'll be missed.

Oh, and I ordered something and they just confirmed it, and they're charging me almost no shipping, which saves me money, which is super cool. What a grand day. This afternoon we have a meeting about the competitions to get onto journals for next year, and then Toni Morrison will be speaking so I'll do my best to get there for that. Love her. Grand day, now that class is over. I can breathe more freely and my palms are dry.

small town

When I was student teaching in Fairbanks, I was pretty traumatized the day I ran into a student at the grocery store. She was one of those bitchy 13-year-olds, and this was long before I knew how to turn that attitude into self-esteem and loyalty. And, I had a cart full of alcohol. And condoms. Not full of condoms, but I had a boyfriend and we were ... intimate. Hm, I'd forgotten about him.

But this isn't about the ex-boyfriend who liked to drive with an open beer to sip from as he drove. (Our values did not mesh on several major issues.)

This is about the trauma I put my writing instructor through every time I run into her in the grocery store. Today was I think the third time. She was wiped out - it was a long day of arguments and I think she was sick. She wanted to grab something and get out as quickly as possible, and when I go to the grocery store, I'm all Louisiana - chatty and friendly and slow-paced. Which is funny, because she's the native Louisianan and I'm a recent transplant. But she saw me and I saw that trauma of "Oh damn, I have to be professional." Not that she's ever wild and crazy, but most people treat strangers and students differently.

I said, "Oh, you're done? How are you doing?" I could have stood and talked 20 minutes there, but that was saved for the guy behind me in the check-out line. I've really become a Southerner. But we kept it quick. The apex was, "You guys [how can she be a southerner feminist and say "you guys?!"] did really good. You did great." Seriously, the intonation was there, and I've never heard that before. I'm sure she was just tired and wanted me to go away.

But still, it's nice to hear because I won't get my grade for another month. The funny part during my oral argument was that the timekeeper (my teaching fellow, who has a real genuine friendliness that the instructor lacks because she's always too uptight) lost track of time because, "Oh, I was listening and got too interested and forgot!"

I wasn't great, but I think I was pretty good. I really do think that my experience with reluctant teenage learners could help me in my legal career. The Supreme Court gives tough hypotheticals to attorneys, but no tougher than a 13-year-old's "Why do I have to learn ALGEBRA?!"

I've always said that I'm *not* interested in litigation - and my main reasoning for that is that I don't like the combativeness, the competition of one winner and one loser. I've been interested in designing contracts and transactions that do NOT lead to litigation - that's one of my goals as an attorney. I like win-wins where everybody is happy, and I think that in most cases things can flow that way - and that's antithetical to litigation.

But I'll tell you, there might be something for me in trial and appellate work. I know how to work a classroom and I like it. A lot usually. Maybe I can just transfer that to working a jury and panel of judges.

Well, that's all in the future, but it's food for thought.

For now, I have a refrigerator stocked with very healthy foods. My suit was a bit tight today, and I need to lose weight to make it fit better.

law geek

For the first time since I began this adventure, something about law has really sparked my attention. Oh, don't get me wrong - I have plenty of mini-moments where I think, "Hm, really?" or "Oh, now I understand" or other baby steps on the road of legal understanding.

But this - oyez.org - simply rocked my world. I have to do an oral argument on my appellate brief this weekend, and the instructor told us the oyez.org site to listen to REAL-LIFE arguments before the U.S. Supreme Court. And they are TOTALLY COOL. First, the Supreme Court Justices are sometimes really funny, sometimes really sharp - and I like it when they gang up against attorneys who are trying to buffalo them. Lots of laugh out loud moments, and I'm pleased to know that they're smart cookies (though, I didn't hear Thomas speak - and from what I've read of his dissents, I have little respect for him).

Second, there are a TON of cases about schools - including a case in Juneau, Alaska, where the kids went outside to see the Olympic winter torch and a senior had a sign "Bong Hits 4 Jesus" and the principal ripped it out of his hands and suspended him for five days - when he quoted freedom of speech and Thomas Jefferson, she doubled it to ten days. I'm sitting on the edge of my seat waiting to hear how their decision comes out - does he have the freedom of speech in that situation? Another is about a district's policy to do what New Orleans schools DON'T - which is to have a (healthy to my mind) racial balance. FASCINATING!

So, I wrote my Constitutional Law professor about my newfound obsession, and what I would need to do in my career path to someday argue before the Supreme Court -and he responded that "arguing a case before the Supreme Court is a little like getting struck by lightning." He's written briefs for the Supreme Court, as a number of my profs have, but never gotten to argue. Kenneth Starr does all the darn time, that hog.

The prof said he'd be happy to talk in-depth with me about courses I can take that relate to this new interest of mine ... which sort of determines things for me about the International Development masters with a no. There are so many law courses I want to take about so many different things, so why limit those courses and spend my energies in Int'l Dev (which, from the current students I hear is frustrating and they don't learn much).

And, I want to stay here this summer. I want a nice little job with some nice little law firm where I do grunt work and learn a ton from the bottom-up, spending my evenings reading through my bookshelves and my weekends exploring the South, and a week or two in Liberia.

There, for today I know what I want. Now I need to make it happen. (Unfortunately, most of we 1L's are relegated to unpaid opportunities because, well, we don't really know much that's helpful.)

Just like I need to make my studying happen. Unfortunately I didn't get much sleep last night - apparently one cup of fully caffeinated coffee at 8 am is too much for my system to handle.

move? stay? a little? a lot? host, guest

In case I haven't made it clear over and over: I LOVE NEW ORLEANS. I love the South. I love it here.

So, just to confuse and confound, I'll announce a very preliminary very iffy idea that has arisen: transferring to a Pacific Northwest state university. Where, it so happens, my Selma girl resides. And she ain't gettin any younger (she'll be 13 soon).

Ever since Kamaria told me she's thinking about transferring, there's been a little nudge of it. Maybe I'm just co-dependent - if she goes, then I go.

But of course not - it's much more than that. I just emailed Tami teasing if she's the pregnant one, then why am I the nesting one?

Because I am. Because plans are that I'll be a mother in the not-too-distant future. And as much as I love, love, love New Orleans - I don't see it as good for kids. Not right now, post-Katrina, and not with my economic situation. But on the other side of the continent, there are good public schools (and for me it's more about politics than money), and parks with ground that isn't toxic, and houses with yards. It's less interesting and musical and colorful there, but chances of being shot are significantly less.

I am SO over the west coast, and I would never consider moving back there if not for this.

But - Lara said she'd be my nanny if I moved back. :)

I don't know. So preliminary. I'll wait until I feel better before doing anything. It's not THAT much cheaper (though living costs are significantly less), and I think it's a fair less amount of prestige. Far fewer connections to high-fallutin major city firms that pay the big bank.

But didn't I just say that's not what I want, a big firm life? That I want to take time to smell the flowers and scope out the birds? The Pacific Northwest is good for that. If you can ever see though that damn rain and the glare off all the white people.

Oh. Damn. I just looked at that school's employment statistics - and the median starting salary out of school is LESS than I made as a teacher - and I'd still be carrying like $100,000 in debt. Damn. The HIGHEST salary in the same town is $52,000, which is less than I made teaching. I'd be so screwed. In contrast, where I currently am, starting salary is $83,000 average for entire class, $96,356 for private firms.

Hm. Stay where I am in a place I love, not deal with the hassle of applications and transferring, and probably make about twice the money? My writing instructor suggested I consider working at a big firm for just two years - enough to make a wad of cash and pay off bills, and then walk away (that's what she did). Of course that sounds like a damn long time to not have a life, but maybe it's what I need to do (if I can get hired, of course).

So, Mobile was fun. It was a little disorienting to be in a city that was actually functioning. We stuck to suburbia, where Kim lives. But I see now that there are ton of birding and estuary-oriented type of activities there. It was beautiful there - especially when I drove right on past Mobile, past Spanish Fort (looking around too much to notice exit signs). Next time, we'll drive to Florida and chillax on the beach - I wasn't up for that. Heck, I wasn't up for much of anything (I still feel really sick), so we watched Jet Li's Fearless. It was just fun to see Kim and catch up. It's only 144 miles from here, and it's a straight direct route - not too many bad bridges. Wish I had more spare time to spend over there. Sabine used to joke that her house was Eva's country house and Eva's apartment was Sabine's beach house. Kim and Norwood both really impressed upon me that I'm welcome any time - hope they know what they're getting into by being hospitable! But it really did feel like a "get away." And Kim's big plans of next time spending a weekend on the beach - that would be quite a vacation, even if just a weekend.

I wonder ... if I could find a job in Mobile this summer. There's no law school there. I wonder if I could stay in Kim's spare bedroom for a couple months. Hm. Maybe I'll look into that. Her place is sweet - three times the size of mine for significantly less money. I wouldn't want to impose on her, but we could have lots of fun girl time if I was living there.

Norwood set up her apartment, decorating it all very nicely. The best - she has this huge bed and he set it up so with the flip of the switch you have Barry-Whiteesque type of music and red light emanating up and around it. TOO FUNNY. I said I'm sending Dayton to him for romance lessons. And construction lessons - I stopped by his house today (yeah, I said I'm sick, so I SHOULD be staying in bed but I can't be bothered) and it's looking great. It's been really interesting to see it develop since we met - wish I'd been able to help him along the way.

Ugh. I just got email from Sabine's boy - he's so annoying sometimes. I hold my tongue because I don't think he's malicious or untrustworthy - I just find him vexing. I really wish SHE were coming alone. I don't always not like my friends' partners - I like Kim and Norwood, Tami and Ahmed. Even people I knew first - I like Stephen for Amy, Sadie for Lara, and I liked Sylvia for Michele (long over, I know, but I still liked her). I think usually I like most of my friends' people. I just don't really like him. And no matter how polite I am, he can sense it and it makes him even more annoying. He's just not funny and he tries too hard. So, I"ll end up feeling guilty because I won't be able to spend much time with them (I'm even further behind now - my head and eyes hurt far too much to get any work done) and won't want to (if he is true to form). Well, it will be a nice romantic getaway for them, and I'm a third wheel anyway.

conversation

Hm, shockingly the professor was not excited about being told she's racist.

It was an unpleasant conversation, with lots of excuses. And maybe I should have defended my position more, but really I just wanted her to think about it.

And now I'm the pain in the ass we all know.

quandary

Today in Contracts, my favorite class, the prof effed up.

Every day she calls on people, going in order. Why I like her is that she pushes - she holds you on the spot but she leads you to answers, also.

Today she didn't push much. She returned to a person she'd ended with last week and then went to Candace. One question, four parts - a very simple question. Then on to Mike, who was asked only one question, and then on to some girl in the front, who got a bunch of questions to flesh out, and then some guy in the next section who got a bunch of questions.

Candace and Mike are black.

Mike was livid and Candace was passing notes with the woman behind her about it, trying to figure out what was going on. Of course I had noticed it and had hoped they didn't. They did.

So now I feel like I need to go talk to the prof. Mike probably won't, and Candace isn't sure what she experienced. I wish I weren't.

It's textbook. How so often teachers treat males and females differently in their classrooms, but here it was about race (and I choose that word rather than ethnicity deliberately).

And I have to figure out a way to help the professor understand how what she did was really wrong, without making her defensive. Of course I don't think she's racist, and I'm sure she will deny it completely and will have lots of excuses.

But this place is hostile to black students and things like that matter a lot. Each person gets called on one time per semester, and that's it. Because we don't do papers or anything, it's the one chance to get feedback on our thinking. And Mike and Candace were denied that opportunity.

This feels icky, but I know I have to say or do something. So, it's not really a quandary. The prof liking me is far less important than saying something. It's blind grading, and she doesn't know me well enough to write a letter of rec for me anyways.

Damn it. Sometimes I get tired of being me.

Wednesday

My Contracts prof just said: "Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose" and has spent the past 15 minutes pointing out all the ways my Right-Wing-Extremist buddy is wrong.

Sometimes it's worth showing up.

drones

I walked over to the law school about 8:15 tonight to pick up some cases that I printed. I never go there at night - this was the first time because my friend Sarah was walking over.

First, it's a nice walk at night.

But second, I was freaked out. I walked past the reading room and it was full of people studying.

STUDYING.

What the hell is up with that?

I'm just pleased with myself because I found a mystery case I was looking for, where the court ruled that an officer with his hand on his gun is not compelling somebody to answer questions - instead it's somehow voluntary. What a legal fiction that is. But, that's my party's side, so that's what I'm going with.

And, I just now realized that I'm way further behind than I thought - I thought I'd done a big chunk that I actually hadn't. So, I'm a little screwed.

So maybe I'll just go to bed.

And this, blog friends, is why I will NOT be one of those $160,000 starting salary lawyers.

interview #2

I think I might actually have a shot at that job, the one with the evil, unnamed energy corporation. Both interviewers raved about their job, which I find pretty funny. "Look, I'm here. I'm a 1L not in the top 10% of my class, making me virtually unemployable, and you're interviewing me. What are the chances you need to convince me that your job is the BEST EVER?" But the main guy said three times that they pay him "very good money." Rock on. Pay me good money and I'm there. $25-$30/hour isn't as good as I made teaching, but it doesn't suck.

I guess it'll be a long few weeks until I hear about them both. But it's cool because it puts any other plans on hold - I don't have to be job-seeking while I'm waiting.

I didn't realize how many people applied who didn't get any interviews, so I guess I should be grateful for that. I think of my friend Philippe of many years ago who was looking for a university teaching job after finishing his PhD. As he said, "It takes just one. One yes is all I want."

And from this weekend, my classmate's girlfriend said she knows so many people who went to much worse schools than mine and who did very poorly, and yet they have really good jobs. So, my future's looking bright. Maybe not this summer so much, but eventually I will have a paycheck again, and the sun will shine on my bank accounts again.

And, I'm seriously reconsidering the masters in international development. I have this nagging feeling that it's not the best use of my time and resources. Such as the very limited resource in my life, patience.

Especially without chocolate. Man, it's rough. I did have two smores Saturday night, now I'm back on the wagon - and it's a rough, rocky wagon. Sucks.

thinking like a lawyer

I just thought, "It's ok to racially profile as long as there are other articulable suspicions."

Why did I think that? Because that's what my "clients" did and I'm arguing their case.

And I am now officially on that very, very slippery slope.

Nice having known y'all. Now that I am apparently merely flesh inhabited by Satan, I may not recognize you anymore.

balance

I go to class. Then I go to another class. Then I go to a computer training for school.

But then it gets interesting. I go to French class just for fun (it's way too easy, but it's good too to relearn this stuff that I learned 25 years ago and don't remember quite right and use slightly wrong).

And then I go to a native plants talk. It was way interesting, and I was surprised to see SO many people there (well over 100). It was organized by local Audubon society, given by a retired prof from the boondocks of Louisiana.

I love this place. People are so real here, and now I see that they have the interests I have, too. Native Plants Society? Birdwatching? I'm all over that like the cheap suit I have to wear Friday.

But each time that I went to do something not law school, I could see my classmates look at me like I'm crazy. They're up there studying 7 days a week, 12 hours a day. And I'm lucky to put in a couple hours a day of study time a couple days a week. Seriously, I am SUCH a slacker it's scary.

And I don't know why exactly. Is it that I have too many other interests that take my attention because I seek balance? Is it that I don't have the stamina to stay focused on the task at hand? Is it that it's not that interesting? Is it that I have a bad attitude since I got a couple B's?

I don't know. And I don't know if I can pull it together for the next 8 weeks and study hardcore. I don't think I even know how to do it. Like now - I just talked on the phone to Susan who mailed me warm gear for my weekend camping trip and now I'm blogging and then I'm going to go to bed because I'm tired.

The A students are still in the library, still going strong.

Chris Classmate says, "You'll live a long time." I just don't feel the stress they do. Sure, I'd love to be in the top 5% and get out of law school with a job that pays $160,000. But I don't want the life that accompanies it - not now and not then. Then I'll have interests still, and I'll be even more protective of my time because I won't have the flexibility to do things during the workday except work. Boring. And I'll have a family to deal with. When it gets to 4:00, I'll want to be helping them with homework and starting dinner, not litigating.

And there are jobs like that, where I can balance my interests. They just don't pay anywhere near 160K.

So, I may be in debt a whole lot longer than I'd like to be, but that doesn't stress me out either. Nothing does. I can't feel the panic that I need to be a stellar student.

I just want to have a good time, relax, take it easy.

And for ME to say that - it's like Invasion of the Body Snatchers, NOLA style.

OH, and I went to the computer training and she'd ordered pizza - and they were all pepperoni. Excuse me? Vegetarians can pick off the meat, but at least a couple of my classmates are Muslim. So I just emailed the trainer that. What was she thinking?

And what I've realized is that pizza really does make me hungry more - it doesn't satisfy me unless I eat like four pieces. So, that's a food I need to put on the "off" list. It just tastes so damn good. But I don't like that sensation of being hungry still/again.

Best news of the day: my REI dividend came to Michele's house. Woo!

Gear? I can get WAY more excited about that than any stinkin suit or case.

for a good laugh ...

Here I am. Hm ... I do like skirts that length in theory (and it was near the jacket), but I realize that last week when my writing instructor wore it I thought it looked frumpy. Even more so for me.

What the hell do I care? I got my damn black suit. They can sniff "Less than $100!" all they want - I DO NOT CARE.

success!

For those of you gripped with panic about my suit problem, you'll be relieved to know it's been resolved. (By the way - I'm being sarcastic there - but seriously, I do love comments!)

It took almost three hours out of my busy day of feeling ill and procrastinating, but it's done.

Now I have to decide if I'll keep the damn thing - meaning I wash it when I go to the laundromat this week - or tuck in the tags and try to return it after 40 minutes of wear.

And clearly I don't go shopping enough - that whole size-deflation thing I heard about is totally true. The suit says I wear two sizes smaller than I really do. I mean, it's good because I was able to find something, but also annoying to not know what size to go for.

Caffeine withdrawals are hitting me still - I feel like crap and don't want to do any of the work I need to. We are halfway through the semester and I'm acting like it's week 1 - I haven't done any of the supplemental readings I need to. It doesn't matter if my schedule is empty or full - I'm just not focused. Which is a symptom of hyperthyroidism.

I need a nap. Buying a suit is a big deal, and it's exhausted me.

another cause

I really do try to restrain myself from picking fights with administrators. It helps that I like our dean now, and that he's kinda scary (he'd kick my ass in a courtroom without any doubt). And, while things aren't perfect of course, overall I'm pretty damn satisfied with my experience at First Choice Law School - and most of the things that I'm not really happy about are outside administration's realm of influence.

But I've started. Because I'm [insert name here].

The Dean of Academic Affairs sent some notice of saferide out, and I responded with a mention of a symposium happening soon on US-Middle Eastern communication. I'm freakin sick and tired of people's ignorance. Just the other day at an international law student meeting, a career counselor whose entire focus is international said we needed serious counseling if we even considered a career in the Middle East. WTF is that? At least one guy there is apparently Iranian. And the Middle East rocks. Shut up. And my classmates sometimes make little comments slip. Our writing assignment is about a Sikh man coming back from Pakistan and somebody actually said to me, "He should be racially profiled as Middle Eastern. They're all the same, and they're terrorists." Yeah, of course I let her have it - but how many people think these things without saying them aloud to me, the thought police?

ANYWAY, this dean posted it, which is good. And she said she's disturbed I've heard negative comments (I said ignorant, which is differnet) and if I want to talk to her she invites me.

So I replied that what I'd really like to talk to her about is the cloud of noxious gas I have to walk though to get to class. Smoking is allowed at all entrances, and there is no way for me to get inside the law school without exposure to cigarette smoke - it's nasty. And I think it affects my allergies, especially because it also comes inside to the first floor hallway, where my locker is. And it's unfair that we nonsmokers are punished because others have disgusting addictions. (Michele, K better not be a smoker! I like it better when you don't smoke!!)

Funny, haven't heard back from her yet.

I don't want this to be My Cause, because I'm saving that up for when I have a brilliant idea to desegregate students racially. And I'm a little worried that she'll make me talk to the main Dean, who smokes like numerous Detroit chimneys and is frequently found huddling outside the door with his nicotine delivery instrument. Like I said, he'd kick my ass and probably get me to start smoking.

I signed up for the horseback-camping thing today, which is two weeks away. Got a couple guys in my Property class interested, though one said he wanted to bring his girlfriend and they won't allow non-students. Him I know a little and he's super nice and I like him. The other guy I've never talked to before but he's friends with first guy and he sounded interested too. Sarah, a 2L, says she went on one of the trips last year and had a great time but it was a lot of 18-year-old freshmen, so I'd like a little more balance. And they both have never ridden horses before, so that would be cool for them. And they both thought my Jetboil sounds super cool and encouraged me to bring it.

Yeah, that's all it takes for me to like you. Admire my gear.

how to better waste my time

Our Career Development Office has a spring interview program, which is a way for us to interview with potential employers.

Here's what they didn't tell us, but I found from digging around the sites.

Most large law firms hire about 25 total summer associates - both 1 and 2L. All these firms also interview at the very best law schools. My law school isn't even in the top 20 of law schools in the nation, and it's only barely a Tier 1 school.

How much of a waste of my time is a cover letter? Huge. Sucks. I, unlike most law students, know enough math to figure out those odds.

BTW, maybe scoring significantly lower on my LSAT than expected was a blessing. If I'm finding THIS law school hard, I don't know how I would have made it at a law school with a smarter student body.

I can sit here and watch CBS reruns over and over again for about as much good in finding a law job as sending out these resumes and cover letters.

snotty people

Every so often something jars me into remembering who my classmates predominantly are - from wealthy southern families. A WORLD away from what I know.

One of my classmates, whom I like, lives near me. We were talking and I asked how much rent she pays. $1400/month, which her parents pay most of. That's how much the mortgage on my house was, and I had two roommates paying part of it. I can't even imagine paying that.

Then today she and a couple others and I were chatting and she said she loved our closed memo assignment - snotty people gossiping and fighting over stupid crap in a divorce just to be petty. "I worked in the public defenders office and realized - I don't understand the people there. But these gossipy snipy snotty people - that's what I know, so it's where I'm comfortable."

Her boyfriend's father is paying for his law school - which is upward of $50,000/year.

WHO THE HELL ARE THESE PEOPLE?

Like I said, I like her - she's a genuinely nice person. But she's also honest about her comfort level. And now suddenly I understand so much more about her - the pearls she wears and how extremely thin she is. It's about style over substance where she comes from. I feel sorry for her.