Wow - I'm really going to Nicaragua (just bought the ticket). Twenty years ago, that's what I really, really wanted - Sandinistas, School of the Americas, all that stupid fucking political crap of the 80's. I'm so stoked.
When I was 18, I went to DC for a huge rally against all that shit. I stayed in a peace church there, and met a guy working in the soup kitchen. He was this Nicaraguan political refugee, and he'd gone through hell in prison - torture, family murdered, all that. He was an awesome kisser and although he got me drunk he wouldn't "take advantage" of me.
Maybe I think in some ridiculous latent corner of my mind that I'll meet him again, and I"m not naive at all anymore. Of course he'd probably be this 60-year-old guy now and not in the least attractive. And I don't remember his name or any details about him. I just remember really liking him for his intensity and hidden sorrow I could never touch. Not just that - I mean, he was very kind and considerate and all that. But kind and considerate, while a requirement, doesn't get me going like dark and brooding for a good reason. Ah, swoon.
Maybe he's the one who gave me my "type" - that scarred, battered, dark-skinned survivor.
And Lalo says he's game for Cuba. Woot woot! (That's a Gail-version of Woo hoo!) This is going to be one hell of a summer!
Showing posts with label summer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label summer. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
a new day, a new plan
So, I have my 3-week West Coast extravaganza nailed down.
But then what?
I'm thinking, back to NOLA for a couple weeks (to "work") and then to Nicaragua for Witness for Peace delegation for 11 days. (This has been a dream of mine since I was 16 and heard someone speak about it in the basement of the Lutheran church in Sitka [actually, probably the sanctuary; but it's dark in there so basement sets the tone better], and I've never got my timing right. So maybe now, this summer, will be my timing.)
Back to NOLA for a couple weeks, then to SoCal for a few days for Gail & Shelton's wedding. Back to NOLA for a couple weeks.
Then to Cuba with Lalo, through Bahamas, for a week or so. Also been a dream for many years, and Lalo and I swore a couple years ago that we would save Cuba for each other - so we shouldn't wait forever.
That, blog friends, would be a SUMMER. None of that wearing a suit to a job crap, or summer school tedium, or well, anything productive. I toy with the idea of a couple weeks of language study, but I think I can't force myself through another one of those programs. Nicaragua would provide good practice opportunities, and Cuba would make me remember that I don't know ANY Spanish (they speak so DAMN FAST THERE). Lalo's a good translator.
Now if I could just plan and then ACTUALLY STUDY for my last final (tomorrow), all would be right with the world.
But then what?
I'm thinking, back to NOLA for a couple weeks (to "work") and then to Nicaragua for Witness for Peace delegation for 11 days. (This has been a dream of mine since I was 16 and heard someone speak about it in the basement of the Lutheran church in Sitka [actually, probably the sanctuary; but it's dark in there so basement sets the tone better], and I've never got my timing right. So maybe now, this summer, will be my timing.)
Back to NOLA for a couple weeks, then to SoCal for a few days for Gail & Shelton's wedding. Back to NOLA for a couple weeks.
Then to Cuba with Lalo, through Bahamas, for a week or so. Also been a dream for many years, and Lalo and I swore a couple years ago that we would save Cuba for each other - so we shouldn't wait forever.
That, blog friends, would be a SUMMER. None of that wearing a suit to a job crap, or summer school tedium, or well, anything productive. I toy with the idea of a couple weeks of language study, but I think I can't force myself through another one of those programs. Nicaragua would provide good practice opportunities, and Cuba would make me remember that I don't know ANY Spanish (they speak so DAMN FAST THERE). Lalo's a good translator.
Now if I could just plan and then ACTUALLY STUDY for my last final (tomorrow), all would be right with the world.
Sunday, April 22, 2007
rebuilding rant
All I have to do to get excited again about going to Liberia is start cruising the internet.
Did you know that the life expectancy there is 39.6 years. Hm. Carrie was 39.3 years, and I'm 38.6. Puts it into perspective for me.
I have to go. Even if only for a month instead of the whole summer. If I don't go, I'll never forgive myself for missing this opportunity - I've wanted it for two years. Alfred, the director of "my" organization, promised to hook me up (not his words) with the director of Truth and Reconciliation Commission to work on an anti-impunity measure.
Anti-impunity. I think that is my new middle name, my mantra, my koan. Anti-impunity. It offends all my moral sensibilities that people get away with bad things - but especially in a society which could quite easily fall apart because of it. They believe forgiveness is the answer, but I disagree. I think, in a Rule of Law cult follower kind of way, that accountability is the answer. Not the fake accountability of our government, but a real holding people responsible for what they did. Only then will progress really be made.
And I also do not understand what seems to me Liberia's continued need for external assistance. It's like they always want outsiders to come in and set things right. Of course I know that no LIberians read this blog, or I would not post that - it's oversimplifying the situation. But I have hope - with people like Alfred, and especially with Madame President Ellen, that there will be self-sufficiency.
Which, worries me a little. Here I am ranting about self-sufficiency, and I as an outsider want to "help." That's my main hold-up about going. Not the discomfort, or the complications, or danger, or expense. It's about the contrast between what I really believe (that Liberians need to pull themselves out of this mess) and what I want to do (go there and help on my terms).
Article today talked about donor fatigue - and once that sets in, if you're relying on more help you're screwed.
I guess I'm all up on my high horse about self-sufficiency because I think New Orleans needs a bunch more, too. Not for the levees or that stuff, but for each house and small business. I know that everybody is exhausted from the extreme challenges of dealing with their own stuff - but why aren't people banding together more? Why aren't neighborhoods helping each other with gutting and building? Yeah, like an Amish barn-raising. Working together, things go quickly. Broadmoor is a good example of that, but why not the rest of the city? And why is there such a gap between the people and the government? We're only 200,000 people! There's no reason for this. It's beyond corruption - it's putting a barrier between the represented and the "representatives" that makes so many problems - from these stupid huge garbage cans that nobody has place to keep, to the cops never getting people to tell them who committed the murders, to a school system that needs to be razed and rebuilt.
Lousiana, according to a study I read recently, has the second-lowest rate of volunteerism. I had a hard time believing that - I know a lot of local volunteers - but maybe that's on to something. Why aren't people here helping each other more? I see there are two models - my house is flooded and my neighbor's house is flooded. We can both live in our FEMA trailers and wait for a volunteer service or FEMA or somebody else to come along and gut our houses - OR we can buy one wheelbarrow and first start on my neighbor's house and then when that's done start on mine.
When I first got here, I met a guy who owns a small cell phone shop. He evacuated with his family, but he was back within the week - sneaking past the National Guard lines - to start rebuilding. "Everybody sits around and waits here - why not pick up a damn hammer yourself?" Now, he has some skills, and he has family and friends that help - but he's really on to something.
I know, I'm Alaskan through and through. My father built our house, with the help of friends. I remember my 7th summer was spent picking up nails and cleaning up bags of cement, because a group of guys were there every day until the house was done (well, inhabitable - and then the rest of the work NEVER got done - nobody in my family is good with follow-through). And of course my dad did the same for other people's houses. That's what we did there - no tract housing, no outside consultants, no federal disaster management. We were the Alaskan Amish of a sort.
So I look around here, and I just don't get it. I went to Grand Isle and other small towns, and things look way better than here - because people help each other, people rely on each other - and not just their kin, but on their community. And I know that's buried deep in the nature here, but it's been covered up with something strange. It needs to be uncovered.
Did you know that the life expectancy there is 39.6 years. Hm. Carrie was 39.3 years, and I'm 38.6. Puts it into perspective for me.
I have to go. Even if only for a month instead of the whole summer. If I don't go, I'll never forgive myself for missing this opportunity - I've wanted it for two years. Alfred, the director of "my" organization, promised to hook me up (not his words) with the director of Truth and Reconciliation Commission to work on an anti-impunity measure.
Anti-impunity. I think that is my new middle name, my mantra, my koan. Anti-impunity. It offends all my moral sensibilities that people get away with bad things - but especially in a society which could quite easily fall apart because of it. They believe forgiveness is the answer, but I disagree. I think, in a Rule of Law cult follower kind of way, that accountability is the answer. Not the fake accountability of our government, but a real holding people responsible for what they did. Only then will progress really be made.
And I also do not understand what seems to me Liberia's continued need for external assistance. It's like they always want outsiders to come in and set things right. Of course I know that no LIberians read this blog, or I would not post that - it's oversimplifying the situation. But I have hope - with people like Alfred, and especially with Madame President Ellen, that there will be self-sufficiency.
Which, worries me a little. Here I am ranting about self-sufficiency, and I as an outsider want to "help." That's my main hold-up about going. Not the discomfort, or the complications, or danger, or expense. It's about the contrast between what I really believe (that Liberians need to pull themselves out of this mess) and what I want to do (go there and help on my terms).
Article today talked about donor fatigue - and once that sets in, if you're relying on more help you're screwed.
I guess I'm all up on my high horse about self-sufficiency because I think New Orleans needs a bunch more, too. Not for the levees or that stuff, but for each house and small business. I know that everybody is exhausted from the extreme challenges of dealing with their own stuff - but why aren't people banding together more? Why aren't neighborhoods helping each other with gutting and building? Yeah, like an Amish barn-raising. Working together, things go quickly. Broadmoor is a good example of that, but why not the rest of the city? And why is there such a gap between the people and the government? We're only 200,000 people! There's no reason for this. It's beyond corruption - it's putting a barrier between the represented and the "representatives" that makes so many problems - from these stupid huge garbage cans that nobody has place to keep, to the cops never getting people to tell them who committed the murders, to a school system that needs to be razed and rebuilt.
Lousiana, according to a study I read recently, has the second-lowest rate of volunteerism. I had a hard time believing that - I know a lot of local volunteers - but maybe that's on to something. Why aren't people here helping each other more? I see there are two models - my house is flooded and my neighbor's house is flooded. We can both live in our FEMA trailers and wait for a volunteer service or FEMA or somebody else to come along and gut our houses - OR we can buy one wheelbarrow and first start on my neighbor's house and then when that's done start on mine.
When I first got here, I met a guy who owns a small cell phone shop. He evacuated with his family, but he was back within the week - sneaking past the National Guard lines - to start rebuilding. "Everybody sits around and waits here - why not pick up a damn hammer yourself?" Now, he has some skills, and he has family and friends that help - but he's really on to something.
I know, I'm Alaskan through and through. My father built our house, with the help of friends. I remember my 7th summer was spent picking up nails and cleaning up bags of cement, because a group of guys were there every day until the house was done (well, inhabitable - and then the rest of the work NEVER got done - nobody in my family is good with follow-through). And of course my dad did the same for other people's houses. That's what we did there - no tract housing, no outside consultants, no federal disaster management. We were the Alaskan Amish of a sort.
So I look around here, and I just don't get it. I went to Grand Isle and other small towns, and things look way better than here - because people help each other, people rely on each other - and not just their kin, but on their community. And I know that's buried deep in the nature here, but it's been covered up with something strange. It needs to be uncovered.
Friday, April 20, 2007
relative safety
I don't just love Fred (and this is taken outside Dayton's house - it's a great view of what the view from his front yard looks like) because he's funny and smart and honest and good and can say "yesss" about anything and make it sound like a Barry White song.
I also love his loyalty, and he always tells me what I want to hear. Not in a way that he has no spine or sucks up, but because we are of one mind the vast majority of the time (and when we're not, we always get to be eventually).
He'll be in Michigan by Tuesday to get married, and I hope to go back to school - I think he would be an amazing lawyer and statesman of Liberia. But his presence everywhere remains strong - when I have a problem about anything, he's my go-to man. He's already connected me with Ernest who is helping me out with planning.
Fred says, "I think safe is a relative term." He thinks I should go to Liberia, without any doubt, and gives me numerous examples of other westerners living and working there and doing just fine. He recommends I not go into the interior (outside Monrovia), which I know, but says I'll be fine. And, he says that he has connections - people who will absolutely help me out in all ways for as long as I stay.
The thing is, Fred thinks I'm capable of anything I set my mind to, and he has a vision for a great Liberia and knows help is needed.
Dayton says...
... it's far too dangerous in Liberia and I really shouldn't come.
Danger schmanger, right?
But I feel differently about danger now than I did a week ago, before "mortality week" struck. Sure, I have my meningitis vaccination, but I don't have any sort of bullet vaccination.
Plus, any work he can find appears to be out of the city. Which I would normally encourage him to do, especially if he got to use Kru (his first language, though he did learn English simultaneously) again. The tribal rural people are really at risk of exploitation and the like, so it's important that people be out there working for and with them.
But this means, I'll be on my own in "the worst place in the world to live." (According to The Economist, numerous years.)
He didn't exactly forbid me to come - which would of course meet with some response from me which would be unpleasant - but begged me to take his advice. So I want to be respectful of that and not just do the opposite of what he says without consideration. I think of Netanya - how she stayed with the children through Katrina because Keith wouldn't leave because of the elderly people of his church who couldn't evacuate - how they stayed for days in a church attic before swimming out to the Convention Center. When I asked her why, she said, "I'm not going to disrespect my husband. He knew the right thing was for him to stay, and my place is with him." But what if he had told her to go? Not that we're anything like Netanya and Keith - she's a solid rock of kindness and self-assurance, no neuroses there (unlike me completely).
So, lots to think about.
Here's what Lonely Planet has to say:
Uncertainty After Civil War
The mess that is Liberia's civil war seems to be on the mend but the country is still no place to go for a beach holiday. While elections and a new president have provided hope for continued stability, the security situation remains fragile. Crime is prevalent and potentially violent. Travellers should exercise high levels of caution at all times. Avoid non-essential travel outside Monrovia, and travel outside Monrovia at night should be avoided.
Danger schmanger, right?
But I feel differently about danger now than I did a week ago, before "mortality week" struck. Sure, I have my meningitis vaccination, but I don't have any sort of bullet vaccination.
Plus, any work he can find appears to be out of the city. Which I would normally encourage him to do, especially if he got to use Kru (his first language, though he did learn English simultaneously) again. The tribal rural people are really at risk of exploitation and the like, so it's important that people be out there working for and with them.
But this means, I'll be on my own in "the worst place in the world to live." (According to The Economist, numerous years.)
He didn't exactly forbid me to come - which would of course meet with some response from me which would be unpleasant - but begged me to take his advice. So I want to be respectful of that and not just do the opposite of what he says without consideration. I think of Netanya - how she stayed with the children through Katrina because Keith wouldn't leave because of the elderly people of his church who couldn't evacuate - how they stayed for days in a church attic before swimming out to the Convention Center. When I asked her why, she said, "I'm not going to disrespect my husband. He knew the right thing was for him to stay, and my place is with him." But what if he had told her to go? Not that we're anything like Netanya and Keith - she's a solid rock of kindness and self-assurance, no neuroses there (unlike me completely).
So, lots to think about.
Here's what Lonely Planet has to say:
Uncertainty After Civil War
The mess that is Liberia's civil war seems to be on the mend but the country is still no place to go for a beach holiday. While elections and a new president have provided hope for continued stability, the security situation remains fragile. Crime is prevalent and potentially violent. Travellers should exercise high levels of caution at all times. Avoid non-essential travel outside Monrovia, and travel outside Monrovia at night should be avoided.
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
no news is ... well, no news
Dear [me]:
USAID missions are currently reviewing applications. We hope to notify all applicants of their status this month; however, due to continuously changing priorities in the field, we are unable to advise all candidates of their status at this time.
We sincerely apologize for the delay.
Regards,
USAID, Africa Bureau
********
Sigh. So what does this mean for me? Do I find a new place to live and move in, just to have the opportunity to go away for months and be paying rent while not there?
Do I find a local LIberian NGO and make arrangements?
Do I make arrangements for a job or volunteering here in New Orleans?
WHAT DO I DO??
I just wish they would reject me if they're going to. It's so much better than not knowing.
USAID missions are currently reviewing applications. We hope to notify all applicants of their status this month; however, due to continuously changing priorities in the field, we are unable to advise all candidates of their status at this time.
We sincerely apologize for the delay.
Regards,
USAID, Africa Bureau
********
Sigh. So what does this mean for me? Do I find a new place to live and move in, just to have the opportunity to go away for months and be paying rent while not there?
Do I find a local LIberian NGO and make arrangements?
Do I make arrangements for a job or volunteering here in New Orleans?
WHAT DO I DO??
I just wish they would reject me if they're going to. It's so much better than not knowing.
Friday, March 30, 2007
what are the chances?
So, I'm in limbo about my summer plans, as anybody reading this blog well knows.
There's Africa. A USAID internship I applied for and will hopefully hear about in the next couple weeks. Additionally, if that's where I really want to go there are a number of local NGOs I could volunteer with.
And there's New Orleans. I have a fierce loyalty to this funky little city, and don't really want to leave where I call home - not even for three months.
For Africa: Well, it's Africa. I love it there, I am always challenged and learn, and my help is needed in Liberia. Dayton and his family are there.
For New Orleans: I could make some money here, learn about law, make connections if I do stay here after graduation. Maybe even buy a house. Read a lot of books on my shelves to sell them, spend weekends out exploring. Relaxing. It's a lot of things in Africa, but it's not relaxing.
So, with this question always in mind, I approached my day. My career development officer said the vast majority of people get jobs here by knowing people and dropping names - which I got alerted to when the endocrinology nurse offered to hook me up at my last appointment, saying she has neighbor friends who are lawyers at big firms - which is probably more relevant after I graduate, or next year, but I thought it fascinating that she would offer that.
So, today. First, to my neighbor, whom I chatted with this morning when he brought up my trashcan from the curb, and who suggested a lawyer friend. I've heard of this lawyer before somehow. Second, I ran into a former student from my LSAT class who is a paralegal at the firm I went to about immigration issues (which I rejected because it would cost me $7,000). He said if a new immigration bill goes through, they will be SWAMPED with work and he'll check for me about getting a job there.
How freakin cool is that? I don't know if either of those leads will pan out, but I love the idea that I could show up to class, which happened to be the class shown to visiting prospective students, and where I sat I was chatting with said prospective students so my face was turned to the door (in a very large classroom) and so former LSAT student happened to see me and sit with me and we started chatting and the next thing I know it might turn into a job?
It's just hard for me to justify using connections. In this way, a high-context society, New Orleans is very much like Africa - it's all about who you know, not what you know. But I come from a staunchly low-context culture, where connections are never used. I was trained that I should be presented on strictly the basis of my merits - that's the background I come from. So, transitioning to a different mindset is uncomfortable.
The thing is that these are all people I genuinely like, and I'd be happy to hook them up however I can. I guess I've always been a high-context kind of girl in a way - I like introducing people who have things in common, making new connections. And I do like most people - I like meeting them and getting to know them.
So, I know I have been saying for months that I just want a job to happen without having to make any effort to get it - wouldn't it be funny if that happens!
There's Africa. A USAID internship I applied for and will hopefully hear about in the next couple weeks. Additionally, if that's where I really want to go there are a number of local NGOs I could volunteer with.
And there's New Orleans. I have a fierce loyalty to this funky little city, and don't really want to leave where I call home - not even for three months.
For Africa: Well, it's Africa. I love it there, I am always challenged and learn, and my help is needed in Liberia. Dayton and his family are there.
For New Orleans: I could make some money here, learn about law, make connections if I do stay here after graduation. Maybe even buy a house. Read a lot of books on my shelves to sell them, spend weekends out exploring. Relaxing. It's a lot of things in Africa, but it's not relaxing.
So, with this question always in mind, I approached my day. My career development officer said the vast majority of people get jobs here by knowing people and dropping names - which I got alerted to when the endocrinology nurse offered to hook me up at my last appointment, saying she has neighbor friends who are lawyers at big firms - which is probably more relevant after I graduate, or next year, but I thought it fascinating that she would offer that.
So, today. First, to my neighbor, whom I chatted with this morning when he brought up my trashcan from the curb, and who suggested a lawyer friend. I've heard of this lawyer before somehow. Second, I ran into a former student from my LSAT class who is a paralegal at the firm I went to about immigration issues (which I rejected because it would cost me $7,000). He said if a new immigration bill goes through, they will be SWAMPED with work and he'll check for me about getting a job there.
How freakin cool is that? I don't know if either of those leads will pan out, but I love the idea that I could show up to class, which happened to be the class shown to visiting prospective students, and where I sat I was chatting with said prospective students so my face was turned to the door (in a very large classroom) and so former LSAT student happened to see me and sit with me and we started chatting and the next thing I know it might turn into a job?
It's just hard for me to justify using connections. In this way, a high-context society, New Orleans is very much like Africa - it's all about who you know, not what you know. But I come from a staunchly low-context culture, where connections are never used. I was trained that I should be presented on strictly the basis of my merits - that's the background I come from. So, transitioning to a different mindset is uncomfortable.
The thing is that these are all people I genuinely like, and I'd be happy to hook them up however I can. I guess I've always been a high-context kind of girl in a way - I like introducing people who have things in common, making new connections. And I do like most people - I like meeting them and getting to know them.
So, I know I have been saying for months that I just want a job to happen without having to make any effort to get it - wouldn't it be funny if that happens!
Monday, March 19, 2007
move? stay? a little? a lot? host, guest
In case I haven't made it clear over and over: I LOVE NEW ORLEANS. I love the South. I love it here.
So, just to confuse and confound, I'll announce a very preliminary very iffy idea that has arisen: transferring to a Pacific Northwest state university. Where, it so happens, my Selma girl resides. And she ain't gettin any younger (she'll be 13 soon).
Ever since Kamaria told me she's thinking about transferring, there's been a little nudge of it. Maybe I'm just co-dependent - if she goes, then I go.
But of course not - it's much more than that. I just emailed Tami teasing if she's the pregnant one, then why am I the nesting one?
Because I am. Because plans are that I'll be a mother in the not-too-distant future. And as much as I love, love, love New Orleans - I don't see it as good for kids. Not right now, post-Katrina, and not with my economic situation. But on the other side of the continent, there are good public schools (and for me it's more about politics than money), and parks with ground that isn't toxic, and houses with yards. It's less interesting and musical and colorful there, but chances of being shot are significantly less.
I am SO over the west coast, and I would never consider moving back there if not for this.
But - Lara said she'd be my nanny if I moved back. :)
I don't know. So preliminary. I'll wait until I feel better before doing anything. It's not THAT much cheaper (though living costs are significantly less), and I think it's a fair less amount of prestige. Far fewer connections to high-fallutin major city firms that pay the big bank.
But didn't I just say that's not what I want, a big firm life? That I want to take time to smell the flowers and scope out the birds? The Pacific Northwest is good for that. If you can ever see though that damn rain and the glare off all the white people.
Oh. Damn. I just looked at that school's employment statistics - and the median starting salary out of school is LESS than I made as a teacher - and I'd still be carrying like $100,000 in debt. Damn. The HIGHEST salary in the same town is $52,000, which is less than I made teaching. I'd be so screwed. In contrast, where I currently am, starting salary is $83,000 average for entire class, $96,356 for private firms.
Hm. Stay where I am in a place I love, not deal with the hassle of applications and transferring, and probably make about twice the money? My writing instructor suggested I consider working at a big firm for just two years - enough to make a wad of cash and pay off bills, and then walk away (that's what she did). Of course that sounds like a damn long time to not have a life, but maybe it's what I need to do (if I can get hired, of course).
So, Mobile was fun. It was a little disorienting to be in a city that was actually functioning. We stuck to suburbia, where Kim lives. But I see now that there are ton of birding and estuary-oriented type of activities there. It was beautiful there - especially when I drove right on past Mobile, past Spanish Fort (looking around too much to notice exit signs). Next time, we'll drive to Florida and chillax on the beach - I wasn't up for that. Heck, I wasn't up for much of anything (I still feel really sick), so we watched Jet Li's Fearless. It was just fun to see Kim and catch up. It's only 144 miles from here, and it's a straight direct route - not too many bad bridges. Wish I had more spare time to spend over there. Sabine used to joke that her house was Eva's country house and Eva's apartment was Sabine's beach house. Kim and Norwood both really impressed upon me that I'm welcome any time - hope they know what they're getting into by being hospitable! But it really did feel like a "get away." And Kim's big plans of next time spending a weekend on the beach - that would be quite a vacation, even if just a weekend.
I wonder ... if I could find a job in Mobile this summer. There's no law school there. I wonder if I could stay in Kim's spare bedroom for a couple months. Hm. Maybe I'll look into that. Her place is sweet - three times the size of mine for significantly less money. I wouldn't want to impose on her, but we could have lots of fun girl time if I was living there.
Norwood set up her apartment, decorating it all very nicely. The best - she has this huge bed and he set it up so with the flip of the switch you have Barry-Whiteesque type of music and red light emanating up and around it. TOO FUNNY. I said I'm sending Dayton to him for romance lessons. And construction lessons - I stopped by his house today (yeah, I said I'm sick, so I SHOULD be staying in bed but I can't be bothered) and it's looking great. It's been really interesting to see it develop since we met - wish I'd been able to help him along the way.
Ugh. I just got email from Sabine's boy - he's so annoying sometimes. I hold my tongue because I don't think he's malicious or untrustworthy - I just find him vexing. I really wish SHE were coming alone. I don't always not like my friends' partners - I like Kim and Norwood, Tami and Ahmed. Even people I knew first - I like Stephen for Amy, Sadie for Lara, and I liked Sylvia for Michele (long over, I know, but I still liked her). I think usually I like most of my friends' people. I just don't really like him. And no matter how polite I am, he can sense it and it makes him even more annoying. He's just not funny and he tries too hard. So, I"ll end up feeling guilty because I won't be able to spend much time with them (I'm even further behind now - my head and eyes hurt far too much to get any work done) and won't want to (if he is true to form). Well, it will be a nice romantic getaway for them, and I'm a third wheel anyway.
So, just to confuse and confound, I'll announce a very preliminary very iffy idea that has arisen: transferring to a Pacific Northwest state university. Where, it so happens, my Selma girl resides. And she ain't gettin any younger (she'll be 13 soon).
Ever since Kamaria told me she's thinking about transferring, there's been a little nudge of it. Maybe I'm just co-dependent - if she goes, then I go.
But of course not - it's much more than that. I just emailed Tami teasing if she's the pregnant one, then why am I the nesting one?
Because I am. Because plans are that I'll be a mother in the not-too-distant future. And as much as I love, love, love New Orleans - I don't see it as good for kids. Not right now, post-Katrina, and not with my economic situation. But on the other side of the continent, there are good public schools (and for me it's more about politics than money), and parks with ground that isn't toxic, and houses with yards. It's less interesting and musical and colorful there, but chances of being shot are significantly less.
I am SO over the west coast, and I would never consider moving back there if not for this.
But - Lara said she'd be my nanny if I moved back. :)
I don't know. So preliminary. I'll wait until I feel better before doing anything. It's not THAT much cheaper (though living costs are significantly less), and I think it's a fair less amount of prestige. Far fewer connections to high-fallutin major city firms that pay the big bank.
But didn't I just say that's not what I want, a big firm life? That I want to take time to smell the flowers and scope out the birds? The Pacific Northwest is good for that. If you can ever see though that damn rain and the glare off all the white people.
Oh. Damn. I just looked at that school's employment statistics - and the median starting salary out of school is LESS than I made as a teacher - and I'd still be carrying like $100,000 in debt. Damn. The HIGHEST salary in the same town is $52,000, which is less than I made teaching. I'd be so screwed. In contrast, where I currently am, starting salary is $83,000 average for entire class, $96,356 for private firms.
Hm. Stay where I am in a place I love, not deal with the hassle of applications and transferring, and probably make about twice the money? My writing instructor suggested I consider working at a big firm for just two years - enough to make a wad of cash and pay off bills, and then walk away (that's what she did). Of course that sounds like a damn long time to not have a life, but maybe it's what I need to do (if I can get hired, of course).
So, Mobile was fun. It was a little disorienting to be in a city that was actually functioning. We stuck to suburbia, where Kim lives. But I see now that there are ton of birding and estuary-oriented type of activities there. It was beautiful there - especially when I drove right on past Mobile, past Spanish Fort (looking around too much to notice exit signs). Next time, we'll drive to Florida and chillax on the beach - I wasn't up for that. Heck, I wasn't up for much of anything (I still feel really sick), so we watched Jet Li's Fearless. It was just fun to see Kim and catch up. It's only 144 miles from here, and it's a straight direct route - not too many bad bridges. Wish I had more spare time to spend over there. Sabine used to joke that her house was Eva's country house and Eva's apartment was Sabine's beach house. Kim and Norwood both really impressed upon me that I'm welcome any time - hope they know what they're getting into by being hospitable! But it really did feel like a "get away." And Kim's big plans of next time spending a weekend on the beach - that would be quite a vacation, even if just a weekend.
I wonder ... if I could find a job in Mobile this summer. There's no law school there. I wonder if I could stay in Kim's spare bedroom for a couple months. Hm. Maybe I'll look into that. Her place is sweet - three times the size of mine for significantly less money. I wouldn't want to impose on her, but we could have lots of fun girl time if I was living there.
Norwood set up her apartment, decorating it all very nicely. The best - she has this huge bed and he set it up so with the flip of the switch you have Barry-Whiteesque type of music and red light emanating up and around it. TOO FUNNY. I said I'm sending Dayton to him for romance lessons. And construction lessons - I stopped by his house today (yeah, I said I'm sick, so I SHOULD be staying in bed but I can't be bothered) and it's looking great. It's been really interesting to see it develop since we met - wish I'd been able to help him along the way.
Ugh. I just got email from Sabine's boy - he's so annoying sometimes. I hold my tongue because I don't think he's malicious or untrustworthy - I just find him vexing. I really wish SHE were coming alone. I don't always not like my friends' partners - I like Kim and Norwood, Tami and Ahmed. Even people I knew first - I like Stephen for Amy, Sadie for Lara, and I liked Sylvia for Michele (long over, I know, but I still liked her). I think usually I like most of my friends' people. I just don't really like him. And no matter how polite I am, he can sense it and it makes him even more annoying. He's just not funny and he tries too hard. So, I"ll end up feeling guilty because I won't be able to spend much time with them (I'm even further behind now - my head and eyes hurt far too much to get any work done) and won't want to (if he is true to form). Well, it will be a nice romantic getaway for them, and I'm a third wheel anyway.
Friday, March 02, 2007
interview 1
Nice guys, great firm. 50 interviewed for 1 slot. Um, it won't be me. The only reason I got the interview was because of my teaching background - their mothers were both teachers.
But I'll be applying for that firm later, for next year.
The more I think about it, the less interested I am in working this summer. I don't have enough legal background to do anything very meaningful anyway. I could spend the summer volunteering while in summer school - I could hammer out a semester's worth of credits which would make the international development masters possible (just got accepted officially). This is my last chance - for next summer I *must* work. Most firms don't even accept 1L's - they want 2L's ... so there are many more possibilities for next summer. So, no need to sweat it. Sure, I'd love the income, but.
But I'll be applying for that firm later, for next year.
The more I think about it, the less interested I am in working this summer. I don't have enough legal background to do anything very meaningful anyway. I could spend the summer volunteering while in summer school - I could hammer out a semester's worth of credits which would make the international development masters possible (just got accepted officially). This is my last chance - for next summer I *must* work. Most firms don't even accept 1L's - they want 2L's ... so there are many more possibilities for next summer. So, no need to sweat it. Sure, I'd love the income, but.
Thursday, February 22, 2007
and here begins the sale
... of my soul to the highest bidder.
I submitted 10 applications to the spring interview program for summer jobs - we submit our resumes on-line to our career development center who forwards to the companies who decide whom they want to interview.
Now, going into this I knew my chances were slim to none - nobody not from here gets jobs here unless they have a connection.
Remember, I'm a Yankee. Who the hell is going to hire an old Yankee woman around here?
But I still have to buy a suit. Because a particularly evil, corrupt energy company here (no Michele, I'm not saying they're all evil - I'm saying this one is) preselected me to interview. Only them. So far 7 rejections, them, and 2 rejections in waiting.
Now, don't get me wrong - they pay $25/hour and I would probably take it, particularly because they allow "split summers" and I could go to Liberia the other half. And it's legal experience. And it's here, so I could still do the medical care thing and not pay rent in two places and could have weekends off to do fun things (such as pick blueberries with Tami before her baby comes).
The problem is that I cannot mask my aversion to them. I went to talk oil jobs with one prof and he told me to remove my sneer.
In theory, I could work for Shell. In theory, I could be a good person trying to make the best of a world addicted to fossil fuels.
In reality, the sneer is permanently affixed.
So here it is. I have to go buy an effing suit and I have to wear it to an interview for a job I will not get and which I don't really want. Don't get me wrong - I would take the $7,000 from a company I despise. I just think they're too smart to hire me - they're not like principals who can't see through me.
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I submitted 10 applications to the spring interview program for summer jobs - we submit our resumes on-line to our career development center who forwards to the companies who decide whom they want to interview.
Now, going into this I knew my chances were slim to none - nobody not from here gets jobs here unless they have a connection.
Remember, I'm a Yankee. Who the hell is going to hire an old Yankee woman around here?
But I still have to buy a suit. Because a particularly evil, corrupt energy company here (no Michele, I'm not saying they're all evil - I'm saying this one is) preselected me to interview. Only them. So far 7 rejections, them, and 2 rejections in waiting.
Now, don't get me wrong - they pay $25/hour and I would probably take it, particularly because they allow "split summers" and I could go to Liberia the other half. And it's legal experience. And it's here, so I could still do the medical care thing and not pay rent in two places and could have weekends off to do fun things (such as pick blueberries with Tami before her baby comes).
The problem is that I cannot mask my aversion to them. I went to talk oil jobs with one prof and he told me to remove my sneer.
In theory, I could work for Shell. In theory, I could be a good person trying to make the best of a world addicted to fossil fuels.
In reality, the sneer is permanently affixed.
So here it is. I have to go buy an effing suit and I have to wear it to an interview for a job I will not get and which I don't really want. Don't get me wrong - I would take the $7,000 from a company I despise. I just think they're too smart to hire me - they're not like principals who can't see through me.
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Friday, February 02, 2007
i do love signs
email today:
**********
USAID Africa Bureau is now accepting applications for Summer 2007 internships.
The link is: http://www.usaid.gov/locations/sub-saharan_africa/internships.html
Best regards,
USAID, Africa Bureau
********
What more do I want? Here's my personal invitation. Maybe if they could just fill out the application for me ...
**********
USAID Africa Bureau is now accepting applications for Summer 2007 internships.
The link is: http://www.usaid.gov/locations/sub-saharan_africa/internships.html
Best regards,
USAID, Africa Bureau
********
What more do I want? Here's my personal invitation. Maybe if they could just fill out the application for me ...
Sunday, January 21, 2007
Truth and Reconciliation Committee
I've been seriously thinking about applying for an internship in Liberia with the Truth and Reconciliation Committee.
I'm not sure why it appeals to me so much, but it's been something I've been fascinated with since I first went to the refugee camp. Liberians have a really different sense of truth and reconciliation than I do - there's this strong tradition of complete forgiveness without accountability. This means that really atrocious war criminals are now elected officials. I have a problem with it - because I believe it destabilizes the country, punishes the innocent (can you imagine if your mayor had raped you and cut off your breasts?), and it just on a common sense cultural level seems wrong.
That's probably right there why it fascinates me so - it's called a "rich point" by Agar in anthropology - something that seems to make no sense. Everything makes sense, so figuring out that sense fascinates me. Plus, one of the mandates of the Commission is to figure out "the truth" and combat falsehoods. I'm all about the truth, and yeah, I can handle it.
And I think that honestly I can add to the process. I can read up on South Africa, Argentina, Rwanda, and Germany and how their processes worked (and didn't). I will encounter, "Yes, but things are different here," and I have dealt with that enough to know how to handle it. ("Yes, and you all suffered war atrocities because that's how things have been here - is that really what you want to suffer again?") I can apply my understanding of Rule of Law.
Based on my past experiences with Liberians, I recognize that I listen well, synthesize issues to move forward, and get a lot done - my galvanizing to action often works. Plus, Dayton's experience as a peace cell leader is valuable. (If we can ever find peace in our relationship. No offense Michele, but I recently wrote that I would prefer being bayonetted in the gut to being in love with a Leo. Y'all are difficult.)
But here's where I think I'm delusional. I've been talking a lot of bayonets and bullets lately, for some reason putting myself in the mindset of the Liberian civil war. I've been telling stories of General Butt Naked (people believe he and his Butt Naked Battallion had magical powers, including that he could shoot bullets from his anus - which Dayton, like other Liberians, actually believes - once again, I love the truth).
On that - from the article, General Butt Naked who killed and tortured so many and is now an evangelical preacher, says, "When he goes out to preach now, he says he sometimes encounters relatives of his victims. "I feel very bad, so bad," he said, but he insists it was satanic powers that possessed him in the past and he cannot be held responsible."
This is exactly what I mean. He should be locked up in prison. He has such a debt to society for the horrible, horrible things that he did - and instead he's hiding under cover of "forgiveness." Where is penance and atonement?
Here's my self-delusion, in two parts.
First, that I can live in a city with people like this running free and not be irate all the effing time.
Second, that I can hear the stories and know the horrible things and not be deeply upset all the time. I couldn't even handle Criminal Law and its tales of parents killing children and date rapes. How can I handle war crimes?
Well, in part because they happened and people must move forward. Denying their existence doesn't make them go away, and suppressing memories of their existence does not help anybody. I'm not saying to make victims relive the atrocities - but I do mean holding accountable the perpetrators.
Much more confusing are the child soldiers - young, mostly males, who got drugged out and committed really violent acts. For them, I am more forgiving - but there MUST be mechanisms within society to provide them opportunities and then enforce that they stay on the straight and narrow. If you've been strung out and killed people and played soccer with decapitated heads and raped and tortured grandmothers, it seems a descent into that again could be dangerous for society. Just, maybe.
I dunno. Maybe I could do it for a month in lieu of summer school courses at The Hague.
I'm not sure why it appeals to me so much, but it's been something I've been fascinated with since I first went to the refugee camp. Liberians have a really different sense of truth and reconciliation than I do - there's this strong tradition of complete forgiveness without accountability. This means that really atrocious war criminals are now elected officials. I have a problem with it - because I believe it destabilizes the country, punishes the innocent (can you imagine if your mayor had raped you and cut off your breasts?), and it just on a common sense cultural level seems wrong.
That's probably right there why it fascinates me so - it's called a "rich point" by Agar in anthropology - something that seems to make no sense. Everything makes sense, so figuring out that sense fascinates me. Plus, one of the mandates of the Commission is to figure out "the truth" and combat falsehoods. I'm all about the truth, and yeah, I can handle it.
And I think that honestly I can add to the process. I can read up on South Africa, Argentina, Rwanda, and Germany and how their processes worked (and didn't). I will encounter, "Yes, but things are different here," and I have dealt with that enough to know how to handle it. ("Yes, and you all suffered war atrocities because that's how things have been here - is that really what you want to suffer again?") I can apply my understanding of Rule of Law.
Based on my past experiences with Liberians, I recognize that I listen well, synthesize issues to move forward, and get a lot done - my galvanizing to action often works. Plus, Dayton's experience as a peace cell leader is valuable. (If we can ever find peace in our relationship. No offense Michele, but I recently wrote that I would prefer being bayonetted in the gut to being in love with a Leo. Y'all are difficult.)
But here's where I think I'm delusional. I've been talking a lot of bayonets and bullets lately, for some reason putting myself in the mindset of the Liberian civil war. I've been telling stories of General Butt Naked (people believe he and his Butt Naked Battallion had magical powers, including that he could shoot bullets from his anus - which Dayton, like other Liberians, actually believes - once again, I love the truth).
On that - from the article, General Butt Naked who killed and tortured so many and is now an evangelical preacher, says, "When he goes out to preach now, he says he sometimes encounters relatives of his victims. "I feel very bad, so bad," he said, but he insists it was satanic powers that possessed him in the past and he cannot be held responsible."
This is exactly what I mean. He should be locked up in prison. He has such a debt to society for the horrible, horrible things that he did - and instead he's hiding under cover of "forgiveness." Where is penance and atonement?
Here's my self-delusion, in two parts.
First, that I can live in a city with people like this running free and not be irate all the effing time.
Second, that I can hear the stories and know the horrible things and not be deeply upset all the time. I couldn't even handle Criminal Law and its tales of parents killing children and date rapes. How can I handle war crimes?
Well, in part because they happened and people must move forward. Denying their existence doesn't make them go away, and suppressing memories of their existence does not help anybody. I'm not saying to make victims relive the atrocities - but I do mean holding accountable the perpetrators.
Much more confusing are the child soldiers - young, mostly males, who got drugged out and committed really violent acts. For them, I am more forgiving - but there MUST be mechanisms within society to provide them opportunities and then enforce that they stay on the straight and narrow. If you've been strung out and killed people and played soccer with decapitated heads and raped and tortured grandmothers, it seems a descent into that again could be dangerous for society. Just, maybe.
I dunno. Maybe I could do it for a month in lieu of summer school courses at The Hague.
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
path of least resistance
I think my potential new place to live is advertising for somebody else. I recognize her details - she's looking for somebody immediately to be a roommate rather than the housesitting. She recognized my lack of eagerness at roommateness, and I'm really relieved. If she had asked me straight out if I would move in now, I would have hemmed and hawed a lot. This way, I'm off the hook.
I'm really not thrilled about staying where I am until May - the mosquitos, lack of laundry, lack of windows, etc. - but it does seem prudent. If I find a job here this summer, I can find a good place when people leave. If I don't, I can save summer rent by putting everything into storage and going elsewhere. Which means I have lots and lots of books to finish reading, because I am damn sick and tired of packing them up into boxes and hauling them all around.
Today I chatted with another Torts guy who said he was happy with his grade - and it is the same as mine. And he's way smart and studied hard. How did we both get B's? That's messed up.
And I am going to quit my tutoring job, leaving me with no income. I just dread it, and it stresses me out. I'll tell her my grades suck and I have some health issues which require too many appointments (which is true). I just feel bad about doing it. Oh well. I just really, really need to focus on LAW and LAW ONLY.
I'm really not thrilled about staying where I am until May - the mosquitos, lack of laundry, lack of windows, etc. - but it does seem prudent. If I find a job here this summer, I can find a good place when people leave. If I don't, I can save summer rent by putting everything into storage and going elsewhere. Which means I have lots and lots of books to finish reading, because I am damn sick and tired of packing them up into boxes and hauling them all around.
Today I chatted with another Torts guy who said he was happy with his grade - and it is the same as mine. And he's way smart and studied hard. How did we both get B's? That's messed up.
And I am going to quit my tutoring job, leaving me with no income. I just dread it, and it stresses me out. I'll tell her my grades suck and I have some health issues which require too many appointments (which is true). I just feel bad about doing it. Oh well. I just really, really need to focus on LAW and LAW ONLY.
Monday, January 15, 2007
other summer possibility
I was just surfing and somehow ran into internship application for summer with USAID in Liberia.
Hm. Interesting.
I know that right now I have absolutely no desire to get up off my couch and go ANYWHERE. That the idea of getting back on an airplane for 28 hours of travel makes my hips hurt. (Ever since Amy had babies, my hips have hurt like hers - sympathy pains I guess. But I get to sleep through the night, so it's not all bad.) That the idea of all the frustrations of West Africa for a whole summer would make me crazy. Especially war-destroyed Liberia. Especially since I have friends and "family" there who expect things of me.
Worst of all, it's an internship. Internships SUCK.
This one would provide my housing and "small monthly stipend" (probably enough to hire somebody to cook my greens for me). Not bad. I'd have to pay for plane fare there - but since I'll probably go to Africa in the summer anyway, that's not actually more money for me. If I put everything in storage, I wouldn't be $$ behind after the summer. And I could do The Hague summer school course.
And while I have no desire to go anywhere now, that won't last long if my neural net hasn't been substantially altered.
Hm. I certainly wouldn't get ahead, but I wouldn't be behind financially like I would be if I have to pay rent and all that somewhere in the States without making any money. Things like TVs are way expensive in Liberia, but food and transport are cheaper than Ghana (which is way cheaper than Senegal).
One of my profs worked for USAID and I'll go talk to him.
Of course I *DO* want to make it to Gail & Shelton's wedding ... but I may have to plan a visit at another point for more quality time. I just gotta go where the jobs are.
The thing is, I don't know if I can get a job in international development with my mediocre grades - maybe I can. And the way it was explained to me, you save MAJOR bank when doing these jobs because it's tax-free and housing, etc. is provided. Of course that could have major problems (would there be good schools for the girls? What would Dayton do - would there be on-line college courses he could take or any kind of job?). But maybe a summer in Liberia would be exactly what I need to disabuse me of the notion that this is anything that I want to do for a living. Especially since I wouldn't probably be able to live with Dayton (I'll probably be housed with other people so he couldn't live with me, and housing is SO hard to find there now, so he'll probably be living far away from where I have to work). Living with him would make everything so easy, but if I have to do it all for myself, I may be less thrilled. But - hey - we could ACTUALLY DATE!! That would be cool! Not that there are any date places to go in Liberia - but we could like hang out and such. Hm. And then I could be there to go with him to the embassy for the appointment to get the visa - I hear my presence can make a significant difference. Probably especially if I work for them! (That was how I found the internship info actually - something I clicked took me to Monrovia US Embassy site, and it was linked there.)
Hm.
Of course, I won't get my hopes up. Applications don't even get posted for another month, and I've had lousy application luck the past year or two. My semi-charmed kind of life has lost its gleam. I guess I complained too many times about having too many options, so now the universe limits them for me.
Hm.
Hm. Interesting.
I know that right now I have absolutely no desire to get up off my couch and go ANYWHERE. That the idea of getting back on an airplane for 28 hours of travel makes my hips hurt. (Ever since Amy had babies, my hips have hurt like hers - sympathy pains I guess. But I get to sleep through the night, so it's not all bad.) That the idea of all the frustrations of West Africa for a whole summer would make me crazy. Especially war-destroyed Liberia. Especially since I have friends and "family" there who expect things of me.
Worst of all, it's an internship. Internships SUCK.
This one would provide my housing and "small monthly stipend" (probably enough to hire somebody to cook my greens for me). Not bad. I'd have to pay for plane fare there - but since I'll probably go to Africa in the summer anyway, that's not actually more money for me. If I put everything in storage, I wouldn't be $$ behind after the summer. And I could do The Hague summer school course.
And while I have no desire to go anywhere now, that won't last long if my neural net hasn't been substantially altered.
Hm. I certainly wouldn't get ahead, but I wouldn't be behind financially like I would be if I have to pay rent and all that somewhere in the States without making any money. Things like TVs are way expensive in Liberia, but food and transport are cheaper than Ghana (which is way cheaper than Senegal).
One of my profs worked for USAID and I'll go talk to him.
Of course I *DO* want to make it to Gail & Shelton's wedding ... but I may have to plan a visit at another point for more quality time. I just gotta go where the jobs are.
The thing is, I don't know if I can get a job in international development with my mediocre grades - maybe I can. And the way it was explained to me, you save MAJOR bank when doing these jobs because it's tax-free and housing, etc. is provided. Of course that could have major problems (would there be good schools for the girls? What would Dayton do - would there be on-line college courses he could take or any kind of job?). But maybe a summer in Liberia would be exactly what I need to disabuse me of the notion that this is anything that I want to do for a living. Especially since I wouldn't probably be able to live with Dayton (I'll probably be housed with other people so he couldn't live with me, and housing is SO hard to find there now, so he'll probably be living far away from where I have to work). Living with him would make everything so easy, but if I have to do it all for myself, I may be less thrilled. But - hey - we could ACTUALLY DATE!! That would be cool! Not that there are any date places to go in Liberia - but we could like hang out and such. Hm. And then I could be there to go with him to the embassy for the appointment to get the visa - I hear my presence can make a significant difference. Probably especially if I work for them! (That was how I found the internship info actually - something I clicked took me to Monrovia US Embassy site, and it was linked there.)
Hm.
Of course, I won't get my hopes up. Applications don't even get posted for another month, and I've had lousy application luck the past year or two. My semi-charmed kind of life has lost its gleam. I guess I complained too many times about having too many options, so now the universe limits them for me.
Hm.
summer plans
So, here's a thought I'm having just right now - not one that I'm committed to.
Leaving NOLA this summer, putting all my stuff in storage, and chillaxing in Cali and/or Oregon for the summer - hopefully with legal employment. But the thought of paying rent here when I'm not here just for the peace of mind that I'll have a good place when I get back - that I don't like.
Of course paying for storage and driving both ways and helping out whomever I crash with and all those things - I probably won't really come out financially ahead if I do that than if I stick around here.
I'm beyond unmotivated and lazy. I'm thinking about taking my computer to school with me because I'm too lazy to type up my notes anymore - I'll just do it in class now. I know that's a really, really bad idea. All my classmates - they were pretty good about computing on-task during class last semester. Now though, they are ordering clothes, checking sports scores, emailing, making wedding plans - seriously everything but paying attention. And I'm right with them. I won't hear a word if I take my computer because I'll be too intent on ... well, anything else. And I'm too lazy to look over my notes after class - which was the prime reason that typing them later was a good idea. But, I'm a B student now, so I guess what seems a good idea may not really be.
I also hate taking my computer because it's more weight, more hassle (what if it gets stolen, lost, rained on, dropped, etc.).
But, like I said. LAZY.
I'm trying to get through Foucault's Pendulum by Umberto Eco, but it's like 600 pages and boring, boring, boring.
Anyway, I'm WAY too unmotivated and lazy to want to actually seek out a job. I want it to come to me, without effort.
And I'm way too unmotivated and lazy to go to the gym. I'm over the elliptical, and I don't know what else to do for my cardio. No Michele here to play racquetball with me. I'd try one of the fitness classes, but I'm just too lazy.
Somebody told me about when her boyfriend went to India he got this nasty virus that affected his nervous system and totally changed his personality. I wonder if that's what happened to me - I just feel so different now. So damn lazy. Unfortunately, I'm still uptight - it'd be nice if I were lazy and mellow both.
Leaving NOLA this summer, putting all my stuff in storage, and chillaxing in Cali and/or Oregon for the summer - hopefully with legal employment. But the thought of paying rent here when I'm not here just for the peace of mind that I'll have a good place when I get back - that I don't like.
Of course paying for storage and driving both ways and helping out whomever I crash with and all those things - I probably won't really come out financially ahead if I do that than if I stick around here.
I'm beyond unmotivated and lazy. I'm thinking about taking my computer to school with me because I'm too lazy to type up my notes anymore - I'll just do it in class now. I know that's a really, really bad idea. All my classmates - they were pretty good about computing on-task during class last semester. Now though, they are ordering clothes, checking sports scores, emailing, making wedding plans - seriously everything but paying attention. And I'm right with them. I won't hear a word if I take my computer because I'll be too intent on ... well, anything else. And I'm too lazy to look over my notes after class - which was the prime reason that typing them later was a good idea. But, I'm a B student now, so I guess what seems a good idea may not really be.
I also hate taking my computer because it's more weight, more hassle (what if it gets stolen, lost, rained on, dropped, etc.).
But, like I said. LAZY.
I'm trying to get through Foucault's Pendulum by Umberto Eco, but it's like 600 pages and boring, boring, boring.
Anyway, I'm WAY too unmotivated and lazy to want to actually seek out a job. I want it to come to me, without effort.
And I'm way too unmotivated and lazy to go to the gym. I'm over the elliptical, and I don't know what else to do for my cardio. No Michele here to play racquetball with me. I'd try one of the fitness classes, but I'm just too lazy.
Somebody told me about when her boyfriend went to India he got this nasty virus that affected his nervous system and totally changed his personality. I wonder if that's what happened to me - I just feel so different now. So damn lazy. Unfortunately, I'm still uptight - it'd be nice if I were lazy and mellow both.
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