a vent

I've tried everything to post pics here, but to no avail.

Sigh.

It was a very tiring day as a Habitat 'Ho, lots of hard work. We got lots of things done (finished laying all the subflooring), but every muscle hurts. There was lots of heavy lifting and lots of hammering (nail guns are not allowed). It was Kim's last day, which was very sad - now she's returning to Alabama to finish up her RN. We got some good girl time, and I have her in my phone book to call with, "Kim! I'm making red beans and rice! What do I do now!?"

I broke all protocol by engaging in a heated argument with Michigan Leader about politics. I just don't understand how people believe some of the things he said - about how it was our moral obligation to invade Iraq because "they" didn't "keep treaties." About how all Arabs hate all Americans and the only thing that can happen is things will get much worse until we decide to bomb them.

Now, those things were said after I provoked him - not angrily or anything, but probing questions. But finally I understand the obsession with coverage about Lebanon. There's a concept here that Israel and us are against the rest of the world (sometimes Europe, but they're unreliable). How did that happen? I used to be all pro-Israel, loving the underdog and all that, but my views have definitely changed into an uneasy, "I dunnnoooo ..."

Anyway, then I came home to The Roommate and I had very little patience for her judgmentalism and sweeping generalizations - especially when her facts are wrong. When I pointed out that this country is far more diverse than any other and therefore statements about Americans in general will be generally incorrect, she tried to convince me of the "fact" that the US is 80% rural and 20% urban. What? Of course I knew that was incorrect, but she was really uninterested in looking at actual US Census data (she had it reversed - it's nearly the opposite, about 79% urban). Then she tried to explain that our urban definitions are wrong here (?!) and that New Orleans doesn't even really count as urban. What?!

In Germany this frequent arrogance and judgmentalism and all that - I could take it because I was in their country. And the flashes I've seen it of my German friends in America, I could usually take it ok. But I'm already really annoyed with it in her, and I pointed out today that in the US people are much more concerned about manners, something she doesn't understand. She says people here don't argue about politics because they are ignorant, but she is wrong - it's that arguing about politics or religion is considered impolite (and there are other reasons too, of course, but especially here in the South, that's a major one).

I cannot imagine going to another country and constantly bitching about how things are to its residents. That is just poor form. She has a class of international students that she should complain to, not to me.

Now, I need to be fair, she is a nice person and generally means well - there's just a personality thing that bugs me. An inability to see other sides. A black and white world where she is always right, even when things just are and there is no right or wrong. Today she went off on everything wrong with our Constitution, yesterday it was how stupid common law is because we follow case precedent, etc. ... and each time I say, "You like yours because it's what you know. Ours serves us well and it's what I like." The thing is that she doesn't see herself - she was complaining about another German student being clingy, but she is totally clingy - she has to be with me constantly, and while that's ok sometimes, a lot of the time I just want to be alone and not hear her unfounded opinions.

In Germany, people study law for five years - straight from high school. There is no general course of study there for lawyers. And I understand the value of that, and I understand the bitching of students here who have to take all sorts of required courses not in their field of study, but I think it is really valuable to have at least a generalist exposure. I'm very glad I've had the varied life and educational experiences that I have. So when somebody who has not tries to tell me that she is right about things she does not know, I have little patience. And I feel like a mother lion hitting down a disobedient cub which is most definitely NOT what I wanted to experience. I don't want to live in a qualitative study of cross-cultural lack of awareness.

When I argued with Michigan Leader, I still liked him after. I like him a lot - he's a really good guy and we disagree. That's how I like things to be - that we can agree to disagree, or think about each others' points. But today I had to tell The Roommate clearly that I'm offended when she keeps going off on stereotyping Indians. Every day she feels the need to talk about Indians in a way that shows she really doesn't understand manners (she insists they are devious and lie, rather than seeing issues of saving face and keeping peace) - and I find it offensive because it's simply untrue of the Indians I know, and it's racist. She prefaces her comments with, "I may be stereotyping up to my neck, but ..." and today I said, "Yes, you are. I find no difference between you saying these things and The Landlord going off on "low-income African-Americans" that he discriminates against. It troubles me." And I realize that she has not studied these things as I have, but that's not my fault.

And the thing is that I know I was the same way in my 20's (though never racist, I hope), and I can still get that imperious tone. It's fine to work through that - but I didn't expect it in somebody nearly 30, and it wasn't clear in our communications. I don't see this in my other friends who are younger though - I think of Lalo, Jenny, Gail, Shelton, and others. It's nice to have a drinking buddy handy, and we get along swimmingly when we're drunk. But I don't want to be drunk all the time. And she really doesn't get the point of seeing other points of view. Today she got really agitated when I said one person voting makes no difference, and she went off on how I shouldn't study law if I think I can't make a positive change.

Me make a positive change? Hm. OK. She has gone to college and studied her entire adult life and never volunteered or done anything except live off the German state. I've done more positive change in the past week than she has in her entire life. But that doesn't matter, what raised my hackles was the concept that there's only one reason to do anything. "Look, I'm an adult. I know well the limitations of law. There are no scales to fall from my eyes. I'm not an idealist, and that's a good thing." But the point is really that I was pointing out how others see things - I know many people who are really, really different than me, and sometimes I understand them pretty well. I vote religiously, and I agitate my friends to do the same, but if somebody doesn't then I don't point at them and scream that they are an evil person.

This is tedious and repetitive, and I frequently just don't listen to her. But I also think she needs to be told when she's out of line - because she won't learn any other way.

On another note, Target Parking Lot Boy has been calling me frequently. Yes, I gave him my nunber. Don't ask me why. Maybe because I thought it would be interesting to chill with somebody not self-righteous.

So here's my brilliant idea. Our first "date" will be a Habitat day. He doesn't know it yet, he just knows I agreed to see him on Monday.

And yeah, he's annoying too already. Looks like the only people who don't annoy me are Team 'Wood. But by the end of the day, I'm just too worn out to be civil to others. We have a group of Cincinnati people - involved with an organization there called Give Back, Cincinnati. I like them a lot - they are fun and work hard and genuinely care. Today we were a team of just 10, and we accomplished more than we did as 25 yesterday. We were in the zone - and I think we were all feeling it at the end of the day, especially as the sun started to beat down really mercilessly. I come home and can barely move. Then The Roommate comes in and says, "YOU are tired?! I'm the one who's tired! I've been sitting in lectures for the past 5 hours!" Um, yeah. Hard manual labor for 7 hours or sitting on my ass for 5.

I'm going to invite Michigan Leader and his wife over to dinner, and I'll just let him and The Roommate go at it. The problem is that he is a sweet guy who will not attack, and she will mistake that for ignorance. I really want to invite him over to meet with Tami and Ahmed - I think that would be a great experience.

I need to start figuring out menus for all these people I want to invite over for dinner, and then I need to get more chairs, and then I need to just do it. The problem I have with menus is the people who love meat, who are vegan, who are vegetarian, who are allergic - it's all a crazy mix. Tami's mom doesn't eat meat but loves cheese, and her dad doesn't eat cheese but loves meat, and Tami doesn't eat either. How do I make completely vegan meals that satisfy everybody and are extremely tasty?

Anyway, I'll be happy when Tami and Ahmed are back. We probably won't see each other much since they live far away, but it's still nice to know they're in the vicinity.