As if I weren't sure that committing to First Choice Law School, stars align to show I'm right.
My LSAT score from last test (the one where I was very congested and icky feeling overall) - it only went up one point. Mind you, NO practice test I EVER take is that low - but apparently I found test anxiety late in life. So, that score doesn't matter, because I'm already in FCLS.
I emailed the two profs I liked, and here were their responses:
"Great to hear from you!!
I'm glad you have a plan for your immediate future -- I'll miss you, but I think you are making the right decision to move into an area where your activist interests will become empowered more effectively than a Just Shoot Me University degree could provide.
Keep in touch from time to time and let me know how it goes -- I expect I will some day read about you in the Times, but in the meantime give me a periodic briefing. D."
"Well, best of luck there. They are lucky to get you, and it probably is a right-time-and-place thing.
Do keep in touch: I expect great things of you!
Best wishes,Chris" [this prof was not in my department, and he used to be an attorney]
Yes, both always sign their first names. Several people asked me how I get on first-name-basis with profs, but it seems natural. Everywhere I've ever gone, I've forged close relationships with profs I've respected. Unfortunately at JSMU, there were only 2 - and more than that are needed.
I'm watching the Germany-Argentina game, and maybe i'm a traitor to my peeps, but I'm for any Spanish-speaking country. They're in the second overtime already ... Those guys must be SO TIRED.
We're going up to see Avery and Ashton again this weekend, with a surprise little birthday celebration for Susan.
The weather here in Oregon has been absolutely perfect, but I still feel that crushing claustrophobia of racial homogeneity and am eager to take off. Netflix and I won't make it through all of Babylon 5 Season 1, but I'll get enough TV to last me for a long time. Hopefully I'll be leaving two weeks from now at the latest.
My new favorite product? Buji! I went out for birdwatching and was warned a little late that we were walking through poison oak. I am EXTREMELY allergic, and so I rushed to pick up this Buji poison oak soap - and it worked! No breakout!
I have to get a new windshield - mine is all cracked. And new glasses - the deep scratches on mine are distracting at best.
OK, they're going to penalty kicks! The first time I've ever seen it! Wow!
Friday, June 30, 2006
Thursday, June 29, 2006
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
visit to the boys
Avery (age 7):
To his mom on our way out to Borders to buy him a belated birthday book: "I get to go spend quality time alone with Auntie!" Ah, the brainwashing started early with him, getting him excited about books.
Later, to his dad who asked where he got the Dragonology book: "Auntie took me to this special library where they sell books!"
I always keep Avery informed of where I am going, and he has a world map on his wall and money from all the different countries I visit. We had a long talk about me going to New Orleans, and how I have to see the doctor first and all that. So, he announced later to his dad: "I hope Auntie is really sick and has surgery and has to stay here with us!" Um, thanks?
Ashton (age 2):
When I asked him if he had a good nap, his reply: "I most surely did!" Too cute!
Two hours after hitting my dog in the head (lightly, and with a soft ball, because he was thinking she would catch it and throw it back), he put himself into time out for it. This, after hiding in shame and begging us to forget it. Ah, that Piscean sensitivity runs deep.
To his mom on our way out to Borders to buy him a belated birthday book: "I get to go spend quality time alone with Auntie!" Ah, the brainwashing started early with him, getting him excited about books.
Later, to his dad who asked where he got the Dragonology book: "Auntie took me to this special library where they sell books!"
I always keep Avery informed of where I am going, and he has a world map on his wall and money from all the different countries I visit. We had a long talk about me going to New Orleans, and how I have to see the doctor first and all that. So, he announced later to his dad: "I hope Auntie is really sick and has surgery and has to stay here with us!" Um, thanks?
Ashton (age 2):
When I asked him if he had a good nap, his reply: "I most surely did!" Too cute!
Two hours after hitting my dog in the head (lightly, and with a soft ball, because he was thinking she would catch it and throw it back), he put himself into time out for it. This, after hiding in shame and begging us to forget it. Ah, that Piscean sensitivity runs deep.
Monday, June 26, 2006
Only in New Orleans!
Transvestite crime gangs pester Magazine Street owners
And, why I'm moving to New Orleans (from this article):
“New Orleans is the most spiritual place in the world. It has an intense energy that overtakes you,” he said.
“I consider Katrina a cleansing. We have an opportunity now to do something different and better.”
And, why I'm moving to New Orleans (from this article):
“New Orleans is the most spiritual place in the world. It has an intense energy that overtakes you,” he said.
“I consider Katrina a cleansing. We have an opportunity now to do something different and better.”
Thursday, June 22, 2006
in Oregon and BIG NEWS
Here I am, in the land of large deciduous trees, of high pollen counts and innumerable white people.
I guess this is a good time to work through a nasty cold - lots of time to lie around, to sleep 10 hours, to get a Netflix subscription. But I must be snapping out of the cold finally because I took the Selma dog for a power walk today and spent much time tracking down doctors to diagnose my damn thyroid already. And I have plans for a Portland trip and other social outings. But I'll keep sleeping.
Today I talked to neighbor Steve for the first time. He greeted me by name and briefed me on all his latest news (defeated prostate cancer, bought another motorcycle, retirement still suits him well, etc.) and said how he hopes I stick around. Susan always said he has a crush on me.
On Monday I went to a Chinese doctor and it was a strange experience. Next to a laundromat, I walked in and was immediately gestured to a chair across a small table. The man spoke very little English, but eventually he -
OH MY GOD! MY FIRST CHOICE LAW SCHOOL JUST CALLED ME TO ACCEPT ME!! I have to decide within the week! They even offered me a $7500 scholarship, which is a real surprise at this stage of the game. Only this morning I got this email:
"Your application to First Choice Law School has been submitted to the AdmissionCommittee for review. We will notify you as soon as a decision has beenreached, but please be aware that this can take some time."
Some time?? That was less than three hours!!
I just screamed and danced and scared the dogs. OK, I didn't really scare them at all - it's not like the first time I've screamed and danced. Especially Selma, she hardly even looked at me.
I'll have to finish this post later!
I guess this is a good time to work through a nasty cold - lots of time to lie around, to sleep 10 hours, to get a Netflix subscription. But I must be snapping out of the cold finally because I took the Selma dog for a power walk today and spent much time tracking down doctors to diagnose my damn thyroid already. And I have plans for a Portland trip and other social outings. But I'll keep sleeping.
Today I talked to neighbor Steve for the first time. He greeted me by name and briefed me on all his latest news (defeated prostate cancer, bought another motorcycle, retirement still suits him well, etc.) and said how he hopes I stick around. Susan always said he has a crush on me.
On Monday I went to a Chinese doctor and it was a strange experience. Next to a laundromat, I walked in and was immediately gestured to a chair across a small table. The man spoke very little English, but eventually he -
OH MY GOD! MY FIRST CHOICE LAW SCHOOL JUST CALLED ME TO ACCEPT ME!! I have to decide within the week! They even offered me a $7500 scholarship, which is a real surprise at this stage of the game. Only this morning I got this email:
"Your application to First Choice Law School has been submitted to the AdmissionCommittee for review. We will notify you as soon as a decision has beenreached, but please be aware that this can take some time."
Some time?? That was less than three hours!!
I just screamed and danced and scared the dogs. OK, I didn't really scare them at all - it's not like the first time I've screamed and danced. Especially Selma, she hardly even looked at me.
I'll have to finish this post later!
Thursday, June 15, 2006
the saddest words
"You're gonna miss me," I started, beginning an old squabble between us.
"It's hard, you know."
"What's hard?"
"This. And they're moving me someplace new, and this."
We hugged and he held on to me like a drowning man.
I will miss Aztec Boy more than he will ever know. It's so rare to find kindred spirits anywhere, and they can emerge when we least expect it.
"It's hard, you know."
"What's hard?"
"This. And they're moving me someplace new, and this."
We hugged and he held on to me like a drowning man.
I will miss Aztec Boy more than he will ever know. It's so rare to find kindred spirits anywhere, and they can emerge when we least expect it.
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
favorite sentence du jour
"Echogenicity, echo structure, shape, border classification, and grade of internal vascularity did not show any significant difference between benign and malignant nodules in this study." (linked here)
Why?
My doctor just called and she's all freaked that I'm leaving town without seeing a surgeon. She said the vascularity of the nodules are cause for concern - as well as the evidence of cellular degeneration (and in addition to highly elevated thyroglobulin).
This article says that while it is good to be concerned, there's no link between cancer and nodules having their own blood supply.
And she's writing my referral tonight. She turned out to be an all right kind of doc.
Why?
My doctor just called and she's all freaked that I'm leaving town without seeing a surgeon. She said the vascularity of the nodules are cause for concern - as well as the evidence of cellular degeneration (and in addition to highly elevated thyroglobulin).
This article says that while it is good to be concerned, there's no link between cancer and nodules having their own blood supply.
And she's writing my referral tonight. She turned out to be an all right kind of doc.
counting down the minutes!!
Yay! Almost never a teacher again! (I say, though of course I can never say never, because this is like the fourth time I've gone back to teaching after not wanting to do it anymore.)
kids say the darndest things
Coolest thing my students have been saying lately? "I figured it out! All by myself!"
And it isn't always bullshit when they walk in and pat my shoulder and say, "I missed you yesterday!" They may have missed my wry wit, but they don't need me anymore.
I pulled a kid over yesterday and asked about his career plans. "Have you thought about being a teacher? You're really, really good at it." This kid is a better teacher than I am! He's friendlier and more helpful and a better communicator. I looked up from my paper grading and phone calling yesterday to realize that at some point (probably months ago) he had completely taken over my job in that class - he was the one answering everybody's questions about how to spell things right, how to format their presentation, etc. I've been encouraging kids for a long time to be more independent and interdependent, and most of them are (Monday's substitute said they were completely on-task without me or any guidance), but that class in particular is extreme. They probably wouldn't even notice if I just left. I'm only the person scolding them for tardies and being ultra-picky about grammar - but even those things this kid could do better than me.
I'm dispensable. And it feels great. And it was cool to see that kid's realization dawn: "I am a good teacher, aren't I?!"
And it isn't always bullshit when they walk in and pat my shoulder and say, "I missed you yesterday!" They may have missed my wry wit, but they don't need me anymore.
I pulled a kid over yesterday and asked about his career plans. "Have you thought about being a teacher? You're really, really good at it." This kid is a better teacher than I am! He's friendlier and more helpful and a better communicator. I looked up from my paper grading and phone calling yesterday to realize that at some point (probably months ago) he had completely taken over my job in that class - he was the one answering everybody's questions about how to spell things right, how to format their presentation, etc. I've been encouraging kids for a long time to be more independent and interdependent, and most of them are (Monday's substitute said they were completely on-task without me or any guidance), but that class in particular is extreme. They probably wouldn't even notice if I just left. I'm only the person scolding them for tardies and being ultra-picky about grammar - but even those things this kid could do better than me.
I'm dispensable. And it feels great. And it was cool to see that kid's realization dawn: "I am a good teacher, aren't I?!"
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Calabash Music
Great music! Wow! Can't believe I never knew of Calabash Music before.
Alif - a pretty hard-core girl rap group from Senegal - led me to it. And I really like Manou Gallo. OMG - too much great stuff!
Alif - a pretty hard-core girl rap group from Senegal - led me to it. And I really like Manou Gallo. OMG - too much great stuff!
airport restrooms across the world
So what do I do when I have lots of things I need to do?
I troll the internet here and here for really cool trips. 14 days in Morocco? How about 18 sailing Iceland and Greenland? Summiting Kilimanjaro the back route?
All this while listening to my new Tiken Jah CD - AND HE ROCKS!! I will be listening to him and my boy Youssou N'Dour the whole damn way up to Oregon.
Oy! Too many cool things to do!
Clothes are packed. That took all of about 10 minutes. Tomorrow I'll do all office. And that's all that's really left, besides moving it all.
I've been having fantasies of foreign airport restroooms. Yes, I miss the strangest things. I will really have to take a great trip this summer, someplace with fascinating airport restrooms.
My favorites so far? Amsterdam is good - clean and neat, with antibacterial foam to use with TP to clean off the toilet seat. But another great one - and I can't remember where - had plastic seat covers, and when I pushed a button the old section disappeared and I got fresh plastic. Crazy. I definitely need to start taking pics of all these great toilet destinations.
I don't put that in my law school applications, my desire to study international law so that I can enjoy airport restrooms across the world. Maybe I should.
I've now applied to four law schools. Chances are slim with all, because of the lateness of my applications. Well, I'm trying. Since traveling all next year may be a bad idea with The Thyroid Issue. Good news on that is that today I made all sorts of phone calls (while ostensibly teaching - I zoned out that there were 20 kids in my room at a time while I rapped with Blue Shield representatives until one student who ostensibly was writing his expository composition said, "You're moving to Oregon?!") and discovered a way to have insurance in Oregon. The other good news is that all my health care until now has been completely covered by my health plan. I kept expecting bills, but nope. Woo hoo HMOs! So, I'll have a PPO now, but that's cool. It's better than nothing for sure.
I troll the internet here and here for really cool trips. 14 days in Morocco? How about 18 sailing Iceland and Greenland? Summiting Kilimanjaro the back route?
All this while listening to my new Tiken Jah CD - AND HE ROCKS!! I will be listening to him and my boy Youssou N'Dour the whole damn way up to Oregon.
Oy! Too many cool things to do!
Clothes are packed. That took all of about 10 minutes. Tomorrow I'll do all office. And that's all that's really left, besides moving it all.
I've been having fantasies of foreign airport restroooms. Yes, I miss the strangest things. I will really have to take a great trip this summer, someplace with fascinating airport restrooms.
My favorites so far? Amsterdam is good - clean and neat, with antibacterial foam to use with TP to clean off the toilet seat. But another great one - and I can't remember where - had plastic seat covers, and when I pushed a button the old section disappeared and I got fresh plastic. Crazy. I definitely need to start taking pics of all these great toilet destinations.
I don't put that in my law school applications, my desire to study international law so that I can enjoy airport restrooms across the world. Maybe I should.
I've now applied to four law schools. Chances are slim with all, because of the lateness of my applications. Well, I'm trying. Since traveling all next year may be a bad idea with The Thyroid Issue. Good news on that is that today I made all sorts of phone calls (while ostensibly teaching - I zoned out that there were 20 kids in my room at a time while I rapped with Blue Shield representatives until one student who ostensibly was writing his expository composition said, "You're moving to Oregon?!") and discovered a way to have insurance in Oregon. The other good news is that all my health care until now has been completely covered by my health plan. I kept expecting bills, but nope. Woo hoo HMOs! So, I'll have a PPO now, but that's cool. It's better than nothing for sure.
Sunday, June 11, 2006
Eskimo ice cream
Eskimo ice cream is traditionally made with berries, seal oil, and caribou/moose fat all beat together until fluffy. Nowadays most people I know make it with Crisco and Wesson Oil instead.
It's nasty. I like berries, I like seal oil, and I even like whale fat as muktuk. Together? Blech. Not as nasty as stinkfish or stinkflipper (buried until it rots, then eaten), but I definitely went to some lengths to skip right past it at the village potlucks.
But the cool thing about being me is that I know these kinds of things. So when trying to pick a difficult password (they kept rejecting EVERYTHING), I could use the Eskimo word for Eskimo ice cream. Problem solved.
It's nasty. I like berries, I like seal oil, and I even like whale fat as muktuk. Together? Blech. Not as nasty as stinkfish or stinkflipper (buried until it rots, then eaten), but I definitely went to some lengths to skip right past it at the village potlucks.
But the cool thing about being me is that I know these kinds of things. So when trying to pick a difficult password (they kept rejecting EVERYTHING), I could use the Eskimo word for Eskimo ice cream. Problem solved.
Saturday, June 10, 2006
students and body
Hate it when I feel like crap and can't sleep.
Hate it when some silly university email requires a TOP SECRET code - no word in the dictionary, no place or name, must be combination of letters and number, must be combination of capital and lower case letters. WHY? WHY? I could care less if a hacker accesses that email account. But now I'm blocked from trying to change it because I tried too many times, so I'm stuck with some random code that makes absolutely no sense.
I lied for a kid yesterday. If a student misses more than 7 days per term, they cannot get credit. This counts even during testing - so if a kid missed some state testing that they made up later but not my class, I still have to count him/her absent - and that's bullshit. So, I changed the attendance records to say that a girl was testing when I don't remember that she was. She might have been lying to me, but it's a stupid rule and I'm overriding it by circumventing it. Now she can get her art credit. She's a very, very quiet girl who has a stubborn streak and her file shows her missing lots of class at her last school - and she would forge passes. And honestly, I don't care. She makes up all work. She really hates coming to school but she forces herself, and I think she deserves a little credit, and we're talking about one day - and I already yelled at her about it before. We had a long talk last week about what exactly she needs to do to graduate and then become a nurse. I am less convinced that she'll be a great nurse than my Superstar Student, because her people skills aren't great, but who knows? Nursing is a great career! Forging seems bad, but her work ethic shines through.
Superstar Student is one of those that makes showing up every day easier. She is just so awesome - she is always so pleasant and cheerful and helpful and works hard and listens and makes corrections without complaint (her skills aren't real high). When I assigned the power point, she figured it out at home (on tropical rain forests) and helped three other students at her house, making it a lot easier in my classroom because then she was able to act as an expert and I had less kids on computers. We don't know each other well - she's not one who hangs out in my classroom or who ever just chats with me - but what a joy.
Another kid did a really outstanding job on Power Point without my direct guidance - he took real initiative for the first time ever. What a really lovely change - from yelling at him to LISTEN TO ME to looking over his shoulder and asking how he did that. His topic is Marines in Iraq, and it's a really interesting presentation. I really liked being able to say, "This is really well done. Excellent job," and seeing him glow with pleasure and pride. Not because I want him to be extrinsically motivated, but because he knew it was a job well-done and I just confirmed it. We did have a little showdown at first when I said he had to have his facts straight and if he continued to insist that Iraq invaded the US on 9-11 that I would unplug the projector and not let him talk, and since then he really did try to be more balanced.
The kids' topics range from the atomic bombs dropped on Japan in WW2 to Jenni Rivera (Chicana singer) to Converse shoes to monkeys to alchemists to LA Lakers to joga bonita (street soccer in Brazil) to Lil Rob to Yamaha keyboards to Guadalajara to golden eagles. Really some interesting things and I learn from them. I do wish I had trusted my instincts and ignored the textbooks this year and forced the principal to buy me novels and other such books - if we had been project-oriented the entire year and I had been effective, I would have seen higher engagement.
What sucks is how the institutional constraints work - there is no laptop on our campus to use (well, there is one, but we can't get anybody to unlock it - they set it up wrong). Finding extension cords or anything else has been a major nightmare - I have to dismantle a desktop and reassemble it with cords everywhere waiting to trip somebody. It's insane. The classroom is completely not conducive to this type of thing, nor is the school. And that's just plain stupid. Why make teachers work harder to do their job well?? Good grief!
Oh, on completely unrelated note - I have highly elevated levels of thyroglobulin so the doctor I was referred to wants an immediate biopsy because that's a tumor marker. Thyroid cancer? I think not. Wouldn't I have symptoms?? The other reason it would be high is if I have Graves Disease, an autoimmune condition that causes hyperthyroidism. Wouldn't I have symptoms of hyperthyroidism? Wouldn't my eyes bulge? He also said that there's evidence of cells from a thyroid nodule decomposing. I don't know what that means. But I do know that cancer can kill healthy cells, so I think that's what he was intimating could be happening. Or maybe my body was just ridding itself of an unnecessary nodule. I trust my body more than they do! They see it as pathological problems (he was fixated on the fibroids) and I see it as well-functioning. I mean, I should appreciate their concern and follow-through, even though it's really stressful and comes at a really bad time. He tried to make my biopsy appointment during Monday's LSAT! So, we'll talk about it on Tuesday instead, and he'll talk to the surgeon and ask her to squeeze me in. He really doesn't want me to wait - he is really concerned, as was my other doctor. Hopefully for nothing! The good news that I saw on-line is that even if it IS cancer, most thyroid cancer is not that big of a deal and can be treated easily. I just am really not thrilled about any type of treatment that would require me to be on thyroid replacement medication for the rest of my life. If I do need treatment, then I will consider enrolling fall and winter terms at the university for a biology degree, which would get me medical coverage (and a really good student health center), and then find a job right after with coverage. Then I could get second opinions and all that.
What to do, what to do? I got five hours of sleep and am completely congested. I don't feel like moving anything or sorting anything or planning anything or going anywhere, but I can't sleep and I can't read because I can't concentrate. Maybe I'll watch some of crazy roommate's husband's movies all day on my laptop. Though, I can't sit still long. I wonder if I have arthritis - it physically hurts me to sit still too long. After a two-hour home instruction session, it hurts to stand and walk - and the one three-hour session I did, the kid and I both had really sore asses and we decided to never do that long again. Driving can hurt, too. In this way, teaching is a great career for me - I can wander around the classroom and not sit still too long. It also hurts to stand still too long. Not bad hurt, but I just stiffen up.
This is a very long post so I should stop.
But first, a funny thing. When I went to google-stalk a prof at my alma mater I'll be attending again, I followed a dead link and found this:
Hate it when some silly university email requires a TOP SECRET code - no word in the dictionary, no place or name, must be combination of letters and number, must be combination of capital and lower case letters. WHY? WHY? I could care less if a hacker accesses that email account. But now I'm blocked from trying to change it because I tried too many times, so I'm stuck with some random code that makes absolutely no sense.
I lied for a kid yesterday. If a student misses more than 7 days per term, they cannot get credit. This counts even during testing - so if a kid missed some state testing that they made up later but not my class, I still have to count him/her absent - and that's bullshit. So, I changed the attendance records to say that a girl was testing when I don't remember that she was. She might have been lying to me, but it's a stupid rule and I'm overriding it by circumventing it. Now she can get her art credit. She's a very, very quiet girl who has a stubborn streak and her file shows her missing lots of class at her last school - and she would forge passes. And honestly, I don't care. She makes up all work. She really hates coming to school but she forces herself, and I think she deserves a little credit, and we're talking about one day - and I already yelled at her about it before. We had a long talk last week about what exactly she needs to do to graduate and then become a nurse. I am less convinced that she'll be a great nurse than my Superstar Student, because her people skills aren't great, but who knows? Nursing is a great career! Forging seems bad, but her work ethic shines through.
Superstar Student is one of those that makes showing up every day easier. She is just so awesome - she is always so pleasant and cheerful and helpful and works hard and listens and makes corrections without complaint (her skills aren't real high). When I assigned the power point, she figured it out at home (on tropical rain forests) and helped three other students at her house, making it a lot easier in my classroom because then she was able to act as an expert and I had less kids on computers. We don't know each other well - she's not one who hangs out in my classroom or who ever just chats with me - but what a joy.
Another kid did a really outstanding job on Power Point without my direct guidance - he took real initiative for the first time ever. What a really lovely change - from yelling at him to LISTEN TO ME to looking over his shoulder and asking how he did that. His topic is Marines in Iraq, and it's a really interesting presentation. I really liked being able to say, "This is really well done. Excellent job," and seeing him glow with pleasure and pride. Not because I want him to be extrinsically motivated, but because he knew it was a job well-done and I just confirmed it. We did have a little showdown at first when I said he had to have his facts straight and if he continued to insist that Iraq invaded the US on 9-11 that I would unplug the projector and not let him talk, and since then he really did try to be more balanced.
The kids' topics range from the atomic bombs dropped on Japan in WW2 to Jenni Rivera (Chicana singer) to Converse shoes to monkeys to alchemists to LA Lakers to joga bonita (street soccer in Brazil) to Lil Rob to Yamaha keyboards to Guadalajara to golden eagles. Really some interesting things and I learn from them. I do wish I had trusted my instincts and ignored the textbooks this year and forced the principal to buy me novels and other such books - if we had been project-oriented the entire year and I had been effective, I would have seen higher engagement.
What sucks is how the institutional constraints work - there is no laptop on our campus to use (well, there is one, but we can't get anybody to unlock it - they set it up wrong). Finding extension cords or anything else has been a major nightmare - I have to dismantle a desktop and reassemble it with cords everywhere waiting to trip somebody. It's insane. The classroom is completely not conducive to this type of thing, nor is the school. And that's just plain stupid. Why make teachers work harder to do their job well?? Good grief!
Oh, on completely unrelated note - I have highly elevated levels of thyroglobulin so the doctor I was referred to wants an immediate biopsy because that's a tumor marker. Thyroid cancer? I think not. Wouldn't I have symptoms?? The other reason it would be high is if I have Graves Disease, an autoimmune condition that causes hyperthyroidism. Wouldn't I have symptoms of hyperthyroidism? Wouldn't my eyes bulge? He also said that there's evidence of cells from a thyroid nodule decomposing. I don't know what that means. But I do know that cancer can kill healthy cells, so I think that's what he was intimating could be happening. Or maybe my body was just ridding itself of an unnecessary nodule. I trust my body more than they do! They see it as pathological problems (he was fixated on the fibroids) and I see it as well-functioning. I mean, I should appreciate their concern and follow-through, even though it's really stressful and comes at a really bad time. He tried to make my biopsy appointment during Monday's LSAT! So, we'll talk about it on Tuesday instead, and he'll talk to the surgeon and ask her to squeeze me in. He really doesn't want me to wait - he is really concerned, as was my other doctor. Hopefully for nothing! The good news that I saw on-line is that even if it IS cancer, most thyroid cancer is not that big of a deal and can be treated easily. I just am really not thrilled about any type of treatment that would require me to be on thyroid replacement medication for the rest of my life. If I do need treatment, then I will consider enrolling fall and winter terms at the university for a biology degree, which would get me medical coverage (and a really good student health center), and then find a job right after with coverage. Then I could get second opinions and all that.
What to do, what to do? I got five hours of sleep and am completely congested. I don't feel like moving anything or sorting anything or planning anything or going anywhere, but I can't sleep and I can't read because I can't concentrate. Maybe I'll watch some of crazy roommate's husband's movies all day on my laptop. Though, I can't sit still long. I wonder if I have arthritis - it physically hurts me to sit still too long. After a two-hour home instruction session, it hurts to stand and walk - and the one three-hour session I did, the kid and I both had really sore asses and we decided to never do that long again. Driving can hurt, too. In this way, teaching is a great career for me - I can wander around the classroom and not sit still too long. It also hurts to stand still too long. Not bad hurt, but I just stiffen up.
This is a very long post so I should stop.
But first, a funny thing. When I went to google-stalk a prof at my alma mater I'll be attending again, I followed a dead link and found this:
ERROR 404 - FILE NOT FOUND
A curious person asked a spiritual man,
A curious person asked a spiritual man,
"What is the best lesson in life to learn?"
"Impermanence is the ultimate lesson", he replied.
"For the only thing truly permanent is change.
Lust, money, and ultimately your life
return from whence they came.
But in this case, this web page has simply gone away."
Thursday, June 08, 2006
updates
I couldn't decide if I would spend half the summer at the marine biology lab - the hold-up was that I couldn't get into a class I wanted (amphibians and reptiles! With a four-day field trip! yay!). I emailed the prof and he said to show up and maybe he could add me.
But I am diligent, and I kept checking the enrollment page (or, wait, is that OCD?) and yesterday somebody had dropped! So I snatched it up immediately and I'm enrolled! Yay!
So, I'm NOT going to the coast - full-time in University Town for several reasons. But now I have the courses I want: in addition to the herptiles, I have ecology, field botany, and neurobiology. What a great summer!!
These things always thrill me. I'm easily thrilled.
Yesterday I said goodbye to Gomez which made me sad. I've seen him about once since I've been back, but our lives are so intertwined and we talk/email so regularly. He's a really good friend. Then I went for cheesecake with Chris - two very chocolatey ones that we shared. It was definitely sugar overload! Chris is such an easy-going guy and it was fun to hang out - but he was stupid enough to bring up Bush and how he had voted for him twice! I just about kicked his ass!
The university in Jordan, the department head, has been emailing me lots and lots of questions. The one that's funniest is why I would want to be in Jordan - that it's very strange because the only foreigners there are married to Jordanians. Well, I guess I'm just strange. She said it can be very difficult to get work permits for non-Jordanians, which I well understand. But I'm glad we're having this conversation NOW so if it doesn't pan out I can pursue the other options.
Yay! Pupuseria tonight. One of my students who is Salvadoran recommended this place not far from my house. My students are cool. And what's really cool is that some kids I've had for a term or two who couldn't write AT ALL before, now I say, "Here's the topic, here's what I want," and before I"m done talking they've got the planning done and they're halfway through a draft! It's not perfect, but it's writing! Woo hoo!
But the most manipulative was Home Studies Lil Thug - yesterday's test asked for a situation that had changed him. He said, "Nothing's changed me!" I didn't respond. "Well, this has." "What has?" "This, home studies." "OK, write about how."
So, he wrote about how he used to think he was a retard but I convinced him he's not so he does his work and plans on graduating and going to college for an AA, and how I convinced him not to fight in school anymore so he'll fight in the streets instead (yeah, that's not exactly what I told him). That was all very sweet, but I had to worry about the manipulation factor so I didn't make a big deal about it.
Gomez and his secretary tell me that Lil Thug is playin me but I don't really think so. I mean, sitting face-to-face with this kid five hours a week for 8 weeks, I do think we've gotten to know each other. I don't know that I've had a long-term effect on him, but he's definitely changed since when I first met him. Last time I said, "Oh yeah, that was when you were still being a jerk to me." He didn't remember being a jerk, and he was embarrassed - but that was how he naturally was. Now he actually looks forward to me coming, says time goes too fast, and no longer says, "You could just skip a day" or "You can come late and leave early; I don't care." He changes his work schedule now to accommodate me. It's cool. Gomez said Lil Thug really wanted a male teacher and said he'd refuse to work for a woman. Ha!
Oh, other update - my doctor DID get me an appointment with the endocrinologist for Friday. So, all will be taken care of before I leave. Hopefully.
But I am diligent, and I kept checking the enrollment page (or, wait, is that OCD?) and yesterday somebody had dropped! So I snatched it up immediately and I'm enrolled! Yay!
So, I'm NOT going to the coast - full-time in University Town for several reasons. But now I have the courses I want: in addition to the herptiles, I have ecology, field botany, and neurobiology. What a great summer!!
These things always thrill me. I'm easily thrilled.
Yesterday I said goodbye to Gomez which made me sad. I've seen him about once since I've been back, but our lives are so intertwined and we talk/email so regularly. He's a really good friend. Then I went for cheesecake with Chris - two very chocolatey ones that we shared. It was definitely sugar overload! Chris is such an easy-going guy and it was fun to hang out - but he was stupid enough to bring up Bush and how he had voted for him twice! I just about kicked his ass!
The university in Jordan, the department head, has been emailing me lots and lots of questions. The one that's funniest is why I would want to be in Jordan - that it's very strange because the only foreigners there are married to Jordanians. Well, I guess I'm just strange. She said it can be very difficult to get work permits for non-Jordanians, which I well understand. But I'm glad we're having this conversation NOW so if it doesn't pan out I can pursue the other options.
Yay! Pupuseria tonight. One of my students who is Salvadoran recommended this place not far from my house. My students are cool. And what's really cool is that some kids I've had for a term or two who couldn't write AT ALL before, now I say, "Here's the topic, here's what I want," and before I"m done talking they've got the planning done and they're halfway through a draft! It's not perfect, but it's writing! Woo hoo!
But the most manipulative was Home Studies Lil Thug - yesterday's test asked for a situation that had changed him. He said, "Nothing's changed me!" I didn't respond. "Well, this has." "What has?" "This, home studies." "OK, write about how."
So, he wrote about how he used to think he was a retard but I convinced him he's not so he does his work and plans on graduating and going to college for an AA, and how I convinced him not to fight in school anymore so he'll fight in the streets instead (yeah, that's not exactly what I told him). That was all very sweet, but I had to worry about the manipulation factor so I didn't make a big deal about it.
Gomez and his secretary tell me that Lil Thug is playin me but I don't really think so. I mean, sitting face-to-face with this kid five hours a week for 8 weeks, I do think we've gotten to know each other. I don't know that I've had a long-term effect on him, but he's definitely changed since when I first met him. Last time I said, "Oh yeah, that was when you were still being a jerk to me." He didn't remember being a jerk, and he was embarrassed - but that was how he naturally was. Now he actually looks forward to me coming, says time goes too fast, and no longer says, "You could just skip a day" or "You can come late and leave early; I don't care." He changes his work schedule now to accommodate me. It's cool. Gomez said Lil Thug really wanted a male teacher and said he'd refuse to work for a woman. Ha!
Oh, other update - my doctor DID get me an appointment with the endocrinologist for Friday. So, all will be taken care of before I leave. Hopefully.
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
What we should be thinking about
Thanks to Gail for the 10 Stories the World Should Hear More About. It's a great list - and includes most of my favorite places and issues in the world - Liberia and neighbors, DR Congo, asylum seekers, refugees, and children.
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
pupusa love
OK, it's not just about the money.
It's also about the food. This morning started with Attitude Girl bringing a bag into my room during another class.
It was pupusas! Yummalicious!
But that's not all! There was also curtido!
And her mom is so unbelievably sweet - she included a real fork, a napkin, and a Gatorade bottle of some orange-flavored beverage.
Which leads me to wonder two things. First, how Attitude Girl's mom could be so awesomely sweet and Attitude Girl such a pain in the ass (though, she's not at all to me, but I see the potential and she is to all others).
But secondly, and the far more important question: How have I lived all my life without pupusas????
I am so going to El Salvador!! I will singlehandedly support a pupuseria!
Nice blog about pupusas (and pic borrowed from): http://la.foodblogging.com/2005/06/20/214/
[Update: The plan now is to eat pupusas for lunch every day, to eat them with Gail Thursday evening, and to make & eat them with Sabine Friday evening - when I feel the love, I FEEL THE LOVE.]
having a pick-up
OK, the next time I complain about the crappy gas mileage or about what a pain in the ass it is to park, I need to remember this moment.
I just loaded two bookshelves and a table in the back of my truck to take to Goodwill after work.
This moment of utter convenience - rather than renting a truck and gathering friends or manual laborers - is worth something.
And maybe someday I won't feel like it's no big deal to womanhandle big bookshelves down stairs alone, and I won't mind the group help ... but for now, a pickup does my life right.
I just loaded two bookshelves and a table in the back of my truck to take to Goodwill after work.
This moment of utter convenience - rather than renting a truck and gathering friends or manual laborers - is worth something.
And maybe someday I won't feel like it's no big deal to womanhandle big bookshelves down stairs alone, and I won't mind the group help ... but for now, a pickup does my life right.
Monday, June 05, 2006
best thing about leaving here
Hm ... there are so many to choose from.
The smog?
The traffic?
The dysfunctional workplace?
The heat?
The tract houses?
The environmental destruction at every turn?
The blonde-clone ideal?
Nope, I think as of right now the very best thing about leaving here is getting the eff away from crazy roommate. She annoys the hell out of me.
The smog?
The traffic?
The dysfunctional workplace?
The heat?
The tract houses?
The environmental destruction at every turn?
The blonde-clone ideal?
Nope, I think as of right now the very best thing about leaving here is getting the eff away from crazy roommate. She annoys the hell out of me.
big surprise
| Your Job Dissatisfaction Level is 72% |
 |
Should You Quit Your Job?
all for love of money
Today I went to my home instruction charge and watched him struggle with some real basics (he doesn't understand the concepts of multiplication, division, fractions - and he's 16), and I really didn't want to be there. He was really trying and he was frustrated for not understanding; I was trying to be helpful and understanding, but I'm tired and I don't know how to help him get it when I only see him a few hours a week and have several classes to teach him.
And I thought how tedious it will be for the rest of this week and next to keep seeing him and Lazy Boy and how I wished I didn't have to.
And every time I do that, I get out my time sheets and dayplanner and figure out exactly how much money I will lose. If I blow them both off next week and the rest of this, I'll lose $500.
So, I have essentially sold my soul. I don't love the teaching, or the kids (though I am fond of him, if I must be honest) - I just love the $$. $500 is nothing to scoff at! At least not in my world.
And for all my protestations of idiocy about Mr. Principal Man, he really got this about me. He knew that I would leave - when he introduced me my first day in November to the staff, he had figured out my pattern of saving money and then traveling. He doesn't judge me as a whore for doing things for the money, and it's even a joke between us now.
I will not work the rest of this year when I leave here. I will not, I will not. I have to keep telling myself that - because with all this overtime I've worked, any more and I'll bump up a tax bracket and be basically paying taxes equal to my rate of pay.
So, I will not be seduced by all the great places to work - not by REI, not by the organic market, not by the health food store, not by the Asian market. I will just say no to OCD work ethic. I will lounge luxuriously.
But first, I will squeeze every damn penny out of this situation. I just don't know how to walk away from $500 and a responsibility.
The good news today? I'm over half done with the HUGE stack of papers on my desk. Here I am with the students: "Ah, get on the computers and research some more. Ask me if you have a question. But ask each other first." I'm expert of last resort, and the payoff is both in classroom quiet and my productivity as they research the Lakers, Jesus Malverde, butterflies, Lil Rob, Converse shoes, Cesar Chavez, the war in Iraq, the atomic bomb, etc. Tomorrow will be more demanding, as I instruct on Power Point and composition construction (depending on the class).
The other good news - I have two full days and 1.25 hours left of sick time. I could actually miss another full day in addition to planned next Monday. But bad news about that is that then I would have to come up with activities for my students to do with somebody else. It's so much easier to just be there and wave a regal hand towards the black machines.
The doctor called me twice regarding the endocrinologist - he's not returning her calls, but I told her I could go anytime - this is why I checked my sick leave bank. I don't really want to miss my home study and the $$, but I would happily take off another day from teaching ... leaving me with a grand total of six more teaching days! Woo hoo! I may not kill a child then!
And I thought how tedious it will be for the rest of this week and next to keep seeing him and Lazy Boy and how I wished I didn't have to.
And every time I do that, I get out my time sheets and dayplanner and figure out exactly how much money I will lose. If I blow them both off next week and the rest of this, I'll lose $500.
So, I have essentially sold my soul. I don't love the teaching, or the kids (though I am fond of him, if I must be honest) - I just love the $$. $500 is nothing to scoff at! At least not in my world.
And for all my protestations of idiocy about Mr. Principal Man, he really got this about me. He knew that I would leave - when he introduced me my first day in November to the staff, he had figured out my pattern of saving money and then traveling. He doesn't judge me as a whore for doing things for the money, and it's even a joke between us now.
I will not work the rest of this year when I leave here. I will not, I will not. I have to keep telling myself that - because with all this overtime I've worked, any more and I'll bump up a tax bracket and be basically paying taxes equal to my rate of pay.
So, I will not be seduced by all the great places to work - not by REI, not by the organic market, not by the health food store, not by the Asian market. I will just say no to OCD work ethic. I will lounge luxuriously.
But first, I will squeeze every damn penny out of this situation. I just don't know how to walk away from $500 and a responsibility.
The good news today? I'm over half done with the HUGE stack of papers on my desk. Here I am with the students: "Ah, get on the computers and research some more. Ask me if you have a question. But ask each other first." I'm expert of last resort, and the payoff is both in classroom quiet and my productivity as they research the Lakers, Jesus Malverde, butterflies, Lil Rob, Converse shoes, Cesar Chavez, the war in Iraq, the atomic bomb, etc. Tomorrow will be more demanding, as I instruct on Power Point and composition construction (depending on the class).
The other good news - I have two full days and 1.25 hours left of sick time. I could actually miss another full day in addition to planned next Monday. But bad news about that is that then I would have to come up with activities for my students to do with somebody else. It's so much easier to just be there and wave a regal hand towards the black machines.
The doctor called me twice regarding the endocrinologist - he's not returning her calls, but I told her I could go anytime - this is why I checked my sick leave bank. I don't really want to miss my home study and the $$, but I would happily take off another day from teaching ... leaving me with a grand total of six more teaching days! Woo hoo! I may not kill a child then!
Sunday, June 04, 2006
Team B has spoken
Yesterday I went to the Quaker meetinghouse for a Buddhist time - some meditation and a CD of a lecture by Pema Chodron.
There was a woman there I know from Meeting who organized the whole thing, two of her friends, and another from Meeting.
It was so enjoyable - we also had lots of time to chat. And there we were representing the service occupations - a teacher, a nurse, a social worker, an occupational therapist, and a former teacher now attorney. The last one (also the one who organized it) was my age when she went to law school, and she had some great advice and perceptions to share.
As I was driving away, all of them said: "You need to go to law school."
They may well be right. As the attorney said, "Once you go to law school, nobody talks down to you." Sure, there are the lawyer jokes and all that, but lawyers are held in much higher regard than teachers. Suddenly after law school she was treated with respect, "It's funny," she said, "After law school people assumed I could do anything. I hadn't changed at all since I was a teacher!"
Now that I'm no longer in my 20's, I am treated with more respect than I used to be - it doesn't drive me crazy anymore that people don't listen to me. So that's not the real issue. The real issue is that my opinions come from the perspective not just of me, but of a non-mainstream point of view. If I'm dismissed, so are the others who are powerless.
Three years is a long damn time for law school, but it might well be worth it. And Team B decided it's best for me. I'm all about the team decisions.
There was a woman there I know from Meeting who organized the whole thing, two of her friends, and another from Meeting.
It was so enjoyable - we also had lots of time to chat. And there we were representing the service occupations - a teacher, a nurse, a social worker, an occupational therapist, and a former teacher now attorney. The last one (also the one who organized it) was my age when she went to law school, and she had some great advice and perceptions to share.
As I was driving away, all of them said: "You need to go to law school."
They may well be right. As the attorney said, "Once you go to law school, nobody talks down to you." Sure, there are the lawyer jokes and all that, but lawyers are held in much higher regard than teachers. Suddenly after law school she was treated with respect, "It's funny," she said, "After law school people assumed I could do anything. I hadn't changed at all since I was a teacher!"
Now that I'm no longer in my 20's, I am treated with more respect than I used to be - it doesn't drive me crazy anymore that people don't listen to me. So that's not the real issue. The real issue is that my opinions come from the perspective not just of me, but of a non-mainstream point of view. If I'm dismissed, so are the others who are powerless.
Three years is a long damn time for law school, but it might well be worth it. And Team B decided it's best for me. I'm all about the team decisions.
Saturday, June 03, 2006
my new boyfriend
This is Tiken Jah, and I think I'm in love. But, since mostly what he says is in French, I'm not sure. It just sounds good from his lips. He's a rapper/singer from Cote d'Ivoire, and he is pretty damn political and impatient. He rocks. And since he's not an idiot, he realizes the evil of imperial powers such as the one of which I'm a citizen. He's in exile but he didn't flee the continent like most others - he's in Mali.
He has Dayton-quality biceps. He will do.
Joys of packing
It's not joyful.
It's not that bad, either. I've made about 50 trips up and down the damn stairs already this morning, and only now has my back started to hurt.
The thing is, I'm an anti-procrastinator. And that means that packing sucks because it means that I pack things up early, before I need to, and then have no chair to sit on, no accessible clothes to wear, etc.
I can't afford to be a procrastinator this move (or any move). I'm working until 5 pm every day until I leave and have the LSAT a few days before I leave. If I wait until the days before to pack, it will be impossible and really stressful. I don't want to ask my friends to randomly throw things into boxes for me.
So, I guess I'll pack it all up and then just hang out with others until I leave - my friends still have chairs.
I was up at 6 this morning, thinking I had lots to do ... but come about 8, I was already long done and trying to find something else to do. I know I'm not leaving for another two weeks, but maybe I really will put all my clothes in suitcases and all my files in crates, and practice for the LSAT while lying on my bed.
OK, I killed 10 minutes. Only a bit more to kill before I'm off for today's Buddhist-Quaker adventures.
It's not that bad, either. I've made about 50 trips up and down the damn stairs already this morning, and only now has my back started to hurt.
The thing is, I'm an anti-procrastinator. And that means that packing sucks because it means that I pack things up early, before I need to, and then have no chair to sit on, no accessible clothes to wear, etc.
I can't afford to be a procrastinator this move (or any move). I'm working until 5 pm every day until I leave and have the LSAT a few days before I leave. If I wait until the days before to pack, it will be impossible and really stressful. I don't want to ask my friends to randomly throw things into boxes for me.
So, I guess I'll pack it all up and then just hang out with others until I leave - my friends still have chairs.
I was up at 6 this morning, thinking I had lots to do ... but come about 8, I was already long done and trying to find something else to do. I know I'm not leaving for another two weeks, but maybe I really will put all my clothes in suitcases and all my files in crates, and practice for the LSAT while lying on my bed.
OK, I killed 10 minutes. Only a bit more to kill before I'm off for today's Buddhist-Quaker adventures.
workpeople
OK, in interests of full disclosure, I also must admit that my workplace is not the villianous pit of incompetence and unfriendliness that I portray it as.
Of course there are people there for whom I have little to no respect (administrators), and of course there are backstabbers and incompetents. But most of the teachers really do care and try to do their best. And many people have been welcoming to me. Yesterday the custodian found me in the office and said he'd been looking for me. "Necessitas cajas?" he asked. But with his rapid-fire accent, it sure sounded like cacas. So I was confused.
He was asking me in Spanish because it's our club of hispanohablantes - ever since he heard me translate at a meeting, he's been full of glee to find me, and he insists I'm fully Spanish fluent. But mostly, he was keeping it secret - these are very good boxes and he's saving them for "his friend." Me. Because I had told him I'm moving. These are not for work moving, he insisted, but for personal because I need them and they are good boxes.
Now, that is just sweet.
And another teacher said how much she'll miss me, when I noticed that she was at an ebb of mood of bipolar and so I made her talk to me. She's not doing well, forgot her meds one day, but she'll be ok.
And another teacher who seems to delight in talking to me - somehow he sees me as a kindred spirit, when I don't think two people could be more different. Retired marine and all that, but he actually really listens to me. Ever since somebody else quoted William Bennett my first week of school and I pointed out how Bennett is full of bullshit and profit motive - bashing education is in the best interests of his private "educational" corporations. The counselor once described this teacher as about as helpful to students as "teats on a boar," but I like him. We've always had a completely professional relationship (I don't even know if he has children, is married, anything about his life), but yesterday he started asking me other questions - like "Aren't you worried about not having a pension plan, because you move so much?" (I'm not). He thinks I'm a little crazy, and he would defintely never make the choices I do, but he actually respects me as a person despite our differences.
If we could all just be like that, the world would be so much better.
I don't want everybody in the world to be just like me - but I want to be able to have open dialogue with them. It's when people stop saying what they really think, when they try to conform, when others insist on the conformity - that's where I have the problems. Why do people look down on me because I don't want to have the same job for 30 years? It's my life!
And of course there are the students who have made me feel welcome. Dental-hygienist-to-be came to tell me that she got married over the weekend (she's 17, parents approved - and he does sound like a great guy - oh, as I write that, I realize I want to give a wedding gift). Some kids share these kinds of things, and we have that kind of meaningful relationship. She is also the one who thinks that I am a total freak for not having a TV. And at one point yesterday, when Aztec Boy was really frustrated me for not knowing anything in this world, I just put my hand on his shoulder and said, "But you have to love me anyway," and he does. I never really understand why I bond with the people I do, but there are sometimes people that we just have love for each other and that's the way it is, period. Of course I could kill that, but we nurture each other. He's usually the first kid I see in the morning (he comes to use the internet to check on the World Cup) and the last kid at the end of the day (he's usually arguing with me about something and leaves class last), and that does really help my attitude. However, he and I went together to the computer teacher's classroom right after school yesterday, and after he left I found out that he doesn't do any work in that class or even speak at all - so I got the grade print-out and I'll be uber-bitch about him getting everything done.
That's the one reason I wish I were returning - I worry about the kids who have bonded to me but not to anybody else. Of course there are kids I haven't bonded to that have bonded to others, and they'll be fine without me, despite their protests. But the few who found in me somebody they could trust - I feel that I'm betraying them. I'm the one who follows up and makes them do what they need to do. I hold them accountable and call bullshit on their excuses. No, it's not too hard; yes, you can pass - and you are going to sit your soccer-loving ass in that chair and finish this assignment right now.
Oh, and why else do things not totally suck right now? The two most annoying students have stopped showing up. I have no referrals to write and nobody to be obnoxious. Let's hope it stays that way.
Of course there are people there for whom I have little to no respect (administrators), and of course there are backstabbers and incompetents. But most of the teachers really do care and try to do their best. And many people have been welcoming to me. Yesterday the custodian found me in the office and said he'd been looking for me. "Necessitas cajas?" he asked. But with his rapid-fire accent, it sure sounded like cacas. So I was confused.
He was asking me in Spanish because it's our club of hispanohablantes - ever since he heard me translate at a meeting, he's been full of glee to find me, and he insists I'm fully Spanish fluent. But mostly, he was keeping it secret - these are very good boxes and he's saving them for "his friend." Me. Because I had told him I'm moving. These are not for work moving, he insisted, but for personal because I need them and they are good boxes.
Now, that is just sweet.
And another teacher said how much she'll miss me, when I noticed that she was at an ebb of mood of bipolar and so I made her talk to me. She's not doing well, forgot her meds one day, but she'll be ok.
And another teacher who seems to delight in talking to me - somehow he sees me as a kindred spirit, when I don't think two people could be more different. Retired marine and all that, but he actually really listens to me. Ever since somebody else quoted William Bennett my first week of school and I pointed out how Bennett is full of bullshit and profit motive - bashing education is in the best interests of his private "educational" corporations. The counselor once described this teacher as about as helpful to students as "teats on a boar," but I like him. We've always had a completely professional relationship (I don't even know if he has children, is married, anything about his life), but yesterday he started asking me other questions - like "Aren't you worried about not having a pension plan, because you move so much?" (I'm not). He thinks I'm a little crazy, and he would defintely never make the choices I do, but he actually respects me as a person despite our differences.
If we could all just be like that, the world would be so much better.
I don't want everybody in the world to be just like me - but I want to be able to have open dialogue with them. It's when people stop saying what they really think, when they try to conform, when others insist on the conformity - that's where I have the problems. Why do people look down on me because I don't want to have the same job for 30 years? It's my life!
And of course there are the students who have made me feel welcome. Dental-hygienist-to-be came to tell me that she got married over the weekend (she's 17, parents approved - and he does sound like a great guy - oh, as I write that, I realize I want to give a wedding gift). Some kids share these kinds of things, and we have that kind of meaningful relationship. She is also the one who thinks that I am a total freak for not having a TV. And at one point yesterday, when Aztec Boy was really frustrated me for not knowing anything in this world, I just put my hand on his shoulder and said, "But you have to love me anyway," and he does. I never really understand why I bond with the people I do, but there are sometimes people that we just have love for each other and that's the way it is, period. Of course I could kill that, but we nurture each other. He's usually the first kid I see in the morning (he comes to use the internet to check on the World Cup) and the last kid at the end of the day (he's usually arguing with me about something and leaves class last), and that does really help my attitude. However, he and I went together to the computer teacher's classroom right after school yesterday, and after he left I found out that he doesn't do any work in that class or even speak at all - so I got the grade print-out and I'll be uber-bitch about him getting everything done.
That's the one reason I wish I were returning - I worry about the kids who have bonded to me but not to anybody else. Of course there are kids I haven't bonded to that have bonded to others, and they'll be fine without me, despite their protests. But the few who found in me somebody they could trust - I feel that I'm betraying them. I'm the one who follows up and makes them do what they need to do. I hold them accountable and call bullshit on their excuses. No, it's not too hard; yes, you can pass - and you are going to sit your soccer-loving ass in that chair and finish this assignment right now.
Oh, and why else do things not totally suck right now? The two most annoying students have stopped showing up. I have no referrals to write and nobody to be obnoxious. Let's hope it stays that way.
Friday, June 02, 2006
full disclosure
Last year once I came home from grocery shopping and put away the groceries. I later looked for the radishes I was SURE I'd bought, but couldn't find them.
It wasn't many days later when I wondered what that awful stench from the cupboard was.
Yup, that's where I'd put 'em. These things happen when I'm distracted.
But today's is almost worse. I threw my phone in the garbage. Not just the little garbage can in the kitchen - oh no, in the huge trash bin outside. And I couldn't reach down far enough to grab it.
Oy vey.
Phone recovered, face red, end of story.
It wasn't many days later when I wondered what that awful stench from the cupboard was.
Yup, that's where I'd put 'em. These things happen when I'm distracted.
But today's is almost worse. I threw my phone in the garbage. Not just the little garbage can in the kitchen - oh no, in the huge trash bin outside. And I couldn't reach down far enough to grab it.
Oy vey.
Phone recovered, face red, end of story.
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