not fun things to do on a Wednesday afternoon

1. A transvaginal ultrasound.
2. Eating at Jack-in-the-Box because nothing better is near and you haven't packed a lunch.
3. Teach.
4. Be in 98 degree heat.
5. Pack.

Life sucks and I need chocolate.

*******
Strangest thing asked today: "How much do you weigh?"

Not at the doctor's office. But by Aztec Boy. WHY ON EARTH WOULD HE ASK ME THAT? He started with telling a story about his brother (actually I was editing it) and as I was reading it he was talking about his brother's strengths and weaknesses in soccer, which led to AB saying how much his brother weighs, then how much he weighs (156) and then asking me how much I weigh. I was like, "What just happened here? That's not cool!" And he's like, "You know, because you're short, you probably don't weigh that much, so ..." "Shut up now." I could have told him that I weigh 25 pounds less than I did 1.5 years ago, because I'm pleased with that (my weight loss strategy is to have jump starts and then plateau until I change my set weight - it's about time to jumpstart it again this summer). But of course I didn't because it's not an appropriate topic of conversation! I mean, yeah, I often wonder how much people weigh - just because I'm curious about a taboo topic and what different weights look like. But I wouldn't ask MY TEACHER!

He also told me he won't be at school the last day - because he has to stay home and watch Mexico in the World Cup.

Well, better than the rest of the kids who don't come because they're getting high. Maybe that's why I'm fond of Aztec Boy - he's actually all present, and he doesn't glorify drug abuse.

I love google

Stalking rocks.

It was Tanya, not some random woman whose machine I left a message with. I'll drive down this weekend after meeting and funeral (unfortunately she works on Saturday) and spend a few hours with her.

She even did her best Valley Girl imitation, as proof it's really her.

Woo hoo! This day just keeps getting better!

11 more teaching days!

And today did not suck. A couple jerks trying to punk me, but they're hung over and they're off their game. Despite (or because of?) extreme exhaustion on my part, I was all over my game and they didn't have a chance.

No rent to pay for June because I paid a deposit, and I get paid day after tomorrow! Pay days make me HAPPY - and this one should be a doozy from all the overtime. Oh, no, that'll be next one because they're two months behind in paying that. Oh well. It'll still be nice.

The not-so-lovely feeling today is that of me definitely NOT being over Dayton in any remote sense of the word. It'd be so much easier if he had broken up with me, or cheated on me, or hit me, or done anything that really crossed the line. I mean, buying into a sexist paradigm (two-fold, with the traditional African and the Pentacostal) and remaining married to one's ex-wife - that crosses MY line. But THE line? I dunno. Sometimes, but sometimes I think I'm completely unreasonable.

Today a student asked me advice about breaking up with her boyfriend who annoys her and I was like, "Kick him to the curb! I'm all about the break-ups, girlfriend!" The boy who sits as close to her as possible each day giggled and agreed, but he had a vested interest in it.

Three more days this week, and five days the next week, and four teaching days the last week (I call in sick one of them). I will survive! All of the delinquents may not, but I will.

Oh, update on Aztec Boy - he came back. Long story. Today he was embarrassed because he'd promised me he'd do homework and he didn't finish it, and he likes to keep his word, so when he came to ask me to edit it I said, "You're going to miss me." "No I'm not. You're going to miss me." "Yes, you're right. I am going to miss you. And you're going to miss me." "No, I"m not going to miss you. I-" and we were interrupted in our really mature exchange by Smiley shouting, "Are you going to miss me?" "Yes I will miss you."

The thing about Aztec Boy though, it's different. He's just always there, but not in any way annoying. In a typical day I see him 3-5 times - before school, during class, during brunch, plus other times such as when he comes over from other classes. In a really strange way we're so comfortable with each other. Often I'll look out my window and he'll be standing out there and he'll look up when I look out. Not stalking creepy at all, just on the same wavelength. I will miss him. And yeah, I'll miss Smiley and all the others, but I'll forget them quicker. Most of my kids made me feel welcome, but Aztec Boy is more like family.

damn international caller ID

So, if you accidentally dial your West African ex-boyfriend's number at 3:40 a.m. his time and it rings once, and then a couple hours later call to hear him say "hello" because you want to hear his voice but don't want an actual conversation -

Then, don't be surprised when he calls you back at 3:40 a.m. YOUR time. And if you don't answer, don't be surprised when he calls again until you answer.

It's a small world after all. A heartbroken small world.

And this will be the longest day ever. First, I couldn't go to sleep at all until well after midnight (Arabic coffee after noon, damn), and then of course couldn't go back to sleep after the call. I'm SOOOO tired and all my students will be grumpy and cranky and I just really wnt to go back to sleep. Instead, the next 10 hours will be spent non-stop teaching. Ugh.

is it stalking if they contacted me first?

So, I just logged into my Classmates.com account - something I set up years ago just to see other people's info.

There was some info about the upcoming class reunion which I probably won't make.

And then a message subject: "Like, OMG!"

It was from a very old friend, Tanya, I haven't talked to in 25 years. We knew each other from summer arts camp. She would come and spend summers with her parents in the town where I lived. She was adopted and her parents were crazy. Interesting, but crazy. I used to like going out to the island where her dad & crazy next wife lived because I never knew what I'd get into. We had such great times hiking to the cabin on the other side of the island, popping popcorn on the fire and watching the waves hit the cliffs. She got me into Al Jarreau and taught me a whole different way of life. She was a big city girl, living in San Diego pursuing a professional dance career and going through all sorts of things I couldn't even imagine. She was also the only Black person I ever met until I went to college. She was silly and we were silly and our time together was one of my favorite things about the summers I spent home.

I couldn't access the message without paying at least $15 for a subscription (and a recurring subscription I'm sure too, so it would be a hassle to cancel later). So, here's where the stalking comes in. I googled her, but nothing. But then I went a roundabout way on classmates and found her married name (she never went to school there, so she's not really registered I think). And then I googled that I found somebody by that name who'd run a half-marathon last June near San Diego.

Could it be the same?

So, I just called and left a message on some random woman's answering machine, saying who I am and that I'm leaving the area soon so she needs to call me back soon if it's really her. I could go down next weekend ... because the truth is that I started packing too soon. I am such a veteran mover that I could take care of all this in a couple days - though the dropping things off with people takes a lot more time, and I could just dump it all at Goodwill.

Maybe if I hadn't just reread all sorts of yearbook comments from former students I wouldn't be so inclined to call and take a chance. But that school where I taught - they all had this image of me that was wild and fiery and loving with a prison past. They were fiercely loyal to me and I forgot how much I missed them.

I threw the yearbook away. Like almost everything else. Spring cleaning, I'm moving for real. Some of these things - like the knitting books - have been with me for 12 years, which means more moves than I can count. Some - like piano books - since middle school.

I can always buy more Bach and Beethoven and new sweater patterns if I ever do move to Iceland. And maybe I seem silly to toss things for which I have such fond memories, such as the yearbook.

But life goes on and I'm shedding my skin. At the same time, I don't forget who I am or where I come from, and Tanya was an important person in my life.

And so what's with me and ex-loves and their records? Earlier I told how I find a former boyfriend through the police blotter. Now, by scanning classmates.com I remembered the spelling of a guy - just googled him and he provided the gun for a drive-by hit killing. Yes, I did know that - he had written me from prison frequently before we lost touch. But I thought he was exaggerating. Nope - there are all the court documents. Sigh. The thing that bugs is that he was offered immunity for his help in busting the killer - and he did all that, but he still did lots of time for stealing a gun and letting his roommate borrow it without knowing the intent. And he lost on appeal. Despite: "The state admits that Closson's assistance was important in breaking the case." They made his name public and then required that he do even more undercover work - which would just make him get killed!

Anyway, I know he was bad news, but putting him into prison with hardened criminals when he was just barely 18 and still in high school - that messed up his life more than his prostitute mother who committed suicide did. And now when I google, I see arrest warrants in Texas, and yeah, it's him. Unusual name - and I still remember his birthdate and middle name.

It's not that I like the bad boys really. I just don't let a little felony or two interfere with romance. I really, really liked him - we had great times together. Sigh.

OK, enough memory lane. I'm not calling him, too.

the first two boxes

... are in my storage unit. It looks larger once I start putting things in, though I'm sure that will change.

Once I threw away 100# of education articles and notes and the like last week, I could fit all my education books into two boxes. This is oh-so-exciting. Exciting enough to lead me to decide after nearly 2 decades to get rid of some of my poetry books. That's painful for me because it probably means dumping them off at Goodwill, where nobody may appreciate them. But, I'm oh-so-tired of packing and unpacking the same damn books. Sure, I look at them sometimes - but if I really miss them I'll just go buy them again.

I still have several boxes of books I want to read, but I am definitely culling the herd.

Have I mentioned that I hate my job and the prospect of going to it tomorrow and for 12 more days?

I had nostalgia for Jordan, so I fired up the breek and made me some yummy Arabic coffee thanks to Tami's gifting earlier.

So I had to remind myself the things I DON'T like about Jordan:
1. People smoke constantly and everywhere. hack, hack, hack

2. There is GREAT tea (with mint and sweetened nicely) and GREAT coffee and GREAT pastries and other sweets - but people don't mix 'em! Either you're drinking or you're eating. When I suggested combining the two, the looks I got - well, it was like I spit on the Koran or something!

3. I've already seen all the major tourist attractions.

4. I don't speak Arabic.

5. I apologize all the time for being American.

6. Ramadan - this is SO NOT FUN for me. People cranky, nothing to eat or drink during the day - sheesh!

7. Really hot in summer (it's miserable now, Mahmoud tells me - and it's around 100) and really cold in winter.

8. I don't think Mahmoud will ever be as fond of me as I am of him. He is a complete mystery to me. And that is not interesting. It's just annoying. But I don't have the right to be annoyed with him, and that makes it even worse.

9. It's not so cheap there. Especially not when compared to Africa or India or other places on my last trip.

we're not in Jordan anymore, Toto

Note to self: do not go out walking Saturday nights.

It was still daylight when I left, only just after 7:00. But the partying was in full-swing on my route.

It started with hollering from a car. I'm not sure they were hollering at me, and I pretended not to hear. Sure sounded like somebody shouted, "Go back to Alaska!" which is a joke some of my students and I have. Hopefully I imagined.

But then I was cruising along and was thinking, "If I don't have cancer and don't have to spend all that money and time, then I really SHOULD climb Kilimanjaro!" and then I noticed a man, Jamaican-looking, who clearly wanted to talk with me. But I kept going and he shouted, "Just do it!" and I have to wonder if he was reading my mind or appreciating my stride.

Then a little boy, maybe about 7 or 8, just down the street saw me coming and played hide and seek which gave a little laugh, but I don't like to make children hide from me. And he looked so Liberian, and I got sad.

Then there was a blue heeler on a fence. Tract houses, a wall about 6 feet up - and a herding dog was standing on the top of it, clearly uncertain what to do except bark at me. I heard another dog in the yard below it, and I thought of Selma and Otter - how Otter would escape and Selma would nark on her - sometimes going to the neighbor's door and barking until the neighbor came out and herded Otter back into the yard. Or the time we were in Bend visiting Nancy, and Susan took the dogs for a walk. They lost Susan, and so they came bolting back to the house. Well, Selma bolted back, looking very nervous upon arrival (knowing that losing and auntie is bad juju) - Otter wanted to roam. My Selma, she's not a roamer. She really is a Cancer. Not like me.

Anyway, my point? In Jordan, men never shout at me. I like that.

Last night I dreamed I was on a boat. Yesterday's Tarot with Sabine was very NOT enlightening. Oh well. Guess I have to figure out my fate on my own.

danger, danger

Somebody tried to burgle our house today.

I guess it would make moving easier for me if I had no stuff to take. But, that would suck - especially because they'd only take the stuff I really want (credit cards, computer, etc.). Plus, it feels SO INVASIVE when thieves rifle through your crap.

They wrecked all the screens trying to get all the windows which were thankfully all locked. Looks like they tried to ram in with a shovel, too.

And roommate is gone all weekend, so it's me, alone, in a house that has a bull's-eye on it.

If I don't blog this weekend, the crime turned violent. Or I do have cancer and it killed me quickly. Or, I fell down the stairs and nobody helped. Or ...

Point? It's a dangerous world we live in.

Akiva Goldsman sucks

OK, so I saw The Da Vinci Code.

Here's what the writer of the screenplay did. Sure, he changed big things - screenplays always do. But what really PISSES ME OFF is that when the situations are the same in the book and movie, he took the main character - Sophie Neveu - and made her actions silly and passive. In the book, for example, she figured out the backwards handwriting and ciphers and anagrams. In the movie, Robert Langdon figured out THE EXACT SAME PUZZLES. In the book, Neveu is a brilliant cop. In the movie, she looks to some lame-ass Harvard symbologist for guidance in tough situations. He's her "hero." Neveu didn't NEED a hero in the book, she needed a partner, which is what Langdon was.

Why did Goldsman do this? Why?

I remember watching A Beautiful Mind (in a Jordanian hotel room) and being annoyed with Jennifer Connelly's character seeming so passive, but I figured it was based on real-life or something.

Oh no. Akiva Goldsman is a FUCKING MISOGYNIST AND I WANT TO KICK HIS SEXIST ASS.

What is his view of women? As vessels and objects.

So, if you like The Da Vinci Code for its 21st century lack of misogyny, then DON'T SEE THE MOVIE.

OK, so now I remember why I don't watch movies. Trapped there, watching this crappy sexist vitriole in the the illusion of some non-sexist film. ARGH.

And I missed L'il Cholo there, but he just called me, so we're cool.

But while watching it, I had lawyerly thoughts again. I think it'd be cool to be rich, to travel about. Shrug. Who knows what the future holds.

am I a slacker?

Tomorrow's home instruction lesson with L'il Cholo? We're going to the movies to watch The Da Vinci Code. Am I a slacker?

I was never going to read that book but he convinced me to, and now I'm trying to get HIM to read the book and the movie is a first step.

The funniest part? When I explained that this would be one of our 2-hour days (I meet with him 5 hours per week - it'll be more like 3+ hours but I'll get paid for 2), he seemed disappointed that it was taking the place of a workday. I said I'd meet him inside (his mother insisted that he buy my ticket, which of course I felt is not fair), and he said he'd be buying me popcorn and candy.

This kid hates school and hates authority. That's why I find it so funny that he doesn't seem to hate me. I have no idea why he doesn't.

Today in 4th period - which has gone from my WORST class to my best - I actually look forward to seeing them every day - I decided my new classroom management strategy is to be the craziest person in the room. This is quite a challenge with the kid we call Poncho Cachondo (the name of his dog), who is pretty damn crazy. So, I've started blurting out and doing the strange sorts of things he does regularly. It's good to keep 'em on their toes and not take me for granted. I'm already a little annoying, so soon they'll be begging me to be normal, boring me.

Unfortunately for 5th period, the crazy doesn't wear off. Not a high point of my teaching career was the moment when a student said to me, "Could we just focus on this work right now!? Is this right??" because I was playing with his gelled hair (how much do you put IN!? a whole bottle every day??) instead of listening to his concerns about getting the dialogue typed right. (I must not have bugged him too much since I eventually had to kick him out of my classroom when I had to go do other things after school.)

Another low point of my teaching career - yesterday busting a kid for STEALING ANOTHER KID'S WORK OFF MY DESK (probably to copy it). I wrote him a referral in order to protect him from my wrath. This is "It's Cuz," and I didn't get a single excuse, so I knew I nailed him. BUT, he didn't go to the office with the referral - he went home. (He was deeply shamed, I could tell.) So, I wrote him another one and had a security escort to greet him this morning.

DON'T FUCK WITH YOUR INTEGRITY IN MY AIRSPACE!

Flanders, the Assistant Principal, is about to get some wrath as well. He's a passive aggressive nit-picker, and I'm about to jump down his throat and tell him no. I already blow him off, which he said even, but if he doesn't back off and stop trying to tell me what to do then I'll really let him have it. What do I have to lose?

Bring it on, passive aggressive boy. I got plenty of crazy to go around.

thoughts

"No people ever recognize their dictator in advance. He never stands for election on the platform of dictatorship. He always represents himself as the instrument [of] the Incorporated National Will. ... When our dictator turns up you can depend on it that he will be one of the boys, and he will stand for everything traditionally American. And nobody will ever say `Heil' to him, nor will they call him `Führer' or `Duce.' But they will greet him with one great big, universal, democratic, sheeplike bleat of `O.K., Chief! Fix it like you wanna, Chief! Oh Kaaaay!'" -- Dorothy Thompson, 1935

"Remember, when they say “one man, one woman,” they mean one at a time." - Peter Kurth

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world. " - Mohandas Gandhi

John 14:2: “In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you.” (Ah, tolerance and love of diversity. That Christian value so often neglected in this day and age.)

Kilimanjaro

Hey, who wants to climb Kilimanjaro with me in August?? I think I could get in shape for it by then ...

words that begin with C

My friend Tiffany says all good things begin with C: Chips, cheese, and chocolate.

My doctor says the phrase "the C word" and every time I have to try to remember what she means. Not only is there potential "C word" in my uterus, but now she tells me the same about my thyroid. Of course my mind goes to "There's a cunt in my thyroid?" but that's not what she means. Then she says "Cancer" and I think of all the astrological Cancers I know in my life, and I know they're not in my thyroid.

Anyway, the way she means isn't there either. She's just really cautious. And running out of time, because I'm leaving here in just over three weeks. So get me the damn referrals already, because I'm outta here soon. Not soon enough, but soon. Unfortunately my insurance doesn't cover me in Oregon.

It's stressful, all these appointments and pokes and prods (and leaving all the messages to remind my doctor to call me back). Now more blood and an endocrinologist (probably for a biopsy), in addition to the impending transvaginal ultrasound. Why do I do the tests? Because I hear the Lara voice, the one that says I should just check things out to be sure. And because Shirley had cancer when not much older than me, and I think of the woman I met recently whose husband had undiagnosed cancer and died in months. So if I didn't have things checked out, I'd worry and wonder.

Just as I worry and wonder about the source of my chocolate, so I need to give up all that isn't Fair Trade. Join me, friends! Boycott products of child slavery!

a crazy world

Good Girl's mother kicked her out of the house. I did not give her that nickname for no reason - she is a great kid. Why, then? Because her mother is crazy. "She has some things to work out, so she kicked us out."

I just spent two hours returning things to REI, Big 5, Home Depot, and Target. I probably spent more money on gas than on the things returned - but I wouldn't be able to live with myself for throwing them away, so it's all good. No bad traffic. I just couldn't stand them sitting on my shelf any longer. I'm in clean-up mode, and everything must go. I'm recycling all my many binders full of articles from 2.5 years of a PhD program. I have most of them cited in my bibliographies of my papers, so if I need 'em I can find 'em again. It feels pretty damn good, clearing it all out. I went and put the lock on my storage unit today (no bodies there, Jenny - yet [I dare my obnoxious students to keep it up]), sizing up my 5' x 10' new home.

L'il Gangsta, my home instruction kid (not the lazy one), started off our class by throwing a tantrum when his mother told him to get to the table to work with me - he flung his body into the chair and pouted and sighed most exasperated. So I said, "You're acting like a 2-year-old. Is this going to be ok today?" Because honestly, I wanted to leave. I'm tired of teaching, I'm tired of gangstas, I'm tired of the extra 10 hours of work each week, I'm tired of it all.

So what did he have the gall to do? Actually be an enjoyable person to spend 2 hours with. He even told me that he's learning a lot, "not like school." He was so full of questions today, and we talked about everything from karma to beer to racial violence. All this while he worked his little fingers off. We both hate Bush. If that's all it takes to bond with somebody, then the world is full of my friends.

Latest plan? Go to Oregon mid-June, attend 4 weeks at the marine biology lab, then 4 weeks of regular classes at my alma mater. Spend five weeks in Senegal working on my French and an environmental project (which I've been promised, though details are not forthcoming - I want to learn that vocabulary, and I want a CV builder), then 10 weeks in Oregon for the next term, then 4 weeks in Ecuador working on my Spanish and an ecological project (maybe Galapagos, though the rainforest would be something new), then return for the final 10 weeks to earn a BS in biology, and then look for a job - hopefully in Africa or South America. All this will either make me tap into my new-home-someday-nest-egg or borrow $$ with student loans, but if I can get a job right away in March, that won't be so bad and I'll try not to work during school so that I can really focus on it and detoxing and taking the pups for many long walks.

Mammoth weekend

Traffic? NASTY. I never want to drive anywhere again.


But that traffic led us to some fun times.

Here: up to Obsidian Dome (see streaks of obsidian through all the rocks):

Lichens on rocks because I am, of course, a lichenophile and think they are oh-so-cool:

Convict Lake

Tufas at Mono Lake

The sign toward the new interpretation center at Manzanar Japanese-American internment camp (I highly recommend it)

And we followed this truck's directionsLeading us to all sorts of yummyness at the "Bakkery"

very cool sites

This one is about the Congo - including a really cool on-line diary by Angelina Jolie and John Prendergast (whom I adore - one of the world's leading "African experts" - I heard him speak when I was in DC). I do like Angelina much for all her activism (and don't care about the personal details), but it's John who has an amazing understanding and fluency of explanation. Please listen to him - it's short and clear.

One of the best things I heard recently, on NPR speaking of an Ethiopian cameraman who recently died (I think - I missed that part), was how people in the West simplify Africa. People do it all the time, and the questions I get asked tend towards, "Why are things so messed up there?" Well, that's too simple a question to get a meaningful answer. And I'm not John.

And

farewell

Aztec Boy is gone.

To say I'm upset is an understatement.

He came to tell me yesterday, that his social worker said he has to move to another place in another city. "But there's only a month to school left! Can't they wait until then?!"

Apparently not. They moved him within 24 hours of telling him, despite his extreme dismay.

Foster care, dammit.

There are always kids who are really meaningful, and already I lost Favorite Hard-Core Cholo. Now to lose Aztec Boy, it's too much.

This is why I hate teaching, the loss (and the dickheads - so I want to keep all the non-dickheads possible). I have to stick it out another four weeks. Who will greet me in the mornings? Who will up my cool factor by keeping me informed of Latino politics?

I feel abandoned.

Today another tried to take his place, but it wasn't the same. Curly said to me that I should quit teaching because I'm tired. Aztec Boy would never say that. He would tell me where to go in Mexico and what to do and what to wear and what to listen to and how to speak. He is bossy.

Speaking of bossy, I got quite a message yesterday from Mr. Principal Man. "Call me as soon as you get this message and tell me why you didn't attend the department meeting."

"Well, because I had another appointment and I only got 24 hours notice and I immediately called the department chair to discuss it and she said it wasn't a big deal [all they discussed had nothing to do with me]." It was a message I left with him. Ran into him later and he said nothing. He goes off the deep end all too easily.

Four weeks, one day (of kids - one more day of just faculty work). Four weeks, one day. Deep breaths.

Found storage today - nice people, clean place, it seems right. Need to decide. Can I go with the smaller space and get rid of a bunch of stuff?? I think so. I don't want to come back here, and that would clinch the deal if I had nothing to come back to. Oh, I still need to keep personal effects and textbooks and such, but not my furniture and all that. I'll keep what can fit in a 5' x 10' space, and that will be enough. Then, when I know a more final location, I can move it all.

Gail - the best part of Early Man is the guy who works there - he can talk about anything - he's amazing! Fascinating guy.

And everybody, check this out from Tami about New Orleans flood: http://www.nola.com/katrina/graphics/flashflood.swf

OK, time to start sorting through my personal effects. Oy vey.

"Chocolate Covered Children"

Information here on how our coffee and chocolate habits here negatively affect children throughout the world - particularly in West Africa, where children are forced into slavery for the coffee and chocolate plantations.

Buy only Fair Trade coffee and chocolate!! (When I first read it I thought, "Oh no! I have to give up coffee and chocolate! But, there are ways of insuring that these atrocities aren't committed for my tasty cup. I always only buy Fair Trade Organic Shade Grown coffee already, and have for many years - but the chocolate I sometimes am not so good - so time to get on the wagon!)

I do like this quote (was on first site): Proverbs 13.23 "A poor man's field may produce abundant food, but injustice sweeps it away"

Zzyzx weekend

What was the most fun this weekend??

Hanging out at Zzyzx springs? Watching desert tortoises?


Checking out petroglyphs?
Crawling around in lava tubes?

Crawling around Hole in the Wall?
Checking out the Early Man excavation near Calico?
Seeing all the pretty cactus and flowers blooming - such as this desert senna?
Hunting for scorpions at night with ultraviolet lights?
Visiting Mitchell Caverns??


Or was it the interesting people I met? The best stories I heard:
From Darlene, when she was younger and living in Florida she and her friends would take one father's speedboat and go over to Cuba to hang on a beach there. That is, until the Cuban Coast Guard saw them and chased them, shooting. Their boat was all shot up, but they emerged with their lives intact.
Or from Allen, whose wife Nancy he first should have met when he was taking draft evaders up to Canada and dropping them off at a safehouse, where she was helping. But they met many years later, when she took her children to the nudist colony that he was managing.

A great weekend all around!

advice to Gail and new plans!

My advice to Gail - only stalk students if they work at a place that provides some benefit to stalker. I have a student looking for a job, and I've been begging her to work at Starbucks. Though, when I worked with you I WAS known to stop by students' houses - I think you went with me that time to the girl across the street?

I'm off to Zzyzx within the hour ... once I start packing. Was up too late last night investigating my next great plan.

Zzyzx was started in 1944 when a kooky guy opened a resort there without permission from the government (whom the land belongs to). In the 1970's it was repossessed and in 1976 the Desert Studies Center was started. It's a program through Cal State San Bernardino and CS Fullerton that offers field research opportunities to biology students.

You can take classes there through CSF's extension (and CSUSB, I've heard) - or in my case, the guy teaches a CSF course once a year, so he has access and he's taking us there.

So, what's my next great plan, you ask?

When CSF (and all the Cal States and UC's) rejected me because I already have a BA, I looked up my alma mater. Tuition there is WAY TOO EXPENSIVE for out of stater ... but they have summer school courses which are exactly what interest me - and I pay resident tuition for summer. And Susan's roommate is moving out, so I can have "my" room back - it's where I lived for most of my undergrad time. Biking distance to school and the dogs and everything. Small space and no dishwasher, but it's "home."

So, the plan is to go there this summer and take Neurobiology and Ecology and Reptiles and Amphibians of Oregon and Field Botany ... and see if I love it. If I do, I could finish up a BS there in a couple more terms (one term spent at their Marine Research Station, which I've always been interested in), and then apply to CSF's master's program (or others with ethnobotany and field ecology focus). But if I *don't* love it, then there's nothing lost by spending the summer hanging out and learning new things. (Except that now I have to tell the principal that I'm NOT teaching summer school when I just told him I AM. UGH - I hate seeming flaky.)

The problem with biology study is that I just don't see my future career in it - I want to make more money than most biologists do, and while I have to be out in nature regularly I need a city homebase for the opportunities available there. Maybe spending some time doing it and talking to biologists would expand my horizons. I'll talk to my instructor this weekend. I don't want his life (I don't have his energy and generous enthusiasm), but I'm sure he has good thoughts.

The great benefit to a field biology career is that it is a FANTASTIC REASON to spend all sorts of time at REI! And using the gear for my job would make it tax-deductible.

I've been interested in biology ever since 6th grade when we had a project to identify trees. Other kids did lame-ass things, but I did this huge poster board display with speciments of all sorts of different types, labeling them and identifying their relationships. I think that was when I knew I was different than other people - I get really excited about things like that.

Then later, after I graduated, I took a Native Plants class and had a GREAT TIME - and then I got a job at the museum and started reading up on ethnobotany and got really excited (I was the native plants expert at the museum, which was quite a rewarding challenge). I know I'm not interested in labwork - what gets me excited is the fieldwork. I could never do microbiology (though I did have a bit of a love affair with biochemistry for awhile). But I could see myself doing surveys of areas before construction or to measure effects of development, etc. An excuse to be outside and look at pretty flowers, and perhaps I could do it internationally. There's very little done on much of West Africa in terms of plant/animal surveys (as far as I can find) - and I could consider a teaching appointment in different places like that. And when I lived up north, and then when I led school groups at an arboretum in Oregon, I got obsessed with lichens. (Alice Algae took a 'lichen' to Freddy Fungus.)

Who knows what the future holds, and I am so blessed to have so many possibilities and opportunities.

It does seem that the smart thing would be to take those classes rather than just wonder what could be.

I also (this is for you, Gail) have major fantasies of a science-magnet school. We talked about it before, wanting to coteach an English/science core that would revolve around real-life science learning. Teaching 7th graders to go birding would be GREAT! Teaching generations of environmentalists to be aware of the earth's issues and relationships - that would be great. So, Gail, you need to get your administrative credential!

So, now I guess I have to email my principal and blow him off. Which bugs, because he was actually really really nice to me yesterday.

Oy! And I REALLY have to pack now!

day in the life

Cal State Fullerton rejects me. "Because CSUF is now the most crowded CSU campus, we do not accept applications for post -baccalaureate studies. You can try to access classes through the Office of Extended Education. "

Yeah, yeah, whatever. So if I were a dropout rather than an overachiever, they would take me? Ergh.

So then I looked at University of Oregon, my alma mater, and they would take me back. But nonresident tuition there is almost $19,000! I don't love biology THAT much!

And I sense that the law school will reject me. I emailed the dean yesterday asking about decisions and got: "I checked your file; everything is complete. It just came back from the admissions committee. You should receive a decision in the next week.Thank you for your interest in George Mason."

See that "thank you for your interest"? That's a definitely "it's not you, it's me." Yeah, yeah, whatever. I don't really want them anyway. I just don't like to be rejected FIRST!

In 12 hours I drive to Zzyzx and my other life! Woo hoo!

Tonight was an awards assembly for kids, and it was actually neat to see the kids there like that. Several of mine were there.

But to illustrate what my school is like, let's put it like this. Out of 560 students, our "perfect attendance" went as low as "he enrolled in February and has only missed two days" and "she enrolled in October and only missed six days." (Both mine.) And the academic awards - we hooted and hollered for 3.0 GPA's - because only SIX of our kids had GPA that high.

Anyway, I committed to summer school until July 14th. It's just 3 weeks, after a week of paid training, so the $$ isn't horrible. It will just be a challenge because I'll be homeless for two weeks. I figure, if I have five friends that I can stay 2-3 nights with, I'm covered.

The strangest thing said to me, by another teacher. "I'm guessing that you were about 24 when you had your first kid?"

"Um, I don't have any kids."

"Oh, you have PLENTY OF TIME still!"

I was like, what's up with this? She says she just loves babies. Which is something, because she has two autistic children that take an incredible amount of care. I said she could have any of my unexpected offspring.

Strangest thing I said today: "Is Cuz It's in the back?" Obnoxious student Cuz It's works at a fast food place near my house. I hear SO MANY TALES of cleaning chicken grease, so when I stopped at Starbucks and saw his truck, I drove over to leave a note on his windshield to DO HIS HOMEWORK. But I saw the lights were on so I went inside to tell him.

He may be the most annoying human being on the planet that I am forced to interact with every day for two class periods, but he does have manners outside the classroom. Tried to feed me and everything.

And he will tell this story to ALL my students - which means they'll stop telling me where they work, of course.

The scariest part of this story? He wasn't in any way surprised to see me there. Everybody ELSE was, but he seemed to think it perfectly natural that his teacher stalk him at work.

Am I that crazy? No, better question. Is my insanity that evident?

new plan!

Study biology/ethnobotany at Cal State Fullerton!

homeless

Not just a great song with Ladysmith Black Mambazo in Paul Simon's Graceland.

I just got evicted. I'm homeless.

OK, that's the dramatic version. The actual one: A week or so ago, I mentioned to roommate that I might be moving out June 16 or July 14 or August 4, and I wasn't sure which, but I'd give her 30 days' notice. (The wedding was expensive and I know money is tight for them now, so didn't want to surprise her.)

Anyway, so she just asked me to be out by July 1st because her parents and sister and her husband's family are all coming then. Which is reasonable, especially since I said I'd possibly be gone by then.

Of course now I'm like, "Oh! I don't want to go! I have such camping to do! I want to teach summer school and go to AB-466 training! I have too many more books to read before I pack them up again!"

But, I'm going. Unless something really compelling forces me to stay for summer school, in which case ... well, in that case I'm glad I have a good tent (and friends who might let me crash with them). It eases the homeless pain.

I got lots of packing to do. Starting with sorting out all my academic papers. Ugh - I dreaded this day, and now I have about two weekends to do it (because the others, I'm out traveling fun places such as Mammoth Lakes and Zzyzx, and being a general naturalist groupie).

strangest things said today

First: "I didn't have time." This, when I asked a kid (not the race-riot-instigator, the other home instruction one) why he didn't do his homework over the past five days.

He is wheelchair bound and can't leave the house and has to do absolutely nothing all day except watch TV, text message, and play PS2. I laid down the law and didn't give a shit about making him feel good about himself. He shouldn't - he is completely lazy. In 1.5 years of high school, he has passed three classes. He is absolutely capable of all the work, he is just one of the laziest slugs I've ever met.

He is so eager to get back to school and escape my tyranny. At least he's polite. Unfortunately, he's on the fast track to dropping out of high school and being a permanent slug/leech. Because he's not like my kids who drop out, who do it to work full-time and support a family. He just thinks that life is all about being lazy. And for that, I got no patience.

Second: "Will you adopt me?" from a kid in my 4th period. He's apparently all about adoring me right now, which is very, very strange. I know his home life sucks, but I'm not all that. I know his other teachers are mean, but I'm really not all that. Then they spent most the rest of the class period wondering aloud about what my home is like. Quiet, that part they got right. And I couldn't figure out why everybody is all obsessed about mothers - it's because of this Sunday, and Mexicans do love their mothers. (OK, ethnic stereotyping, but 99% true.)

Third: "We'll be using your classroom tomorrow." Well, at least I got notice this time. What sucks is that I USE MY CLASSROOM TOO. They send me to some other classroom where I don't have my textbooks or overhead projector or materials or computers - which is what my kids are doing this week! ARGH! How am I supposed to teach in these conditions?

I'm kinda giving up on that. Oh, I'm still pretending to teach and all that, but nobody really gives a shit, so I'll go through the motions. Instead, I'll just be Zen about it all. I have this one kid twice in a row and he is the quietest, shyest person I have ever met. He's finally started to open up a little to me, but he won't talk to anybody else, not even kids. And every time I talk to him, I have to totally change me - I get quieter and slower and calmer. He's better than blood pressure medication any day. I think I need to thank him. The kids don't aggravate me much at all - it's just STUPID ADMINISTRATION. I vented loudly and clearly today about it, and I do hope that Flanders tries to talk to me about it again. He is INTERFERING WITH MY TEACHING. Fuck him. About that, maybe I'm not so Zen.

I'm just trying to not go to REI tonight. One day at a time.

REI bliss

Otter, the world's sweetest dog, quivers with excitement at the prospect of a walk or chasing a squirrel. Her muscles tense as the anticipation drives her wild.

This is me when thinking about REI.

Today I made it there in 12 minutes, a new record. The fates smiled upon me. I stopped at Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf - just to be sure I had the stamina I needed.

I left my house at 7 pm, and they kicked me out when they closed at 9:00.

It was so beautiful, though I underestimated the cost and it made me flinch.

What did I get? Well, I'm so glad you asked. Every thing was on sale. I got a packtowel and face cloth (that superabsorbant, fast-drying fabric), a shirt, convertible pants (these both I left in Africa, which made me kick myself, though I am a size smaller now and those things were bugging me because they were too big, so I guess it's all good), camping food, a "travel sack" (light sleeping bag), bird ID cards, a travel alarm clock with thermometer (yes, I have one, but I always fear I'll forget to pack it at the last, because I use it regularly), matches & holder, sunscreen, and lip balm with a strap to hook onto my daypack.

No new binoculars or kayak or GPS or anything crazy like that. Just stuff I'll really use over the next few months (and this weekend).

I finally understand how people (such as my mother) get shopping addicted. I felt the thrill, the rush, the satisfaction.

The difference is maybe that I actually use all these things, they fit into my budget, they were all things I've been eyeing for some time and now are on good sale, and I'm cutting myself off soon.

Except, I have this 20% coupon (off a regular priced item) still, burning a hole in my pocket.

And, they will refund the difference in price of things I bought within the past couple weeks that just went on sale. I have to go back with my receipts. Sigh. Then AFTER THAT I'll cut myself off.

There are things I don't buy at REI, such as luggage usually. Daypacks - I need a new one (mine died a tragic death in New Orleans) - I'll wait for a sale at Target. I buy the cheap roller luggage on sale at Target - otherwise it costs a fortune at REI. I don't usually buy clothes at REI, though I find the convertible pants SO GREAT on excursions such as the birding. And my only long-sleeved shirt now is flannel, so a better one is good.

OK, yeah, yeah - I'm justifying my addiction. Whatever.

I spent my whole day arguing with kids who were justifying their drug and alcohol addictions. My kids are way effed up. This is why I hate teaching high school - I see their lives deteriorating. As I explained, infrequent moderate use doesn't kill anybody - but when they're using (and dealing) as heavily as most of them are, it hurts their bodies and hurts their minds. This was a really bad weekend for that and almost everybody was hurting today - very bad. It kills me.

5th period did, however, get me to 'fess up to some of my past, and now I just have to keep reminding Spitfire and Aztec Boy that I will NOT smoke out with them. Sometimes I think it's a pity I'm not their age - today they were asking me what I was like in school. I don't think Spitfire and I would be friends, so it's better that I'm an adult now and can castigate her as necessary. But some of the others - we would have had a lot of fun. Shrug. I don't want to relive my adolescence, and I'm certainly not going to be inappropriate, but they made me think about it today.

I'll just keep going back to REI and get my high there.

What I really want to do? I want to go kayaking in Baja again - that was such a great trip last year and I'd love to go back.

Maybe I should stick around here another year and work at a middle school - they teach 12 weeks then have a month off. Each of those could be a safari or a kayak trip, or all sorts of fun things. I wouldn't have the same great short day, but I'd still have my weekends off ... The problem is I keep thinking of things to do when I'm NOT teaching. I need a job that I do not just for the paycheck and REI/travel opportunities.

Well, time to go to sleep and fantasize about new gear.

strange contact

Today I'm sitting at the table with my race-riot inciting home study kid (who's been actually quite good since I laid the law down about not being there when we're scheduled), and we hear a car door slam.

The shortness of my attention span is only rivaled by his, so we both look up.

"Oh, that's my uncle. He's here to check you out."

"That my broother," said the mom.

Excuse me?

I didn't even know how to react. Remove my phone number from their refrigerator or show some cleavage?

I ignored him. Always my strategy of choice.

Today I got email from a former student and an actual letter from another, and a temper tantrum from some current students who heard today that I'm quitting.

But who haven't I heard from? The law school and Jordanian university. Good grief. I need to make some decisions, people!

weekend birding & camping in Joshua Tree National Park

Who knew looking at birds could be so much fun? It's the perfect pasttime for me - I get to walk around outside and learn lots.

I noticed I didn't take a single picture of a bird. I took hardly any pics at all, but not a single bird? Well, I'll blame my lack of telephoto.

Here's the weekend. Drove into camp at Black Rock Campground on Friday evening, had a couple hours to explore a bit, then met up with the instructor and the group at 6 pm. He immediately took us out looking for birds and we saw lots. Then we looked at slides and saw even more.

He is really a great instructor. In fact, I'm taking another class with him next weekend. I may become a groupie, so I'm glad his wife will be there, just to keep me in line.

Camping that night was ok - it only got down to about 50 degrees in my tent (I used the rain flap to keep heat in). I was pretty comfortable and slept well, except for some obnoxious neighbors who got in late and kept talking and talking. Families, so not partying, but just talking loudly far too late. The next morning as they shuffled down the hill to the restrooms decked out in fuzzy bathrobes over sheep pajamas, I almost backed over the lot of them because they thought they had the right of way over my truck. Anyway, I cursed car campers and swore my future camping will be backpacking or driving in where NOBODY else is.

The next morning we met at 7:30 at Big Morongo Canyon Preserve, which was AWESOME, and I am SO going back. Birds, birds, birds - everywhere! We saw SO MANY THINGS. Like what? I'm so glad you asked. Hummingbirds, especially Anna's and Costas. Lesser Goldfinch, Black-headed Grosbeaks, house wrens, Towhees (California and Spotted), Bewick's Wren, Western Scrub Jay, American Kestrel, Orange-crowned Warbler, Song Sparrow, Cedar Waxwing, Nashville Warbler, Western Tanager, Ladder-back Woodpecker, Oak Titmouse, Lazuli Bunting, Western Kingbird, Blue Grosbeaks. And that's just what I saw - and I don't have a great eye. (And no, I cannot identify all those by myself!)

Then we went to a park where there were some beautiful Vermilion Flycatchers and Scarlet Tanagers, along with Black Phoebes and Coopers Hawks - but then we were chased out because they were trying to have a wedding. (Yeah, we are those obnoxious birders busting in people's lives.)

Then we drove into Barker Dam and saw lots more birds including Say's Phoebe, coot, mallard, white-throated swifts, and a Hermit warbler.

I drove to the Belle and White Tanks campgrounds because I wanted to camp there, but they were full like I'd been told. So, I got the map to the BLM overflow camping ground.

Camping? It looked a lot more like the setting of the book/movie Holes.

But, I got my kitchen all set up and ate some yummy freeze-dried beef stroganoff with green beans and canned peaches with cocoa for desert (I LOVE MY JETBOIL!!), and then I set up my tent and it was all fine. Some people came driving past during the night but they pitched far away and it was a lovely, quiet evening. Inside my tent, it's all good.

Today we started at 7 am and met at Oasis of Mara where we saw many more birds - the same, plus Wilson's warblers, Berdin, Black-Throated Sparrow, lots of Gambell's Quail, Black-tailed gnatcatcher, Cactus Wren. We went over to a park and saw lots of grackel, horned lark, Eurasian collared doves, House Finch, Kildeer, Brewer's Blackbird, American Robin, and starlings (boo,hiss). Then we drove into the Cholla Garden in the park (this is low desert - the Sonoran/Colorado, rather than the Mojave of the joshua trees) and the Ocotillo Patch and saw some more Western Tanagers, Scott's Orioe, Ash-throated flycatcher - and lots of lizards (including huge chuckwallas) and plants.

I think birds are cool and I probably want to definitely pursue this hobby, but it's plants that get my heart pumping, so I'll attach a couple pics below.

Creosote sniffing. This is the smell of rain in the desert, which we were simulating.

Ocotillo - one of my very favorite plants. Blooms even without the leaves.

Cholla cactus. Teddy Bear Cactus. Jumping Cactus. Opuntia bigelovii. Ouch!

*********

Perhaps what's most interesting to me is that despite sleeping on the ground outside and having to get up literally at the crack of dawn - I'm at least as well-rested as when I sleep all night at home. Next weekend I have a room to stay in, but I told the instructor that I want to sleep outside. He thinks I'm a freak, but he's like, "OK, well, bring your tent and I'll be sure you can do that." But I don't think I'm a freak. I can stay in a dormitory on a lumpy mattress with other people's cooties - or I can sleep outside in my beautiful Sierra Designs tent on my clean new generic-brand Thermarest in my washed sleeping bag. The only problem I have is that my bag is too warm for here, so I'll take a different one. We don't have a backyard, or I'd be sleeping out there tonight. It's always really hard for me to come back inside. I remember when I lived with roommate Todd and we'd go canoe camping, after we got back I always had to spend a couple nights down at the boat launch in the tent before I could come back inside. But, at least in his mind, the only thing that made me a freak was insisting on using a tent rather than sleeping out in the open (I don't like being mosquito Cheetos). This is why I think I would so love a 3-week trip in Mongolia sleeping in yurts. Oh, instructor man is taking a class to East Africa where I want to go - he gave me the info but it's too expensive. But it would be fun to go there with him (he was a Peace Corps volunteer there and goes back regularly).

the painful expression - that's what thinking looks like

It's state testing this week, which is hours and hours of hell of keeping hormone-ridden hell-raisers quiet.

Yesterday when everybody finished I had 'em get on the computers and go to implicit.harvard.edu/implicit to check out their implicit biases.

Amazing the conversations that happened.

And today started with a particularly annoying (not mine) student saying, "So, I was really thinking last night about what we talked about, and here's what how I make sense of it ..."

STOP THE WORLD RIGHT HERE! IT'S TIME FOR ME TO GET OFF!

A 16-year-old gangbanger went home and thought about how maybe he doesn't hate white people as much as he thinks - and how even he questions the values of hate (his dad told him to kill anybody who's gay but just not get caught).

I did that. Me. Today, I rock.

Then I told little drug addict bitch to back off with her attitude, so it wasn't a full-rock day. Though she came around before the bell rang, because she saw how everybody else treats me. With deference. It's cool to be me somedays.

This girl came back from the other continuation school - she lasted a week and then she was back. "I didn't like it there," she said, and asked to hang out in my classroom every day this week. The look on her face when I said I'm not coming back next year - it would be comical if not a little sad. I don't know why she had never passed ANY English classes before in the past three years, but I do know that when I pointed out to her that that's STUPID, that suddenly she began passing them. They wouldn't put her back in my class when she reenrolled, but that's ok - she'll be fine.

The cattle prod may well be my superpower tool - but sometimes I use it for good and not evil.

what?!

"On Friday, April 20th, 2006 at approximately 1:20 PM, a female student was studying inside a Science Library 3rd floor study room by herself. At that time, an unidentified Hispanic male suspect in his 20s entered the studyroom and sat across from the female victim.

The suspect asked to borrow a pencil, so the victim gave him one. Moments later the suspect bent underneath the table and acted like he was looking through his bag. While the suspect was under the table, the victim noticed a bright flash and realized that the suspect had photographed her from underneath the table.

She confronted the suspect, but the suspect said he was not doing anything and he left the scene thereafter. The victim then filed a police report with UCPD. This is the first documented case, however it should be noted that library staff has been receiving similar complaints from females who do not want to report the incidents to the police. If you feel you have been a victim, youare strongly encouraged to come to the police department and file a police report."

Taking pictures of ... her feet? Her knees? WTF?! LIBRARY GIRLS GONE STUDYING!

my students, my cholos

Here's why I love my kids:

For the one who left a bag of chocolate on my desk for me with a note about how he hopes I enjoy it. (Other teachers, they leave their doors unlocked and their purses get stolen. Me, I get chocolate.)

For Aztec Boy, who waits for me almost every morning to come tell me something. Piolin is going to the White House was the news today. He's the kid who if we were closer in age we would totally be friends - and he's a great way to start my mornings. He makes me feel connected.

For Good Girl, who isn't my student anymore but who came over to tell me her good news that she's going back to the comprehensive high school.

For the kid who brought me his DVD of Zoot Suit to borrow because I thought it sounded interesting.

For the kid who said, "I would never tag in this classroom. I respect you and I respect your space."

For all the times they make me laugh.

For all the times they show incredible sweetness without realizing it.

For all the times they show respect when I don't really deserve it.

For all the times they laugh at me without being mean.

For all the times they tell me things to keep me informed and cool.

At first it was rough, being a new teacher at this school midyear. But today, when I told the principal I ain't coming back, I realized how good things are for me now. I got me a reputation and have established enough relationships that things are cool with almost all the kids. I know how to talk to them, to deescalate their rage; I know how to get them to trust me. And now it happens pretty quickly - kids decide immediately that they like me now. Not all the kids of course, but the ones who need it most. I can sometimes watch their hostility melt before my eyes.

If I came back next year, it would be such an easy year in most ways.

But just when things get good, I leave.

On another note, my home instruction gangsta wasn't there when I went for our appointment, which screws me out of $100. Easy come, easy go. If they have a good reason I'll give a second chance, but then if they do it again I'm done. They need me more than I need them. And he's kind of a pain in the ass anyway. He was all about wanting to do home instruction until he graduates, and he thinks the homework I give is way cool (and he actually did it, for the first time ever in his life) - but he doesn't follow through, and he's lazy. Well, I ain't making it my problem.

planning

Holy fuck. I just checked the temp where I'm camping this weekend - daytime 85 degrees, nighttime BELOW FREEZING.

Well, that makes packing easy. I take everything - Alaska gear and SoCal gear.

Had a beautiful time at REI. My homeland. I finally just broke under the pressure and bought a Jetboil. Why? Why? you may well ask of a frugal gal like me. Why is the Whisperlite being retired? Well, what makes the WL such a great backpacking stove is also a curse - the lightness makes it so tenuously not sturdy. But really? I hate the black soot on the shield - nothing worse than backpacking and being away from water and having black soot on my hands. Icky. I know, I'm a baby. But, my REI dividend MORE than covered it, and the salesclerk was way cool and she confirmed my desire, so it's mine!

Then I went to Target and marveled at all the rows and rows of food with absolutely NO NUTRITIVE VALUE WHATSOEVER. Empty calories and food additives and artificial flavors and colors. And then I loaded my cart with it all. OK, not really so bad - mostly I filled my cart with gallons of water (cheaper than buying water jugs and filling them myself) and coffee. Green Mountain Organic Coffee is on sale clearance for like $2 for 12 ounces! Good grief! So I bought a 6-month supply for me and Amy (and I'll probably go back for more because it is far too good a deal to pass up). I did also buy some Sun Chips and other such things of questionable nutritional value, but sugar-free canned fruits and vegs actually were the most important items.

But, before all that, I had stopped at a new gas station on the way and a man stopped his walking to marvel at my bumper stickers. I didn't register the first time that he was talking to me but then I said, "Oh, thanks," and he kept saying how great they were and once I actually listened to him I was like, "Wait. Where are you from?"

What are the chances that he would be Liberian? So, I grilled him about all Liberian politics, what he thinks, etc. We listen to the same radio station because PRI includes news about Liberia.

Dammit, I miss those dropped endings and the lilt in the speech. He's been here 26 years, but he's still got it.

He asked when I was going back to the area and I was stopped cold. How sad it makes me not to be planning time back there. How sad it all makes me. How unsure I am of my choices being correct. Sigh.

Anyway, I'm exhausted. My schedule is killing me, this working two jobs and having all sorts of meetings and doctor's appointments and all that. Today I went to a class on Microsoft Access that was actually informative. (And, I get paid $33/hour for 2.5 hours, so it's good even if not informative because that more than pays for the Jetboil.)

I have to get my evaluation tomorrow. Apparently it's fine because I was offered a contract for next year. Sigh. Guess it's time to be sure about my decision to leave and officially announce.

Yay! Because of my crazy schedule the rest of this week, it's time to start getting my gear out of the closet! Woo hoo! I think I'll basically leave for camping straight from work on Friday, giving me a few hours to set up camp and enjoy a nice hike before a dinner of canned green beans and freeze dried curried lentils.

Life is good.

soy sorrow

When I was lowering my cholesterol a few years back (which is still fine, thank you very much), soy was my very good friend. And almonds, and some other things, but especially soy.

Today, I read that soy may be a specious friend. Soy may cause or worsen thyroid disease, including enlarged thyroid (which I definitely have).

Sniff. Do I really have to say goodbye to carrot juice-tofu smoothies? To chocolate soy milk? To - gasp - edamame?

Well, maybe just not all in the same day.

The world does conspire not to make me vegetarian again. Sigh.

strangest things said today

"I appreciate you. I really appreciate you - this," said Mr. Principal Man (when I called to say I'd do panel when another person bailed). (And then I got my new whiteboard, which I asked for in November.)

"You feel safe walking in this neighborhood?" a father playing catch with his young son asked me as I walked past in a neighborhood of 500K homes.

"I'll bring the beer. No really, I'll bring the beer," said a student when another asked if we can have a party on Friday.

"Your test shows you positive for HPV," said the doctor. Which, isn't that strange, since 85% of all women my age have had it, and condoms don't stop it and you can get it other ways, too. And while having it increases risk of cervical cancer, it's a 0.1% chance. The strange part there is that she actually called me back - twice. And once this evening about 7:30, so I must have just missed her call.