cute boys

There's a very cute boy who sits next to me in Torts - he introduced himself a few weeks back. Cute like a golden Lab puppy, with an adorable accent, and a smile that's like when you come back to the dog you left sitting in your car in the grocery store parking lot.

Today he wasn't there, and when I saw him later he looked tired and disheveled - after he greeted me, I heard him say to another that he had been working on the big assignment due today/tomorrow. The young girls, they adore him - he always has a flock of blond thangs surrounding him.

Man, I'm loving that I was all stressed about that big assignment at the end of last week in order to get questions in to the instructor before they cut us off at noon Saturday, and I rewrote the whole thing from scratch yesterday. All I have is some more fine-tuning tonight and tomorrow, but then I have to be done because it's time to move on. The more I revise the sentences the worse they become, which is why I rewrote the whole damn thing. I'm not going to do it again. I'm losing perspective.

Anyway, then I left out the building down the street, heading home, and I heard my last name being shouted. There he was, looking like Selma when I've left her somewhere behind, except more sheepish then Selma ever usually looks. (Selma after all is the goddess around which the world revolves, so why would she ever look sheepish?)

Here is the part that's interesting that I can't quite figure out - what it is that he wants from me. He was flustered and shy and bashful, but eventually he got it out that he wants to know if we can talk about Torts someday. "I've lost all my pride and all my dignity." Um, how can I help with that? (I'm a dignity and pride-stealer, if you were to ask my most recent ex-boyfriend, who is currently all too mired up in being angry at me to realize I'm out. Trying to scold somebody who just broke up with you doesn't do much - but listening hasn't been his strength of late.)

Has he never asked a classmate to a study group before? He mumbled something about me being smart and liking to hang out with me - certainly neither of which is true of late. He had overheard me say to someone that I used to be a teacher, and from what he said when he introduced himself to me, that was interesting to him.

Maybe his grandmother was a teacher, and he looks to me to satisfy that nurturing "It's gonna be all right, Lab puppy" role.

Oh, I'm being too rude here. He is such a sweet kid, and I only wish he were 15 years older - of course then he'd be married to a Southern Belle with 7 children and a flourishing law practice.

We are all lost. Well, many of us are lost. Ahmed asked me this weekend if I'm going to drop out of law school based on my post last week - but of course I can't afford to. I'm in it. Period. I can't afford to get out. But that doesn't mean that it doesn't rip me apart and shred my dignity. Maybe I'm just hiding it better than Lab Puppy and Southern Belles. I read somewhere today that 80% of all law students don't get a single A their first year.

THAT WILL DESTROY ME.

But we're all like this. All of us here were good students or we wouldn't have gotten in. We are pushed outside our comfort zone and feel lost and stupid and in the bottom third. Today I sat in Civil Procedure and wondered what the hell he was talking about - and this isn't the first time this has happened. And he's my best prof.

OK, great, the geniuses who didn't hook up the electric water heater when they renovated the apartment are here today, and two hours later they haven't done shit except just now blow the fuse in my living room so I have no light. Great.

So I just went out to talk to the quite cute construction boy out there, and we discovered that actually my living room lights are run by the power in the other apartment. We think. And I don't know whose apartment they're hooking the water heater up to, but right now I don't care too much. I just want to wash dishes with warm water and we can sort the rest out later.

I have a splitting headache which isn't going away even with ibuprofen. I went to the gym this morning and worked out hard, but now I feel so out of it that I remembered why I don't like to do that in the morning - it doesn't make me feel good. I revised my paper, but now the most pressing thing is reading 35 pages of French court documents (yeah, in French), and I know I can't do that even without a headache, and I don't really want to waste all my paper and ink on it, so maybe I won't do it. I have errands I need to run but I don't want to leave my apartment unattended while they're working. And I can't really take a nap with them here. And tomorrow I have to be gone all day so that the STUPID ENERGY COMPANY can come sometime during the day, whenever they want, to hook up my electricity. Here's the gem - I have to have the main breaker off until they do. But if I happen to be home and turn the breaker on because I want something like toast or light or air conditioning, then they will not just knock on my door and ask me to take care of it, but they will go away and not come back until I call again with 20 minutes on hold.

I will be really glad when things are all settled. Until, of course, I move again.