all for love of money

Today I went to my home instruction charge and watched him struggle with some real basics (he doesn't understand the concepts of multiplication, division, fractions - and he's 16), and I really didn't want to be there. He was really trying and he was frustrated for not understanding; I was trying to be helpful and understanding, but I'm tired and I don't know how to help him get it when I only see him a few hours a week and have several classes to teach him.

And I thought how tedious it will be for the rest of this week and next to keep seeing him and Lazy Boy and how I wished I didn't have to.

And every time I do that, I get out my time sheets and dayplanner and figure out exactly how much money I will lose. If I blow them both off next week and the rest of this, I'll lose $500.

So, I have essentially sold my soul. I don't love the teaching, or the kids (though I am fond of him, if I must be honest) - I just love the $$. $500 is nothing to scoff at! At least not in my world.

And for all my protestations of idiocy about Mr. Principal Man, he really got this about me. He knew that I would leave - when he introduced me my first day in November to the staff, he had figured out my pattern of saving money and then traveling. He doesn't judge me as a whore for doing things for the money, and it's even a joke between us now.

I will not work the rest of this year when I leave here. I will not, I will not. I have to keep telling myself that - because with all this overtime I've worked, any more and I'll bump up a tax bracket and be basically paying taxes equal to my rate of pay.

So, I will not be seduced by all the great places to work - not by REI, not by the organic market, not by the health food store, not by the Asian market. I will just say no to OCD work ethic. I will lounge luxuriously.

But first, I will squeeze every damn penny out of this situation. I just don't know how to walk away from $500 and a responsibility.

The good news today? I'm over half done with the HUGE stack of papers on my desk. Here I am with the students: "Ah, get on the computers and research some more. Ask me if you have a question. But ask each other first." I'm expert of last resort, and the payoff is both in classroom quiet and my productivity as they research the Lakers, Jesus Malverde, butterflies, Lil Rob, Converse shoes, Cesar Chavez, the war in Iraq, the atomic bomb, etc. Tomorrow will be more demanding, as I instruct on Power Point and composition construction (depending on the class).

The other good news - I have two full days and 1.25 hours left of sick time. I could actually miss another full day in addition to planned next Monday. But bad news about that is that then I would have to come up with activities for my students to do with somebody else. It's so much easier to just be there and wave a regal hand towards the black machines.

The doctor called me twice regarding the endocrinologist - he's not returning her calls, but I told her I could go anytime - this is why I checked my sick leave bank. I don't really want to miss my home study and the $$, but I would happily take off another day from teaching ... leaving me with a grand total of six more teaching days! Woo hoo! I may not kill a child then!