It's not sabotage, despite reports.
It's frugality. I just got my electric bill - less than $20! Of course, that's because I spent most of the month huddling in cold, sitting in the dark - but still, I won (the bet with myself)! Under $20!
It will never be that low again, since the electrician realized that the hot water heater wasn't hooked up to my apartment. I told him while he was switching wires around to move my a/c to the neighbor's.
I guess he thought I wasn't joking because he told the landlady.
So, my secret identity: Cheapie McCheapskate.
Thursday, November 30, 2006
missed call
Fred from Liberia called today and I missed it. I wonder what's up. I wonder if Dayton called him. I wonder ... well, I know, I could just pick up the phone and call, but my international calling cards are out of minutes and I stubbornly refuse to recharge them now because I'm not speaking with Dayton.
I might have found housing - it's five miles away, but a straight-shot for driving. It's a room rental, but the home owner will be out of the country almost the whole time. The clincher - she's a lawyer. Apparently every person in this town is.
It would be less money, I would have more space - and w/d and d/w. Bonus. Only bummer - not being able to walk to school. Sigh. I mean, I'd still have to walk because I'm not paying for parking - so I'd probably park on my current street and walk over, but then total travel time would be about 25 minutes. I'd probably go to the gym less if it involves driving as well. Though, I could think of the not driving for laundry to take the place of that.
Why do I want to move? Appliances. Quiet - I'm worried about neighbor moving in and listening to music all day. Safer place to park. Also, I'd love to live in a real neighborhood again - most of the houses here are abandoned, and the others are inhabited by out of state undergrads. The only bummers are that I really like my current landlady and that I like not having to drive. But, I do own a truck and I do pay insurance already.
Finals pressure is heavy now. Too much to do!
I might have found housing - it's five miles away, but a straight-shot for driving. It's a room rental, but the home owner will be out of the country almost the whole time. The clincher - she's a lawyer. Apparently every person in this town is.
It would be less money, I would have more space - and w/d and d/w. Bonus. Only bummer - not being able to walk to school. Sigh. I mean, I'd still have to walk because I'm not paying for parking - so I'd probably park on my current street and walk over, but then total travel time would be about 25 minutes. I'd probably go to the gym less if it involves driving as well. Though, I could think of the not driving for laundry to take the place of that.
Why do I want to move? Appliances. Quiet - I'm worried about neighbor moving in and listening to music all day. Safer place to park. Also, I'd love to live in a real neighborhood again - most of the houses here are abandoned, and the others are inhabited by out of state undergrads. The only bummers are that I really like my current landlady and that I like not having to drive. But, I do own a truck and I do pay insurance already.
Finals pressure is heavy now. Too much to do!
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
rock star
Last night was my last night of test-prep teaching. I don't know if I'll do it again.
On the one hand, I enjoyed it - I had a great class and we had a good time. Last night they expressed their appreciation - one saying that she mocks the other students saying, "Haha! We got the good teacher!" The guy who observed my teaching thinks I'm a rock star, according to the director. Glad to know that all my training and experience pays off occasionally.
But, it's not a lot of money, and it's quite a bit of prep. But more than that, I don't really agree with it. They charge $1300 for people to improve their scores - but the average improvement is only five points. Which can be significant, but they could do it on their own with a book and all that. Or, they could realize that law school isn't for them. There's a guy in the class - a nice guy - but he is really slow. It always takes him forever to catch up to what we're talking about. He does not have the mental acuity to handle law school. He should not be a lawyer because he is not quick enough to adequately represent people.
That sounds so anti-American, but I think people do need to honestly recognize their limitations. Law school isn't for everybody. It's hard. Medical school isn't for everybody. Same thing. And PhD programs shouldn't be for everybody, but the one I was in sure was. There was only one professor there who would really be honest, and people thought she was mean. OK, if you can't write, you don't deserve a PhD. Suck it up. You can have a perfectly happy life, but you should not be in academia if you aren't among the brightest people in the world. Period. It makes it meaningless, but more important it dilutes the quality of the program for people who actually can handle it.
Today this 2L was telling the person I was standing next to (they were having a conversation and I didn't want to interrupt - see yesterday's post) about how little pieces of her soul died inside her during finals of her 1L year.
Well, fortunately I'm a rock star without a chemical dependency, so hopefully my soul will survive intact. Shrug. There are people who will still love me even if I'm not all that with law school exams.
But, I still better study. K says if the Lord wants her on Law Review (top 5-10% of the class), then He'll make it happen. Well, I have little faith that things line up for me that way, so I guess it's on my own merits. Things are just so mushy in my brain still, especially about Civ Pro. I can't smartly snap out all the Rules and their applications. I have this sort of blurry concept of, oh yeah, there has to be personal jurisdiction, subject matter jurisdiction, and venue, and some people can be impleaded or joined. Is there complete diversity? Is this a nonwaivable Rule 12 item? Rule 8 is permissive (or we call it the promiscuous rule - it loves everybody), but that's about the limit of my understanding of it. Colored tabs aren't going to help me much, I fear. I work through problems and I get them right about 75% of the time, but I can't always articulate WHY. Yes, she can be sued in Maine state court if the long-arm statute works, and can then remove to federal court on diversity - 1362 - and then transfer under 1404 if the court approves ... but so what? Is that all there is, or am I still missing the big picture that's hidden somewhere under all the mists? Unshrouded Civ Pro truth. That's what I seek.
Not helping is that he gave a huge-ass reading assignment with lots more info to digest for tomorrow. Our final is in five days, and we're still learning new difficult stuff. This sucks and I glowered at him all class period. It startled him, but he should have expected some unhappiness. There's no good reason for it - if he'd better budgeted our time we could be working on application of all we've learned on our last days instead - which would make a whole lot more sense.
Anyway, pretty much everything I'm eating now is orange. Persimmons, red lentil soup with carrots, baked sweet potatoes with paprika, harira (Moroccan stew). Hopefully it helps my eyes live through finals. I was thinking I was craving those nutrients, but I think it's the season - autumn makes me crave orange.
OK, an hour until my next class. I couldn't sleep last night - again - which makes my brain even more fuzzy than usual. Great.
On the one hand, I enjoyed it - I had a great class and we had a good time. Last night they expressed their appreciation - one saying that she mocks the other students saying, "Haha! We got the good teacher!" The guy who observed my teaching thinks I'm a rock star, according to the director. Glad to know that all my training and experience pays off occasionally.
But, it's not a lot of money, and it's quite a bit of prep. But more than that, I don't really agree with it. They charge $1300 for people to improve their scores - but the average improvement is only five points. Which can be significant, but they could do it on their own with a book and all that. Or, they could realize that law school isn't for them. There's a guy in the class - a nice guy - but he is really slow. It always takes him forever to catch up to what we're talking about. He does not have the mental acuity to handle law school. He should not be a lawyer because he is not quick enough to adequately represent people.
That sounds so anti-American, but I think people do need to honestly recognize their limitations. Law school isn't for everybody. It's hard. Medical school isn't for everybody. Same thing. And PhD programs shouldn't be for everybody, but the one I was in sure was. There was only one professor there who would really be honest, and people thought she was mean. OK, if you can't write, you don't deserve a PhD. Suck it up. You can have a perfectly happy life, but you should not be in academia if you aren't among the brightest people in the world. Period. It makes it meaningless, but more important it dilutes the quality of the program for people who actually can handle it.
Today this 2L was telling the person I was standing next to (they were having a conversation and I didn't want to interrupt - see yesterday's post) about how little pieces of her soul died inside her during finals of her 1L year.
Well, fortunately I'm a rock star without a chemical dependency, so hopefully my soul will survive intact. Shrug. There are people who will still love me even if I'm not all that with law school exams.
But, I still better study. K says if the Lord wants her on Law Review (top 5-10% of the class), then He'll make it happen. Well, I have little faith that things line up for me that way, so I guess it's on my own merits. Things are just so mushy in my brain still, especially about Civ Pro. I can't smartly snap out all the Rules and their applications. I have this sort of blurry concept of, oh yeah, there has to be personal jurisdiction, subject matter jurisdiction, and venue, and some people can be impleaded or joined. Is there complete diversity? Is this a nonwaivable Rule 12 item? Rule 8 is permissive (or we call it the promiscuous rule - it loves everybody), but that's about the limit of my understanding of it. Colored tabs aren't going to help me much, I fear. I work through problems and I get them right about 75% of the time, but I can't always articulate WHY. Yes, she can be sued in Maine state court if the long-arm statute works, and can then remove to federal court on diversity - 1362 - and then transfer under 1404 if the court approves ... but so what? Is that all there is, or am I still missing the big picture that's hidden somewhere under all the mists? Unshrouded Civ Pro truth. That's what I seek.
Not helping is that he gave a huge-ass reading assignment with lots more info to digest for tomorrow. Our final is in five days, and we're still learning new difficult stuff. This sucks and I glowered at him all class period. It startled him, but he should have expected some unhappiness. There's no good reason for it - if he'd better budgeted our time we could be working on application of all we've learned on our last days instead - which would make a whole lot more sense.
Anyway, pretty much everything I'm eating now is orange. Persimmons, red lentil soup with carrots, baked sweet potatoes with paprika, harira (Moroccan stew). Hopefully it helps my eyes live through finals. I was thinking I was craving those nutrients, but I think it's the season - autumn makes me crave orange.
OK, an hour until my next class. I couldn't sleep last night - again - which makes my brain even more fuzzy than usual. Great.
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
why i don't like her
I felt somebody poking my middle so I turned to see the ex-roommate. "There's where you're hiding!"
OK, first, you never poke somebody. I stopped doing it when I was about six, and the rest of the civilized world follows the same general rule. She's 28. If I hadn't had things in my hands, I might have broken her fingers.
Second, I was in the middle of a conversation that was far more important than anything she could ever say. Interrupting is a rude thing that people do who don't have manners.
Third, the person I was talking to was my friend K, who got us in to see the lawyer. The ex-roommate owes her a big thank you, and I had introduced them before so ex-roommate knew. Instead, she completely ignored her. After interrupting her. K and I just turned and looked at her and then continued our conversation as if she weren't there, and we spoke in shorthand code so she wouldn't have any idea what we were talking about. Not her. Because neither of us care.
Fourth, I was between the doorway of the classroom and the main doorway to outside. I was even in the flow of traffic, which I try not to do but the law school is stupid set-up with no place to stand and talk. How is this hiding? Why would I be hiding? Why would she say something so stupid?
So, it's simple, why I don't like her. She's rude, has no manners, is ungrateful, thinks she's the center of the universe, is immature, and says stupid things. No, I'll go a step further - she is stupid.
I actually loathe her. I will be glad when she leaves the country and keeps her fingers and racist stupidity to herself. There are some things I do not ever forgive, and racism is one of them.
OK, first, you never poke somebody. I stopped doing it when I was about six, and the rest of the civilized world follows the same general rule. She's 28. If I hadn't had things in my hands, I might have broken her fingers.
Second, I was in the middle of a conversation that was far more important than anything she could ever say. Interrupting is a rude thing that people do who don't have manners.
Third, the person I was talking to was my friend K, who got us in to see the lawyer. The ex-roommate owes her a big thank you, and I had introduced them before so ex-roommate knew. Instead, she completely ignored her. After interrupting her. K and I just turned and looked at her and then continued our conversation as if she weren't there, and we spoke in shorthand code so she wouldn't have any idea what we were talking about. Not her. Because neither of us care.
Fourth, I was between the doorway of the classroom and the main doorway to outside. I was even in the flow of traffic, which I try not to do but the law school is stupid set-up with no place to stand and talk. How is this hiding? Why would I be hiding? Why would she say something so stupid?
So, it's simple, why I don't like her. She's rude, has no manners, is ungrateful, thinks she's the center of the universe, is immature, and says stupid things. No, I'll go a step further - she is stupid.
I actually loathe her. I will be glad when she leaves the country and keeps her fingers and racist stupidity to herself. There are some things I do not ever forgive, and racism is one of them.
Monday, November 27, 2006
What are you going to do when he moves in?
That's what the electrician just asked me, when I asked him how to turn off the incredibly annoying attic fan. I couldn't wait, so I just turned off all the electricity to the other part of the house. Thankfully, he hooked it up to the other guy's electricity rather than mine.
"Oh, the neighbor was there today? He must have turned off my radio."
"No, that was me. I have no tolerance for noise now - my finals begin in a week."
I left the house early today to go to the library. Unfortunately, I can't study in the library, so it was some wasted time. Which is not what I need now. But I did get my exam numbers, thanks to two classmates who reminded me.
For every exam we have to use a number only, so that everything is completely anonymous. Today was the first day to get numbers, and I need to give props to my classmates who look out for spacy-old me and guide me there.
I also got my schedule for next term, and it's basically exactly the same as this term, except that I start even later on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I don't know how I can do legal volunteering with this schedule - all my days are chopped up by classes. Sigh.
So, the neighbor showed up today. It's unfortunate that we share a whole living room wall (which is my only interior wall), which apparently has no insulation based on how loud the music came blaring through today. I know it will be different when there's furniture and all that, and he needn't put a stereo right against where I study - but I fear my silence is over. And I can't live with noise, so I'll have to move. To answer the electrician.
I just realized, just now as I type this, that my neighbor will be working out of the apartment. He's a painting conservator. Which probably means that he listens to music as he works. I am so screwed. If it's Mozart or Bach, it's ok sometimes - but anything that has words won't work for me.
On the other hand, I'm extremely quiet - I only have music on to cook, no TV - the only noise is the sound of typing and printing. Maybe he's like me.
He did come by tonight to tell me how happy he is to be moving in, and he told me about his recent divorce (I so nailed that wrong - I was sure he was gay) - a fatality of Katrina he said (though I'd figured that out before he said it). Maybe it will work out well having him next door - him being around all the time will be good for security, getting packages, etc. Together we can deal with the yippy dog and partying neighbors (though, since I told Landlady and she called their landruler, there hasn't been a peep from them), and he can handle watering the yard. He can watch my pipes from freezing while I'm gone, etc.
Well, I'll hope for the best, but if not, Ahmed and Tami may be recruited to help me move again.
"Oh, the neighbor was there today? He must have turned off my radio."
"No, that was me. I have no tolerance for noise now - my finals begin in a week."
I left the house early today to go to the library. Unfortunately, I can't study in the library, so it was some wasted time. Which is not what I need now. But I did get my exam numbers, thanks to two classmates who reminded me.
For every exam we have to use a number only, so that everything is completely anonymous. Today was the first day to get numbers, and I need to give props to my classmates who look out for spacy-old me and guide me there.
I also got my schedule for next term, and it's basically exactly the same as this term, except that I start even later on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I don't know how I can do legal volunteering with this schedule - all my days are chopped up by classes. Sigh.
So, the neighbor showed up today. It's unfortunate that we share a whole living room wall (which is my only interior wall), which apparently has no insulation based on how loud the music came blaring through today. I know it will be different when there's furniture and all that, and he needn't put a stereo right against where I study - but I fear my silence is over. And I can't live with noise, so I'll have to move. To answer the electrician.
I just realized, just now as I type this, that my neighbor will be working out of the apartment. He's a painting conservator. Which probably means that he listens to music as he works. I am so screwed. If it's Mozart or Bach, it's ok sometimes - but anything that has words won't work for me.
On the other hand, I'm extremely quiet - I only have music on to cook, no TV - the only noise is the sound of typing and printing. Maybe he's like me.
He did come by tonight to tell me how happy he is to be moving in, and he told me about his recent divorce (I so nailed that wrong - I was sure he was gay) - a fatality of Katrina he said (though I'd figured that out before he said it). Maybe it will work out well having him next door - him being around all the time will be good for security, getting packages, etc. Together we can deal with the yippy dog and partying neighbors (though, since I told Landlady and she called their landruler, there hasn't been a peep from them), and he can handle watering the yard. He can watch my pipes from freezing while I'm gone, etc.
Well, I'll hope for the best, but if not, Ahmed and Tami may be recruited to help me move again.
Saturday, November 25, 2006
holiday speak
Amy, on her voting habits: "I don't care how appealing they might seem. I can never vote with somebody with an (R) after their name!"
Ashton, on his accomplishments and desires (he's 2): "I'm bigger! And I want to eat a bush baby!"
Avery, on where he wants me to find a job: "I want Auntie [insert my name here] to live with us!"
Stephen, on our latest round of gluttony: "I'm so proud of how far you've come, padawan."
"Uncle" Terry, on job offers: "There's only one firm I'd work for and it's mostly people I used to work with and enjoy. The only problem is that they need me only a state away from my family, and if there's not a continent or an ocean between us, I'm not going."
Ashton, on his accomplishments and desires (he's 2): "I'm bigger! And I want to eat a bush baby!"
Avery, on where he wants me to find a job: "I want Auntie [insert my name here] to live with us!"
Stephen, on our latest round of gluttony: "I'm so proud of how far you've come, padawan."
"Uncle" Terry, on job offers: "There's only one firm I'd work for and it's mostly people I used to work with and enjoy. The only problem is that they need me only a state away from my family, and if there's not a continent or an ocean between us, I'm not going."
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Happy Thanksgiving!
If I don't blog again before then.
So, I have my bag packed (that's why I put off doing it - because it takes me all of five minutes). Rain jacket. Check.
Pajamas. Check.
Toothpaste and facial cleanser, trial size each, in a plastic ziploc bag. Check.
Federal Rules of Civil Procedure. Check.
Examples and Explanations of Civil Procedure. Check.
Glannon's Problems Guide to Civil Procedure. Check.
My class outline of Civil Procedure. Check.
I'm sure it's what all the cool kids carry in their bags, the FRCP. I'm bringing pretty tabs and I'm going to mark them color-coded, the ones I need to know, and then I'm going to make my own index as well.
Actually I would feel way geekier if I didn't know that all my classmates are studying it, too. And today I finally had to say something to this cute Korean boy who sits in front of me (though, he looks Japanese, but it is a Korean last name so I'll have to ask him) because every day in Contracts he gets out this set of 10 colored highlighters. So, I finally asked, because that so intrigues me. Yes, he color codes what he reads because he doesn't brief his cases. And he also smokes, which is way gross, but he still has this perky little attitude in class. I know that I'm jaded and very sassy right back at the profs, but I still can appreciate the sweet innocent ones who will smile and nod.
Those of us who are there every day, we're bonding. Class attendance has been abysmal this week - I don't know if people took off the whole week or if it was the memo assignment or burn out or what - but I gotta wonder why they would skip the last few days of class. Oh well. I'm there. Soaking up the brilliance. It's the least I can do, when tuition is $38K/year.
So, I have my bag packed (that's why I put off doing it - because it takes me all of five minutes). Rain jacket. Check.
Pajamas. Check.
Toothpaste and facial cleanser, trial size each, in a plastic ziploc bag. Check.
Federal Rules of Civil Procedure. Check.
Examples and Explanations of Civil Procedure. Check.
Glannon's Problems Guide to Civil Procedure. Check.
My class outline of Civil Procedure. Check.
I'm sure it's what all the cool kids carry in their bags, the FRCP. I'm bringing pretty tabs and I'm going to mark them color-coded, the ones I need to know, and then I'm going to make my own index as well.
Actually I would feel way geekier if I didn't know that all my classmates are studying it, too. And today I finally had to say something to this cute Korean boy who sits in front of me (though, he looks Japanese, but it is a Korean last name so I'll have to ask him) because every day in Contracts he gets out this set of 10 colored highlighters. So, I finally asked, because that so intrigues me. Yes, he color codes what he reads because he doesn't brief his cases. And he also smokes, which is way gross, but he still has this perky little attitude in class. I know that I'm jaded and very sassy right back at the profs, but I still can appreciate the sweet innocent ones who will smile and nod.
Those of us who are there every day, we're bonding. Class attendance has been abysmal this week - I don't know if people took off the whole week or if it was the memo assignment or burn out or what - but I gotta wonder why they would skip the last few days of class. Oh well. I'm there. Soaking up the brilliance. It's the least I can do, when tuition is $38K/year.
as I said ...
OFF CAMPUS ARMED ROBBERY
Sunday, November 19, 2006
[Two blocks from where I used to live; a mile from here] @ 8:45 P.M.
Students were robbed of currency by a white male subject armed with a large, black-handled, chef-type knife
Suspect Description:5’7” to 5’8”, unshaven, with a dark complexion, and wearing dark clothing, a puffy jacket and a knit hat with the sides folded up
Possibly related: an unknown male in a parked vehicle
Vehicle description: a light-colored, old model, small, pickup truck
********
8:45 pm on a Sunday, outside the cafe and restaurant I used to always go in the evenings? Sigh.
Sunday, November 19, 2006
[Two blocks from where I used to live; a mile from here] @ 8:45 P.M.
Students were robbed of currency by a white male subject armed with a large, black-handled, chef-type knife
Suspect Description:5’7” to 5’8”, unshaven, with a dark complexion, and wearing dark clothing, a puffy jacket and a knit hat with the sides folded up
Possibly related: an unknown male in a parked vehicle
Vehicle description: a light-colored, old model, small, pickup truck
********
8:45 pm on a Sunday, outside the cafe and restaurant I used to always go in the evenings? Sigh.
laundromat blues
I am so over laundromats. I have to psych myself out to go now, so today's "reward" was to read the newspapers for the past five days that I haven't had a chance to read, and the daily special of soul food sold out of the back of the nextdoor Arab-run gas station. It was between the soul food or the taqueria in the parking lot, and I was craving me some greens and wanted to see how their "smothered" was.
It was ok. Cornbread really dry - again, I'm a better cook. But I learned something valuable about greens - mine actually taste at least as good as what I get elsewhere, but the problem is that I try to eat them just as greens, maybe with rice. They're a side, and if they are the main course they're always going to fall short. Too sour. The greens in Africa are just totally different.
I got there in a pretty good mood - hell, it's vacation and tomorrow at this time I'll be in Oregon with my two favorite 7- and 2-year-olds.
It started pretty well - a matronly Black woman customer told me how to work the card machines, and there was a saying about Allah hanging above the doorway, and a Mexican (ok, Latino) man was very friendly in the parking lot. All good.
And then a family came in and I thought, as I often have, how cute "paw-paw" is for grandpa. I'm over it. If I hear one more, "You want me to wup you? I'm telling paw-paw and he wup yur ass! He get his belt!" well, I'm not sure how I could be as obnoxious as that in return. Maybe I'd talk about Wal-Mart evils. The thing is that these people, the ones who threaten violence against their kids, try to do it in lieu of actual parenting. Why was this 2-year-old acting up? Because he was BORED and ignored. Be a parent already and get off your lazy ass and interact with your child. Not to the point that he's the center of the universe, but so he feels acknowledged. Until you do, he's going to keep ramming strangers with laundry baskets and sticking foreign objects into brand-new machines. But you don't really care, do you?
And then there was junk in most of the dryers (trash, candy, etc. that would melt), and the TV was blaring ESPN (I don't care!) and the parking was so tight I couldn't get out. (The next time somebody gestures there's a mile between me and their car, I'll stop being so cautious and hit them. People with small cars cannot tell me how to drive my behemoth.)
It was a new laundromat, and I don't know if I'll return. I can't study there, or in any that I know, and that's what I need. Well, there is a laundromat at the university right by the law school, but I don't know how to get my laundry there because it's in a dormitory and no parking nearby. But I might try to figure that out, because it would be worth it to go to the library during the spin cycle.
It's just annoying and unnecessary - I should have a washer and dryer. Not in this apartment, it's too tiny, but I should be able to find housing elsewhere that meets this and the off-street parking need. But there's nothing unless I want to pay more than $1000 for a small one-bedroom far from school. That's messed up. Maybe at the end of the year when leases run out and people are moving away something good will open up. This sucks.
Of course, I'm not having to wash my clothes by hand and hang them outside, like most of the world, so I need to shut the heck up.
It's just that there's always this gap - or tension in me. I like a world full of colorful characters and interesting places, but I also want everything clean and sterilized and I want people to stop shooting each other. Maybe it's just weighing on me since I got the major lecture from Kim about how I have to be safe - or maybe that in the 5 days of newspaper I read, there were at least 10 murders (I stopped counting then). 4 people in 3 hours. And yeah, it's mostly about drugs, but I don't care. I'm fed up with the death here.
Yes, Tami, I know, you warned me.
But why can't America have a city that is full of interesting culture and music (I'm listening to Rebirth Brass Band right now to perk me back up) that isn't a dangerous pothole? Why do we keep having to choose between tract houses and safety? Why can't I have restaurants and shops that are local and STILL be able to walk home after dark from school?
Maybe the violence and culture aren't related, but I can't think of any place that is interesting in this country that isn't riddled with such problems. Memphis comes to mind.
I don't want to live in sterile suburbia, I've said often, but don't I? I'm running out of patience for inner-city problems that surround me. And we all know, I'm not a patient woman. New Orleans is now smaller than Riverside but has so much more to offer because there's no LA nearby to rely upon. But even LA doesn't have to offer what New Orleans does. And I love all the people I actually know from here. I love that the soul food woman said, "Hi, baby!" and was happy to see me like we were old friends when I walked up to the window. I love that when I play my "fake or real" game, it's usually the latter - not so in SoCal.
It's a rough time for the city, there's no doubt. People's patience it stretched beyond limits. But I love how I can chat it up with former neighbors Bill and Charlotte and our conversation is not always about how they're so screwed because they can't get into their house yet. People here suck it up and find the sunny side, and their hospitality is genuine.
So who are these people who are killing so much?
Hm. I think I need to find some volunteering in the system so I can find out. My students made sense of things for me before, and I need something like that here. It just doesn't make sense to me.
Maybe it isn't about the people, but about the system. Which is definitely major fucked up here. Hm.
I need to volunteer next term. Period. I need to stop working in education and I need to get into law. I need those experiences. Which means Dayton ain't coming anytime soon, if ever. He was pretty upset about my notice that I don't have time to deal with him now - I'm too busy, and I need to start putting myself first now. Tough. Suck it up.
OK, time for one more round of "Do Whatcha Wanna" while putting away the laundry and packing, and then some more studying. I'm up at 4:00 a.m. tomorrow to catch my flight to Oregon so it'll be an early night.
Oh, today I learned one of my classmates actually took all these classes last year but walked out on the exams. Last year for the people who stuck it out with First Choice, they came in January and had a full year's worth of classes with an extended 6-day schedule. So, she took the classes but apparently cracked at the finals and walked out. She still paid for all of last year but then has to redo. I haven't talked to her about it, but I want details. I like her, she's nice. In the same category as the young woman who shouted at me when I was trying to find my ID to get through the short-cut gate, "Don't worry Ms. [Insert My Last Name Here]! I have it!" and then bustled over to help me out. That's just nice, especially since we've never met and just know each other's last names from class. I have liked every person from West Virginia I have ever met. And it's a small state, so maybe nobody will ruin that concept I have.
I just wish that - walking out - weren't in my realm of possibility now. Sigh. The test questions are freaking hard, and it totally sucks when EVERYTHING rests on like two questions. What if I read something wrong? Or ... never mind, I'm not going to psych myself out here.
It was ok. Cornbread really dry - again, I'm a better cook. But I learned something valuable about greens - mine actually taste at least as good as what I get elsewhere, but the problem is that I try to eat them just as greens, maybe with rice. They're a side, and if they are the main course they're always going to fall short. Too sour. The greens in Africa are just totally different.
I got there in a pretty good mood - hell, it's vacation and tomorrow at this time I'll be in Oregon with my two favorite 7- and 2-year-olds.
It started pretty well - a matronly Black woman customer told me how to work the card machines, and there was a saying about Allah hanging above the doorway, and a Mexican (ok, Latino) man was very friendly in the parking lot. All good.
And then a family came in and I thought, as I often have, how cute "paw-paw" is for grandpa. I'm over it. If I hear one more, "You want me to wup you? I'm telling paw-paw and he wup yur ass! He get his belt!" well, I'm not sure how I could be as obnoxious as that in return. Maybe I'd talk about Wal-Mart evils. The thing is that these people, the ones who threaten violence against their kids, try to do it in lieu of actual parenting. Why was this 2-year-old acting up? Because he was BORED and ignored. Be a parent already and get off your lazy ass and interact with your child. Not to the point that he's the center of the universe, but so he feels acknowledged. Until you do, he's going to keep ramming strangers with laundry baskets and sticking foreign objects into brand-new machines. But you don't really care, do you?
And then there was junk in most of the dryers (trash, candy, etc. that would melt), and the TV was blaring ESPN (I don't care!) and the parking was so tight I couldn't get out. (The next time somebody gestures there's a mile between me and their car, I'll stop being so cautious and hit them. People with small cars cannot tell me how to drive my behemoth.)
It was a new laundromat, and I don't know if I'll return. I can't study there, or in any that I know, and that's what I need. Well, there is a laundromat at the university right by the law school, but I don't know how to get my laundry there because it's in a dormitory and no parking nearby. But I might try to figure that out, because it would be worth it to go to the library during the spin cycle.
It's just annoying and unnecessary - I should have a washer and dryer. Not in this apartment, it's too tiny, but I should be able to find housing elsewhere that meets this and the off-street parking need. But there's nothing unless I want to pay more than $1000 for a small one-bedroom far from school. That's messed up. Maybe at the end of the year when leases run out and people are moving away something good will open up. This sucks.
Of course, I'm not having to wash my clothes by hand and hang them outside, like most of the world, so I need to shut the heck up.
It's just that there's always this gap - or tension in me. I like a world full of colorful characters and interesting places, but I also want everything clean and sterilized and I want people to stop shooting each other. Maybe it's just weighing on me since I got the major lecture from Kim about how I have to be safe - or maybe that in the 5 days of newspaper I read, there were at least 10 murders (I stopped counting then). 4 people in 3 hours. And yeah, it's mostly about drugs, but I don't care. I'm fed up with the death here.
Yes, Tami, I know, you warned me.
But why can't America have a city that is full of interesting culture and music (I'm listening to Rebirth Brass Band right now to perk me back up) that isn't a dangerous pothole? Why do we keep having to choose between tract houses and safety? Why can't I have restaurants and shops that are local and STILL be able to walk home after dark from school?
Maybe the violence and culture aren't related, but I can't think of any place that is interesting in this country that isn't riddled with such problems. Memphis comes to mind.
I don't want to live in sterile suburbia, I've said often, but don't I? I'm running out of patience for inner-city problems that surround me. And we all know, I'm not a patient woman. New Orleans is now smaller than Riverside but has so much more to offer because there's no LA nearby to rely upon. But even LA doesn't have to offer what New Orleans does. And I love all the people I actually know from here. I love that the soul food woman said, "Hi, baby!" and was happy to see me like we were old friends when I walked up to the window. I love that when I play my "fake or real" game, it's usually the latter - not so in SoCal.
It's a rough time for the city, there's no doubt. People's patience it stretched beyond limits. But I love how I can chat it up with former neighbors Bill and Charlotte and our conversation is not always about how they're so screwed because they can't get into their house yet. People here suck it up and find the sunny side, and their hospitality is genuine.
So who are these people who are killing so much?
Hm. I think I need to find some volunteering in the system so I can find out. My students made sense of things for me before, and I need something like that here. It just doesn't make sense to me.
Maybe it isn't about the people, but about the system. Which is definitely major fucked up here. Hm.
I need to volunteer next term. Period. I need to stop working in education and I need to get into law. I need those experiences. Which means Dayton ain't coming anytime soon, if ever. He was pretty upset about my notice that I don't have time to deal with him now - I'm too busy, and I need to start putting myself first now. Tough. Suck it up.
OK, time for one more round of "Do Whatcha Wanna" while putting away the laundry and packing, and then some more studying. I'm up at 4:00 a.m. tomorrow to catch my flight to Oregon so it'll be an early night.
Oh, today I learned one of my classmates actually took all these classes last year but walked out on the exams. Last year for the people who stuck it out with First Choice, they came in January and had a full year's worth of classes with an extended 6-day schedule. So, she took the classes but apparently cracked at the finals and walked out. She still paid for all of last year but then has to redo. I haven't talked to her about it, but I want details. I like her, she's nice. In the same category as the young woman who shouted at me when I was trying to find my ID to get through the short-cut gate, "Don't worry Ms. [Insert My Last Name Here]! I have it!" and then bustled over to help me out. That's just nice, especially since we've never met and just know each other's last names from class. I have liked every person from West Virginia I have ever met. And it's a small state, so maybe nobody will ruin that concept I have.
I just wish that - walking out - weren't in my realm of possibility now. Sigh. The test questions are freaking hard, and it totally sucks when EVERYTHING rests on like two questions. What if I read something wrong? Or ... never mind, I'm not going to psych myself out here.
mind over matter?
The student health center doctor (the one who refers to when she started working there as "when I still gave a shit") called. I didn't answer because I sort-of recognized the number and thought it was psycho ex-landlord.
She said my recent (last week) thyroid tests came back in and everything was in normal range.
OK, first, I don't really believe it, so I'm going now to pick them up to see for myself.
But second, it's possible. I used to have high cholesterol and now I don't because I decided not to. I changed my diet for a while and got it really far down, but my diet has always been pretty healthy overall and now I just eat more almonds and oatmeal. And it's stayed down for six years in the totally healthy range.
And when they pulled blood last week, I wasn't feeling any of that craziness I attributed to thyroid action earlier. My brain hasn't been spinning out of control, that sort of thing. Maybe the Oregon endocrinologist (and I) were right - that it cycles between hyper and hypo and normal, and it's just about when it's caught and tested.
Anyway, this could be good news. The endocrinologist here will still want to test me, and that's ok. But if it is Graves disease, it can go into remission. And I will do my best to stuff it there.
She said my recent (last week) thyroid tests came back in and everything was in normal range.
OK, first, I don't really believe it, so I'm going now to pick them up to see for myself.
But second, it's possible. I used to have high cholesterol and now I don't because I decided not to. I changed my diet for a while and got it really far down, but my diet has always been pretty healthy overall and now I just eat more almonds and oatmeal. And it's stayed down for six years in the totally healthy range.
And when they pulled blood last week, I wasn't feeling any of that craziness I attributed to thyroid action earlier. My brain hasn't been spinning out of control, that sort of thing. Maybe the Oregon endocrinologist (and I) were right - that it cycles between hyper and hypo and normal, and it's just about when it's caught and tested.
Anyway, this could be good news. The endocrinologist here will still want to test me, and that's ok. But if it is Graves disease, it can go into remission. And I will do my best to stuff it there.
Monday, November 20, 2006
sane
Did I sound perky in the last post? Good. K and I just made a pact that we won't weird out. All these 3Ls and lawyers are warning us how weird people get during finals, so I swear not to be that kind of person. I won't be negative and back bitey (though, I did have to note to Son of Deepo Provero Inventor how much one of our classmates, who was wearing a bandana as a sweatband, looked like he should be from "Fame").
But I will note that I woke up this morning with a shooting pain in my side that isn't going away. It's too side and back to be appendicitis, which is good news. I hope it's just sore from sitting still too much this weekend.
Accompanying the pain is a mild delirium. Walking back to school this afternoon, I saw a car with a classmate's alma mater on it and I thought, "Oh, maybe that's her car."
Um, she's blind. Chances of her driving are pretty slim. I got that far in my analysis. But then I thought, "Well, maybe Big Black Guide Dog somehow helps her."
OK, in my semi-conscious state, I'm having blind women and their dogs driving all over the city.
That trumps K dreaming about the guy we wrote the memo about.
I think spending three hours in my 50 degree apartment today led me there, so I did just turn on the heat. Cold wins. This round.
But I will note that I woke up this morning with a shooting pain in my side that isn't going away. It's too side and back to be appendicitis, which is good news. I hope it's just sore from sitting still too much this weekend.
Accompanying the pain is a mild delirium. Walking back to school this afternoon, I saw a car with a classmate's alma mater on it and I thought, "Oh, maybe that's her car."
Um, she's blind. Chances of her driving are pretty slim. I got that far in my analysis. But then I thought, "Well, maybe Big Black Guide Dog somehow helps her."
OK, in my semi-conscious state, I'm having blind women and their dogs driving all over the city.
That trumps K dreaming about the guy we wrote the memo about.
I think spending three hours in my 50 degree apartment today led me there, so I did just turn on the heat. Cold wins. This round.
carb loading
No marathon here - although they do say law school is a marathon, not a sprint. And I've been trained. And I know ALL about carb loading.
Got my memo in - yay!
I leave Wednesday very early - yay!
Almost done with CivPro outline and met with prof to clear up some questions - yay!
Only one more day of class this week - yay!
Um ... I'm running out of things to be excited about.
Well, I'm out of food except pita and carrots, so I'm off to some pizza at Whole Foods and then because my blood sugar is so low a cookie as well. Then I'll come back and huddle in my 50 degree apartment (oh, if only I were exaggerating - I guess I should turn on the heat already) and do a ton more work.
I read somewhere that cold weather burns more calories. Though, I do have to say that I was at my highest weight while in Alaska - and that with no bakeries to run to or pizza or any of that. My friends there, too. And we exercised a ton - always out skiing and snowshoeing and walking around, and our diets revolved around salmon and caribou (the leanest meat). I guess our metabolism slows down in the cold - like bears. I do miss my salmon curry there, and I used to make a caribou stew to die for. (Well, I guess the caribou did die for it.)
And now Dayton texted me.
I have no clarity about that. Because I don't have the time or energy to devote to it - I need to get through law school now. I'm pretty dismayed with myself in CivPro - things just aren't clicking. The test is two weeks from today, and I'm going to focus on it pretty hard-core until then. Hopefully it clicks. But I do need to also prep the other classes. But work is tapering out now and I've done all the reading for next week, just need to brief. So, there's hope. I'm not yet despondent. And I have two supplemental books that I'm going to read while traveling this weekend that hopefully help a lot. I will maximize my airport time! I'll be traveling about 20 hours total this weekend to spend about 40 hours with friends. And this is shocking to whom?
OK, pizza. My brain craves carbs during stressful and intense learning times. And who's to argue with my brain?
Got my memo in - yay!
I leave Wednesday very early - yay!
Almost done with CivPro outline and met with prof to clear up some questions - yay!
Only one more day of class this week - yay!
Um ... I'm running out of things to be excited about.
Well, I'm out of food except pita and carrots, so I'm off to some pizza at Whole Foods and then because my blood sugar is so low a cookie as well. Then I'll come back and huddle in my 50 degree apartment (oh, if only I were exaggerating - I guess I should turn on the heat already) and do a ton more work.
I read somewhere that cold weather burns more calories. Though, I do have to say that I was at my highest weight while in Alaska - and that with no bakeries to run to or pizza or any of that. My friends there, too. And we exercised a ton - always out skiing and snowshoeing and walking around, and our diets revolved around salmon and caribou (the leanest meat). I guess our metabolism slows down in the cold - like bears. I do miss my salmon curry there, and I used to make a caribou stew to die for. (Well, I guess the caribou did die for it.)
And now Dayton texted me.
I have no clarity about that. Because I don't have the time or energy to devote to it - I need to get through law school now. I'm pretty dismayed with myself in CivPro - things just aren't clicking. The test is two weeks from today, and I'm going to focus on it pretty hard-core until then. Hopefully it clicks. But I do need to also prep the other classes. But work is tapering out now and I've done all the reading for next week, just need to brief. So, there's hope. I'm not yet despondent. And I have two supplemental books that I'm going to read while traveling this weekend that hopefully help a lot. I will maximize my airport time! I'll be traveling about 20 hours total this weekend to spend about 40 hours with friends. And this is shocking to whom?
OK, pizza. My brain craves carbs during stressful and intense learning times. And who's to argue with my brain?
Sunday, November 19, 2006
my driver's license is wrong
I've shrunk an entire inch since middle school. I'm officially 5'3". I'm now shorter than the average American woman.
Maybe it's spinal compression and yoga would help.
Yeah, in all my spare time I'll pick up a few classes.
Susan used to have this inversion table, and I tried it once and it hurt so much I immediately uprighted. If my spine's compressed, that's the way it wants to be.
Now I'm going back through my memo - again - and proofreading and adding a ton of commas. My instructor is comma-crazy. Too much so. I like commas as much as the next person, or even more, but she's obsessed. She actually took off a point from my last memo for the section of "typos or grammatical errors." I looked back over - there were neither of those. Not a single one. The only thing I can figure out is that she thinks there's a dearth of commas.
Whatever.
And now I only need to hack out five more lines to get it short enough.
Maybe it's spinal compression and yoga would help.
Yeah, in all my spare time I'll pick up a few classes.
Susan used to have this inversion table, and I tried it once and it hurt so much I immediately uprighted. If my spine's compressed, that's the way it wants to be.
Now I'm going back through my memo - again - and proofreading and adding a ton of commas. My instructor is comma-crazy. Too much so. I like commas as much as the next person, or even more, but she's obsessed. She actually took off a point from my last memo for the section of "typos or grammatical errors." I looked back over - there were neither of those. Not a single one. The only thing I can figure out is that she thinks there's a dearth of commas.
Whatever.
And now I only need to hack out five more lines to get it short enough.
I Love you man.
Now I remember why I like it better when he calls me "babe." Because otherwise it's "man." Only at the end of "I love you," but still ... odd.
We just upped the confusion factor here. He apologized, and made good points.
But I'm not clear. At all.
We just upped the confusion factor here. He apologized, and made good points.
But I'm not clear. At all.
Saturday, November 18, 2006
I forgot to get dressed
It's almost 6 pm, and I'm still in the same bathrobe and pretty much the same position as 6 am. I only realized this was odd when the mailman waved hello to me about an hour ago, as I was sitting on the couch with my laptop, in my bathrobe.
Now, don't think I haven't done anything. The reason I haven't left the house or put clothes on or any such thing is that I've had TOO much to do. And I've gotten a fair amount done - though I'm always surprised at how quickly blocks of 4 hours can disappear.
I have a rough draft of my memo now. I just avoided everything hard. It's only rough and it's a page too long, so there will need to be some major hacking. But, it must sit to the side while I get some other things done.
I need another two days of sitting in my bathrobe to get caught up, but I have only one. If I do stay focused here though, I will run out of food and clean clothes for next week. Well, I have two bags of pita in my freezer and lots of jam and peanut butter, so I'll be fine. I'm thinking of just stuffing my big suitcase with dirty clothes to take to Oregon on Wednesday, the poor college kid coming home for mom's cooking. But, they won't all fit, and I'll have to go to the laundromat anyway when I get back then. And I'll be wearing sweatpants on the plane. Which I guess isn't bad.
Best purchase I've made in a long time? Fleece bathrobe. I could stay like this for weeks and never turn on my heat.
Now, don't think I haven't done anything. The reason I haven't left the house or put clothes on or any such thing is that I've had TOO much to do. And I've gotten a fair amount done - though I'm always surprised at how quickly blocks of 4 hours can disappear.
I have a rough draft of my memo now. I just avoided everything hard. It's only rough and it's a page too long, so there will need to be some major hacking. But, it must sit to the side while I get some other things done.
I need another two days of sitting in my bathrobe to get caught up, but I have only one. If I do stay focused here though, I will run out of food and clean clothes for next week. Well, I have two bags of pita in my freezer and lots of jam and peanut butter, so I'll be fine. I'm thinking of just stuffing my big suitcase with dirty clothes to take to Oregon on Wednesday, the poor college kid coming home for mom's cooking. But, they won't all fit, and I'll have to go to the laundromat anyway when I get back then. And I'll be wearing sweatpants on the plane. Which I guess isn't bad.
Best purchase I've made in a long time? Fleece bathrobe. I could stay like this for weeks and never turn on my heat.
Thanks Jenny!
Last night I talked to my friend Kim, whom I met while Habitat-ing. She personifies just about everything I like about the south - friendliness, good cooking, genuine consideration and politeness, and a sense of humor. She's finishing up a nursing program in Alabama, and she's pretty excited to finish up and get through it all. When I talked about how stressed I am about my finals she said, "Girl, I told you, we claimed it! You ain't got nothin to worry about!"
OK, that's a slang that I don't really know, but I get the meaning.
It's comforting, but I'm not relaxed.
This VERY IMPORTANT MEMO due on Monday - I'm fucked. I just tried to write the section I'd been putting off, and it's impossible based on the information I have. And, the last moment to ask questions was 5 pm yesterday. No wonder she was asking me how I was doing on that section. Why on earth did i put it off? Oh my. And I was talking to a guy who got a crappy grade last time because he misread something - which is exactly what I'll be doing now. All my work will be in vain if I'm wrong on an argument.
My brain is fuzzy and I'm overwhelmed - and I MUST finish outlines this weekend because I'm leaving town and then I have to start practice tests when I get back because my first exam is December 4th - and it's the hardest one by far. OH MY SOUL.
I wish I could function on little sleep, but I can't at all. Sigh.
Last night I talked to my friend Kim, whom I met while Habitat-ing. She personifies just about everything I like about the south - friendliness, good cooking, genuine consideration and politeness, and a sense of humor. She's finishing up a nursing program in Alabama, and she's pretty excited to finish up and get through it all. When I talked about how stressed I am about my finals she said, "Girl, I told you, we claimed it! You ain't got nothin to worry about!"
OK, that's a slang that I don't really know, but I get the meaning.
It's comforting, but I'm not relaxed.
This VERY IMPORTANT MEMO due on Monday - I'm fucked. I just tried to write the section I'd been putting off, and it's impossible based on the information I have. And, the last moment to ask questions was 5 pm yesterday. No wonder she was asking me how I was doing on that section. Why on earth did i put it off? Oh my. And I was talking to a guy who got a crappy grade last time because he misread something - which is exactly what I'll be doing now. All my work will be in vain if I'm wrong on an argument.
My brain is fuzzy and I'm overwhelmed - and I MUST finish outlines this weekend because I'm leaving town and then I have to start practice tests when I get back because my first exam is December 4th - and it's the hardest one by far. OH MY SOUL.
I wish I could function on little sleep, but I can't at all. Sigh.
Friday, November 17, 2006
persona
We got in to see the lawyer - yay! And a classmate had manipulated it so it was actually the lawyer's break, but he was gracious.
A letter is in the works in response to the stupid lawyer stunt, and things may be good. I liked the lawyer and his attitude - when he says things like, "This is stupid! This makes me mad!" Yeah, buddy.
And I went to go see Beloved Professor and give him my blessing to leave though it makes me sad. What's the opposite of persona non grata? He said he'd been feeling that way all year - his name isn't in the directory at the front of the building where I tried to find out where he is. But he's persona a grata to us. (OR whatever the opposite would be.) He said it's not definite that he's leaving - that he had accepted a job elsewhere before, but he missed it here so much he came back. I said, "Yes, but you have other reasons for leaving as well." "Yes, but you never know."
Maybe what I like about him most is his unwillingness to commit to a job - I can SO relate!
So, he has been told the door is open to him until August. I would be very surprised if he comes back, and I would scold him, but I would be very happy as well. He is a great professor. And his humility is endearing. "Oh, please," he says when I tell him these things. "You get to know that you are appreciated by us," I respond.
Unfortunately, it's the class that I'm the worst in, by far. And he will take it very personally when I get the lowest grade in the class.
So, I best hit those book. The memo assignment consumes all my attention, but I do really need to buckle down on final prep. Sigh.
A letter is in the works in response to the stupid lawyer stunt, and things may be good. I liked the lawyer and his attitude - when he says things like, "This is stupid! This makes me mad!" Yeah, buddy.
And I went to go see Beloved Professor and give him my blessing to leave though it makes me sad. What's the opposite of persona non grata? He said he'd been feeling that way all year - his name isn't in the directory at the front of the building where I tried to find out where he is. But he's persona a grata to us. (OR whatever the opposite would be.) He said it's not definite that he's leaving - that he had accepted a job elsewhere before, but he missed it here so much he came back. I said, "Yes, but you have other reasons for leaving as well." "Yes, but you never know."
Maybe what I like about him most is his unwillingness to commit to a job - I can SO relate!
So, he has been told the door is open to him until August. I would be very surprised if he comes back, and I would scold him, but I would be very happy as well. He is a great professor. And his humility is endearing. "Oh, please," he says when I tell him these things. "You get to know that you are appreciated by us," I respond.
Unfortunately, it's the class that I'm the worst in, by far. And he will take it very personally when I get the lowest grade in the class.
So, I best hit those book. The memo assignment consumes all my attention, but I do really need to buckle down on final prep. Sigh.
it's all about connections
Gomez used to say to me all the time that I knew how to network. I never knew what the hell he was talking about.
Now I get it.
When I emailed to get an appointment with the law clinic because of the whole ex-landlord situation, I was told nothing's available until January 12. Which is ok.
But all I had to do was ask my friend to look into it, and the next thing I know I have a phone call and a 2:45 appointment for today.
Woo hoo!
I love my friends. I just have never figured out why they like me.
Now I get it.
When I emailed to get an appointment with the law clinic because of the whole ex-landlord situation, I was told nothing's available until January 12. Which is ok.
But all I had to do was ask my friend to look into it, and the next thing I know I have a phone call and a 2:45 appointment for today.
Woo hoo!
I love my friends. I just have never figured out why they like me.
why I love my professor
Today Lesbian Bartender came to visit my classes, which was fun to see things through her eyes. In the third class, I went to the professor and asked if there were any empty seats. There are not, so he said to have her snag one of the seats in the back row where usually there is an absentee.
I told her to chill in my seat (right in front of him, in the second row) for a few minutes until we saw who did and didn't show up, and then I went to the restroom.
When I came out, the professor was waiting in the hallway. I got a crooked gesturing finger and I looked around. You talkin to me? I went over and he pulled me to the side, away from the gathering masses. He had a look of concern and consternation, mixed with his apologetic polite ways.
"Would you be so kind as to sit in your regular seat? If your friend is there, it will so discombobulate my brain. Could you move her to the back row so that you are there in your regular seat for me?"
"Sure, no problem."
That is why I love him. I am his Aztec Boy. He often looks at me in class, and he has near pleaded me to come to class on days when I said I might not make it - but I had no idea that it was meaningful to him.
How did he pay me back for conceding to his request? By, when he was explaining JNOV, with his back to me completely, he said, "And for you, Ms. [insert my name here], the O is ..." "Obstante. I already looked it up." Son of Deepo Provero Inventor gave me high five for quick comeback,. but his slight snideness did not phase or disarm me.
Because it's like we are in a private class and more in dialogue than auditorium. I just didn't know he felt the same way.
Charisma, as my Beloved Advisor taught me, is making people whom you don't know feel that you do know them. It's a teaching skill I mastered convincingly enough after becoming metacognitive of it. But I know the game, and I thought I was just another face to Beloved Professor here.
Nope, I'm the anchor face.
Wait, maybe that's not quite what I mean ...
I told her to chill in my seat (right in front of him, in the second row) for a few minutes until we saw who did and didn't show up, and then I went to the restroom.
When I came out, the professor was waiting in the hallway. I got a crooked gesturing finger and I looked around. You talkin to me? I went over and he pulled me to the side, away from the gathering masses. He had a look of concern and consternation, mixed with his apologetic polite ways.
"Would you be so kind as to sit in your regular seat? If your friend is there, it will so discombobulate my brain. Could you move her to the back row so that you are there in your regular seat for me?"
"Sure, no problem."
That is why I love him. I am his Aztec Boy. He often looks at me in class, and he has near pleaded me to come to class on days when I said I might not make it - but I had no idea that it was meaningful to him.
How did he pay me back for conceding to his request? By, when he was explaining JNOV, with his back to me completely, he said, "And for you, Ms. [insert my name here], the O is ..." "Obstante. I already looked it up." Son of Deepo Provero Inventor gave me high five for quick comeback,. but his slight snideness did not phase or disarm me.
Because it's like we are in a private class and more in dialogue than auditorium. I just didn't know he felt the same way.
Charisma, as my Beloved Advisor taught me, is making people whom you don't know feel that you do know them. It's a teaching skill I mastered convincingly enough after becoming metacognitive of it. But I know the game, and I thought I was just another face to Beloved Professor here.
Nope, I'm the anchor face.
Wait, maybe that's not quite what I mean ...
time (is it on my side?)
1:30 a.m. 3:30 a.m. Unknown callers. Well, I'm glad Dayton finally has something to say to me, but couldn't he have waited until 7:30 MY time? I'm not calling back anytime soon. I'm showing my student around school and have classes and then rushing home to complete an assignment that I need 30 hours for in about three so I can go back to campus and ask my instructor yet more questions. I was already sleep-deprived and not feeling so hot, so these wake-up calls in the night before I turned off my phone have really pushed me into noncoherence land.
Woo.
One of my other students told me she was talking to lawyers she used to work with and they asked her about the prep class (she loves me) and she told them I'm a 1L and they said I was COMPLETELY INSANE for teaching twice a week while a 1L. And they don't even know about my other two jobs or the lawsuit or Dayton or health issues. So, that's a little comforting. Being a lawyer is about really long and stressful days, but if actual lawyers are saying that I"m already going through long and stressful, then I'm not worried about what the future holds.
I'm a little worried about grades. Or, a lot worried. Like this memo assignment - on the one hand, if I'd had more time I could have done better (it's due Monday but I can't ask any questions after 5:00 pm today). But honestly - I had time that I chose not to use because I just couldn't force myself to do it. I want an A. But just having more time to work on it wouldn't make that happen necessarily. I'm not ripping something out at the last minute - none of us is - and there's diminishing returns at work.
And with my prep for classes - I have always read and always briefed - sometimes a day after we discussed, but rarely late. I don't know everything and I'm especially worried about not having wrapped my brain around CivPRo because I didn't brief for that class (because he would give us the assignments only a day in advance, I generally didn't have time). So, I'm definitely behind in outlining and preparation for exams, but I might still be ok. Even if I'd had more time - only recently could I have started the outlining and prep anyway. And there are still a couple weeks until finals.
Yeah, I keep talking about it, clearly I'm preoccupied. Obsessed. I really want to do well, and I want to believe that my work habits won't prevent me from that. Time's elastic, I say, and just because I've stretched the elastic all the way out doesn't mean it's not holding everything.
Ready or not, time to start the day.
Woo.
One of my other students told me she was talking to lawyers she used to work with and they asked her about the prep class (she loves me) and she told them I'm a 1L and they said I was COMPLETELY INSANE for teaching twice a week while a 1L. And they don't even know about my other two jobs or the lawsuit or Dayton or health issues. So, that's a little comforting. Being a lawyer is about really long and stressful days, but if actual lawyers are saying that I"m already going through long and stressful, then I'm not worried about what the future holds.
I'm a little worried about grades. Or, a lot worried. Like this memo assignment - on the one hand, if I'd had more time I could have done better (it's due Monday but I can't ask any questions after 5:00 pm today). But honestly - I had time that I chose not to use because I just couldn't force myself to do it. I want an A. But just having more time to work on it wouldn't make that happen necessarily. I'm not ripping something out at the last minute - none of us is - and there's diminishing returns at work.
And with my prep for classes - I have always read and always briefed - sometimes a day after we discussed, but rarely late. I don't know everything and I'm especially worried about not having wrapped my brain around CivPRo because I didn't brief for that class (because he would give us the assignments only a day in advance, I generally didn't have time). So, I'm definitely behind in outlining and preparation for exams, but I might still be ok. Even if I'd had more time - only recently could I have started the outlining and prep anyway. And there are still a couple weeks until finals.
Yeah, I keep talking about it, clearly I'm preoccupied. Obsessed. I really want to do well, and I want to believe that my work habits won't prevent me from that. Time's elastic, I say, and just because I've stretched the elastic all the way out doesn't mean it's not holding everything.
Ready or not, time to start the day.
Thursday, November 16, 2006
gaydar
When I emailed my student about bringing her to school tomorrow, I included a line about how there aren't many hot guys so not a lot of eye candy to admire while there.
Why?
For this: "Everything looks amazing on the schedule, but the question is not if there are attractive men, but rather brilliant and attractive women. I'm gay so the guy comment has kept me laughing for the last 20 minutes. Thanks for thinking of me anyway."
I have yet to find a good way to get people to out themselves to me. So, look at me - resorting to heterosexist speech to elicit it.
Not my apex of diversite encouragement, but hey, at least she got a laugh. And my gaydar still scoring pretty high. Though not so good with boys. I always assume they're gay - and maybe they are but repressing.
Why?
For this: "Everything looks amazing on the schedule, but the question is not if there are attractive men, but rather brilliant and attractive women. I'm gay so the guy comment has kept me laughing for the last 20 minutes. Thanks for thinking of me anyway."
I have yet to find a good way to get people to out themselves to me. So, look at me - resorting to heterosexist speech to elicit it.
Not my apex of diversite encouragement, but hey, at least she got a laugh. And my gaydar still scoring pretty high. Though not so good with boys. I always assume they're gay - and maybe they are but repressing.
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
sleuthing
I think I figured out who "the girl" is that is taking away our beloved professor.
Here are the facts:
Here are the facts:
- The dean's wife told me that Beloved Professor has had a VERY long-term "girlfriend" and that's why he's leaving us, to be with her.
- I looked at the name he wrote in the "to" of our textbook.
- I compared that to the first names of people at the school he's going to, cross-referencing it with co-authors.
- I found a winner. And I like her picture - she seems very nice.
But here's the part that kills me. They graduated from the same (the best) law school in the same year, ALMOST 30 YEARS AGO.
I've waited for Dayton almost a year and a half, and I think that's too long. She waited almost 30 years!? And in her picture, there's no trace of bitterness. I hope that she hasn't really waited that long, and that they were friends for a long time through other relationships. But, regardless ...
Wow.
As I said, he is our Beloved Professor. One of my classmates asked him to prom, another offered to marry him if he'll stay. Every single day somebody else says to me how much they love him - male and female. He's not hot or particularly charismatic. I don't know why we love him so much. But we do. I think it's because he can make us not feel like idiots, and we know he really listens to us and really cares about our learning. Or maybe it's what one classmate described to me today - the shuffle dance that starts his dash across the front of the room as he's explicating another Federal Rule. Who knew one could get so excited about personal jurisdiction?
Well, that school is really lucky to have him, as is "the girl." Even if no man is worth waiting 30 years for.
cross country skiing
That may be what I miss most about Alaska. In both Fairbanks and Elim, to just step outside my front door and strap on some skis and head off - that is a special kind of bliss that I just can't find here in the South.
Today I was making what is probably a not atypical Texas-bashing statement to my Contracts neighbor, and we got to him saying, "Yeah, but nobody lives in the vast openness of Alaska." "Oh, but I did and so do some others. Just because you can't drive there doesn't mean there's nobody there." I miss nature. No, it's more than that, because I can find nature at a park. I miss wilderness. Wildness.
And life in Alaska, like everywhere now as I age, would be better if I were loaded and working at a big law firm.
I toy with the idea. I toy with trying to find a job on the west coast this summer. I like the south a lot in a lot of ways, but I don't feel a compulsion to live here forever. Nor does that idea repulse me. I'm pretty open, but I want to make major bank.
What's still open is the status of my relationship with Dayton. But leaning towards over. But we do have to decide pretty quickly and it needs to be a permanent decision - because if he's NOT coming here, then I'm going to try to find a job this summer (the rate for the big firms is $2400/week) elsewhere and I'm making all sorts of other changes to what's going on for me.
I've waited almost a year and a half for him, which should make me able to wait another few days for him to finish thinking things through before we talk, but I think that's the point. I've waited a long time for him, and I'm over waiting. It's happening or it's not. I do understand that he's of a refugee and African mindset, that things move more slowly for him and he's afraid of losing the security of where he is now after suffering so much. I do understand that, and I'm not angry at him now for moving at a different pace than me. But I need to be fair to myself, too. If he can't move at my pace, then we need to move to separate tracks, and it needs to happen now. It will break my heart irreparably, but I will survive. I like things determined, and I like action - I'm like a top that must spin or I fall over (or like a beagle that dances in circles on its backlegs, going nowhere). (Except of course, that I DO go somewhere, always, even if it's just to ski around the mountain.)
Today I was making what is probably a not atypical Texas-bashing statement to my Contracts neighbor, and we got to him saying, "Yeah, but nobody lives in the vast openness of Alaska." "Oh, but I did and so do some others. Just because you can't drive there doesn't mean there's nobody there." I miss nature. No, it's more than that, because I can find nature at a park. I miss wilderness. Wildness.
And life in Alaska, like everywhere now as I age, would be better if I were loaded and working at a big law firm.
I toy with the idea. I toy with trying to find a job on the west coast this summer. I like the south a lot in a lot of ways, but I don't feel a compulsion to live here forever. Nor does that idea repulse me. I'm pretty open, but I want to make major bank.
What's still open is the status of my relationship with Dayton. But leaning towards over. But we do have to decide pretty quickly and it needs to be a permanent decision - because if he's NOT coming here, then I'm going to try to find a job this summer (the rate for the big firms is $2400/week) elsewhere and I'm making all sorts of other changes to what's going on for me.
I've waited almost a year and a half for him, which should make me able to wait another few days for him to finish thinking things through before we talk, but I think that's the point. I've waited a long time for him, and I'm over waiting. It's happening or it's not. I do understand that he's of a refugee and African mindset, that things move more slowly for him and he's afraid of losing the security of where he is now after suffering so much. I do understand that, and I'm not angry at him now for moving at a different pace than me. But I need to be fair to myself, too. If he can't move at my pace, then we need to move to separate tracks, and it needs to happen now. It will break my heart irreparably, but I will survive. I like things determined, and I like action - I'm like a top that must spin or I fall over (or like a beagle that dances in circles on its backlegs, going nowhere). (Except of course, that I DO go somewhere, always, even if it's just to ski around the mountain.)
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
It's a marathon, not a sprint
That's the advice we got at the beginning of law school, and they were right. Fortunately, I'm well accustomed to the marathon of stress, and my endorphins are kicking in about now. My blood pressure is perfect (and it was checked twice today, at two separate doctor's appointments - because I have nothing better to do than sit in waiting rooms) - as if nothing is phasing me.
My little Korean friend has skipped class for two days so I emailed him and he's about to snap. I'm a little concerned about suicide, but he would have already done that, so I'll just keep him talking. He said he just can't handle law school stress. The contracts prof called on him on Friday and he didn't know the answer, and I wonder if that pushed this button?
Me, I'm all used to being wrong. No face to save here for me.
So, I went to the endocrinologist today and fortunately she was quite good. The not so good news is that I need to plan two days to go there for tests sometime in the next couple weeks.
Two days? The first only takes an hour or so, but the second is a 5-hour block of time.
When do I have time for this? On top of the lawsuit, finals, memo?
But, I did take the time to coordinate one of my LSAT prep students to visit school with me on Friday. She is thrilled, so it was nice to make somebody's day.
I think I'm going to give flowers to all my professors on the last day I see them. They've all been such lovely people to me.
Lovely, even though my Torts prof called on me today when he KNEW I didn't want to answer. I looked down at my paper to write notes and he asked me what I think is the hardest question we've been asked all term - it was the roughest case, about exception to the sovereign immunity principle, and he wanted me to extrapolate that to the levees breaching. Am I making a case for him that he's going to go try? I actually did ok, but the best part was when he asked me about another case within the main case that I had sort of skimmed over, and somebody nearby whom I'd never spoken to before told me where to look for what I needed. I appreciated the support, because I knew I wouldn't be allwed to deflect questions since he told me some time ago to develop my "Answer Syndrome." I might actually try to be his research assistant. The pay absolutely sucks, and I don't have ANY time in my schedule, but it would be fascinating, and he would write me good letters of rec.
OK, now two hours to get a weekend's worth of work done before I head to Job #1.
It's a marathon, and I am trained. Watch out world - I got no blisters this time!
Oh, that's why he asked me - because I'm the one encouraging people to ask HIM questions, which he doesn't like. Turnabout is fair play. I guess.
My little Korean friend has skipped class for two days so I emailed him and he's about to snap. I'm a little concerned about suicide, but he would have already done that, so I'll just keep him talking. He said he just can't handle law school stress. The contracts prof called on him on Friday and he didn't know the answer, and I wonder if that pushed this button?
Me, I'm all used to being wrong. No face to save here for me.
So, I went to the endocrinologist today and fortunately she was quite good. The not so good news is that I need to plan two days to go there for tests sometime in the next couple weeks.
Two days? The first only takes an hour or so, but the second is a 5-hour block of time.
When do I have time for this? On top of the lawsuit, finals, memo?
But, I did take the time to coordinate one of my LSAT prep students to visit school with me on Friday. She is thrilled, so it was nice to make somebody's day.
I think I'm going to give flowers to all my professors on the last day I see them. They've all been such lovely people to me.
Lovely, even though my Torts prof called on me today when he KNEW I didn't want to answer. I looked down at my paper to write notes and he asked me what I think is the hardest question we've been asked all term - it was the roughest case, about exception to the sovereign immunity principle, and he wanted me to extrapolate that to the levees breaching. Am I making a case for him that he's going to go try? I actually did ok, but the best part was when he asked me about another case within the main case that I had sort of skimmed over, and somebody nearby whom I'd never spoken to before told me where to look for what I needed. I appreciated the support, because I knew I wouldn't be allwed to deflect questions since he told me some time ago to develop my "Answer Syndrome." I might actually try to be his research assistant. The pay absolutely sucks, and I don't have ANY time in my schedule, but it would be fascinating, and he would write me good letters of rec.
OK, now two hours to get a weekend's worth of work done before I head to Job #1.
It's a marathon, and I am trained. Watch out world - I got no blisters this time!
Oh, that's why he asked me - because I'm the one encouraging people to ask HIM questions, which he doesn't like. Turnabout is fair play. I guess.
Monday, November 13, 2006
what i think about
OFF CAMPUS CARJACKING Friday, November 10, 2006 @ 6:10 p.m.
6:10 pm? Great. This is about nine blocks from where I live, and I have had class that late before. I would like to feel safe going to the library that "late" too - but K disabused me of that notion, and now if it's after dark we walk together to her car and she drives me home, and there's no use me arguing about it.
Maybe I should learn to use that damn alarm system.
Here's something else that's bugging me now, too - the dean when he emailed me back about asking if a friend could visit class with me used a :) and CALLED ME BY MY FIRST NAME.
Yeah, I know. I'm living in a ghost-infested house and just got sued for $12,500 by an insane man and have a hugely important assignnment due in a few days and don't have any time after today to work on it. And that's what I'm thinking about, my first name usage?
It's just ... odd. The only thing I can think of is that he was on his mobile (which is what the email said) and with his wife, with whom I am on a first-name basis and would have invited me to Thanksgiving if I weren't going out of town, and they discussed what I had reported to him earlier today, about how we were trying to convince her to take him with her on a trip, making him miss class. (My exact words were, "Take the Dean for the Team!")
It's all Ms this and Mr that here, and it's weird as hell - but aberrations of any sort always focus my attention.
And my writing instructor? Even at 8:30 at night, she responds to my questions within ten minutes. Now THAT is service. If only my (ex?)-fiance were so prompt.
6:10 pm? Great. This is about nine blocks from where I live, and I have had class that late before. I would like to feel safe going to the library that "late" too - but K disabused me of that notion, and now if it's after dark we walk together to her car and she drives me home, and there's no use me arguing about it.
Maybe I should learn to use that damn alarm system.
Here's something else that's bugging me now, too - the dean when he emailed me back about asking if a friend could visit class with me used a :) and CALLED ME BY MY FIRST NAME.
Yeah, I know. I'm living in a ghost-infested house and just got sued for $12,500 by an insane man and have a hugely important assignnment due in a few days and don't have any time after today to work on it. And that's what I'm thinking about, my first name usage?
It's just ... odd. The only thing I can think of is that he was on his mobile (which is what the email said) and with his wife, with whom I am on a first-name basis and would have invited me to Thanksgiving if I weren't going out of town, and they discussed what I had reported to him earlier today, about how we were trying to convince her to take him with her on a trip, making him miss class. (My exact words were, "Take the Dean for the Team!")
It's all Ms this and Mr that here, and it's weird as hell - but aberrations of any sort always focus my attention.
And my writing instructor? Even at 8:30 at night, she responds to my questions within ten minutes. Now THAT is service. If only my (ex?)-fiance were so prompt.
a special kind of stupid
My former landlord just sued me for $12,500, saying we entered a verbal agreement for a year-long lease and my abandonment of the premises made the entire amount due immediately.
Um, how stupid are you to sue two law students for a non-existent contract (which we kept asking for and he put off and put off) when one is particularly good at stalking?
So, I went over there. Got all sorts of good info - such as that people moved in about three weeks ago. In daylight I'm going back to take pics through the windows - and of the paintjob he's trying to sue me for that I'm sure he didn't repaint over.
Did I really need this now? And it just killed two hours of worktime.
Well, I got some adrenaline going. And I know where he lives, and where he parks his car. He's fucking lucky I don't have a baseball bat right now.
THIS, blog fans, is why I want to own my own house again. This.
Um, how stupid are you to sue two law students for a non-existent contract (which we kept asking for and he put off and put off) when one is particularly good at stalking?
So, I went over there. Got all sorts of good info - such as that people moved in about three weeks ago. In daylight I'm going back to take pics through the windows - and of the paintjob he's trying to sue me for that I'm sure he didn't repaint over.
Did I really need this now? And it just killed two hours of worktime.
Well, I got some adrenaline going. And I know where he lives, and where he parks his car. He's fucking lucky I don't have a baseball bat right now.
THIS, blog fans, is why I want to own my own house again. This.
notes to self
Ask landlady if somebody died unpleasantly here. There have been more and more feelings of ghost-like behavior recently. Yesterday, the key hook swinging for no reason, and knocking. Today, the newspapers were moved from where I put them. Just now, felt like somebody blowing towards my ear from behind me. Yeah. Creepy.
Leave CivPro prof alone, no more guilt about leaving us. He's leaving us for a girl, and I can't fault him there. He's finally marrying a woman he's been dating for years, and good for him.
WRITE MEMO!
Listen to good advice from Alejandra today - she's already finished law school. She said, even with the curve, you just have to compete against yourself - don't think of the other people. She's right of course. But it was a good reminder. And when I was chatting with the dean's wife, because she's my boss at one of my jobs, she said he told their oldest son who is in law school that if he goes to class and does the reading he'll be fine. That is SO what I'm hoping for!! As I prepare my outlines, I just look through all my prep notes and class notes, and it comes together pretty well. Will I remember all the things I need to? Probably not. Do I understand everything I need to? Maybe not. But to get an A in most classes is to only get 75% right anyway. I have advantages of being able to organize my thoughts well and quickly and get things down pretty coherently. I'm just trying to get some confidence here. Sigh. On that, a good thing happened - I was talking to a classmate that I drive to work with, and I said, "You know, I just don't have an ego anymore - I speak up because I feel bad for the profs when nobody will, and I don't care if I'm wrong anymore, because I often am." She said, "Yeah, I'm just so self-conscious, but I wish I would do that." And since that conversation, she's been speaking up every day in every class I have with her. Good for her!
Get to work! My days are just so long - I have NO down time. I'm always either in class, walking to class, driving to work, working, reading cases, briefing cases, working on my memo, or working on my outlines.
I need Senegal!
Leave CivPro prof alone, no more guilt about leaving us. He's leaving us for a girl, and I can't fault him there. He's finally marrying a woman he's been dating for years, and good for him.
WRITE MEMO!
Listen to good advice from Alejandra today - she's already finished law school. She said, even with the curve, you just have to compete against yourself - don't think of the other people. She's right of course. But it was a good reminder. And when I was chatting with the dean's wife, because she's my boss at one of my jobs, she said he told their oldest son who is in law school that if he goes to class and does the reading he'll be fine. That is SO what I'm hoping for!! As I prepare my outlines, I just look through all my prep notes and class notes, and it comes together pretty well. Will I remember all the things I need to? Probably not. Do I understand everything I need to? Maybe not. But to get an A in most classes is to only get 75% right anyway. I have advantages of being able to organize my thoughts well and quickly and get things down pretty coherently. I'm just trying to get some confidence here. Sigh. On that, a good thing happened - I was talking to a classmate that I drive to work with, and I said, "You know, I just don't have an ego anymore - I speak up because I feel bad for the profs when nobody will, and I don't care if I'm wrong anymore, because I often am." She said, "Yeah, I'm just so self-conscious, but I wish I would do that." And since that conversation, she's been speaking up every day in every class I have with her. Good for her!
Get to work! My days are just so long - I have NO down time. I'm always either in class, walking to class, driving to work, working, reading cases, briefing cases, working on my memo, or working on my outlines.
I need Senegal!
Saturday, November 11, 2006
hard work
Hard work pays off. I just have to keep telling myself that. That if I really do work hard and study, I will probably do ok.
Sometimes I'm in class and I think, "How did he know that?" "Did she read the same case I did? Why didn't I see that?"
I'm used to being the one who sees more than other people, who catches on more quickly and has to wait for the rest of the class to catch up. I'm not accustomed to being the baffled one.
But, as my writing instructor pointed out, if I apply the same level of work to this memo assignment (worth 40% of my grade) as I did to the last one (15% of my grade), I will do very well.
And just now, as I'm up at 6:30 on a Saturday morning typing up class notes and thinking through what we've learned, I'm realizing it's not a crap shoot, and I'm still in the running in all my classes. If stop blogging and keep studying, I might still do ok. It's not over yet. I'm behind many of the other people in terms of studying and preparing for finals, but I still have a couple weeks to get caught up, and once finals come I will only be working one job so I can study even more then. And I bowed out of study groups I was asked to join because of lack of time, but I've never found them to be helpful honestly.
But I do need to study more, and I do need to make my flashcards of the Model Penal Code to memorize all that, and Torts, and Restatement (Second) of Contracts, and all those pesky federal rules for Civil Procedures.
If I were here when I was 22, this would be no problem - my brain was more agile then. But I realize, my brain is less agile now because I have more synapses and more context. I can't remember random facts like I could then, but I can remember big picture and my analysis skills are considerably more developed.
So, I'm still hoping to be in the top third of the class. But it's more than hope, as this pep talk to myself shows. It's smart work. So, back to it.
Sometimes I'm in class and I think, "How did he know that?" "Did she read the same case I did? Why didn't I see that?"
I'm used to being the one who sees more than other people, who catches on more quickly and has to wait for the rest of the class to catch up. I'm not accustomed to being the baffled one.
But, as my writing instructor pointed out, if I apply the same level of work to this memo assignment (worth 40% of my grade) as I did to the last one (15% of my grade), I will do very well.
And just now, as I'm up at 6:30 on a Saturday morning typing up class notes and thinking through what we've learned, I'm realizing it's not a crap shoot, and I'm still in the running in all my classes. If stop blogging and keep studying, I might still do ok. It's not over yet. I'm behind many of the other people in terms of studying and preparing for finals, but I still have a couple weeks to get caught up, and once finals come I will only be working one job so I can study even more then. And I bowed out of study groups I was asked to join because of lack of time, but I've never found them to be helpful honestly.
But I do need to study more, and I do need to make my flashcards of the Model Penal Code to memorize all that, and Torts, and Restatement (Second) of Contracts, and all those pesky federal rules for Civil Procedures.
If I were here when I was 22, this would be no problem - my brain was more agile then. But I realize, my brain is less agile now because I have more synapses and more context. I can't remember random facts like I could then, but I can remember big picture and my analysis skills are considerably more developed.
So, I'm still hoping to be in the top third of the class. But it's more than hope, as this pep talk to myself shows. It's smart work. So, back to it.
Friday, November 10, 2006
apartment hunting
I love my landlady and saw her today, which makes fake apartment hunting for civil rights more difficult. But I have the drive there to get into character and to remember to describe the agents' physical appearance and what other things to look for.
Hopefully it's as easy as last time. And as quick.
And then I'll reward myself with a lovely latte - budget limits me to once a week now on that, but I deserve it after this week and now fighting for justice.
It was a pretty rough week, but last night's class was rejuvenative - they credit me with their success, which is not really correct or appropriate, but I will accept that they find me to be motivating. That's sweet, and one woman's score has improved 12 points. She asked if she can come to school with me one day and see - she says we'll be in class together at First Choice Law School. And I really like her, and I hope it all happens for her.
Here I go. What's my name? What do I want? What's my address?
Deep cover might be easier - you actually get to stay in one character. Well, at least the stakes aren't big like that, not for my safety anyway.
Hopefully it's as easy as last time. And as quick.
And then I'll reward myself with a lovely latte - budget limits me to once a week now on that, but I deserve it after this week and now fighting for justice.
It was a pretty rough week, but last night's class was rejuvenative - they credit me with their success, which is not really correct or appropriate, but I will accept that they find me to be motivating. That's sweet, and one woman's score has improved 12 points. She asked if she can come to school with me one day and see - she says we'll be in class together at First Choice Law School. And I really like her, and I hope it all happens for her.
Here I go. What's my name? What do I want? What's my address?
Deep cover might be easier - you actually get to stay in one character. Well, at least the stakes aren't big like that, not for my safety anyway.
Thursday, November 09, 2006
keeping your word
Warning: bitch ahead
I spent hours last weekend trying to get things figured out to fax to Dayton, and the fax number he gave me didn't work. He said he'd try to find another fax that works, and he'd send it to me by Wednesday.
"Ok. But honey, you know that if you don't, I'll be upset."
"Yeah, I know."
Guess who didn't. And as time drew closer, whom I sent messages to reminding him how important it is that I hear from him.
He hates my ultimatums, and he absolutely cannot stand when I "pressure" him. But not nearly as much as I hate his unwillingness to always, without fail, do as he says. And that he KNOWS that it makes me upset and angry and hurt and STILL does it?
Inexcusable.
So after texting him to fuck off this morning, I told him he just broke up with me. Because yeah, there's more - after trying to call him yesterday, I realized that he turned off his phone at 10:30 pm his time. OK, I'm his girlfriend, and I get to call him in the middle of the fucking night if I want to. I don't, but I can. And he owes me a huge explanation - which he STILL has not tendered.
Because if this were the first time he'd ever done this, it wouldn't be a big deal. But 14 months ago, he did it for the first time, when we were supposed to get married. And then again 10 months ago, when he didn't actually get divorced in a ceremony (it's an implicit divorce). And then again so many times.
Is it a deal-breaker? Yeah. Because I'm not going to live a life where I wait for hours outside where he'd supposed to pick me up, because he doesn't show up when he's supposed to. Or when I call him that I'm in labor and to meet me at the hospital, but he shows up much later. Or he says he'll get a job and then doesn't.
People who know him say he would never do that to me, that he knows the difference between the important things and the not-as-important.
But if *I* say it's important, then it's important. He doesn't get to determine what's important and what isn't to me. I would have been disappointed if he hadn't gotten another fax number and had texted me that, but I would not have hit the roof like I have now.
Every time I try to call him, it takes hours to get through. It's a huge chunk of my time which I don't have to give now. But does he call me? Very rarely. He doesn't consider it necessary. He says soon enough we'll be together and can talk all the time. He was better for quite a while, but now this?
This doesn't work for me. He says I always want things 100% my way, but I *never* get things my way, and then he digs in his heels and gets stubborn. "When you love somebody," I explained, "it means that you do things JUST because they want you to. Whether you want to or not. Not always, and that's not what I'm asking of you. But how hard is it to take the 2 minutes to send me a text message and make me happy?"
I texted some pretty mean things to him when I couldn't talk to him, and I know he's stewing at me right now. I don't know if we'll work it out. I know that this is easily a distance thing that wouldn't even be a problem if we were together physically - but we're not. And he clearly needs a review of the [Insert My Name Here] Maintenance Manual.
Of course it feels like my entire world is falling apart, the thought of not being with him forever. But I won't be a fool. And he has more to lose than I do, so if he's going to be stupid, it's his problem. The thing is that we're NOT married, and he's already taking me for granted. What's that make the next 50 years look like? Bleak.
I spent hours last weekend trying to get things figured out to fax to Dayton, and the fax number he gave me didn't work. He said he'd try to find another fax that works, and he'd send it to me by Wednesday.
"Ok. But honey, you know that if you don't, I'll be upset."
"Yeah, I know."
Guess who didn't. And as time drew closer, whom I sent messages to reminding him how important it is that I hear from him.
He hates my ultimatums, and he absolutely cannot stand when I "pressure" him. But not nearly as much as I hate his unwillingness to always, without fail, do as he says. And that he KNOWS that it makes me upset and angry and hurt and STILL does it?
Inexcusable.
So after texting him to fuck off this morning, I told him he just broke up with me. Because yeah, there's more - after trying to call him yesterday, I realized that he turned off his phone at 10:30 pm his time. OK, I'm his girlfriend, and I get to call him in the middle of the fucking night if I want to. I don't, but I can. And he owes me a huge explanation - which he STILL has not tendered.
Because if this were the first time he'd ever done this, it wouldn't be a big deal. But 14 months ago, he did it for the first time, when we were supposed to get married. And then again 10 months ago, when he didn't actually get divorced in a ceremony (it's an implicit divorce). And then again so many times.
Is it a deal-breaker? Yeah. Because I'm not going to live a life where I wait for hours outside where he'd supposed to pick me up, because he doesn't show up when he's supposed to. Or when I call him that I'm in labor and to meet me at the hospital, but he shows up much later. Or he says he'll get a job and then doesn't.
People who know him say he would never do that to me, that he knows the difference between the important things and the not-as-important.
But if *I* say it's important, then it's important. He doesn't get to determine what's important and what isn't to me. I would have been disappointed if he hadn't gotten another fax number and had texted me that, but I would not have hit the roof like I have now.
Every time I try to call him, it takes hours to get through. It's a huge chunk of my time which I don't have to give now. But does he call me? Very rarely. He doesn't consider it necessary. He says soon enough we'll be together and can talk all the time. He was better for quite a while, but now this?
This doesn't work for me. He says I always want things 100% my way, but I *never* get things my way, and then he digs in his heels and gets stubborn. "When you love somebody," I explained, "it means that you do things JUST because they want you to. Whether you want to or not. Not always, and that's not what I'm asking of you. But how hard is it to take the 2 minutes to send me a text message and make me happy?"
I texted some pretty mean things to him when I couldn't talk to him, and I know he's stewing at me right now. I don't know if we'll work it out. I know that this is easily a distance thing that wouldn't even be a problem if we were together physically - but we're not. And he clearly needs a review of the [Insert My Name Here] Maintenance Manual.
Of course it feels like my entire world is falling apart, the thought of not being with him forever. But I won't be a fool. And he has more to lose than I do, so if he's going to be stupid, it's his problem. The thing is that we're NOT married, and he's already taking me for granted. What's that make the next 50 years look like? Bleak.
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
when a man calls ...
And says he's a doctor and you have a fatal illness that can only be cured by having sex with a man who has been innoculated from the disease, and he will arrange you to meet this man in a hotel tomorrow for the low, low price of $4,500 ...
It's probably not true.
Boro v. Superior Court, 210 Ca. Rptr. 122 (California Court of Appeal, First District, 1985).
That's what I learned for Criminal Law today - he wasn't convicted of rape because the fraud was in the inducement rather than the facts, so she knew what she was doing and consented to it.
All my ex-boyfriends are looking so much better. There are such scum out there. Yesterday in Torts I announced my intent to write a happy law casebook - where the bad guys always lose, and when there's death it's at 90 in sleep, and all sex is consensual, and children are never harmed.
It's probably not true.
Boro v. Superior Court, 210 Ca. Rptr. 122 (California Court of Appeal, First District, 1985).
That's what I learned for Criminal Law today - he wasn't convicted of rape because the fraud was in the inducement rather than the facts, so she knew what she was doing and consented to it.
All my ex-boyfriends are looking so much better. There are such scum out there. Yesterday in Torts I announced my intent to write a happy law casebook - where the bad guys always lose, and when there's death it's at 90 in sleep, and all sex is consensual, and children are never harmed.
you know you're in New Orleans when ...
The garbage man waved at me like we're old friends. He looked through my front door to see me sitting on the couch in my bathrobe, and he shouted hi and waved.
It's not the same guy who I ran out to about a month ago while in my bathrobe because I hadn't taken the trash can out the night before ... though it could have been the same team and he saw me interact in a friendly manner.
I love how people wave and shout. The honking at each other though - that's better in a small town.
I'm over wanting the blue house beside me. I was a house with a big porch, with a porch swing or Adirondack chairs, where we can sit and shoot the breeze with the neighbors. Further away from the university.
It's not the same guy who I ran out to about a month ago while in my bathrobe because I hadn't taken the trash can out the night before ... though it could have been the same team and he saw me interact in a friendly manner.
I love how people wave and shout. The honking at each other though - that's better in a small town.
I'm over wanting the blue house beside me. I was a house with a big porch, with a porch swing or Adirondack chairs, where we can sit and shoot the breeze with the neighbors. Further away from the university.
dream
Hear that loud ticking? Oh come on, you know what I'm talking about. It follows me wherever I go.
Yeah, that would be my biological clock.
Last night I dreamed I had a baby (with Dayton of course). And I was trying to figure out the best front baby carrier, you know for infants. Oh, it looked a lot like the baby in KMart, and was so quiet and peaceful.
My biological clock is trying to trick me, trying to make me forget all I know about babies - how they cry so much and are little bundles of need and how I wouldn't get a full night's sleep until ... well, maybe when they have children of their own.
Besides, I need Tami and Ahmed to have a baby first, so I have somebody to get hand-me-downs from. :-)
Yeah, that would be my biological clock.
Last night I dreamed I had a baby (with Dayton of course). And I was trying to figure out the best front baby carrier, you know for infants. Oh, it looked a lot like the baby in KMart, and was so quiet and peaceful.
My biological clock is trying to trick me, trying to make me forget all I know about babies - how they cry so much and are little bundles of need and how I wouldn't get a full night's sleep until ... well, maybe when they have children of their own.
Besides, I need Tami and Ahmed to have a baby first, so I have somebody to get hand-me-downs from. :-)
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
TV or casebooks?
I just discovered that I can get many TV shows on my computer. Such as here. This is bad, very bad. I did watch an episode of The Nine, which I had read about, and I enjoyed it.
Had my last discussion tonight of practice exam - we had them in all four major classes, and one was graded. Which was this one for me, Contracts. This is the professor who thinks practice exams are stupid (he's also the dean), so I got one, maybe two comments. Not very helpful. More helpful was the actual grade - I got a 24 out of 40, which was right smack-dab in the middle. A solid B. And that, with absolutely no preparation (it was the only practice exam I didn't study for at all or do any prep - based on his bad attitude about it), and I even forgot my class notes, which I'd planned on using. (he'd told us, "Use your notes, use your books, hell, I don't care - cheat!") (He likes to swear quite a bit. He'd written a number on the board and a kid asked, "Is that a 2?" "Yeah, that's a 2, asshole!" And he likes to use "the f word" but I think it titillates him more than us. Only he can pull it off.)
So, I guess a B isn't bad news. But it's not good news. Somebody got 7 points higher than me, and that was the only A. Remember, all law school courses are curved - only 60% can get a B or higher. And I really do need to be in the top third of my class. So, right in the middle - definitely NOT going to cut it. It's time to step up now.
Or watch more streaming TV.
All of my profs really like me, except for Crim Law, who hasn't noticed any of us actually exist. (Several of my classmates are totally into CrimLaw and he should be much nicer to them, but he's kind of a jerk.) But the other four, they really do. They want me to be successful. I realized that yesterday before class when Civ Pro prof, who had strongly personally encouraged me to come to class, did what I call perching. I do it often - I perch on the edge of a table and chat with my students.
I had shouted across the room, which is like an auditorium, "I don't mean to complain, but this reading for today, it made my head hurt." There were just a few of us there, I was chatting with North Carolina Boy, and prof came to perch. "What didn't you like about it?" I have to be careful, because his ego is fragile, but he's a good listener. And he humors me. He doesn't much like my questions, but he humors me. I always think in such strange tangents, because I like the whole context. Follow the rules and make a flow chart? It's a nice suggestion, but not how my brain works. But he really, really wants me to succeed. He knows I come prepared to class, and he appreciates my appreciation for him.
Today before class he came over to ask if I received the response to my email. Which I did, and which I wished I hadn't sent because it was just stupid, bringing up Billy Idol and doctorates. I need to curb my communication enthusiasm and not hit "send" so often. But he didn't tell me I was stupid; he humored me. And I appreciate it.
Almost every day K and I are the last ones out of his class because we start talking, and he always watches us to make sure we aren't lingering to ask questions. Today K and I went to the career counseling thing, because I reminded her - though last week's on resumes was a HUGE waste of time. So we went, and got the flyer, and it said we were doing a scavenger hunt, and I showed her, and we left. We just got up and walked out. I hate stupid crap like that, and her "oh hell no!" wasn't even necessary for me to know how she'd feel.
All the Black kids are friends - there's an organization and they have support systems and all sorts of things. So, I keep hoping that K will introduce me to J, who is simply the most beautiful man I have ever seen, and he has this Southern drawl that makes me weak in the knees (a little like Martin Luther King, Jr.). Whenever he speaks in class (he's in two of the same as me), I just stare. Whenever anybody anywhere near him speaks, I just stare. When anybody is speaking, or it's silent, I stare. I'm sure he thinks I'm a complete freak.
Now, I'm sure his personality is not all that, and I am crazy in love with Dayton and would never cheat with J, but he's like art work I can't take my eyes off. They were talking yesterday while I waited for K so we could walk out together, but he didn't address me at all. Sigh. Tonight I did, however, meet the second most beautiful boy in the law school. Shook his hand and introduced myself because he'd emailed me about volunteer stuff.
It's like, I'm this old almost-married woman, and I would not ever even want to hook up with any of these hot exotic 22-year-old boys in my classes. Where was I reading? Probably in Crim Law, about how men see friendly women as a sexual come-on - and I always could feel that before, so was careful about being friendly with men. But now, I can show I'm nearly old enough to be their mother, and it's not like I want to be sexually desirable to them. I want to be sexually desirable to Dayton, but to everybody else I just want to be neutrum (from a Swedish poem I read years ago). And it's fun to be with pretty boys like that, with absolutely no sexual tension or pressure, and just other people too.
So on the one hand it kinda sucks to be so much older than my classmates, because my brain works so differently and I don't have much in common. But on the other hand, with time I meet people that I like and relate to. We don't have to become the best of friends, but it helps to have collegiality. And the profs are welcoming and helpful - they take me as I am.
I spent a long time talking to an LLM student this afternoon, and he's probably right, that I will be less thrilled with courses in my 2nd and 3rd years because they aren't that rigorous - but I still think that I made the right choice, to come to First Choice Law School. I don't think I'd like any place better, or even as much.
That's not to say it's all sunshine and roses. But when am I ever fully content?
Had my last discussion tonight of practice exam - we had them in all four major classes, and one was graded. Which was this one for me, Contracts. This is the professor who thinks practice exams are stupid (he's also the dean), so I got one, maybe two comments. Not very helpful. More helpful was the actual grade - I got a 24 out of 40, which was right smack-dab in the middle. A solid B. And that, with absolutely no preparation (it was the only practice exam I didn't study for at all or do any prep - based on his bad attitude about it), and I even forgot my class notes, which I'd planned on using. (he'd told us, "Use your notes, use your books, hell, I don't care - cheat!") (He likes to swear quite a bit. He'd written a number on the board and a kid asked, "Is that a 2?" "Yeah, that's a 2, asshole!" And he likes to use "the f word" but I think it titillates him more than us. Only he can pull it off.)
So, I guess a B isn't bad news. But it's not good news. Somebody got 7 points higher than me, and that was the only A. Remember, all law school courses are curved - only 60% can get a B or higher. And I really do need to be in the top third of my class. So, right in the middle - definitely NOT going to cut it. It's time to step up now.
Or watch more streaming TV.
All of my profs really like me, except for Crim Law, who hasn't noticed any of us actually exist. (Several of my classmates are totally into CrimLaw and he should be much nicer to them, but he's kind of a jerk.) But the other four, they really do. They want me to be successful. I realized that yesterday before class when Civ Pro prof, who had strongly personally encouraged me to come to class, did what I call perching. I do it often - I perch on the edge of a table and chat with my students.
I had shouted across the room, which is like an auditorium, "I don't mean to complain, but this reading for today, it made my head hurt." There were just a few of us there, I was chatting with North Carolina Boy, and prof came to perch. "What didn't you like about it?" I have to be careful, because his ego is fragile, but he's a good listener. And he humors me. He doesn't much like my questions, but he humors me. I always think in such strange tangents, because I like the whole context. Follow the rules and make a flow chart? It's a nice suggestion, but not how my brain works. But he really, really wants me to succeed. He knows I come prepared to class, and he appreciates my appreciation for him.
Today before class he came over to ask if I received the response to my email. Which I did, and which I wished I hadn't sent because it was just stupid, bringing up Billy Idol and doctorates. I need to curb my communication enthusiasm and not hit "send" so often. But he didn't tell me I was stupid; he humored me. And I appreciate it.
Almost every day K and I are the last ones out of his class because we start talking, and he always watches us to make sure we aren't lingering to ask questions. Today K and I went to the career counseling thing, because I reminded her - though last week's on resumes was a HUGE waste of time. So we went, and got the flyer, and it said we were doing a scavenger hunt, and I showed her, and we left. We just got up and walked out. I hate stupid crap like that, and her "oh hell no!" wasn't even necessary for me to know how she'd feel.
All the Black kids are friends - there's an organization and they have support systems and all sorts of things. So, I keep hoping that K will introduce me to J, who is simply the most beautiful man I have ever seen, and he has this Southern drawl that makes me weak in the knees (a little like Martin Luther King, Jr.). Whenever he speaks in class (he's in two of the same as me), I just stare. Whenever anybody anywhere near him speaks, I just stare. When anybody is speaking, or it's silent, I stare. I'm sure he thinks I'm a complete freak.
Now, I'm sure his personality is not all that, and I am crazy in love with Dayton and would never cheat with J, but he's like art work I can't take my eyes off. They were talking yesterday while I waited for K so we could walk out together, but he didn't address me at all. Sigh. Tonight I did, however, meet the second most beautiful boy in the law school. Shook his hand and introduced myself because he'd emailed me about volunteer stuff.
It's like, I'm this old almost-married woman, and I would not ever even want to hook up with any of these hot exotic 22-year-old boys in my classes. Where was I reading? Probably in Crim Law, about how men see friendly women as a sexual come-on - and I always could feel that before, so was careful about being friendly with men. But now, I can show I'm nearly old enough to be their mother, and it's not like I want to be sexually desirable to them. I want to be sexually desirable to Dayton, but to everybody else I just want to be neutrum (from a Swedish poem I read years ago). And it's fun to be with pretty boys like that, with absolutely no sexual tension or pressure, and just other people too.
So on the one hand it kinda sucks to be so much older than my classmates, because my brain works so differently and I don't have much in common. But on the other hand, with time I meet people that I like and relate to. We don't have to become the best of friends, but it helps to have collegiality. And the profs are welcoming and helpful - they take me as I am.
I spent a long time talking to an LLM student this afternoon, and he's probably right, that I will be less thrilled with courses in my 2nd and 3rd years because they aren't that rigorous - but I still think that I made the right choice, to come to First Choice Law School. I don't think I'd like any place better, or even as much.
That's not to say it's all sunshine and roses. But when am I ever fully content?
speaking volumes
I have classmates who wear their Izod polo shirts with the collars up.
Sigh. And when my CivPro prof just responded to an email in which I asked him why he doesn't refer to former superintendent at "Dr. Migra" instead of Ms., he said it's a bias from childhood when he was taught that it would be silly to call academic doctorates Dr. because everybody around him had that or a JD (which technically is also a doctor).
I'm SO from a different world. The only lawyer I knew as a child was a pedophile, the only PhD a strange uncle nobody really talked to. I knew teachers and mill workers and farmers and cowboys and fisherpeople.
I know someday it will be an asset. For now, I just look around me and wonder "This is is not my beautiful life, oh my god, what have I done!?"
Sigh. And when my CivPro prof just responded to an email in which I asked him why he doesn't refer to former superintendent at "Dr. Migra" instead of Ms., he said it's a bias from childhood when he was taught that it would be silly to call academic doctorates Dr. because everybody around him had that or a JD (which technically is also a doctor).
I'm SO from a different world. The only lawyer I knew as a child was a pedophile, the only PhD a strange uncle nobody really talked to. I knew teachers and mill workers and farmers and cowboys and fisherpeople.
I know someday it will be an asset. For now, I just look around me and wonder "This is is not my beautiful life, oh my god, what have I done!?"
still batting .1000
I've never been wrong about a special ed referral - every child I've ever wondered, "Is there a processing issue at work here?" - there was. Usually a huge, masked one.
I have two children to work with for tutoring, and the boy is so low that within about one minute I was wanting to look in his cumulative file and see what's up. Of course, there is no cumulative file, but where he evacuated to tested him and the mother is "trying to get the records." Um, ok, they left there more than six months ago - why didn't she request them when she left? Sigh.
There's no special ed program in the school; there's a resource teacher who oversees the IEPs, but that's it. The boy doesn't know his phone number, because I met the resource teacher when she came to ask him in order to contact his mother.
Hearing him read is really painful for me. Really, really painful. The director said he tested at a 5th grade level and I said, yeah, I don't think so, but I gave him the book she provided (I don't know where she got that score). He had almost a week to practice, and I could tell he did - but it was like someone with advanced cerebral palsy trying to run. And he was so concerned with trying to say all the words that he had no idea what any of them meant.
The director wanted to take him away from me and have me work with somebody who's closer to proficient to get the test scores of the school up. (That's the game schools play now - ignoring the lowest and highest kids because they don't affect the test scores - it's the kids who are basic getting up to proficient - that's the most bang for the test score buck.) Because honestly, even with the best intervention that money could buy (which this school sure don't have), he won't get proficient in the next three months.
But I will work my magic. I flirted a little with the counselor (who "stops in" occasionally - he's from a university and it's not his actual job, but he does it at a number of schools) to get info on the testing that the boy will need to pass to move to high school, and I did the same with his science teacher (OK, that all the men in the school are very hot Black men has nothing to do with me showing up!), and I bonded with his English and social studies teachers, and I'll do the same with the resource teacher. Once they trust me, we can work together.
For their high school exit exam, and the lower level exams, they have the four core subjects rather than just Language Arts and Math like in California. But, I've spent time in both the science and social studies classrooms, and there's not much learning happening there - it's too much textbook copying and no relating. I feel for the social studies teacher - she's having a series of bad days, and I had a year like that. And it's for very similar reasons: our classes were taken away from us mid-year. Teachers shouldn't be treated like that because the children suffer.
There's this idea here in NOLA that teachers have been holding the school system hostage - that tenure makes it impossible for quality education to happen. It's insane, but it's a firmly entrenched notion. To deal with it, administrators at schools are taking random acts to prove they're in charge and teachers don't have a voice - like switching classrooms and students regularly, changing content without notice, that sort of thing. The sort of thing that ruins teaching flow and hurts kids. Teachers like me, we need to have vision to plan quality lessons -a vision you can't have if you don't know what you'll be teaching. We need physical space to orient around - for organizing student workspace and showing their work and making an environment that works for our teaching method strengths and students' needs. If you keep changing who our students are, we don't get to know them - so then how can we meet their needs? They aren't widgets.
I wish I could be at his IEP meeting today, but I have class. It's so easy for me to slip back into teacher mode/advocate mode. I don't know Louisiana or New Orleans educational system, but I know systems and i know federal special ed law and I know what 8th grade boys with learning disabilities need.
And, one of the things he needs is me, a tutor for 2-3 hours a week to work with him on his reading and boost his performance in other classes.
So, I said to the director, no thanks - I'm keeping who I got. Because maybe working with him won't help the school's test scores much, but it might just help him.
I have two children to work with for tutoring, and the boy is so low that within about one minute I was wanting to look in his cumulative file and see what's up. Of course, there is no cumulative file, but where he evacuated to tested him and the mother is "trying to get the records." Um, ok, they left there more than six months ago - why didn't she request them when she left? Sigh.
There's no special ed program in the school; there's a resource teacher who oversees the IEPs, but that's it. The boy doesn't know his phone number, because I met the resource teacher when she came to ask him in order to contact his mother.
Hearing him read is really painful for me. Really, really painful. The director said he tested at a 5th grade level and I said, yeah, I don't think so, but I gave him the book she provided (I don't know where she got that score). He had almost a week to practice, and I could tell he did - but it was like someone with advanced cerebral palsy trying to run. And he was so concerned with trying to say all the words that he had no idea what any of them meant.
The director wanted to take him away from me and have me work with somebody who's closer to proficient to get the test scores of the school up. (That's the game schools play now - ignoring the lowest and highest kids because they don't affect the test scores - it's the kids who are basic getting up to proficient - that's the most bang for the test score buck.) Because honestly, even with the best intervention that money could buy (which this school sure don't have), he won't get proficient in the next three months.
But I will work my magic. I flirted a little with the counselor (who "stops in" occasionally - he's from a university and it's not his actual job, but he does it at a number of schools) to get info on the testing that the boy will need to pass to move to high school, and I did the same with his science teacher (OK, that all the men in the school are very hot Black men has nothing to do with me showing up!), and I bonded with his English and social studies teachers, and I'll do the same with the resource teacher. Once they trust me, we can work together.
For their high school exit exam, and the lower level exams, they have the four core subjects rather than just Language Arts and Math like in California. But, I've spent time in both the science and social studies classrooms, and there's not much learning happening there - it's too much textbook copying and no relating. I feel for the social studies teacher - she's having a series of bad days, and I had a year like that. And it's for very similar reasons: our classes were taken away from us mid-year. Teachers shouldn't be treated like that because the children suffer.
There's this idea here in NOLA that teachers have been holding the school system hostage - that tenure makes it impossible for quality education to happen. It's insane, but it's a firmly entrenched notion. To deal with it, administrators at schools are taking random acts to prove they're in charge and teachers don't have a voice - like switching classrooms and students regularly, changing content without notice, that sort of thing. The sort of thing that ruins teaching flow and hurts kids. Teachers like me, we need to have vision to plan quality lessons -a vision you can't have if you don't know what you'll be teaching. We need physical space to orient around - for organizing student workspace and showing their work and making an environment that works for our teaching method strengths and students' needs. If you keep changing who our students are, we don't get to know them - so then how can we meet their needs? They aren't widgets.
I wish I could be at his IEP meeting today, but I have class. It's so easy for me to slip back into teacher mode/advocate mode. I don't know Louisiana or New Orleans educational system, but I know systems and i know federal special ed law and I know what 8th grade boys with learning disabilities need.
And, one of the things he needs is me, a tutor for 2-3 hours a week to work with him on his reading and boost his performance in other classes.
So, I said to the director, no thanks - I'm keeping who I got. Because maybe working with him won't help the school's test scores much, but it might just help him.
Monday, November 06, 2006
neck bones
First, I have to say this is the first place I've lived that has "turkey necks" as a side dish.
But mostly that's not the point.
A University of New Orleans student was recently found dead in his dorm room because his decomposing body stunk so much after a week that neighbors called to complain. He was 42. While decomposition made ID and cause of death difficult to determine, his neck bones had been crushed, indicating strangulation. His wallet, car, and other items of value were missing.
Tonight K drove me home, and that was in the back of my mind. If I were strangled, who would know? Well, K would realize I'm not in class because I see her every day, and now she knows where to come drive to in order to see what's up, or to call the police. My Civ Pro prof (who tonight told me I have "climate issues") would notice my disappearance, and so would some of my classmates, but none of them know where I live. But now K does, so we call rest assured that my body will not decompose to the point of needing dental records to ID.
But mostly that's not the point.
A University of New Orleans student was recently found dead in his dorm room because his decomposing body stunk so much after a week that neighbors called to complain. He was 42. While decomposition made ID and cause of death difficult to determine, his neck bones had been crushed, indicating strangulation. His wallet, car, and other items of value were missing.
Tonight K drove me home, and that was in the back of my mind. If I were strangled, who would know? Well, K would realize I'm not in class because I see her every day, and now she knows where to come drive to in order to see what's up, or to call the police. My Civ Pro prof (who tonight told me I have "climate issues") would notice my disappearance, and so would some of my classmates, but none of them know where I live. But now K does, so we call rest assured that my body will not decompose to the point of needing dental records to ID.
vernal equinox
March 21. I've set a wedding day. Just have to get the groom to agree. And if he's not here by then, I'll fly to Liberia (it's my spring break) and we'll get married there (in theory - heavens knows the bureaucratic headaches there).
a good sign
When you email the US visa services with a question, you get an email back that they won't respond because they're too busy (why they don't put that on the website, I don't understand). Same with Ghana embassy.
But, I started to have a little mini-panic attack when I looked at the Liberia embassy website and it said that the type of visas they grant is very limited (they were closed until rather recently).
So, I emailed them.
AND THEY EMAILED ME BACK! "We can interview K-1 applicants as long as we have an approved petition from USCIS."
That just made my day. They have the personnel to respond to email; hopefully they have the personnel to expedite Dayton's visa! I also want to hurry through while the country's stable ... I mean, I really hope that it stays stable and gets even stronger ... but I really don't want him and the girls there if violence breaks out again and the embassy folks are helicoptered out.
I also looked up numbers on fiance visas - they're not a common visa, which is why the immigration officer I talked to AND the immigration lawyer haven't seen many. I found the timeline with some pretty graphs this weekend, but can't find it again to post it now. I think it said the Texas Service Center's visa process is usually 99 days - but now I just read 6-9 months. And, hopefully we're on the short end because he's not somebody I paid an agency for (think Russian mail order bride).
Sigh.
But, I started to have a little mini-panic attack when I looked at the Liberia embassy website and it said that the type of visas they grant is very limited (they were closed until rather recently).
So, I emailed them.
AND THEY EMAILED ME BACK! "We can interview K-1 applicants as long as we have an approved petition from USCIS."
That just made my day. They have the personnel to respond to email; hopefully they have the personnel to expedite Dayton's visa! I also want to hurry through while the country's stable ... I mean, I really hope that it stays stable and gets even stronger ... but I really don't want him and the girls there if violence breaks out again and the embassy folks are helicoptered out.
I also looked up numbers on fiance visas - they're not a common visa, which is why the immigration officer I talked to AND the immigration lawyer haven't seen many. I found the timeline with some pretty graphs this weekend, but can't find it again to post it now. I think it said the Texas Service Center's visa process is usually 99 days - but now I just read 6-9 months. And, hopefully we're on the short end because he's not somebody I paid an agency for (think Russian mail order bride).
Sigh.
Sunday, November 05, 2006
What are Places that Begin with N
Ahmed is off to Nak-a-Tish for 13 weeks. Woo hoo! I mean, not woo-hoo that he's away from his family for 13 weeks, but woo-hoo that he's got a job for awhile and that's it's only a few hours away so they get to see each other at least every week.
It made me think of Nenana Ice Classic. Fun times. We Alaskans, we like to do things like bet on when a river's ice will go out, dropping the tripod into the river below. We're a peculiar breed, I admit.
And this is way weird - and is guaranteed to make you itch. Especially the end. Don't watch it, Tami!
It made me think of Nenana Ice Classic. Fun times. We Alaskans, we like to do things like bet on when a river's ice will go out, dropping the tripod into the river below. We're a peculiar breed, I admit.
And this is way weird - and is guaranteed to make you itch. Especially the end. Don't watch it, Tami!
tofu
I finally got tofu JUST RIGHT. Woo hoo. I like it firm and chewy but not greasy.
So, I got extra firm tofu, pressed the water out, sliced in 1/2" slices (or thinner) then sprayed a large skillet lightly with cooking spray and fried it up, probably 5 minutes on each side until brown. Excellent! Then I baked it in a cacciatore sauce (I was going to make from scratch, but found a local one in a jar that I tried - it was ok) and ate it up with brown rice. Yum. I really was craving some of the tofu Lara used to make - with brewers' yeast & soy sauce ... but I need to find some brewers' yeast.
I need three more days to get everything done that I need to, but of course as I look at my schedule, there's no free time for days to come. Sigh. I got about three hours tonight and then I'm officially screwed. And I skipped the gym all weekend and didn't make it to the grocery store - so I'm eating crap and feeling undermotivated and oh-so-behind.
My biggest quandary now is do I take civil law classes (practiced only in Louisiana and the most of the rest of the world) or common law classes (practiced in the U.S., England, Liberia, a few other places). I want to get a job here in New Orleans this summer, so I toy with civil law, and then I'll catch up with the common law classes later. It's just cool to be different, which law schools in Louisiana are - I get to choose civil law here and can't anywhere else. Seems like I should take advantage, even if it really means twice the work.
Speaking of which, back to work now.
Oh, and I probably won't get to see Dayton in December. Damn his pragmatism. He was like, "Look, you told me to go back to Liberia then, so I am - but I don't know the exact date - as soon as we can when Cece's out of school. And why not take things one step at a time - let's get me there with you. Because if you fly all the way to see me in Ghana or Liberia, you get to see me, what, two days? Why don't we save that money for when you see me every day and every night."
So, he would choke if he knew that phone conversation was costing $30. It's just SO HARD to get through, so using a phone card never works anymore - so I'm paying $1.50/minute, which is BRUTAL.
I got to talk to our friend Fred yesterday (phones are working in Liberia but not Ghana!?), and he had just flown last week to Senegal and it cost about $480. Which is what I found on-line, but Fred's awesome with deals so thought he might have an inside scoop. There is no inside scoop. Which means from Senegal to Ghana is more like $600.
Now, we all know that I've done booty call for twice that cost for a weekend. But I was gainfully employed then.
He's right. I protested and said we'd talk about it later, and he was probably agreeable because he knew I'd agree if I thought about it. Dammit. I didn't *really* want to go back to Ghana anyway - I mean, I'm over the romantic allure of public latrines and sweltering heat with no ventilation. But I *did* want to take Christmas presents to him and Cece ... and I really wanted to see him. Sigh. Now it's waiting FOREVER.
I guess, worst case scenario, if there's no progress on his visa by my spring break I'll go over there then. Of course to Liberia will cost me over $2K, and I'd rather he be here.
But first, we have to find a functioning fax machine in Ghana. Easier said than done. ARGH!
So, I got extra firm tofu, pressed the water out, sliced in 1/2" slices (or thinner) then sprayed a large skillet lightly with cooking spray and fried it up, probably 5 minutes on each side until brown. Excellent! Then I baked it in a cacciatore sauce (I was going to make from scratch, but found a local one in a jar that I tried - it was ok) and ate it up with brown rice. Yum. I really was craving some of the tofu Lara used to make - with brewers' yeast & soy sauce ... but I need to find some brewers' yeast.
I need three more days to get everything done that I need to, but of course as I look at my schedule, there's no free time for days to come. Sigh. I got about three hours tonight and then I'm officially screwed. And I skipped the gym all weekend and didn't make it to the grocery store - so I'm eating crap and feeling undermotivated and oh-so-behind.
My biggest quandary now is do I take civil law classes (practiced only in Louisiana and the most of the rest of the world) or common law classes (practiced in the U.S., England, Liberia, a few other places). I want to get a job here in New Orleans this summer, so I toy with civil law, and then I'll catch up with the common law classes later. It's just cool to be different, which law schools in Louisiana are - I get to choose civil law here and can't anywhere else. Seems like I should take advantage, even if it really means twice the work.
Speaking of which, back to work now.
Oh, and I probably won't get to see Dayton in December. Damn his pragmatism. He was like, "Look, you told me to go back to Liberia then, so I am - but I don't know the exact date - as soon as we can when Cece's out of school. And why not take things one step at a time - let's get me there with you. Because if you fly all the way to see me in Ghana or Liberia, you get to see me, what, two days? Why don't we save that money for when you see me every day and every night."
So, he would choke if he knew that phone conversation was costing $30. It's just SO HARD to get through, so using a phone card never works anymore - so I'm paying $1.50/minute, which is BRUTAL.
I got to talk to our friend Fred yesterday (phones are working in Liberia but not Ghana!?), and he had just flown last week to Senegal and it cost about $480. Which is what I found on-line, but Fred's awesome with deals so thought he might have an inside scoop. There is no inside scoop. Which means from Senegal to Ghana is more like $600.
Now, we all know that I've done booty call for twice that cost for a weekend. But I was gainfully employed then.
He's right. I protested and said we'd talk about it later, and he was probably agreeable because he knew I'd agree if I thought about it. Dammit. I didn't *really* want to go back to Ghana anyway - I mean, I'm over the romantic allure of public latrines and sweltering heat with no ventilation. But I *did* want to take Christmas presents to him and Cece ... and I really wanted to see him. Sigh. Now it's waiting FOREVER.
I guess, worst case scenario, if there's no progress on his visa by my spring break I'll go over there then. Of course to Liberia will cost me over $2K, and I'd rather he be here.
But first, we have to find a functioning fax machine in Ghana. Easier said than done. ARGH!
Saturday, November 04, 2006
diapers
I went to KMart today, and when I was looking at the furniture (yeah, I'm all about quality), there was a cart in front of a cupboard I wanted to look at. I started to move it, then jumped back as if shocked. Inside was the cutest little baby ever, sound asleep.
I looked around, wondering to whom this angel belonged (they're all angels when they're asleep), and saw a woman across the way. I said loudly, "I'm going to move your cart just a little bit." She didn't even notice I was standing there with my hands on the cart holding her child.
Now, he was cute. I don't mean just a little, he was CUTE. Adorable. And at only two months, he wasn't really imprinted to her, so if I just walked away with him he'd never even know that I wasn't his mother. His skin tone is about what I expect if Dayton and I have a child.
And then I remembered about the "little yellow tinkles" (I think that's what Tiff called them on her blog), and I'm pretty sure it was a boy, so I just looked at the furniture.
OK, so I didn't really think all those things. Besides, KMart would be the cheapest place to buy diapers and formula, besides that UNNAMED PLACE, and I couldn't exactly steal the kid and then go back in for supplies. And honestly, I like 'em better after they're potty trained.
I looked around, wondering to whom this angel belonged (they're all angels when they're asleep), and saw a woman across the way. I said loudly, "I'm going to move your cart just a little bit." She didn't even notice I was standing there with my hands on the cart holding her child.
Now, he was cute. I don't mean just a little, he was CUTE. Adorable. And at only two months, he wasn't really imprinted to her, so if I just walked away with him he'd never even know that I wasn't his mother. His skin tone is about what I expect if Dayton and I have a child.
And then I remembered about the "little yellow tinkles" (I think that's what Tiff called them on her blog), and I'm pretty sure it was a boy, so I just looked at the furniture.
OK, so I didn't really think all those things. Besides, KMart would be the cheapest place to buy diapers and formula, besides that UNNAMED PLACE, and I couldn't exactly steal the kid and then go back in for supplies. And honestly, I like 'em better after they're potty trained.
no veil
Well, Gail, we WERE going to get married in Louisiana, but last week the Torts prof mentioned that Louisiana is one of the few states left whose marriage laws include crap about husband's dominion over wife and all that (he's a real enlightened guy, so we were joking about it). So we might have to fly to Vegas for a weekend or something and get married there - someplace that doesn't consider me to be chattel, but maybe an actual adult in a relationship of equals. I know that's a crazy notion.
I'm trying to fax the forms to Dayton today, but he was just at a wedding and now he's trying to get the correct fax number there before the UPS store near here closes today. ARGH! Otherwise, I'll try on Monday in that 1/2 hour break I have all day long.
Next will be for him to check forms, then I fax him official ones and he'll sign them and mail them, with some other documents, to me. Then I double check all my forms and combine with his (I think I'll Virg-ify it - I'll put it in a binder with colored tabs for each section), and check my list twice, and mail the forms off to Mesquite Texas.
Now, that sounds a little ominous - the name of that place. BUT, Mesquite trees are in the family of my favorite trees (acacia), so it seems to bode well.
Then we wait. And wait. I have a good feeling about February-March. Then they send notice and he has to go to the embassy and get information and then get a huge packet of crap together - medical forms, police certificates, passport, birth certificate, etc. etc. He gets it all together and then makes an appointment for an interview where he proclaims undying love for me and his absence of intention to be a criminal in this country. Then, hopefully, the visa is quick from there (I've heard even next day can happen). Then we make plane reservations and he comes here. yay! Then we get married right away (Justice of the Peace, I'm thinking) and we apply for a change in his status so he can apply for green card and a temporary work permit (throughout this time he learns to drive and acculturates), then he gets a job; and everything's running on MY timeframe, we get the girls here during the summer to start school at the beginning of the year. After two years, we apply for another change in status, and hopefully the green card comes soon after that. After five years, he can apply to be a permanent resident or think about if he wants to be a citizen.
Overwhelming? Just a little.
I'm trying to fax the forms to Dayton today, but he was just at a wedding and now he's trying to get the correct fax number there before the UPS store near here closes today. ARGH! Otherwise, I'll try on Monday in that 1/2 hour break I have all day long.
Next will be for him to check forms, then I fax him official ones and he'll sign them and mail them, with some other documents, to me. Then I double check all my forms and combine with his (I think I'll Virg-ify it - I'll put it in a binder with colored tabs for each section), and check my list twice, and mail the forms off to Mesquite Texas.
Now, that sounds a little ominous - the name of that place. BUT, Mesquite trees are in the family of my favorite trees (acacia), so it seems to bode well.
Then we wait. And wait. I have a good feeling about February-March. Then they send notice and he has to go to the embassy and get information and then get a huge packet of crap together - medical forms, police certificates, passport, birth certificate, etc. etc. He gets it all together and then makes an appointment for an interview where he proclaims undying love for me and his absence of intention to be a criminal in this country. Then, hopefully, the visa is quick from there (I've heard even next day can happen). Then we make plane reservations and he comes here. yay! Then we get married right away (Justice of the Peace, I'm thinking) and we apply for a change in his status so he can apply for green card and a temporary work permit (throughout this time he learns to drive and acculturates), then he gets a job; and everything's running on MY timeframe, we get the girls here during the summer to start school at the beginning of the year. After two years, we apply for another change in status, and hopefully the green card comes soon after that. After five years, he can apply to be a permanent resident or think about if he wants to be a citizen.
Overwhelming? Just a little.
Friday, November 03, 2006
white boys and clean floors
When I asked the coordinator of the Civil Rights testing what kind of people she needed, she said it's hardest to get white men to participate (imagine that - they don't want to do things that might expose the privileges they have). I said, "Gee, I'm sorry, I don't really know any white men."
But I do; some of my classmates are possibly cool. North Carolina Boy is the one I approached, and he said he's definitely down with that.
But it did make me take note - I really don't know many white boys (and he and I got chummy because we're in Spanish together and he was Puerto Rico for a year). The people I talk to most at school, they're the few minorities. Of the people I know and like and choose to sit near, there's Puerto Rican, Indian, Mexican, African American, Korean. And a blind woman, who is white. When I filled out my application to be a tester, they asked if I'd ever owned a rental, and I thought back - yeah, the only renters I ever had, one was Mexican and one was Nicaraguan; of the two, one was lesbian. I think I got my civil rights violations to a minimum here. If Pam had walked with a limp and Nancy had gotten knocked up, I'd have about all the protected categories covered.
My point? Just that I don't get the segregation. It's boring.
And I finally cleaned my floors well. Maybe your mother told you to always wear clean underwear in case you were in a car crash and taken to the hospital. It's the same with clean floors. Yesterday Tami and Ahmed stopped by and we went to Pyramids - I wanted her to see where I live. It was great to see them! Anyway, it was embarrassing to have such dirty floors. And then today K offered to drive me home and my first thought was, "I don't want her to see my dirty floors."
Well, they're clean now. And I finally laid out the rug and hung the Alaskan mask, so I'm finally, six weeks later, moved in.
And it's LOOOONG past my bedtime and I'm hours behind on work.
I'm putting the finishing touches on the first of the paperwork for Dayton, and hopefully I'll fax it to him tomorrow.
OH MY GOD! I'M GOING TO GET MARRIED! OH MY GOD! I'M GOING TO LIVE WITH A BOY!! (Think Friends episode here.)
But I do; some of my classmates are possibly cool. North Carolina Boy is the one I approached, and he said he's definitely down with that.
But it did make me take note - I really don't know many white boys (and he and I got chummy because we're in Spanish together and he was Puerto Rico for a year). The people I talk to most at school, they're the few minorities. Of the people I know and like and choose to sit near, there's Puerto Rican, Indian, Mexican, African American, Korean. And a blind woman, who is white. When I filled out my application to be a tester, they asked if I'd ever owned a rental, and I thought back - yeah, the only renters I ever had, one was Mexican and one was Nicaraguan; of the two, one was lesbian. I think I got my civil rights violations to a minimum here. If Pam had walked with a limp and Nancy had gotten knocked up, I'd have about all the protected categories covered.
My point? Just that I don't get the segregation. It's boring.
And I finally cleaned my floors well. Maybe your mother told you to always wear clean underwear in case you were in a car crash and taken to the hospital. It's the same with clean floors. Yesterday Tami and Ahmed stopped by and we went to Pyramids - I wanted her to see where I live. It was great to see them! Anyway, it was embarrassing to have such dirty floors. And then today K offered to drive me home and my first thought was, "I don't want her to see my dirty floors."
Well, they're clean now. And I finally laid out the rug and hung the Alaskan mask, so I'm finally, six weeks later, moved in.
And it's LOOOONG past my bedtime and I'm hours behind on work.
I'm putting the finishing touches on the first of the paperwork for Dayton, and hopefully I'll fax it to him tomorrow.
OH MY GOD! I'M GOING TO GET MARRIED! OH MY GOD! I'M GOING TO LIVE WITH A BOY!! (Think Friends episode here.)
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Why I will never have boys
From my friends Tiffany and Rick's blog. They are amazingly adventurous, building yurts in the wilderness with two young boys (are they 6 now??).
first day tutoring
First day tutoring ... I know where I do NOT want to send CeCe and Daytricia. Fine for other people's kids, but I would have no tolerance for a science teacher who has them copy things from the book instead of any actual learning (yeah, I know it's done occasionally by even the best teachers - but I saw it in several classes and it seems to be a regularly occurring thing).
I got an 8th grade boy with extremely low skills (he could not add 80 + 20) and no schema about the world (couldn't tell me which direction is south or where his ancestors come from) and a 7th grade girl who is going to love reading. I couldn't get her to stop and put the damn book away - that's what I like to see.
Weirdest thing? I stepped into the science room to get another book and as I left I heard the teacher (a very fine man, I must say), exclaiming, "You can't flirt with her! She's a grown-up! She's a college student!" OK, I'm sure I'm older than all their parents, and that's just gross.
It'll be fun I think, though I'm not sure I really agree with the mission (pulling kids out of classes to read with college students - it could work, but I'm not fully on-board). It's just always good for me to be in touch with kids, reading their books and hearing what interests them.
I'm down to three jobs - just dropped a tutoring because I had a bad feeling about him being flaky. And now I'm frantically finishing up a memo assignment. I think I'm better with the legal writing now - but still miles to go.
I got an 8th grade boy with extremely low skills (he could not add 80 + 20) and no schema about the world (couldn't tell me which direction is south or where his ancestors come from) and a 7th grade girl who is going to love reading. I couldn't get her to stop and put the damn book away - that's what I like to see.
Weirdest thing? I stepped into the science room to get another book and as I left I heard the teacher (a very fine man, I must say), exclaiming, "You can't flirt with her! She's a grown-up! She's a college student!" OK, I'm sure I'm older than all their parents, and that's just gross.
It'll be fun I think, though I'm not sure I really agree with the mission (pulling kids out of classes to read with college students - it could work, but I'm not fully on-board). It's just always good for me to be in touch with kids, reading their books and hearing what interests them.
I'm down to three jobs - just dropped a tutoring because I had a bad feeling about him being flaky. And now I'm frantically finishing up a memo assignment. I think I'm better with the legal writing now - but still miles to go.
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