TV or casebooks?

I just discovered that I can get many TV shows on my computer. Such as here. This is bad, very bad. I did watch an episode of The Nine, which I had read about, and I enjoyed it.

Had my last discussion tonight of practice exam - we had them in all four major classes, and one was graded. Which was this one for me, Contracts. This is the professor who thinks practice exams are stupid (he's also the dean), so I got one, maybe two comments. Not very helpful. More helpful was the actual grade - I got a 24 out of 40, which was right smack-dab in the middle. A solid B. And that, with absolutely no preparation (it was the only practice exam I didn't study for at all or do any prep - based on his bad attitude about it), and I even forgot my class notes, which I'd planned on using. (he'd told us, "Use your notes, use your books, hell, I don't care - cheat!") (He likes to swear quite a bit. He'd written a number on the board and a kid asked, "Is that a 2?" "Yeah, that's a 2, asshole!" And he likes to use "the f word" but I think it titillates him more than us. Only he can pull it off.)

So, I guess a B isn't bad news. But it's not good news. Somebody got 7 points higher than me, and that was the only A. Remember, all law school courses are curved - only 60% can get a B or higher. And I really do need to be in the top third of my class. So, right in the middle - definitely NOT going to cut it. It's time to step up now.

Or watch more streaming TV.

All of my profs really like me, except for Crim Law, who hasn't noticed any of us actually exist. (Several of my classmates are totally into CrimLaw and he should be much nicer to them, but he's kind of a jerk.) But the other four, they really do. They want me to be successful. I realized that yesterday before class when Civ Pro prof, who had strongly personally encouraged me to come to class, did what I call perching. I do it often - I perch on the edge of a table and chat with my students.

I had shouted across the room, which is like an auditorium, "I don't mean to complain, but this reading for today, it made my head hurt." There were just a few of us there, I was chatting with North Carolina Boy, and prof came to perch. "What didn't you like about it?" I have to be careful, because his ego is fragile, but he's a good listener. And he humors me. He doesn't much like my questions, but he humors me. I always think in such strange tangents, because I like the whole context. Follow the rules and make a flow chart? It's a nice suggestion, but not how my brain works. But he really, really wants me to succeed. He knows I come prepared to class, and he appreciates my appreciation for him.

Today before class he came over to ask if I received the response to my email. Which I did, and which I wished I hadn't sent because it was just stupid, bringing up Billy Idol and doctorates. I need to curb my communication enthusiasm and not hit "send" so often. But he didn't tell me I was stupid; he humored me. And I appreciate it.

Almost every day K and I are the last ones out of his class because we start talking, and he always watches us to make sure we aren't lingering to ask questions. Today K and I went to the career counseling thing, because I reminded her - though last week's on resumes was a HUGE waste of time. So we went, and got the flyer, and it said we were doing a scavenger hunt, and I showed her, and we left. We just got up and walked out. I hate stupid crap like that, and her "oh hell no!" wasn't even necessary for me to know how she'd feel.

All the Black kids are friends - there's an organization and they have support systems and all sorts of things. So, I keep hoping that K will introduce me to J, who is simply the most beautiful man I have ever seen, and he has this Southern drawl that makes me weak in the knees (a little like Martin Luther King, Jr.). Whenever he speaks in class (he's in two of the same as me), I just stare. Whenever anybody anywhere near him speaks, I just stare. When anybody is speaking, or it's silent, I stare. I'm sure he thinks I'm a complete freak.

Now, I'm sure his personality is not all that, and I am crazy in love with Dayton and would never cheat with J, but he's like art work I can't take my eyes off. They were talking yesterday while I waited for K so we could walk out together, but he didn't address me at all. Sigh. Tonight I did, however, meet the second most beautiful boy in the law school. Shook his hand and introduced myself because he'd emailed me about volunteer stuff.

It's like, I'm this old almost-married woman, and I would not ever even want to hook up with any of these hot exotic 22-year-old boys in my classes. Where was I reading? Probably in Crim Law, about how men see friendly women as a sexual come-on - and I always could feel that before, so was careful about being friendly with men. But now, I can show I'm nearly old enough to be their mother, and it's not like I want to be sexually desirable to them. I want to be sexually desirable to Dayton, but to everybody else I just want to be neutrum (from a Swedish poem I read years ago). And it's fun to be with pretty boys like that, with absolutely no sexual tension or pressure, and just other people too.

So on the one hand it kinda sucks to be so much older than my classmates, because my brain works so differently and I don't have much in common. But on the other hand, with time I meet people that I like and relate to. We don't have to become the best of friends, but it helps to have collegiality. And the profs are welcoming and helpful - they take me as I am.

I spent a long time talking to an LLM student this afternoon, and he's probably right, that I will be less thrilled with courses in my 2nd and 3rd years because they aren't that rigorous - but I still think that I made the right choice, to come to First Choice Law School. I don't think I'd like any place better, or even as much.

That's not to say it's all sunshine and roses. But when am I ever fully content?