time (is it on my side?)

1:30 a.m. 3:30 a.m. Unknown callers. Well, I'm glad Dayton finally has something to say to me, but couldn't he have waited until 7:30 MY time? I'm not calling back anytime soon. I'm showing my student around school and have classes and then rushing home to complete an assignment that I need 30 hours for in about three so I can go back to campus and ask my instructor yet more questions. I was already sleep-deprived and not feeling so hot, so these wake-up calls in the night before I turned off my phone have really pushed me into noncoherence land.

Woo.

One of my other students told me she was talking to lawyers she used to work with and they asked her about the prep class (she loves me) and she told them I'm a 1L and they said I was COMPLETELY INSANE for teaching twice a week while a 1L. And they don't even know about my other two jobs or the lawsuit or Dayton or health issues. So, that's a little comforting. Being a lawyer is about really long and stressful days, but if actual lawyers are saying that I"m already going through long and stressful, then I'm not worried about what the future holds.

I'm a little worried about grades. Or, a lot worried. Like this memo assignment - on the one hand, if I'd had more time I could have done better (it's due Monday but I can't ask any questions after 5:00 pm today). But honestly - I had time that I chose not to use because I just couldn't force myself to do it. I want an A. But just having more time to work on it wouldn't make that happen necessarily. I'm not ripping something out at the last minute - none of us is - and there's diminishing returns at work.

And with my prep for classes - I have always read and always briefed - sometimes a day after we discussed, but rarely late. I don't know everything and I'm especially worried about not having wrapped my brain around CivPRo because I didn't brief for that class (because he would give us the assignments only a day in advance, I generally didn't have time). So, I'm definitely behind in outlining and preparation for exams, but I might still be ok. Even if I'd had more time - only recently could I have started the outlining and prep anyway. And there are still a couple weeks until finals.

Yeah, I keep talking about it, clearly I'm preoccupied. Obsessed. I really want to do well, and I want to believe that my work habits won't prevent me from that. Time's elastic, I say, and just because I've stretched the elastic all the way out doesn't mean it's not holding everything.

Ready or not, time to start the day.