laundromat blues

I am so over laundromats. I have to psych myself out to go now, so today's "reward" was to read the newspapers for the past five days that I haven't had a chance to read, and the daily special of soul food sold out of the back of the nextdoor Arab-run gas station. It was between the soul food or the taqueria in the parking lot, and I was craving me some greens and wanted to see how their "smothered" was.

It was ok. Cornbread really dry - again, I'm a better cook. But I learned something valuable about greens - mine actually taste at least as good as what I get elsewhere, but the problem is that I try to eat them just as greens, maybe with rice. They're a side, and if they are the main course they're always going to fall short. Too sour. The greens in Africa are just totally different.

I got there in a pretty good mood - hell, it's vacation and tomorrow at this time I'll be in Oregon with my two favorite 7- and 2-year-olds.

It started pretty well - a matronly Black woman customer told me how to work the card machines, and there was a saying about Allah hanging above the doorway, and a Mexican (ok, Latino) man was very friendly in the parking lot. All good.

And then a family came in and I thought, as I often have, how cute "paw-paw" is for grandpa. I'm over it. If I hear one more, "You want me to wup you? I'm telling paw-paw and he wup yur ass! He get his belt!" well, I'm not sure how I could be as obnoxious as that in return. Maybe I'd talk about Wal-Mart evils. The thing is that these people, the ones who threaten violence against their kids, try to do it in lieu of actual parenting. Why was this 2-year-old acting up? Because he was BORED and ignored. Be a parent already and get off your lazy ass and interact with your child. Not to the point that he's the center of the universe, but so he feels acknowledged. Until you do, he's going to keep ramming strangers with laundry baskets and sticking foreign objects into brand-new machines. But you don't really care, do you?

And then there was junk in most of the dryers (trash, candy, etc. that would melt), and the TV was blaring ESPN (I don't care!) and the parking was so tight I couldn't get out. (The next time somebody gestures there's a mile between me and their car, I'll stop being so cautious and hit them. People with small cars cannot tell me how to drive my behemoth.)

It was a new laundromat, and I don't know if I'll return. I can't study there, or in any that I know, and that's what I need. Well, there is a laundromat at the university right by the law school, but I don't know how to get my laundry there because it's in a dormitory and no parking nearby. But I might try to figure that out, because it would be worth it to go to the library during the spin cycle.

It's just annoying and unnecessary - I should have a washer and dryer. Not in this apartment, it's too tiny, but I should be able to find housing elsewhere that meets this and the off-street parking need. But there's nothing unless I want to pay more than $1000 for a small one-bedroom far from school. That's messed up. Maybe at the end of the year when leases run out and people are moving away something good will open up. This sucks.

Of course, I'm not having to wash my clothes by hand and hang them outside, like most of the world, so I need to shut the heck up.

It's just that there's always this gap - or tension in me. I like a world full of colorful characters and interesting places, but I also want everything clean and sterilized and I want people to stop shooting each other. Maybe it's just weighing on me since I got the major lecture from Kim about how I have to be safe - or maybe that in the 5 days of newspaper I read, there were at least 10 murders (I stopped counting then). 4 people in 3 hours. And yeah, it's mostly about drugs, but I don't care. I'm fed up with the death here.

Yes, Tami, I know, you warned me.

But why can't America have a city that is full of interesting culture and music (I'm listening to Rebirth Brass Band right now to perk me back up) that isn't a dangerous pothole? Why do we keep having to choose between tract houses and safety? Why can't I have restaurants and shops that are local and STILL be able to walk home after dark from school?

Maybe the violence and culture aren't related, but I can't think of any place that is interesting in this country that isn't riddled with such problems. Memphis comes to mind.

I don't want to live in sterile suburbia, I've said often, but don't I? I'm running out of patience for inner-city problems that surround me. And we all know, I'm not a patient woman. New Orleans is now smaller than Riverside but has so much more to offer because there's no LA nearby to rely upon. But even LA doesn't have to offer what New Orleans does. And I love all the people I actually know from here. I love that the soul food woman said, "Hi, baby!" and was happy to see me like we were old friends when I walked up to the window. I love that when I play my "fake or real" game, it's usually the latter - not so in SoCal.

It's a rough time for the city, there's no doubt. People's patience it stretched beyond limits. But I love how I can chat it up with former neighbors Bill and Charlotte and our conversation is not always about how they're so screwed because they can't get into their house yet. People here suck it up and find the sunny side, and their hospitality is genuine.

So who are these people who are killing so much?

Hm. I think I need to find some volunteering in the system so I can find out. My students made sense of things for me before, and I need something like that here. It just doesn't make sense to me.

Maybe it isn't about the people, but about the system. Which is definitely major fucked up here. Hm.

I need to volunteer next term. Period. I need to stop working in education and I need to get into law. I need those experiences. Which means Dayton ain't coming anytime soon, if ever. He was pretty upset about my notice that I don't have time to deal with him now - I'm too busy, and I need to start putting myself first now. Tough. Suck it up.

OK, time for one more round of "Do Whatcha Wanna" while putting away the laundry and packing, and then some more studying. I'm up at 4:00 a.m. tomorrow to catch my flight to Oregon so it'll be an early night.

Oh, today I learned one of my classmates actually took all these classes last year but walked out on the exams. Last year for the people who stuck it out with First Choice, they came in January and had a full year's worth of classes with an extended 6-day schedule. So, she took the classes but apparently cracked at the finals and walked out. She still paid for all of last year but then has to redo. I haven't talked to her about it, but I want details. I like her, she's nice. In the same category as the young woman who shouted at me when I was trying to find my ID to get through the short-cut gate, "Don't worry Ms. [Insert My Last Name Here]! I have it!" and then bustled over to help me out. That's just nice, especially since we've never met and just know each other's last names from class. I have liked every person from West Virginia I have ever met. And it's a small state, so maybe nobody will ruin that concept I have.

I just wish that - walking out - weren't in my realm of possibility now. Sigh. The test questions are freaking hard, and it totally sucks when EVERYTHING rests on like two questions. What if I read something wrong? Or ... never mind, I'm not going to psych myself out here.