the profundity of a refrigerator magnet

Aztec Boy was grateful for the things I left for him yesterday. He took The Little Prince (El Principito) to read in the park yesterday. I like that image - I make schoolboys out of the gangstas. But his favorite was the magnet I left: "Do one thing every day that scares you. -Eleanor Roosevelt." It makes him think a lot, he says. I gave it to him because I thought it would (and because I'm getting rid of almost everything I own). I like being right, and I like being appreciated.

So to impress people, at least teenagers, I should begin to speak in such snippets. Then I bought him a mug that I've been eyeing for months, and it was their last one: "Be the change you want to be in the world. -Gandhi." I wanted the mug for myself, but the thought of packing one more thing made me physically ill, so I gave it to him and he said he'd drink from it and think about it every day. Kids are sweet.

He talked. He talked for two hours nonstop about all his fears of his future, about what he will become, about what will be. Clearly he needed to talk and he just needed somebody to listen. It exhausted me. Sure, we used to talk all the time, but it was no more than 20 minutes before or after school - but never for two hours straight about EVERYTHING of his 17 years condensed with visions of the future. I remember having a really cool older friend when I was that age - she lived in New York City and she had been a camp counselor. I visited her my senior year while visiting colleges, and I had a great time. I probably talked nonstop about my life, and I have no tales of 7 foster homes in one year, abusive stepfathers, illegal immigration. She probably slept for a week after I left.

Aztec Boy is at this point in his life that is so critical. He's started running into legal trouble, his brother is in juvie, he has no male role model. I just want to help tip him in the right direction. I try to be judicious in what I say to him because I know he does listen, sometimes too much. Not that I had much chance to talk today without interrupting. But I got some good zingers in, sayings fit for a refrigerator. "While we always carry within us who our families and parents are, at some point everybody has to get over it and rise above their background." "I know that you are capable of doing anything you set your mind to. The path is not easy for you, but you will succeed."

Maybe I could get a job at Hallmark. Of course I also played the teacher as well. "Why do you think I would be so opposed to you joining the army?" "How are you visualizing your goals?"

If I can just make the difference in this kid's life, it makes all of last year's horrors bearable. If he ends up in college instead of lock-up or on a battlefield, then that makes my existence just a little less pathetic. Pursuing a professional soccer career is a draw.

And now I'm pathetically sitting here amongst cardboard boxes. I'm exhausted and hate moving. Time to do the last packing and loading. ETD tomorrow: 6 a.m.