he torments me

The Honduran Handyman just called and left a nice message about when he would come to take care of my "wasp problem." [It's not a wasp problem. I just pointed it out to Ali when German/Herman was fixing my sink because there are about five of 'em and they build fast. It's sort of a pre-problem.]

So, I assumed that Neighbor Carolyn had just called Landlord Jon about our list of things to be done and Jon told Handyman Herman to call me.

Nope. He called of his own volition. Which was really nice, to not totally blow me off. And he was funny in his asshole way - saying he'd knock it down and spray and then leave some spray for me in case I "can get the guts to handle it." He challenged me.

So I called him back and said, "I've been thinking about it and I think you're right - you COULD kick my ass. So, I think because you're so much tougher than me YOU should have to handle all the bugs around me and I shouldn't have to."

What the hell good is machismo when they just laugh at you when you want them to act all manly?

He knows I want him. He teases and torments me. So now I have his phone number and that's never a good thing with me. Drunk dialing from Nicaragua? Oy. Chances are I'll never see him again - he may be gone before I get back. And I'll forget about this little crush and I'll be fine.

Somebody once said that a great way to get over somebody is to get under somebody else. That's all I need - a rebound boy. Or several rebound boys.

And what's with my phobia of killing things? I eat dead animals with the greatest of ease. But there's something about killing that I just have a problem with. Mosquitoes, not so much, but I have to work up desensification first. But I went out there with those wasps the other day and tried to take a rake to the nest, but when I hit out at it I hid my eyes and then apologized - and of course I missed. What's with me apologizing to wasps? And to cockroaches?

I don't want to see the death, I don't want to know about the death, I just want it to happen.

Ali and German/Herman - they've been really good to me. What will I do without my handymans? [Yes, I know that would be handymen, but I like the internal repetition of sounds.] I have to break in new guys to cater to my every whim - climbing up very high ladders to nail shutters on adjoining abandoned houses shut, crawling throughout my kitchen to block up all roach-entry holes they can see (they did that without me even asking!), coming over with my A/C SOS.

I miss them already. Herman/German said he'd just slip away so that the separation anxiety wouldn't consume me and I wouldn't have to say goodbye to him. Um, thanks.

I may appear to have an unnatural attachment to my handymans, but they improve the quality of my life and they do it with a smile (and a challenge).

But no, seriously - what am I supposed to do about knowing his phone number? Sigh.