double-dog-dare

Sometimes I double-dog-dare myself.

"What are you, chicken? Bwackbwackbwack! What kind of person lives in fear of change? Weak people, that's who! Are you weak? Fear is stupid!"

And so on.

Yeah, I'm a drill sergeant to myself. We know where Selma gets it from.

But I'll just say it straight out - hell yeah, I'm scared. I'm scared of holes in external walls and the damage from water and termites. I'm scared of fraudulent contractors. I'm scared of hidden serious damage. I'm scared of crazy renters and not finding parking in front of where I live. I'm scared of spending too much time fixing up a house instead of really necessary time spent studying - and I'm scared of not getting a good job when I'm out of school because of it. I'm scared that I'll lose money, and I'm scared that I will hate fixing up property because I'll be bad at it and make bad decisions.

And besides. I left a stable career to go tremendously in debt at age 40, and I'm engaged to a man from a very different culture that I've physically been in proximity with for a total of about 6 weeks. I don't think I'm chicken. I just think that I may be at my quotas of leaps of faith for awhile.

But dammit, there are those cute decorative wooden brackets, and two tenants who need me. Yeah, I have a pathological need to be needed.

Totally different subject, I'm annoyed with one of my classmates. He's a nice guy but I have less respect for him. He interviewed for jobs here. He had a summer job all lined up MONTHS ago - and he's married and his wife is in DC and he was going to be with her. But instead he applies here, and he tells interviewers he plans on staying here after law school. Which is a total lie - he has absolutely no desire to stay here, he just wants to make some money this summer but doesn't apply to jobs in DC.

It just bugs. I told him his karma will be affected accordingly. He told me straight-up that he lied to them, and I don't know how he can be ok with himself for that. It's hard to get a job in New Orleans, and there are people who actually DO plan on staying here, and he is taking a job away from them. Yeah, me, but others, too. I hate lying and I'm none-too-fond of liars. Which makes my new career path a bit of a challenge.