recaffeinated (and it feels so good)

I remembered that the whole point of decaffeinating and desugarizing was for the thyroid tests - to do my own little clinical study - not Catholic rituals. So now I know from last week's tests, when I was off caffeine/sugar for a month, my TSH was even lower (virtually undetectable) but my T3 and T4 are within normal ranges (maybe. I think the wrong tests were ordered) - which I think makes me subclinical and not in need of treatment.

I'll be tested again in about six weeks, so why wait until Easter to enjoy the bounty of the earth? Why not wait until I'm again someplace (Africa) where ironically enough people don't eat chocolate or drink coffee?

If the April-May tests show elevation of T3-T4, then I may have to make some serious lifestyle changes. I wonder if exercise helps? Hm ... well, hopefully I'm over the flu (though I haven't been able to get rid of this cough for months now) and can get down to the serious business of regular exercise. I'm doing a 10K in two weeks. Last finals, I got really bad about not exercising and eating high-cal junk to keep revved up, but I think this time I'll be better prepared and better able to stay focused. It's not like I sit around all day - I walk to school which adds up to at least 1.5 miles a day (usually significantly more) and use the stairs usually all the way up to that damn 6th floor several times a day. I keep wanting to do the early morning exercise classes with Ayanna, but everytime I plan for it something happens - I get sick or twist my ankle or something such. So, no more curses on that.

OK, so no caffeine or sugar - good reduction in T3. Let's see what introducing more serious exercise while reintroducing caffeine/sugar (in moderation) does. Also, I got a yoga DVD that I'll try to do regularly once I get it. I've never been able to really stand yoga, but maybe on my own it won't be so annoying. Something else I'll say - with no coffee/sugar for five weeks, my mood has been consistently good - no mood swings or funks. I don't always get much work done (like now), but I'm happy about it. It could be spring, but I'll see over the next month.

I'm tormented about this summer. If I stay here, then I really want to find a job and I really need to get on the ball with that RIGHT NOW. If I don't stay here, then I need to decide if I'll do the masters and do classes all summer or if I'll be in Liberia - in which case I probably need to get in contact with local NGO's RIGHT NOW so that Dayton considers my needs when finding housing. I'm really excited about Dayton returning to Liberia! I hope it all works out well for him.

I read about the DRCongo yesterday and the problems there (again - Joseph needs me), and I just want to jump on a plane. I love Africa, and traveling, and new experiences. But at the same time, I love being here. When I was in Cali, I wanted to travel all the time - as soon as I bought a house even, I went away. I did cool stuff there (esp Joshua Tree), but I always wanted to go away. But here, it reminds me more of being in Elim, where I'll miss stuff if I go away. Spending Christmas and summer breaks actually in Elim - those were my favorite times there. And here - I know that the summers are atrociously hot and humid and A/C will cost me a fortune, but there's so much great stuff to do here - and even just driving or walking down the streets is always an interesting adventure. And there are so, so many interesting things to do - every time I pick up the newspaper and look at the events I'm awed and amazed at what a vibrant and alive place this is - and how much of it interests me.

It's not that it interests me more than Liberia, but I know that a summer spent in Liberia will be a summer of frustrations and challenges - and not access to medical care. I would love to spend all that time with Dayton, but we'll have all that time here for the rest of our lives - and things are much less frustrating and challenging here. Maybe just going for a week to visit would be best.

But I resist that - I mean, that makes me sound, well, old and tired. Have I really lost my adventurous spirit that jumps at the opportunity to face challenges and frustrations head-on? Part of it though is that I will deliberately break Liberian mores and put Dayton in the line of fire, which he doesn't like. I won't conform to people's expectations when I disagree, and I can handle the fall-out just fine - but it's considerably harder on him there. I don't want to put him in a bad position, but I also won't put up with bullshit that he has a higher tolerance for.

Well, hopefully I can decide about it all next week when back in school.