cultures of Louisiana

Now it's not just Jen's delusions that I get on board with - now, cats are stalking me. Sometimes cats come and peer in at me through the bottom of the door window, below where the shade reaches. But the worst was last night - a cat is apparently stuck under the house or something and it's crying and crying. It kept me up and I'm way grumpy. Liberians tell me Ghanaians eat cats, and I don't know if that's true, but I'm about to find some recipes and an inhumane trap.

Last night was way informative to me in ways that will take time to sink in. I've had Black friends before, but this is different somehow. K was starting to say, "All those white kids who -" she stopped and turned when she saw Ay's in-laws look at me uncomfortably. "You know I don't mean you. You're one of us, not one of them."

We ate gumbo (with the best okra I've ever had - usually I don't like it, but Ay's mother-in-law cooked it great), red beans and rice, jambalaya, and cake. That is like the "New Orleans sampler" plate - and people actually eat that all the time. And it was damn good.

After the awesome assortment of seasonings, maybe it was the movies that made me realize race isn't just skin deep. There were the Friday movies, Chris Rock, Soul Food, and a bunch of documentaries on the African diaspora. The Friday movies, I was informed, are the sign of a "a black heart." African-American status is revoked if one does not have a true love for the Friday movies.

And, I got all up in Ay's sister-in-law's face for a homophobic comment. I'm all about observation in new settings, watching to see how best to act. But I just could not let that go, and once she refused to back down I let out all the stops. What finally got her was the translation issue about the Bible and how scholars differ on the actual meanings of things. Thanks to K for backing me up with, "If it ain't in the Ten Commandments or 'Love thy neighbor' then there are different interpretations. And where in the Ten Commandments does it say 'Thou shalt not be gay?'"

It was a lot like church there while the Saints were playing, with Ay's mother-in-law's, "Thank you Jesus!" and "Y'all can do it! I'm here prayin for ya! Dear Lord ..."

I don't report it well - it's that these things that I can portray as stock types are much richer and fuller than that - and there are significant differences in our range of experiences and expressions. K and Ay are both very fluent in "White America" and can codeswitch with great facility, which means that I can easily underplay our differences.

And this is exactly what happens on an institutional level. The assumption, and resulting forcible hegemonization, that differences are only skin deep. They're not, and to deny actual real cultural differences is to invalidate the experience of those outside the majority.

Of course I'm preaching to the choir here. All of my close friends (who would have access here) are or have been or are products of inter-ethnic relationships. But K would never date a white guy, and I'm pretty sure the same is true of Ay and all her family members. K and I have the beginnings of a soulmate friendship, but she describes me as her "white friend" because I'm the only one. And she loves to tell the story about why we're friends - the first time we talked, I made a comment about, "Man, there are a lot of white people here - what's with that?" and she knew she loved me.

I'm incredibly fortunate that I feel as comfortable in all these different situations - with Tami & Ahmed at their friends' Melissa and Bobby's (where I had both Palestinian and white Louisianan hospitality) and here at Ayanna's with her in-laws (if they ever forgive me for being pro-gay). I like the South. But Norm was definitely cautious of me, though he said a few things that made me think, Wow, he's great. He was shocked when his mother said she would vote Republican to get Blanco out of office, asking if it was racism or sexism or both at play.

I will definitely have to do more investigation - especially where there's food involved. :)