on a mission

So, I was sort of feeling bummed about my grades (yeah, so maybe obsessed in misery), but my friend K did worse and now I'm on a mission. We are going to figure out these damn law school exams and we are going to kick ass.

She's been skipping class so I stalked her until I found her and she finally called. She said she wasn't feeling well. Yeah, yeah, I know what that means. It means life sucks and why should you get out of bed. She was sick during exams and it reflects in her grades.

But that's when I realized - these grades don't reflect (of course) on what kind of people we are, but also not on how much we know. We know a lot. More than most people in the classes. Significantly more. We attended, we notetook, we outlined - we learned.

So what is it about? It's only about exam-taking skills. Not writing, because she had the highest grade in the writing class and I don't suck. No, it's about something in the exam process - and I think it's something that idiots do better than us. I don't know what it is yet, but now I'm feeling energized to find out what it is. I think it might be issue spewing - people bringing up shit that isn't part of the answer because it's not right - but for some stupid reason the prof wants to hear it. OK. We'll fucking do it if we have to.

I feel better. Hope it lasts. And I think she feels better now, too. She was way bumming, and my spidey-sense caught it. Stalking for a good purpose.

And, I have a new strategy. I've started taking my laptop to school because I won't type up my notes after class anymore because I'm too damn lazy - I just do them at the time. But it makes my backpack way too heavy, so I'm going to try to start leaving my books at school and just study there. That was my strategy last term but I gave it up when I moved here because I like being home to study and I was trying to eat healthily. But seriously, my bag is way too heavy. And my Con Law book this term - it weighs more than Selma.

My life as a teacher way improved when I stopped taking work home to grade and just did it at school. Sure, my days at school were longer, but then when I left, I left. Maybe that will help me here.

I doubt it though. I don't like studying in the library, and the more time I spend at the school, the more time I waste with chatting.

But I wouldn't be watching The Class in "CBS Innertube." Which is funny, but why the hell is it all white people? The best thing about New York is the major diversity! Why do they keep killing that on TV shows?

And I would really like to start going to the gym again, but it's so freakin boring. But, I gained 5 pounds in the last month. Somebody explain to me how I can be in Africa eating two small meals a day with serious diarrhea and can gain weight.

Good news is that I finally found a doctor at the school clinic who is good - we talked through everything and she says my endocrinologist should examine me for osteoporosis because I'm the incredible shrinking woman (over an inch lost in 20 years - Gail, soon I'll be shorter than you!). Which means I need to go back to the endocrinologist, but I haven't made the time.

But now I have the time, since I quit all my jobs and I'm total law student slacker. The only class I care about right now is Contracts 2, which I think is cool. I think I have a real instinctive preference for women professors - I hear them better, they are more interesting to me, etc. Like, I prefer most male musicians - like their voices singing better. But until my Property Condescending Ass of a Professor breaks out in song, all I hear is that Charlie Brown adult talk. You're a dick, you got a dick, so shut the fuck up.

I met this woman tonight at this meeting I had to go to who said that she wants to find a job with a "feminazi" organization. It startled me - and I said not only have I not heard that term in forever, but she's the first person who's ever said it whom I didn't have to punch in the face. Nice use of appropriation. And the Career Development Dean was there and he's all about helping me get to Liberia this summer.

Could that be the silver lining of this grade debacle? That I give up the idea of working for big fancy firm for $2400/week (OK, that's what I was told is the going rate, but I haven't seen a single firm pay more than $1,000/week, and usually for 1Ls it's all volunteer) and just go to Liberia for the summer somehow someway? I think I'm getting a totally rocking tax refund, so if I can just not get behind financially with the summer, I might be ok. Not great, but ok.