maybe not so ready after all

I just took something out on Rebound Boy that was really about D.

Maybe I'm not ready to be around humans at all.

And he has no patience for that sort of thing.

Well, that's what being a rebound boy is all about. Being around as I'm practicing and using training wheels and getting shit wrong while I redefine who am I as ME, half of the unit former known as us. I'm thinking if he can't ride this, I'm revoking his license to rebound. We'll see.

I told him I'm not chasing him anymore. He likes the power of being chased. Of course if I'm honest about it, there was always mutual interest displayed - I didn't chase, not really. I told him I'm not playing stupid power games, and he's all about analyzing and retaining power. We are completely and totally ill-suited for each other, which makes him completely safe - I'd never want more. He's an objector FROM conscientious objection - meaning, he was raised in a peace church but would willingly go to war and has no problem with war. He's so ass-backwards about this shit - it's interesting to hear his thinking and to talk things through with him, but there's no way this could be a real relationship. Women shouldn't be ministers, he thinks, and homosexuality is wrong. Seriously, the shit he comes up with is whacked.

And it needs to be ALL FUN AND FEELING GOOD. If I'm not feeling that, then that's that and thanks for the memories.

And now, I forbid myself from thinking about him (much less talking about or to him) for the next five days.

And then the ball is in his court. Because I do, despite his insanity, like being around him - but I'm kinda fond of having my dignity, too.