Mission: First Date

Um, yeah. It was totally a date. There was no Spanish lesson.

And I, in a heretofore unknown valiant defending of my virtue, managed to say I was going home when he suggested we move to the bed.

But before that, I realized it was a date when he closed the car door for me and when he told me I looked nice.

I guess I never get tired of hearing those words. The drinking from my cup though, I could do without.

Dodo was pretty miffed that I was stepping out on him. "Where you goin lookin like that? Who you goina see?"

Yes, Dodo is five. And I wasn't like Super Vamp. I had on earrings and lipstick and mascara and jeans and boots and a shirt snapped down to show a little cleavage (um, I hadn't thought about the easy-access of the snap shirt!).

And then Carolyn saw me and wanted to say the same thing, and I started laughing because I was keeping his identity secret from her. No need for her to know, or the landlord, or anybody. We're just hooking up. I've always had a little fantasy about hooking up with the handyman. I can't wait until he comes over to do some task and I try to seduce him during the workday.

It just felt so very strange. Good and nice, but strange. And I really missed D. Not that D's technique is better or anything, but just - that's the body I know so well. "i love my body when it is with your body ..."

Anyway, it was nice to be out - we went to my favorite restaurant and he approved, and then we went back to his place where he was right - a little tequila did make my stomach feel better.

He has a very distinctive set of beliefs about gender, some of which are straight out of, say, 14th century Saudi Arabia. No, he's not that bad, but some of his shit is pretty out there.

And then he took my shirt off.

Um, but about four hours of talking first. I just kept wondering WHEN he was going to FINALLY kiss me.

Anyway, we both know he's leaving and that's out in the open and it's great. I didn't tell him exactly that I was using him in this way, but I think he doesn't care. I'll tell him later.

So, we're totally casual and whatever happens, happens. Or doesn't. I'm just proud of myself. I met him, I liked him, I got together with him. This gives me hope for my future. That I am attractive and flirtatious enough to get what I want (when "it" is single, of course).

And when does it start working that I forget about my ex?

And I'm still not thrilled about getting naked in front of him. Maybe Wednesday night, on my way out of town.

****
7/15: If I need to choose between being friends with him or sleeping with him, I'm going with friends. It's easy to get laid, but not so easy to find people whose company I enjoy. We are universes apart in our thinking on gender, but it's fun to talk things through. He's easy to be with. And I even let him drive my truck, which is very weird for me - usually only Lalo ever drives my truck. I think I won't tell Lalo this.

Why would I need to choose? I'm not really mature about these things - doing the deed changes things. And I think for him, too. He's Mennonite, and there's a strong taboo against premarital sex - and I don't think he's fully evolved past that. I'm not sure, but I have that sense. If we hang out again, we'll talk about all this.

I like that I woke up this morning and had nothing to regret or feel weird about. I don't have to feel self-conscious about asking the landlord to fix the stove, no embarrassment about having the yardwork done. Maybe we'll make out again, maybe we won't. Whatev. I had a good time.

Baby steps.

******
Neighbor just asked straight out, "So, did you have fun last night? Was it with ** or what?"

Damn I can't keep a secret. Not that it was a secret but I didn't want to talk about it, which is why I didn't bring it up.

Damn my transparency.