It always bugged me. Here's a great analysis:
by Keith Morton
One of the most popular stories in community service events is that of the starfish: a (fill in your description, usually young) person is running, hurling starfish deposited on the beach by a storm back into the sea. “What are you doing,” asks a (fill in your description, usually old) person, “you can’t possibly throw all the starfish back. Your effort makes no difference.” “It makes a difference to this one,” replies the first person, who continues off down the beach.
The usual conclusions drawn from this hackneyed tale are about the importance of making a difference where you can, one person or problem at a time; about not being put off by skepticism or criticism or cynicism. The story acknowledges the relief that comes when we find a way to relieve suffering. A somewhat deeper reading is that there is merit in jumping into a situation and finding a way to act - the first step in determining what possibilities for action might exist.
But the tale is, ultimately, mis-educative and I wish people would stop using it. First, it is about a problem - starfish cast up by a storm - that is apolitical (unless you stretch for the connection between pollution and el Nino that might have precipitated the storm). There is seldom any hesitancy or moral complexity in responding to a crisis caused by natural disaster. It is the one circumstance in which charity can be an unmitigated good. The story suggests that all problems are similarly simple - that there is a path of action which is right and can avoid the traps of politics, context, or complex and contradictory human relationships.
Second, the story is about helping starfish and not about helping people. It avoids, therefore, the shadow side of the service, the sticky problem of who deserves our help. The starfish are passive; they have no voice; they cannot have an opinion about their circumstances, at least not that we can hear. This one is much like that one. Their silence coincides with the fact that they can have done nothing (the story suggests) to deserve their fate. In most of the situations where this story is told, service is about people working with people: people with histories, voices, opinions, judgment, more or less power.
Third, the story avoids the possible complexity of ecology: it might be that the starfish are part of a food chain that is being interrupted as they are thrown back - birds might go hungry at a critical time of year, for example; or it might be that the starfish have been released by a storm from the ocean bottom because they have outgrown their habitat. It is never smart to intervene in an ecosystem without understanding how all of its parts are interrelated.
Fourth, the tale suggests that we should work from emotional response and not our heads, even though the problem is, in this case, a knowable one. As “overwhelming” as the miles of beach seem, the dilemma of the starfish is finite and knowable - this many starfish on this stretch of beach; a bit of advance organizing could result in enough volunteers to return all the starfish to the sea.
Fifth, the story privileges random, individual acts of kindness. It avoids questions of community (and we claim “community service” as our ground after all). It avoids questions of working with others. It polarizes the relationship of the two actors: how different would the story be if the second person joined in with the first? In short, the story does nothing to teach us about community or service. This in itself is not necessarily a problem; it could be an entertaining tale, and that could be enough. What makes it a problem, however, is that the tale of the starfish pretends to teach us something about community service, even as it misdirects our sympathies, our intellects and our sense of purpose.
Don’t go charging out to help. Talk, listen, build relationships, know your self, your environment; work with others where they and the situation itself can teach you how to act with more and more knowledge and effectiveness. Stop hurling starfish.
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
day 8
Today was my first day without a nasty headache, and I was in a good mood all day. Yay, decaffeinating.
My chocolate cravings are stronger than ever, though. Ugh.
And I have to face the Ultimate Dilemma: when I go out camping this weekend and we have smores - do I have one?
I mean, it's not like I gave up C&C for Jesus or anything - this is all about my health. And that in mind, one won't hurt me. Am I cheater then? Who cares - it's my rules I'm cheating on. I just hope I'm not like Avery, making up new rules as I go along.
I think it'll be a fun trip. The trip leader was way nervous - this is clearly his first time doing such a thing. The group seemed nice. We're leaving earlier and getting back later than I anticipated, and my weekend is now completely destroyed, but that's ok - it gets me motivated to get everything done RIGHT NOW.
My chocolate cravings are stronger than ever, though. Ugh.
And I have to face the Ultimate Dilemma: when I go out camping this weekend and we have smores - do I have one?
I mean, it's not like I gave up C&C for Jesus or anything - this is all about my health. And that in mind, one won't hurt me. Am I cheater then? Who cares - it's my rules I'm cheating on. I just hope I'm not like Avery, making up new rules as I go along.
I think it'll be a fun trip. The trip leader was way nervous - this is clearly his first time doing such a thing. The group seemed nice. We're leaving earlier and getting back later than I anticipated, and my weekend is now completely destroyed, but that's ok - it gets me motivated to get everything done RIGHT NOW.
thinking like a lawyer
I just thought, "It's ok to racially profile as long as there are other articulable suspicions."
Why did I think that? Because that's what my "clients" did and I'm arguing their case.
And I am now officially on that very, very slippery slope.
Nice having known y'all. Now that I am apparently merely flesh inhabited by Satan, I may not recognize you anymore.
Why did I think that? Because that's what my "clients" did and I'm arguing their case.
And I am now officially on that very, very slippery slope.
Nice having known y'all. Now that I am apparently merely flesh inhabited by Satan, I may not recognize you anymore.
Chinese doctor
I did go to a Chinese doctor - Lara's, in fact.
I was on their treatments for a month and they made me feel way worse in all ways, so I stopped.
And he told me that for both my thyroid and fibroids, they can't treat me for that - that I need Western treatment and they could help with recovery. Which is not much help for where I am now.
I was on their treatments for a month and they made me feel way worse in all ways, so I stopped.
And he told me that for both my thyroid and fibroids, they can't treat me for that - that I need Western treatment and they could help with recovery. Which is not much help for where I am now.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Grand Isle, baby
Grand Isle, Louisiana. Ring a bell?
In April there's a migratory bird festival which I'll be damned if I'm going to miss.
But what's its claim to fame? Anybody?
The Awakening by Kate Chopin - it's there! Cool, huh? I could live Southern Literature. No, there will be no drowning ... though I do have to cross more treacherous evil bridges to get there. Hate bridges. The only thing I really hate about Louisiana.
Oh, and tomorrow, speaking of cool, I'm going to skip class to hear Colin Powell.
Dammit, I need to get to sleep.
In April there's a migratory bird festival which I'll be damned if I'm going to miss.
But what's its claim to fame? Anybody?
The Awakening by Kate Chopin - it's there! Cool, huh? I could live Southern Literature. No, there will be no drowning ... though I do have to cross more treacherous evil bridges to get there. Hate bridges. The only thing I really hate about Louisiana.
Oh, and tomorrow, speaking of cool, I'm going to skip class to hear Colin Powell.
Dammit, I need to get to sleep.
balance
I go to class. Then I go to another class. Then I go to a computer training for school.
But then it gets interesting. I go to French class just for fun (it's way too easy, but it's good too to relearn this stuff that I learned 25 years ago and don't remember quite right and use slightly wrong).
And then I go to a native plants talk. It was way interesting, and I was surprised to see SO many people there (well over 100). It was organized by local Audubon society, given by a retired prof from the boondocks of Louisiana.
I love this place. People are so real here, and now I see that they have the interests I have, too. Native Plants Society? Birdwatching? I'm all over that like the cheap suit I have to wear Friday.
But each time that I went to do something not law school, I could see my classmates look at me like I'm crazy. They're up there studying 7 days a week, 12 hours a day. And I'm lucky to put in a couple hours a day of study time a couple days a week. Seriously, I am SUCH a slacker it's scary.
And I don't know why exactly. Is it that I have too many other interests that take my attention because I seek balance? Is it that I don't have the stamina to stay focused on the task at hand? Is it that it's not that interesting? Is it that I have a bad attitude since I got a couple B's?
I don't know. And I don't know if I can pull it together for the next 8 weeks and study hardcore. I don't think I even know how to do it. Like now - I just talked on the phone to Susan who mailed me warm gear for my weekend camping trip and now I'm blogging and then I'm going to go to bed because I'm tired.
The A students are still in the library, still going strong.
Chris Classmate says, "You'll live a long time." I just don't feel the stress they do. Sure, I'd love to be in the top 5% and get out of law school with a job that pays $160,000. But I don't want the life that accompanies it - not now and not then. Then I'll have interests still, and I'll be even more protective of my time because I won't have the flexibility to do things during the workday except work. Boring. And I'll have a family to deal with. When it gets to 4:00, I'll want to be helping them with homework and starting dinner, not litigating.
And there are jobs like that, where I can balance my interests. They just don't pay anywhere near 160K.
So, I may be in debt a whole lot longer than I'd like to be, but that doesn't stress me out either. Nothing does. I can't feel the panic that I need to be a stellar student.
I just want to have a good time, relax, take it easy.
And for ME to say that - it's like Invasion of the Body Snatchers, NOLA style.
OH, and I went to the computer training and she'd ordered pizza - and they were all pepperoni. Excuse me? Vegetarians can pick off the meat, but at least a couple of my classmates are Muslim. So I just emailed the trainer that. What was she thinking?
And what I've realized is that pizza really does make me hungry more - it doesn't satisfy me unless I eat like four pieces. So, that's a food I need to put on the "off" list. It just tastes so damn good. But I don't like that sensation of being hungry still/again.
Best news of the day: my REI dividend came to Michele's house. Woo!
Gear? I can get WAY more excited about that than any stinkin suit or case.
But then it gets interesting. I go to French class just for fun (it's way too easy, but it's good too to relearn this stuff that I learned 25 years ago and don't remember quite right and use slightly wrong).
And then I go to a native plants talk. It was way interesting, and I was surprised to see SO many people there (well over 100). It was organized by local Audubon society, given by a retired prof from the boondocks of Louisiana.
I love this place. People are so real here, and now I see that they have the interests I have, too. Native Plants Society? Birdwatching? I'm all over that like the cheap suit I have to wear Friday.
But each time that I went to do something not law school, I could see my classmates look at me like I'm crazy. They're up there studying 7 days a week, 12 hours a day. And I'm lucky to put in a couple hours a day of study time a couple days a week. Seriously, I am SUCH a slacker it's scary.
And I don't know why exactly. Is it that I have too many other interests that take my attention because I seek balance? Is it that I don't have the stamina to stay focused on the task at hand? Is it that it's not that interesting? Is it that I have a bad attitude since I got a couple B's?
I don't know. And I don't know if I can pull it together for the next 8 weeks and study hardcore. I don't think I even know how to do it. Like now - I just talked on the phone to Susan who mailed me warm gear for my weekend camping trip and now I'm blogging and then I'm going to go to bed because I'm tired.
The A students are still in the library, still going strong.
Chris Classmate says, "You'll live a long time." I just don't feel the stress they do. Sure, I'd love to be in the top 5% and get out of law school with a job that pays $160,000. But I don't want the life that accompanies it - not now and not then. Then I'll have interests still, and I'll be even more protective of my time because I won't have the flexibility to do things during the workday except work. Boring. And I'll have a family to deal with. When it gets to 4:00, I'll want to be helping them with homework and starting dinner, not litigating.
And there are jobs like that, where I can balance my interests. They just don't pay anywhere near 160K.
So, I may be in debt a whole lot longer than I'd like to be, but that doesn't stress me out either. Nothing does. I can't feel the panic that I need to be a stellar student.
I just want to have a good time, relax, take it easy.
And for ME to say that - it's like Invasion of the Body Snatchers, NOLA style.
OH, and I went to the computer training and she'd ordered pizza - and they were all pepperoni. Excuse me? Vegetarians can pick off the meat, but at least a couple of my classmates are Muslim. So I just emailed the trainer that. What was she thinking?
And what I've realized is that pizza really does make me hungry more - it doesn't satisfy me unless I eat like four pieces. So, that's a food I need to put on the "off" list. It just tastes so damn good. But I don't like that sensation of being hungry still/again.
Best news of the day: my REI dividend came to Michele's house. Woo!
Gear? I can get WAY more excited about that than any stinkin suit or case.
what I will NOT do
Re: Mr. Tiff's comment to last post -
I will NOT do this during my Friday & Monday interviews! I can solemnly swear!
Monday, February 26, 2007
thyroidville
My heartrate has accelerated out of normal range - resting it's usually 90-100 now. "Normal" is about 70 - and mine has always been lower than that (I am a marathon walker after all). It never gets below mid-80's, and I check it compulsively (right now it's 94). it's also not always regular. And my chest hurts.
And otherwise, I feel generally out of sorts. Now I can really tell that my body isn't doing well. I was ready to call the doctor and see if I could get either radio-iodine or surgery over spring break.
But then I start doing more research.
First of all, I am *not* the only overweight, hyperthyroid person. In fact, it's not uncommon. Nobody knows for sure exactly why, but "experts" think what I think - that the thyroid hyperactivity increases hunger dramatically. In me it does. Sometimes I eat fast food, enchiladas, chocolate cake - high fat, high calorie foods - because it's the only thing that makes me not hungry. I get so hungry that I can't function, and nothing "healthy" takes the edge off it. The only way I can eat "healthy" is to eat constantly. And all this while my metabolism is significantly lower? ARGH! Losing weight is a losing battle - and for me it really doesn't matter much if I'm exercising 10 hours a week or not.
And more on that - people who get treated for hyperthyroidism gain weight - most of them at least 8 pounds a year for the indefinite future. Most at risk? People who were overweight before treatment. The doctors told me that I wouldn't gain weight; in fact, things would even out better. That's just not true from what I read - and it doesn't make any sense.
AND - there's no guarantee that I'll feel better after the treatment. All sorts of people never get quite "right" - and once you've killed your thyroid, it's gone.
I have no idea what to do, and it's very frustrating.
So I can kill my thyroid and balloon up to 300 pounds and face all those obesity problems. Or I can try to ignore my heart pounding in my chest so loud it distracts me just like I ignore all the work I need to do. I just wish I could ignore hunger like that.
Maybe I'll email her and ask her if I can get a prescription for beta blockers - maybe that will help. I just don't want my heart to explode - that would be quite bad for my future.
And otherwise, I feel generally out of sorts. Now I can really tell that my body isn't doing well. I was ready to call the doctor and see if I could get either radio-iodine or surgery over spring break.
But then I start doing more research.
First of all, I am *not* the only overweight, hyperthyroid person. In fact, it's not uncommon. Nobody knows for sure exactly why, but "experts" think what I think - that the thyroid hyperactivity increases hunger dramatically. In me it does. Sometimes I eat fast food, enchiladas, chocolate cake - high fat, high calorie foods - because it's the only thing that makes me not hungry. I get so hungry that I can't function, and nothing "healthy" takes the edge off it. The only way I can eat "healthy" is to eat constantly. And all this while my metabolism is significantly lower? ARGH! Losing weight is a losing battle - and for me it really doesn't matter much if I'm exercising 10 hours a week or not.
And more on that - people who get treated for hyperthyroidism gain weight - most of them at least 8 pounds a year for the indefinite future. Most at risk? People who were overweight before treatment. The doctors told me that I wouldn't gain weight; in fact, things would even out better. That's just not true from what I read - and it doesn't make any sense.
AND - there's no guarantee that I'll feel better after the treatment. All sorts of people never get quite "right" - and once you've killed your thyroid, it's gone.
I have no idea what to do, and it's very frustrating.
So I can kill my thyroid and balloon up to 300 pounds and face all those obesity problems. Or I can try to ignore my heart pounding in my chest so loud it distracts me just like I ignore all the work I need to do. I just wish I could ignore hunger like that.
Maybe I'll email her and ask her if I can get a prescription for beta blockers - maybe that will help. I just don't want my heart to explode - that would be quite bad for my future.
the country?!
I ran into Right-Wing Radical Boy today (the one who says Joseph McCarthy was an American Patriot and Hero) and asked about his summer. He accepted an offer at the SEC. He asked about my plans. This is a regularly recurring conversation where I shrug and sheepishly say, "I haven't thought about it yet."
But I have, so I said, "I sent an application to Liberia yesterday."
Now, RWRB once said, "Ah, Africa. The worst thing we ever did there was end colonization - it would be in their best interests to be colonies again." And he got more than an earful, and he knows where I stand, and he knows about Dayton. He and I get along wonderfully because we agree to disagree. I will never vote for him for political office, and he knows it.
So, he just nodded. The guy beside him, a former priest, however exclaimed, "Liberia!? The country?!"
"Yeah. They have a Truth and Reconciliation Forum started there ..." A little info.
"Charles Taylor got a bad rap," the guy said.
Excuse me?
Sigh.
Now, I'm not saying the entire world needs to rush to Liberia. If they did, there wouldn't be enough greens for me. But why do people always respond like that? And even when I said I was going to Senegal, the response was typically, "Why?!"
Why are westerners so simultaneously ignorant about and uninterested in Africa? Why don't they realize that the actions of our governments and corporations lead to so many problems - that we are responsible for things throughout the world, and if we put our heads in the sand we allow people to continue to do bad things.
But I have, so I said, "I sent an application to Liberia yesterday."
Now, RWRB once said, "Ah, Africa. The worst thing we ever did there was end colonization - it would be in their best interests to be colonies again." And he got more than an earful, and he knows where I stand, and he knows about Dayton. He and I get along wonderfully because we agree to disagree. I will never vote for him for political office, and he knows it.
So, he just nodded. The guy beside him, a former priest, however exclaimed, "Liberia!? The country?!"
"Yeah. They have a Truth and Reconciliation Forum started there ..." A little info.
"Charles Taylor got a bad rap," the guy said.
Excuse me?
Sigh.
Now, I'm not saying the entire world needs to rush to Liberia. If they did, there wouldn't be enough greens for me. But why do people always respond like that? And even when I said I was going to Senegal, the response was typically, "Why?!"
Why are westerners so simultaneously ignorant about and uninterested in Africa? Why don't they realize that the actions of our governments and corporations lead to so many problems - that we are responsible for things throughout the world, and if we put our heads in the sand we allow people to continue to do bad things.
Sunday, February 25, 2007
for a good laugh ...
Here I am. Hm ... I do like skirts that length in theory (and it was near the jacket), but I realize that last week when my writing instructor wore it I thought it looked frumpy. Even more so for me.
What the hell do I care? I got my damn black suit. They can sniff "Less than $100!" all they want - I DO NOT CARE.
the best damn modern invention
is fruit canned in juice instead of heavy syrup.
Nothing hits the spot quite like a bowl of cottage cheese and fruit cocktail (usually I go for peaches, but I felt like mixing it up today).
I just want to proudly proclaim to the whole damn world that this is DAY FIVE and I have yet to succumb to urges for those unnamed dastardly substances I am abstaining from. Oh, and the "mystery" is solved - Lent is only 40 days because they don't count Sunday. However, I don't think it'd be good for me to call Sundays free days, so I'll suffer for the whole darn time.
Darn kids. I was in Whole Foods the other day and a kid told his mom he wanted Grape Nuts. So now of course I've been craving them ever since, and I had to go to the grocery store to get some. $4.19 those darn things are. And they're the kind of thing I want just a couple times - I haven't had them in a very long time. Oh well, they're whole wheat & barley - they certainly won't hurt me. Sounds like a good dinner.
OK, snack time over and now I MUST get to work with no distractions.
Nothing hits the spot quite like a bowl of cottage cheese and fruit cocktail (usually I go for peaches, but I felt like mixing it up today).
I just want to proudly proclaim to the whole damn world that this is DAY FIVE and I have yet to succumb to urges for those unnamed dastardly substances I am abstaining from. Oh, and the "mystery" is solved - Lent is only 40 days because they don't count Sunday. However, I don't think it'd be good for me to call Sundays free days, so I'll suffer for the whole darn time.
Darn kids. I was in Whole Foods the other day and a kid told his mom he wanted Grape Nuts. So now of course I've been craving them ever since, and I had to go to the grocery store to get some. $4.19 those darn things are. And they're the kind of thing I want just a couple times - I haven't had them in a very long time. Oh well, they're whole wheat & barley - they certainly won't hurt me. Sounds like a good dinner.
OK, snack time over and now I MUST get to work with no distractions.
success!
For those of you gripped with panic about my suit problem, you'll be relieved to know it's been resolved. (By the way - I'm being sarcastic there - but seriously, I do love comments!)
It took almost three hours out of my busy day of feeling ill and procrastinating, but it's done.
Now I have to decide if I'll keep the damn thing - meaning I wash it when I go to the laundromat this week - or tuck in the tags and try to return it after 40 minutes of wear.
And clearly I don't go shopping enough - that whole size-deflation thing I heard about is totally true. The suit says I wear two sizes smaller than I really do. I mean, it's good because I was able to find something, but also annoying to not know what size to go for.
Caffeine withdrawals are hitting me still - I feel like crap and don't want to do any of the work I need to. We are halfway through the semester and I'm acting like it's week 1 - I haven't done any of the supplemental readings I need to. It doesn't matter if my schedule is empty or full - I'm just not focused. Which is a symptom of hyperthyroidism.
I need a nap. Buying a suit is a big deal, and it's exhausted me.
It took almost three hours out of my busy day of feeling ill and procrastinating, but it's done.
Now I have to decide if I'll keep the damn thing - meaning I wash it when I go to the laundromat this week - or tuck in the tags and try to return it after 40 minutes of wear.
And clearly I don't go shopping enough - that whole size-deflation thing I heard about is totally true. The suit says I wear two sizes smaller than I really do. I mean, it's good because I was able to find something, but also annoying to not know what size to go for.
Caffeine withdrawals are hitting me still - I feel like crap and don't want to do any of the work I need to. We are halfway through the semester and I'm acting like it's week 1 - I haven't done any of the supplemental readings I need to. It doesn't matter if my schedule is empty or full - I'm just not focused. Which is a symptom of hyperthyroidism.
I need a nap. Buying a suit is a big deal, and it's exhausted me.
Saturday, February 24, 2007
seriously, shoot me
If I ever buy and wear this, I should be drawn and quartered. Or be forced to wear an "I'm with Stupid" shirt with an arrow pointing up.
His real name is Alphonso anyway.
how you doin' baby
The man said as I walked past him washing his car in his driveway.
Have I mentioned that I love this? The warm friendliness is unlike anywhere else I've lived. People are real and they're really friendly.
"I'm good. How you doin?"
"Fine, fine."
"You know, maybe I'll bring my truck here later and you can wash it, too."
"Sure! Come on over!" he continued talking but I didn't hear because I had my headphones on and was walking away.
I need to take my camera with me when I go for walks - the houses are so beautiful here. And I love the beads which decorate trees and fences and gates. There's a class this afternoon on making art from the beads, but I guess I'll miss it this year. I'd be happy to send y'all mardi gras bead lamps, but it'll have to wait for another time.
The fantasies I have of buying a house here get stronger rather than subside. It's almost an obsession. I'll wait until I know my summer plans. On that, Allstate just sent a rash of letters to homeowners revoking their policies - they couldn't do it until March 1, so they're warming up. Allstate sucks, flat out.
I chatted it up with Paulette, my former neighbor. She said people moved into my old apartment right after I moved out, and that they are abusive - she hears them fight and cry regularly. The police have been called more than once. All this is good news for me if I can access those records if I get hauled into court for breaking the "lease" but very bad news for those poor kids. They're on subsidized housing, so I think Evil Ex-landlord is hedging his bets - if there's a hassle with collecting that, he'll sue me. He fucking pisses me off. Yet another reason to buy a house here - no more evil landlords ever. I love my landlady now, but I can't stay in this apartment without laundry & window.
I got my appellate brief draft back and she actually said "good" at several places. That sucks for me - having spent a total of five hours on it split into two days is far less than my classmates, but I'm not inspired to spend more time now. If I spend three hours today doing the next sections and then a couple hours tomorrow refining everything, I'm set for Wednesday's conference. But I feel like a slacker and am not motivated to kill myself to get an A.
I twisted my ankle pretty bad about a block away from my apartment - the stupid jerks always park on the sidewalk so I have to go around their stupid car with out-of-state license plates, and this time my ankle twisted in the tree roots. There goes my hopes of my first Mardi Gras Marathon (5K). It swoll (is that a word?) up immediately and I just hope it's not broken. Well, at least I got a good walk today.
Speaking of non-words - I actually said "tooken" the other day, as in I've tooken the streetcar before. The guy I was with laughed and said, "Look where you are. Your grammar is going to suck." Yesterday when I was trying on mis-labeled suits, I was fascinated by the mother-daughter in the dressing room next to me. The mother had a THICK Chalmette accent and the young daughter had a flat news announcer voice, articulating words completely and clearly. (Please note - people here do NOT have a drawl. Most locals, especially from Chalmette, sound like they're from Boston.) I didn't see her, but she was young, going to her first dance. Her mother said things such as, "If you keep the house clean and do your chores, I'll buy you a dress for each dance." (My first thought was holy hell that will get expensive with multiple daughters.) When she said, "I want you to do your nails before the dance," it was the only time the daughter had even a hint of Chalmette in her voice when she said, "I will." The mother immediately snapped, "Don't get smart with me!" The daughter responded with that flat neutral American accent, "I wasn't. I was just saying that I will." And the mother was satisfied.
It was fascinating to me because I wonder about the schooling and occupation of the family and the mother's values. There was the overlay of valuing dances (we are in the heart of debutante balls here) and valuing that flat neutral affect.
Fascinating, all of it. New Orleans would be a wonderful place to be an anthropologist.
Have I mentioned that I love this? The warm friendliness is unlike anywhere else I've lived. People are real and they're really friendly.
"I'm good. How you doin?"
"Fine, fine."
"You know, maybe I'll bring my truck here later and you can wash it, too."
"Sure! Come on over!" he continued talking but I didn't hear because I had my headphones on and was walking away.
I need to take my camera with me when I go for walks - the houses are so beautiful here. And I love the beads which decorate trees and fences and gates. There's a class this afternoon on making art from the beads, but I guess I'll miss it this year. I'd be happy to send y'all mardi gras bead lamps, but it'll have to wait for another time.
The fantasies I have of buying a house here get stronger rather than subside. It's almost an obsession. I'll wait until I know my summer plans. On that, Allstate just sent a rash of letters to homeowners revoking their policies - they couldn't do it until March 1, so they're warming up. Allstate sucks, flat out.
I chatted it up with Paulette, my former neighbor. She said people moved into my old apartment right after I moved out, and that they are abusive - she hears them fight and cry regularly. The police have been called more than once. All this is good news for me if I can access those records if I get hauled into court for breaking the "lease" but very bad news for those poor kids. They're on subsidized housing, so I think Evil Ex-landlord is hedging his bets - if there's a hassle with collecting that, he'll sue me. He fucking pisses me off. Yet another reason to buy a house here - no more evil landlords ever. I love my landlady now, but I can't stay in this apartment without laundry & window.
I got my appellate brief draft back and she actually said "good" at several places. That sucks for me - having spent a total of five hours on it split into two days is far less than my classmates, but I'm not inspired to spend more time now. If I spend three hours today doing the next sections and then a couple hours tomorrow refining everything, I'm set for Wednesday's conference. But I feel like a slacker and am not motivated to kill myself to get an A.
I twisted my ankle pretty bad about a block away from my apartment - the stupid jerks always park on the sidewalk so I have to go around their stupid car with out-of-state license plates, and this time my ankle twisted in the tree roots. There goes my hopes of my first Mardi Gras Marathon (5K). It swoll (is that a word?) up immediately and I just hope it's not broken. Well, at least I got a good walk today.
Speaking of non-words - I actually said "tooken" the other day, as in I've tooken the streetcar before. The guy I was with laughed and said, "Look where you are. Your grammar is going to suck." Yesterday when I was trying on mis-labeled suits, I was fascinated by the mother-daughter in the dressing room next to me. The mother had a THICK Chalmette accent and the young daughter had a flat news announcer voice, articulating words completely and clearly. (Please note - people here do NOT have a drawl. Most locals, especially from Chalmette, sound like they're from Boston.) I didn't see her, but she was young, going to her first dance. Her mother said things such as, "If you keep the house clean and do your chores, I'll buy you a dress for each dance." (My first thought was holy hell that will get expensive with multiple daughters.) When she said, "I want you to do your nails before the dance," it was the only time the daughter had even a hint of Chalmette in her voice when she said, "I will." The mother immediately snapped, "Don't get smart with me!" The daughter responded with that flat neutral American accent, "I wasn't. I was just saying that I will." And the mother was satisfied.
It was fascinating to me because I wonder about the schooling and occupation of the family and the mother's values. There was the overlay of valuing dances (we are in the heart of debutante balls here) and valuing that flat neutral affect.
Fascinating, all of it. New Orleans would be a wonderful place to be an anthropologist.
Friday, February 23, 2007
readjust my priorities
It doesn't help that K's attitude this term is below abysmal, and I'm all too happy to fall onto her bandwagon. I only know two people who got an A last term, and both of them have absolutely no life - all they do is study all the time. Seriously, all the time.
My attention span isn't that good even if I wanted it to be. I like having a life. I like all my little side activities that keep me balanced and sane. I get a little self-righteous about it, how law school doesn't consume me.
And then I read this article, about how law graduates make much less money than they expect. It has scared me.
If I only make after law school what I did as a teacher, excluding the Dayton factor which will cost me a big bundle, it would take me about 10 years to pay off all my debt, and that is being super-frugal. I will be paying off student loan debt when I'm 50 instead of saving for retirement.
So, I'm scared, but not scared enough to actually pick up a casebook right now and study. Tomorrow. When the sun comes out.
So I'm checking my hotmail and get the MSN "News" which is what we can learn about love from celebrity couples. Stupid shit, I know. Look, I'm just enjoying that my head isn't wracked with pain. Tomorrow I'm all business.
But I like this line: "After all, anyone can pick out diamonds or a dozen roses, but a guy who holds your head when you're sick, picks up your favorite ice cream from the store "just because," and has a solid track record of good behavior to boot -- he's really the one." Dayton does neither of the first (um, I never saw a flower at the refugee camp and any diamond would probably be a blood diamond), but he's completely there for me when I'm sick, picks up pineapple and greens for me "just because" and has a great track record of taking responsibility and not being slutty.
And here's our astrological prediction:
"Virgo-Leo
"Here is a good chance for a happy partnership. Magnanimous Leo will overlook Virgo's tendency to be critical, while Virgo will take pride in Leo's accomplishments, good humor, and lovable nature. Virgo will bring in that couple's sexual life large amount of emotional heat and understanding. Leo will respect Virgo's clever and alert mentality. Virgo will try to excite and satisfy the partner. Leo is also persevering person, so the chances for mutual satisfaction are really big. This is one of those relationships that depends on the type of relationship it is. The connection is usually "nice" and a long union also is possible."
Unfortunately David Duchovny and Tea Leoni's chart is much less positive. Poor saps, being married 10 years and having children together happily when they're so clearly destined for unhappiness.
My attention span isn't that good even if I wanted it to be. I like having a life. I like all my little side activities that keep me balanced and sane. I get a little self-righteous about it, how law school doesn't consume me.
And then I read this article, about how law graduates make much less money than they expect. It has scared me.
If I only make after law school what I did as a teacher, excluding the Dayton factor which will cost me a big bundle, it would take me about 10 years to pay off all my debt, and that is being super-frugal. I will be paying off student loan debt when I'm 50 instead of saving for retirement.
So, I'm scared, but not scared enough to actually pick up a casebook right now and study. Tomorrow. When the sun comes out.
So I'm checking my hotmail and get the MSN "News" which is what we can learn about love from celebrity couples. Stupid shit, I know. Look, I'm just enjoying that my head isn't wracked with pain. Tomorrow I'm all business.
But I like this line: "After all, anyone can pick out diamonds or a dozen roses, but a guy who holds your head when you're sick, picks up your favorite ice cream from the store "just because," and has a solid track record of good behavior to boot -- he's really the one." Dayton does neither of the first (um, I never saw a flower at the refugee camp and any diamond would probably be a blood diamond), but he's completely there for me when I'm sick, picks up pineapple and greens for me "just because" and has a great track record of taking responsibility and not being slutty.
And here's our astrological prediction:
"Virgo-Leo
"Here is a good chance for a happy partnership. Magnanimous Leo will overlook Virgo's tendency to be critical, while Virgo will take pride in Leo's accomplishments, good humor, and lovable nature. Virgo will bring in that couple's sexual life large amount of emotional heat and understanding. Leo will respect Virgo's clever and alert mentality. Virgo will try to excite and satisfy the partner. Leo is also persevering person, so the chances for mutual satisfaction are really big. This is one of those relationships that depends on the type of relationship it is. The connection is usually "nice" and a long union also is possible."
Unfortunately David Duchovny and Tea Leoni's chart is much less positive. Poor saps, being married 10 years and having children together happily when they're so clearly destined for unhappiness.
good news, bad news
The bad news is I couldn't find a suit. I tried on three different pair of pants with exactly the same size on them - one was 20 pounds too large, another 10 pounds too small, and another a foot short. They all said the same size exactly! I gave up, disgusted, and will have to try some other stores.
The good news is, I need a suit for Friday. OK, maybe that's bad news for me right now, but good news overall. I got one interview with a firm. They have 15 interview slots open, they interview at the four Louisiana law schools and two Mississippi law schools. I don't know how many slots they have open for the summer clerkship, and how many of their branches they're hiring at - best case scenario I'm competing with 89 other law students (with better grades and actual connection) for maybe 6-12 spots.
So, interview next Friday and the following Monday. This firm, if they like me, they could hire me next summer and then when I'm out of school. I'm trying not to pressure myself, but it could be a sweet deal.
The good news is, I got my hair cut.
The bad news is, I look like Dorothy Hamill. Oh, she talked lots about side bangs and notching for volume and hairlines - but the reality is, it's a Dorothy Hamill. Better for ice skating than litigating. I just hope my interviewers have some retro fantasy.
The good news is, I bought a $60 blender for $20, including a food chopper. The bad news is, well, none except maybe that it won't be easy to find a place to stash it in my mini-kitchen. I'll go now to Whole Foods to get some soft tofu and wheat germ to make a Tami Breakfast Special (blended silken tofu with orange juice and fruit (strawberries/bananas) and wheat germ - open to much modification, of course, but it sounds like a delic dinner).
The good news is, things are splendid with Dayton right now. No bad news there at all.
The good news is, Fred (my Liberian brother) knows somebody who knows the head of the Truth and Reconciliation Forum and he'll use his contacts to help get me an internship there.
The good news is, while I still feel a little out of it, my caffeine withdrawal headache today is much more manageable.
The good news is, my writing instructor just emailed that she has returned all our drafts to our folders. The bad news is, I have to get a move-on with writing the rest of it and reworking what I turned in.
Thursday, February 22, 2007
wages of caffeine sin
Maybe you've seen those movies where the protagonist either helps or is a junkie trying to come clean. The sweating and swearing, the DTs, the agony of withdrawal.
Yup.
How does one cup of coffee a day create such an addiction? It's crazy.
I can't look at the computer screen too much, but I surf for other local races. I have fantasies of being able to run a marathon before I leave here ... but who am I kidding? I can't even stand upright without mindnumbing pain. Walking the five steps to my door to put my shoes on - just thinking about it causes waves of nausea.
Of course I'm the Sam Spade sort of protagonist, and no ibuprofen for me. Nothing to ease the pain of the withdrawals, the wages of my caffeine sin.
ONE CUP A DAY. Seriously, that's all I drink. Maybe once every two weeks I have another cup, but never with caffeine after noon. Maybe once every two weeks I have a Diet Coke. And while I may live for chocolate, it too is not a daily consumption. And that amount leaves me here in shivers. I can feel blood coursing through my veins, seeking out the caffeine rush. Crazy.
I can't study, I can't really be on the internet, and I can't read for long. I can't go to bed now. What the hell am I supposed to do besides suffer?
I'm confused - I think Lent is 40 days, but Crescent City Classic is the day before Easter and it has a banner that says there are 43 days left. If I could focus my eyes on a calendar and remember the order of numbers through this mind-splitting pain, I'd figure it out. But, I guess I'll just stay confused until there's a better day.
Tomorrow I get my hair cut for like the first time in a year. And then I'll go buy a stupid suit.
Yup.
How does one cup of coffee a day create such an addiction? It's crazy.
I can't look at the computer screen too much, but I surf for other local races. I have fantasies of being able to run a marathon before I leave here ... but who am I kidding? I can't even stand upright without mindnumbing pain. Walking the five steps to my door to put my shoes on - just thinking about it causes waves of nausea.
Of course I'm the Sam Spade sort of protagonist, and no ibuprofen for me. Nothing to ease the pain of the withdrawals, the wages of my caffeine sin.
ONE CUP A DAY. Seriously, that's all I drink. Maybe once every two weeks I have another cup, but never with caffeine after noon. Maybe once every two weeks I have a Diet Coke. And while I may live for chocolate, it too is not a daily consumption. And that amount leaves me here in shivers. I can feel blood coursing through my veins, seeking out the caffeine rush. Crazy.
I can't study, I can't really be on the internet, and I can't read for long. I can't go to bed now. What the hell am I supposed to do besides suffer?
I'm confused - I think Lent is 40 days, but Crescent City Classic is the day before Easter and it has a banner that says there are 43 days left. If I could focus my eyes on a calendar and remember the order of numbers through this mind-splitting pain, I'd figure it out. But, I guess I'll just stay confused until there's a better day.
Tomorrow I get my hair cut for like the first time in a year. And then I'll go buy a stupid suit.
and here begins the sale
... of my soul to the highest bidder.
I submitted 10 applications to the spring interview program for summer jobs - we submit our resumes on-line to our career development center who forwards to the companies who decide whom they want to interview.
Now, going into this I knew my chances were slim to none - nobody not from here gets jobs here unless they have a connection.
Remember, I'm a Yankee. Who the hell is going to hire an old Yankee woman around here?
But I still have to buy a suit. Because a particularly evil, corrupt energy company here (no Michele, I'm not saying they're all evil - I'm saying this one is) preselected me to interview. Only them. So far 7 rejections, them, and 2 rejections in waiting.
Now, don't get me wrong - they pay $25/hour and I would probably take it, particularly because they allow "split summers" and I could go to Liberia the other half. And it's legal experience. And it's here, so I could still do the medical care thing and not pay rent in two places and could have weekends off to do fun things (such as pick blueberries with Tami before her baby comes).
The problem is that I cannot mask my aversion to them. I went to talk oil jobs with one prof and he told me to remove my sneer.
In theory, I could work for Shell. In theory, I could be a good person trying to make the best of a world addicted to fossil fuels.
In reality, the sneer is permanently affixed.
So here it is. I have to go buy an effing suit and I have to wear it to an interview for a job I will not get and which I don't really want. Don't get me wrong - I would take the $7,000 from a company I despise. I just think they're too smart to hire me - they're not like principals who can't see through me.
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I submitted 10 applications to the spring interview program for summer jobs - we submit our resumes on-line to our career development center who forwards to the companies who decide whom they want to interview.
Now, going into this I knew my chances were slim to none - nobody not from here gets jobs here unless they have a connection.
Remember, I'm a Yankee. Who the hell is going to hire an old Yankee woman around here?
But I still have to buy a suit. Because a particularly evil, corrupt energy company here (no Michele, I'm not saying they're all evil - I'm saying this one is) preselected me to interview. Only them. So far 7 rejections, them, and 2 rejections in waiting.
Now, don't get me wrong - they pay $25/hour and I would probably take it, particularly because they allow "split summers" and I could go to Liberia the other half. And it's legal experience. And it's here, so I could still do the medical care thing and not pay rent in two places and could have weekends off to do fun things (such as pick blueberries with Tami before her baby comes).
The problem is that I cannot mask my aversion to them. I went to talk oil jobs with one prof and he told me to remove my sneer.
In theory, I could work for Shell. In theory, I could be a good person trying to make the best of a world addicted to fossil fuels.
In reality, the sneer is permanently affixed.
So here it is. I have to go buy an effing suit and I have to wear it to an interview for a job I will not get and which I don't really want. Don't get me wrong - I would take the $7,000 from a company I despise. I just think they're too smart to hire me - they're not like principals who can't see through me.
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no whining about good intentions
I just posted a pretty brutal response to whining on Craigslist.
First of all, it really pisses me off when people target for complaint volunteer-donation organizations. They don't owe you!
People think the Red Cross or Habitat for Humanity is supported by tax dollars or something - they're not. They're supported by willing donators, and by volunteers and a few paid staff that are paid as if they're volunteers. Which means, they do their best, but if you don't like what they do then don't donate. You have no right to bitch if they don't give you what you want - as voluntary donational orgs, they don't owe you.
But second of all, I realized that all the volunteers coming here are wasting a lot of money. If our entire goal is to build as much housing as possible, it would make a lot more sense to stop volunteers and instead collect what they would have spent on plane fare, etc. and hire trained professionals to do the job. Things would go much faster.
But that's the point - it's not just about building houses for the indigent. It's about the positive experience of giving of oneself.
Just like schools shouldn't be judged by a factory or business model, volunteer organizations shouldn't be judged by an efficiency standard. There are so many other things going on besides just a house being built - there's meeting the people you're building for, and developing camraderie with the people you travelled with and others, and learning the city you're giving to, and learning something new, etc. etc.
All that said - if people really want to help, then they should write a check rather than take time off work.
But it's like when I was volunteering with the Red Cross, people asked for things like insulin needles and medications. We're not doctors - we're mostly EMTs who give up our free time to help with bumps and scrapes and broken bones and stopped hearts. People who expect us to be doctors will be frustrated, and they will talk trash. You want a doctor, then pay to go to the emergency room.
First of all, it really pisses me off when people target for complaint volunteer-donation organizations. They don't owe you!
People think the Red Cross or Habitat for Humanity is supported by tax dollars or something - they're not. They're supported by willing donators, and by volunteers and a few paid staff that are paid as if they're volunteers. Which means, they do their best, but if you don't like what they do then don't donate. You have no right to bitch if they don't give you what you want - as voluntary donational orgs, they don't owe you.
But second of all, I realized that all the volunteers coming here are wasting a lot of money. If our entire goal is to build as much housing as possible, it would make a lot more sense to stop volunteers and instead collect what they would have spent on plane fare, etc. and hire trained professionals to do the job. Things would go much faster.
But that's the point - it's not just about building houses for the indigent. It's about the positive experience of giving of oneself.
Just like schools shouldn't be judged by a factory or business model, volunteer organizations shouldn't be judged by an efficiency standard. There are so many other things going on besides just a house being built - there's meeting the people you're building for, and developing camraderie with the people you travelled with and others, and learning the city you're giving to, and learning something new, etc. etc.
All that said - if people really want to help, then they should write a check rather than take time off work.
But it's like when I was volunteering with the Red Cross, people asked for things like insulin needles and medications. We're not doctors - we're mostly EMTs who give up our free time to help with bumps and scrapes and broken bones and stopped hearts. People who expect us to be doctors will be frustrated, and they will talk trash. You want a doctor, then pay to go to the emergency room.
let the decaffeination games begin
Last night it started, the headaches.
This morning my eyes are blurry and my balance is a little off because my head feels foggy.
But also last night was the first time I made it to bed at a "reasonable" time (around 10 pm). For the past month or so I've had a really hard time going to sleep before midnight/2 am, with resultingly later wake-up times.
That's not necessarily a good thing. That means I'll never be able to be on coffee again - that as long as I'm of even the one cup a day habit, my sleep will be screwy.
This morning my eyes are blurry and my balance is a little off because my head feels foggy.
But also last night was the first time I made it to bed at a "reasonable" time (around 10 pm). For the past month or so I've had a really hard time going to sleep before midnight/2 am, with resultingly later wake-up times.
That's not necessarily a good thing. That means I'll never be able to be on coffee again - that as long as I'm of even the one cup a day habit, my sleep will be screwy.
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
not as easy as it was
When I woke up this morning it was pouring rain - icky, grey weather and I didn't want to venture out.
After spending hours emailing and procrastinating, however, I looked out and suddenly it was beautiful. So, back to Plan A. I put on my walking shoes and out the door I went. It's two miles to the post office, so I thought I'd do that and back and call it good. For me that's burning less than 300 calories, but it's better than nothing fo sho.
I'm sore. My muscles are rebelling and didn't like it one bit. In 30 minutes I have to walk the mile to school and my legs aren't too happy. Tough.
It's discouraging, how quickly I lose muscle tone. I walk every day to school and frequently more. In Senegal I walked miles and miles a day. Of course, that was at the pace of a Senegalese woman = not very fast. I walked a marathon two years ago. Why is four miles causing hamstring grief?
Because I'm a big baby, that's why.
And now I have to walk the 5K on Sunday, just to do it (or as Tiff says, good homework procrastination). Next year I can do the half marathon. They call it Mardi Gras Marathon, but it's after, so it should be the Lent Marathon. Denial Marathon.
Now I got a pot of red beans on, to let it sit while I'm away at class and hopefully be about ready when I get back. Yummilicious and lots of protein.
After spending hours emailing and procrastinating, however, I looked out and suddenly it was beautiful. So, back to Plan A. I put on my walking shoes and out the door I went. It's two miles to the post office, so I thought I'd do that and back and call it good. For me that's burning less than 300 calories, but it's better than nothing fo sho.
I'm sore. My muscles are rebelling and didn't like it one bit. In 30 minutes I have to walk the mile to school and my legs aren't too happy. Tough.
It's discouraging, how quickly I lose muscle tone. I walk every day to school and frequently more. In Senegal I walked miles and miles a day. Of course, that was at the pace of a Senegalese woman = not very fast. I walked a marathon two years ago. Why is four miles causing hamstring grief?
Because I'm a big baby, that's why.
And now I have to walk the 5K on Sunday, just to do it (or as Tiff says, good homework procrastination). Next year I can do the half marathon. They call it Mardi Gras Marathon, but it's after, so it should be the Lent Marathon. Denial Marathon.
Now I got a pot of red beans on, to let it sit while I'm away at class and hopefully be about ready when I get back. Yummilicious and lots of protein.
Lenten season
yes Gail, to answer your question, refined sugar is off the table, except for jam which I'm temporarily allowing to get me by.
I am doing baby steps. I have some decaf coffee left and half and half, so I'll drink that until it's gone. And I'm drinking regular tea, though preferring green and herbal.
The basic rule is - nothing from a vending machine. Which isn't hard - I've used a vending machine maybe three times since I got here. Actually my diet is pretty good - I normally eat lots of fruit/vegs and always lots of whole grains. Just, now, no baked goods, candy, chocolate, and no coffee. Shouldn't be too hard, though I'm not usually thrilled with denial.
Then once I've gotten over those cravings, I'll move to cutting portion size further. The thing is, I eat a lot of things like broccoli stirfry with brown rice - so even though it's healthy, when I eat enough it's still high-cal. And I don't know what to do about a hyperactive appetite on a hypoactive metabolism. My body wants far more calories than it handles - and I'm not talking junkfood usually, though sometimes I really crave junkfood because it's the only thing that can make me not hungry anymore. So, I'll need to be really good with regular snacks.
I just wonder - if I purge sugar & caffeine from my body, will that positively affect my thyroid function? I figure it's worth a shot. There's four weeks until my next appointment, so plenty of time to be cleansed. And no colonics for me! Ew.
I am doing baby steps. I have some decaf coffee left and half and half, so I'll drink that until it's gone. And I'm drinking regular tea, though preferring green and herbal.
The basic rule is - nothing from a vending machine. Which isn't hard - I've used a vending machine maybe three times since I got here. Actually my diet is pretty good - I normally eat lots of fruit/vegs and always lots of whole grains. Just, now, no baked goods, candy, chocolate, and no coffee. Shouldn't be too hard, though I'm not usually thrilled with denial.
Then once I've gotten over those cravings, I'll move to cutting portion size further. The thing is, I eat a lot of things like broccoli stirfry with brown rice - so even though it's healthy, when I eat enough it's still high-cal. And I don't know what to do about a hyperactive appetite on a hypoactive metabolism. My body wants far more calories than it handles - and I'm not talking junkfood usually, though sometimes I really crave junkfood because it's the only thing that can make me not hungry anymore. So, I'll need to be really good with regular snacks.
I just wonder - if I purge sugar & caffeine from my body, will that positively affect my thyroid function? I figure it's worth a shot. There's four weeks until my next appointment, so plenty of time to be cleansed. And no colonics for me! Ew.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
purple, green, and gold
To mark the imminent passing of Mardi Gras 2007, I have changed my blog colors to match Mardi Gras's, and I'll hang some beads from my rearview mirror.
And see evidence of all that kingcake any time I step on the scale.
And see evidence of all that kingcake any time I step on the scale.
conspiracy
I psyched myself up for Fat Tuesday, thinking I'd have a somewhat sinful dinner and luscious dessert to mark time before Lent.
Whole Foods was closed. And the burger place near here with the good shakes. EVERYTHING IS CLOSED, even the gas stations I drove past. The only restaurant I could find was Pyramids, but hummus and falafel just doesn't satisfy the Fat Tuesday craving.
I drove around pathetically, begging the Mardi Gras spirits for a last little bit of Fat Tuesday for me before 46 days of Lent.
Circle K and a chocolate bar was all I could find.
Now I know.
This is also the ONLY day out of the entire year that Bourbon Street bars shut down. At midnight tonight the police will come through shouting, "It's midnight and Mardi Gras is over! Go home!"
And then a few hours later, the bars with bottomless girls will reopen (and the others with more clothing as well), and business as usual will resume.
Tomorrow there will be booze galore, and pizza and burgers and pecan pie. But not for me.
Now I know to stock up on Lundi Gras for a last-bash Fat Effort.
I should have gotten two chocolate bars. But the line was really long and I was so mesmerized by the dred loced clerk who was double-checking (he had two lines going simultaneously) while singing along, every word, to the Fugees.
I've never been good at denial, but I will try my best this Lenten season. Why? No good reason.
Whole Foods was closed. And the burger place near here with the good shakes. EVERYTHING IS CLOSED, even the gas stations I drove past. The only restaurant I could find was Pyramids, but hummus and falafel just doesn't satisfy the Fat Tuesday craving.
I drove around pathetically, begging the Mardi Gras spirits for a last little bit of Fat Tuesday for me before 46 days of Lent.
Circle K and a chocolate bar was all I could find.
Now I know.
This is also the ONLY day out of the entire year that Bourbon Street bars shut down. At midnight tonight the police will come through shouting, "It's midnight and Mardi Gras is over! Go home!"
And then a few hours later, the bars with bottomless girls will reopen (and the others with more clothing as well), and business as usual will resume.
Tomorrow there will be booze galore, and pizza and burgers and pecan pie. But not for me.
Now I know to stock up on Lundi Gras for a last-bash Fat Effort.
I should have gotten two chocolate bars. But the line was really long and I was so mesmerized by the dred loced clerk who was double-checking (he had two lines going simultaneously) while singing along, every word, to the Fugees.
I've never been good at denial, but I will try my best this Lenten season. Why? No good reason.
last of the Mardi Gras pics
First came the Walking Clubs today ...
Then came Zulu (sorry so blurry) ...
Yes, they're Black and in blackface ... there's a story behind it but don't get me started on the racism here. Not today.
A Zulu float ...
Unfortunately I didn't get any more Zulu pics.
Then came Zulu (sorry so blurry) ...
Yes, they're Black and in blackface ... there's a story behind it but don't get me started on the racism here. Not today. 
A Zulu float ...
Unfortunately I didn't get any more Zulu pics.This is a pic from yesterday - cracked me up how people had their whole area staked out like this. They rented the apartment across the street and said we were more than welcome to use the restroom there or eat from their kitchen, etc. True southern hospitality. That's why I'm still here.
And this is my apartment. 
And this is my apartment.Just kidding. But I walked past this today and had to take a pic. Too many places like this still - clearly were really beautiful places before, but now destroyed beyond repair. As I walked past a woman walking the other way said, "They sho need to tear that down."
Mmm hmmm.
I've fallen completely in love with a house on the backside of the Red Cross parking lot - it's got the New Orleans architecture and is a beautiful red color. Unfortunately the neighborhood is pretty much abandoned so pretty unsafe. But, it's walking distance from that yummilicious gumbo.
Words cannot express how badly I want to own a house here. How much I want to fix it up and be a proud New Orleanian for real.
So, next year, here's what I need to do.
First, more parades. More loot.
More friends visiting. Tiff, I'm here about two more years, and after that I don't know. Don't wait! Come visit!
Definitely find the Mardi Gras Indians.
See the truck parades.
Drink during Carnival. Which means don't drive.
Volunteer again.
Stay away from tourists near Bourbon.
Rent a child to solicit more loot.
Take more pictures (can't do when collecting loot).
Don't even plan to get schoolwork done. Guilt can come on Ash Wednesday.
Mardi Gras = major holiday
Never have I seen the coffee shops closed here - but they are today. I'm giving up coffee for Lent so this was my last chance - and they deny me. Sigh.
So I made it to Zulu this morning but my back was hurting and I didn't last long. Plus some obnoxious tourists were hanging around where we were and I just didn't have the patience. So I came home and fell asleep while sitting upright on the couch. My back tends to hurt when I'm sleep-deprived, so hopefully that's it and I'll be fine for camping/horseback riding in a week and a half.
The other thing that really bugged me is that Zulu kept stopping for long periods of time and people would jump the barriers to beg for the best loot and the float riders would give it to them. All I have to do to get a gilded coconut is break the safety rules? That's messed up. And this same family kept sending their kids to every float to get stuff - running right up the floats and dammit - kids get killed that way. They got so much good stuff they were greedy and it bugged.
The problem was of course that I was too near Bourbon Street, where the tourists are, and not on St. Charles, where the locals are. Or that I wasn't volunteering. Or not with friends. The people around were nice (I was with the random Canadian) but I wasn't feelin' it. Anyway, next year Karen & Gale and lots more friends will be here (Gail, am I convincing you?) and we'll have a big party on the neutral ground (median) and have a grand old time. I met a woman yesterday whose family rents a port-a-latrine (called a port-a-let) and sets it on a trailer on the back of their pickup and they use that for the four days they have someone camped out on their neutral ground territory for the parades.
Today I saw while coming home the "truck parades" going past a main street right near me, and they were already throwing beads though it was before the start of their parade. These are the homemade floats, lots of neighborhood and professional organizations - some teachers, for example. Way fun. I definitely want to see them next year.
So, I should have a ton of work done because my day wasn't spent parading, but I don't. But if I do get some work done now I'll allow myself a trip to Whole Foods for a slice of pizza and a cookie for dinner - my last junkfood until Easter (though I may have to allow myself one beignet when Sabine & Mike are here). I went back to the gumbo place for some yummilicious catfish & boiled potatoes and the people there are really nice to me. The woman serving is I'd guess Salvadoran, and she says "babe" with the cutest accent. When I left today the woman ringing me up, Vietnamese, said, "Thanks, love" and it sounded more like "Tankluv." Their boiled potatoes were absolutely perfect.
Ay and her mother-in-law and I are going to do the Crescent City Classic the day before Easter. It's a 10k and we plan on walking it. I could walk it tomorrow without difficulty, despite what the doctor says about how quickly I lose muscle mass because of the hyperthyroidism, but I can do mini-marathon "training" for it. It's just a psychological thing for me, and I already walked quite a bit today, so psyching myself out seems to be working.
So I made it to Zulu this morning but my back was hurting and I didn't last long. Plus some obnoxious tourists were hanging around where we were and I just didn't have the patience. So I came home and fell asleep while sitting upright on the couch. My back tends to hurt when I'm sleep-deprived, so hopefully that's it and I'll be fine for camping/horseback riding in a week and a half.
The other thing that really bugged me is that Zulu kept stopping for long periods of time and people would jump the barriers to beg for the best loot and the float riders would give it to them. All I have to do to get a gilded coconut is break the safety rules? That's messed up. And this same family kept sending their kids to every float to get stuff - running right up the floats and dammit - kids get killed that way. They got so much good stuff they were greedy and it bugged.
The problem was of course that I was too near Bourbon Street, where the tourists are, and not on St. Charles, where the locals are. Or that I wasn't volunteering. Or not with friends. The people around were nice (I was with the random Canadian) but I wasn't feelin' it. Anyway, next year Karen & Gale and lots more friends will be here (Gail, am I convincing you?) and we'll have a big party on the neutral ground (median) and have a grand old time. I met a woman yesterday whose family rents a port-a-latrine (called a port-a-let) and sets it on a trailer on the back of their pickup and they use that for the four days they have someone camped out on their neutral ground territory for the parades.
Today I saw while coming home the "truck parades" going past a main street right near me, and they were already throwing beads though it was before the start of their parade. These are the homemade floats, lots of neighborhood and professional organizations - some teachers, for example. Way fun. I definitely want to see them next year.
So, I should have a ton of work done because my day wasn't spent parading, but I don't. But if I do get some work done now I'll allow myself a trip to Whole Foods for a slice of pizza and a cookie for dinner - my last junkfood until Easter (though I may have to allow myself one beignet when Sabine & Mike are here). I went back to the gumbo place for some yummilicious catfish & boiled potatoes and the people there are really nice to me. The woman serving is I'd guess Salvadoran, and she says "babe" with the cutest accent. When I left today the woman ringing me up, Vietnamese, said, "Thanks, love" and it sounded more like "Tankluv." Their boiled potatoes were absolutely perfect.
Ay and her mother-in-law and I are going to do the Crescent City Classic the day before Easter. It's a 10k and we plan on walking it. I could walk it tomorrow without difficulty, despite what the doctor says about how quickly I lose muscle mass because of the hyperthyroidism, but I can do mini-marathon "training" for it. It's just a psychological thing for me, and I already walked quite a bit today, so psyching myself out seems to be working.
Monday, February 19, 2007
gumbo
So I said to the med student next to me, after the fourth fully segregated band marched past, "So, in NYC, are all the schools segregated like here?"
Before she could answer, a native intervened. "You are new here. You don't understand the subcultures."
"Oh yeah, I know about the racism and resulting segregation."
"No, not that. Those Black people."
"I understand that the only people I hear saying and doing racist things are white. Not all white people, of course, but enough to cause problems. What subculture are you talking about?"
"Those Black people. They have this subculture. It's not about skin color, it's about their SUBculture."
"Really? I don't know that subculture I guess. Is that the music and art and food that we all want, and just reject the rest and call it wrong and substandard?"
Don't get me fucking started. What was she going to tell me next, that Africans begged to be enslaved and it was their own damn fault because that was their culture?
I'm not denying there are significant cultural differences - I'm well aware of it. But MY culture ain't hers. And different isn't wrong. I just remember loud and clear that time at my old middle school where we got a kid from LA, a very large kid, a Black kid, a very sweet kid who tried hard. And it was his very first day there that a teacher started gunning for him, insisting that he was trying to physically intimidate her and tried to get the asst. principal to expel him just for showing up and being Black. I know I wasn't there, but I got to know that kid well enough to know that the only way that would ever happen is if she crossed the line - if she pushed him into anger, which wasn't easy to do. My point is that she looked at him walk through her door and made an assumption, and she was wrong. Even if she weren't wrong - every kid deserves a chance to prove who he or she is before we put them in a box and prove ourselves right. I could probably prove any kid to be a failure - that's what we do to them. But I also know how to prove a kid a success. But time and again research has shown how racist institutions and people within them are, and how exactly those kinds of situations eff up somebody's life for good.
Ah crap. Somebody just started a party with loud crappy music. I know it's lundi gras, but couldn't you play something good?
Don't get me wrong - I do like the south and New Orleans. But there's some major bullshit here that I ain't gonna be nice about. I'm gonna be that really obnoxious person who points out the obvious, what everybody seems to keep hush-hush. What, there are racial problems here? Surprise.
So I went to a dangerous part of town for gumbo just to make my damn point. If one more person tells me that "the Black part of town" is "so dangerous" I just want to do the smackdown. This whole town is mine, and if there's a street that I can't go get gumbo on because it's dangerous, then that's my problem and their problem too. Instead, I got to share beads with a drunk guy out front. The cool beads from Proteus with sea horses on them.
I like chocolate and I like a chocolate city. And no, I didn't get the damn gumbo by myself - I went with another guy.
This "subculture" woman tried to convince me that sooner or later I'd have a bad experience that would change my mind. I just looked at her for a minute. "I'm almost 40 years old and have lived all over the world. Are you thinking that I haven't had bad experiences with all kinds of different people? And good? If I go home tonight and somebody mugs me, it isn't their ethnicity that is mugging me, it's one jerk. We can all get stuck on what bad things are done or we can move forward and realize that's not all there is. Moving past it is what gets us to our humanity, and where things can get better. Until then, we are small-minded petty miserable excuses of people."
And then I got off my pulpit and caught me some seahorse beads and a fish and some guy in a mask called me over to the Proteus float and thanked me for all the Red Cross does (i was wearing the vest).
Maybe I'll just always be the damn Yankee, but that's better than being like them, when I say I'm going to the Zulu parade and they say, "You have to be so careful then, because of those kind of people." What kind of people is that? Seriously, a woman today to that question answered "Black people." "Really?" I responded. "Well, mostly I hang around with Black people, and I feel safer anywhere with them then I do here right now."
I don't like being strident, but there are some things I'll be Super Strident about. I will be impolite and ungracious. Of course I don't care if people have different beliefs and politics than me - but racism isn't acceptable, flat out. Maybe I'm using my teacher voice too much, and maybe they aren't listening - but maybe they are. And maybe I'm giving voice to what somebody else wanted to say.
But what I want to know is - where is safe for my Black daughters to be? Where can they go and not have to pretend to be white to be "acceptable"? Where will people not judge or try to change them into some white trash ideal? I won't send them to a crappy public school, where our society is failing Black kids at a horrifying pace, and I won't send them to a private school that is all-white, because I will not expose them to the pressure of conformity when nobody looks like them.
I don't want to live in a world where all my friends and neighbors look like me. That's a pitiful world, lacking depth and flavor. Gumbo without any okra or flavorings. Sad.
Before she could answer, a native intervened. "You are new here. You don't understand the subcultures."
"Oh yeah, I know about the racism and resulting segregation."
"No, not that. Those Black people."
"I understand that the only people I hear saying and doing racist things are white. Not all white people, of course, but enough to cause problems. What subculture are you talking about?"
"Those Black people. They have this subculture. It's not about skin color, it's about their SUBculture."
"Really? I don't know that subculture I guess. Is that the music and art and food that we all want, and just reject the rest and call it wrong and substandard?"
Don't get me fucking started. What was she going to tell me next, that Africans begged to be enslaved and it was their own damn fault because that was their culture?
I'm not denying there are significant cultural differences - I'm well aware of it. But MY culture ain't hers. And different isn't wrong. I just remember loud and clear that time at my old middle school where we got a kid from LA, a very large kid, a Black kid, a very sweet kid who tried hard. And it was his very first day there that a teacher started gunning for him, insisting that he was trying to physically intimidate her and tried to get the asst. principal to expel him just for showing up and being Black. I know I wasn't there, but I got to know that kid well enough to know that the only way that would ever happen is if she crossed the line - if she pushed him into anger, which wasn't easy to do. My point is that she looked at him walk through her door and made an assumption, and she was wrong. Even if she weren't wrong - every kid deserves a chance to prove who he or she is before we put them in a box and prove ourselves right. I could probably prove any kid to be a failure - that's what we do to them. But I also know how to prove a kid a success. But time and again research has shown how racist institutions and people within them are, and how exactly those kinds of situations eff up somebody's life for good.
Ah crap. Somebody just started a party with loud crappy music. I know it's lundi gras, but couldn't you play something good?
Don't get me wrong - I do like the south and New Orleans. But there's some major bullshit here that I ain't gonna be nice about. I'm gonna be that really obnoxious person who points out the obvious, what everybody seems to keep hush-hush. What, there are racial problems here? Surprise.
So I went to a dangerous part of town for gumbo just to make my damn point. If one more person tells me that "the Black part of town" is "so dangerous" I just want to do the smackdown. This whole town is mine, and if there's a street that I can't go get gumbo on because it's dangerous, then that's my problem and their problem too. Instead, I got to share beads with a drunk guy out front. The cool beads from Proteus with sea horses on them.
I like chocolate and I like a chocolate city. And no, I didn't get the damn gumbo by myself - I went with another guy.
This "subculture" woman tried to convince me that sooner or later I'd have a bad experience that would change my mind. I just looked at her for a minute. "I'm almost 40 years old and have lived all over the world. Are you thinking that I haven't had bad experiences with all kinds of different people? And good? If I go home tonight and somebody mugs me, it isn't their ethnicity that is mugging me, it's one jerk. We can all get stuck on what bad things are done or we can move forward and realize that's not all there is. Moving past it is what gets us to our humanity, and where things can get better. Until then, we are small-minded petty miserable excuses of people."
And then I got off my pulpit and caught me some seahorse beads and a fish and some guy in a mask called me over to the Proteus float and thanked me for all the Red Cross does (i was wearing the vest).
Maybe I'll just always be the damn Yankee, but that's better than being like them, when I say I'm going to the Zulu parade and they say, "You have to be so careful then, because of those kind of people." What kind of people is that? Seriously, a woman today to that question answered "Black people." "Really?" I responded. "Well, mostly I hang around with Black people, and I feel safer anywhere with them then I do here right now."
I don't like being strident, but there are some things I'll be Super Strident about. I will be impolite and ungracious. Of course I don't care if people have different beliefs and politics than me - but racism isn't acceptable, flat out. Maybe I'm using my teacher voice too much, and maybe they aren't listening - but maybe they are. And maybe I'm giving voice to what somebody else wanted to say.
But what I want to know is - where is safe for my Black daughters to be? Where can they go and not have to pretend to be white to be "acceptable"? Where will people not judge or try to change them into some white trash ideal? I won't send them to a crappy public school, where our society is failing Black kids at a horrifying pace, and I won't send them to a private school that is all-white, because I will not expose them to the pressure of conformity when nobody looks like them.
I don't want to live in a world where all my friends and neighbors look like me. That's a pitiful world, lacking depth and flavor. Gumbo without any okra or flavorings. Sad.
correction and thanks
OK, Tiffany isn't younger than me - she's actually three months older. I'm so bad with ages!
And I need to say a big thanks to Ahmed, who asked about Dayton as we were walking back from the parades. It always helps to talk things through with him, especially from a cross-cultural and guy point of view. And to Amy, who asked on the phone about Dayton and always has a good listening ear and great perspective about children in school and how to deal with men from different cultures. And to Lara, who emailed to ask what the hell is going on with Dayton, and continues to believe that even selfish me would a good mother. And to Tiffany, who processed my rant about Dayton with some really valuable relationship insight. And to the random Canadian (who isn't really random anymore) who asked at dinner the other night.
I process out loud, and I appreciate people willing to listen! I feel self-conscious about talking about him ALL THE TIME - it's just that he's on my mind all the time.
So right now we're in a holding pattern - he has emailed and called but I don't answer. I'm just not ready to talk to him now. He left a message for the first time (nobody has voice mail there - it's not part of the carriers' service) which unfortunately I couldn't understand because he was speaking quietly and he's upset. I hate hearing that in his voice. Not angry, but worried. He promises to try harder, but I've heard that before. It's just that I get so damn needy with him, and he doesn't understand.
I had a nice little chat with the FEMA guy yesterday - I asked the secret to making a relationship work when you see each other only 2 weeks out of the year. They have FOUR CHILDREN which she has raised basically alone, and she's a police officer. She sounds amazing, and their kids are all so well-adjusted it sounds like. Sometimes it's easier without somebody else there to negotiate with all the time. Anyway, he said the trick it to take advantage of modern technology - with webcam he can see his kids every day. That's awesome.
The point is, they worked it out. They've been together 20 years. That's not the kind of relationship that I want, but what if that's what we get? What if I get a great job offer and end up traveling all the time, or even being stationed somewhere else, or later going to med school somewhere they don't live? Maybe I don't really have to sacrifice all that I think I do. I'm applying these rules of relationships that may not be applicable to us. One of Dayton's strengths is that he is so pragmatic - he can live without sex and companionship and all that if it has to be and he doesn't complain or imagine things differently.
And the FEMA guy said their kids went to daycare. I am having a hard time getting over the value that daycare is bad. My mom stayed home with us and most of my friends stay home (or want to, Tami) with their kids - I do think that's best. But what if it doesn't work for us? Can I be a good parent and still work a lot?
Dayton still feels like home to me. Even when he makes me unhappy. That's something important. But I don't know how to do this without the stress that makes me sick. With desire comes unhappiness. I just don't know to romantically love as a Buddhist.
And I need to say a big thanks to Ahmed, who asked about Dayton as we were walking back from the parades. It always helps to talk things through with him, especially from a cross-cultural and guy point of view. And to Amy, who asked on the phone about Dayton and always has a good listening ear and great perspective about children in school and how to deal with men from different cultures. And to Lara, who emailed to ask what the hell is going on with Dayton, and continues to believe that even selfish me would a good mother. And to Tiffany, who processed my rant about Dayton with some really valuable relationship insight. And to the random Canadian (who isn't really random anymore) who asked at dinner the other night.
I process out loud, and I appreciate people willing to listen! I feel self-conscious about talking about him ALL THE TIME - it's just that he's on my mind all the time.
So right now we're in a holding pattern - he has emailed and called but I don't answer. I'm just not ready to talk to him now. He left a message for the first time (nobody has voice mail there - it's not part of the carriers' service) which unfortunately I couldn't understand because he was speaking quietly and he's upset. I hate hearing that in his voice. Not angry, but worried. He promises to try harder, but I've heard that before. It's just that I get so damn needy with him, and he doesn't understand.
I had a nice little chat with the FEMA guy yesterday - I asked the secret to making a relationship work when you see each other only 2 weeks out of the year. They have FOUR CHILDREN which she has raised basically alone, and she's a police officer. She sounds amazing, and their kids are all so well-adjusted it sounds like. Sometimes it's easier without somebody else there to negotiate with all the time. Anyway, he said the trick it to take advantage of modern technology - with webcam he can see his kids every day. That's awesome.
The point is, they worked it out. They've been together 20 years. That's not the kind of relationship that I want, but what if that's what we get? What if I get a great job offer and end up traveling all the time, or even being stationed somewhere else, or later going to med school somewhere they don't live? Maybe I don't really have to sacrifice all that I think I do. I'm applying these rules of relationships that may not be applicable to us. One of Dayton's strengths is that he is so pragmatic - he can live without sex and companionship and all that if it has to be and he doesn't complain or imagine things differently.
And the FEMA guy said their kids went to daycare. I am having a hard time getting over the value that daycare is bad. My mom stayed home with us and most of my friends stay home (or want to, Tami) with their kids - I do think that's best. But what if it doesn't work for us? Can I be a good parent and still work a lot?
Dayton still feels like home to me. Even when he makes me unhappy. That's something important. But I don't know how to do this without the stress that makes me sick. With desire comes unhappiness. I just don't know to romantically love as a Buddhist.
Sunday, February 18, 2007
Mardi Gras Sunday
There were two parades that I saw today. The first was Okeanos, whose theme was children's stories - including everything from fairy tales to Fred Flintstone. It was a lot of fun and Cece would have loved it. The second was Thoth, which all these pictures are from. (All of today's pics are at my picture website.) I think the parades today were far better than Endymion last night - the floats were way better, more interesting, and the pace was quicker which kept our attention.
Thoth's theme this year was historical - this is the Declaration of Independence; others included the Battle of New Orleans, Fort Sumter, Boston Tea Party - our shift ended at the Industrial Revolution so I didn't get to see the 20th and 21st centuries. Everybody on the floats is dressed up thematically, wearing masks (which still way creep me out; apparently they get huge fines by their Krewe leaders if they aren't masked the whole time).
Thoth's theme this year was historical - this is the Declaration of Independence; others included the Battle of New Orleans, Fort Sumter, Boston Tea Party - our shift ended at the Industrial Revolution so I didn't get to see the 20th and 21st centuries. Everybody on the floats is dressed up thematically, wearing masks (which still way creep me out; apparently they get huge fines by their Krewe leaders if they aren't masked the whole time). I loved Thoth because it had the historical educational theme, but also because they were totally generous - throwing tons of stuff even though there wasn't a ton of people where we were. See everybody with their hands up - ready to catch. Also, Thoth didn't apparently bean anybody with all the stuff they were throwing - nobody came to us for any medical care, no abrasions, no broken teeth, nothing like yesterday. It will be a very sad day when New Orleans realizes it has to limit its liability and forbid throwing from parade floats.
Thoth is of course after the Egyptian deity, so there was that fun fake-Egyptian stuff on the "We the People" and other such floats. This is the title float which separated the Thoth royalty (very cool floats & costumes) and faux Egyptian Thoth floats from the rest of the "We the People" parade.
The Egyptian Jesters, a new head float.
It looks just like the tombs I saw in Egypt. :)
Here you can see the hotel balconies across the way, people milling about, while others are begging for beads, including some on ladders.
Here's the real reason I totally dig on Mardi Gras. People stalk out areas and then camp out.
They spend their time chatting with friends and family, children playing. Check out the ladder platforms. (And yeah, I need a ladder. As a native told me yesterday - "you're at a disadvantage because you're short and female." And it's true. Lots of stuff was snatched out of my grasp yesterday.)
And it's such a family time. Check out the wagon - like the one we pulled around yesterday with Bekher and Nicholas. Kids were playing everywhere, having a great time.
Thoth is of course after the Egyptian deity, so there was that fun fake-Egyptian stuff on the "We the People" and other such floats. This is the title float which separated the Thoth royalty (very cool floats & costumes) and faux Egyptian Thoth floats from the rest of the "We the People" parade. 
The Egyptian Jesters, a new head float. 
It looks just like the tombs I saw in Egypt. :) 
Here you can see the hotel balconies across the way, people milling about, while others are begging for beads, including some on ladders. 
Here's the real reason I totally dig on Mardi Gras. People stalk out areas and then camp out. 
They spend their time chatting with friends and family, children playing. Check out the ladder platforms. (And yeah, I need a ladder. As a native told me yesterday - "you're at a disadvantage because you're short and female." And it's true. Lots of stuff was snatched out of my grasp yesterday.)
And it's such a family time. Check out the wagon - like the one we pulled around yesterday with Bekher and Nicholas. Kids were playing everywhere, having a great time. And so much BBQing going on. People were there for the longhaul - with comfy chairs, coolers, full grilled meals. Yum. I need to be adopted.
So now that I've made this case attempting to convince y'all that Mardi Gras is all about mellow family fun, I do need to give the whole picture. This guy filling his Camelback with Crown Royal was not alone. Lots and lots of people drinking, and some really quite drunk. And lots of underage drinking, which offends my sensibilities. But again, no injuries on my shift, so it's all good.
Mardi Gras, volunteering
What a great day!
The secret to why I love volunteering so much? I meet the best people. Anybody who gives up their only days off in a month to come sit at a Red Cross tent - they're good people. I spent my day with a guy who works in a refinery and another who works for FEMA and is away from his family 50 weeks of the year.
We met at the Red Cross headquarters at 8:30 this morning. The headquarters aren't functioning, they just use the parking lot. The building was badly flooded and gutted but useable. The ERVs (Emergency Response Vehicles) were there - and by the way, they were mostly purchased by the Kuwaiti government who also promised to pay to construct five Gulf Coast Red Cross branches - which won't flood. Which seems a reasonable stipulation, but it means it can't be built in New Orleans - so, no headquarters now. Between the Kuwaitis and Qatar, the Middle East has been a huge support throughout disaster. And I seem to recall Jordan helped out, too. Probably. Jordanians rock.
We got the ERV ready and then I got called to a third station instead. So we waited and waited for an ERV from somewhere else. We got it loaded up and rolled out. Got to Lee Circle and I went on a coffee hunt, calling Tami & Ahmed who were able to direct me to the nearest PJ's, for which we were very grateful.
People were lined up for the parades already, barricades in place. The EMS guy came over and introduced himself, which was the last time I saw him because they kept getting called to emergencies starting with an elevator emergency - 9 trapped and 2 unresponsive. Hope that turned out ok.
I'll do a different post about the parades - they were AWESOME.
There weren't a lot of people there, and we got two band-aid requests and that was IT.
The thing is, that didn't bother me, to be sitting around not doing anything. I enjoyed the people I was stationed with, and we got to see the parade (though not close enough to snag beads) and people watch. And we were there in case somebody did need us, which is valuable volunteering. And it was a nice change from a frenetic pace - just chilling. And people are so darn friendly to me when I'm in a Red Cross vest. Unfortunately PJ's didn't give us free coffee, but I can't ask for everything.
Tonight will be really, really busy - there was already a considerable amount of drunkenness and a ton of ladders that people climb up to catch beads. They make little platforms for their kids - and last night somebody dropped their little daughter who fell hard and embedded a bead in her forehead. OUCH.
I go back tomorrow for more fun in the early evening. The only bummer is that I was really cold. I asked Susan to mail me my winter gear that I left at her house in Oregon, but since I asked her yesterday it's clearly not here yet.
And I am going to be a Disaster Volunteer. I knew it as soon as somebody said they needed a gallon of hand sanitizer and asked me to find an extra in the ERV. I found it in short order because everything's well-stocked and organized. Organized hand sanitizer? I'm so there. I don't know how well that will work out with my schedule, but I'll try. Another volunteer came over and chatted with us and talked about how the volunteer base was decimated with Katrina, so there's a real need. What, a need? I'm so there.
The secret to why I love volunteering so much? I meet the best people. Anybody who gives up their only days off in a month to come sit at a Red Cross tent - they're good people. I spent my day with a guy who works in a refinery and another who works for FEMA and is away from his family 50 weeks of the year.
We met at the Red Cross headquarters at 8:30 this morning. The headquarters aren't functioning, they just use the parking lot. The building was badly flooded and gutted but useable. The ERVs (Emergency Response Vehicles) were there - and by the way, they were mostly purchased by the Kuwaiti government who also promised to pay to construct five Gulf Coast Red Cross branches - which won't flood. Which seems a reasonable stipulation, but it means it can't be built in New Orleans - so, no headquarters now. Between the Kuwaitis and Qatar, the Middle East has been a huge support throughout disaster. And I seem to recall Jordan helped out, too. Probably. Jordanians rock.
We got the ERV ready and then I got called to a third station instead. So we waited and waited for an ERV from somewhere else. We got it loaded up and rolled out. Got to Lee Circle and I went on a coffee hunt, calling Tami & Ahmed who were able to direct me to the nearest PJ's, for which we were very grateful.
People were lined up for the parades already, barricades in place. The EMS guy came over and introduced himself, which was the last time I saw him because they kept getting called to emergencies starting with an elevator emergency - 9 trapped and 2 unresponsive. Hope that turned out ok.
I'll do a different post about the parades - they were AWESOME.
There weren't a lot of people there, and we got two band-aid requests and that was IT.
The thing is, that didn't bother me, to be sitting around not doing anything. I enjoyed the people I was stationed with, and we got to see the parade (though not close enough to snag beads) and people watch. And we were there in case somebody did need us, which is valuable volunteering. And it was a nice change from a frenetic pace - just chilling. And people are so darn friendly to me when I'm in a Red Cross vest. Unfortunately PJ's didn't give us free coffee, but I can't ask for everything.
Tonight will be really, really busy - there was already a considerable amount of drunkenness and a ton of ladders that people climb up to catch beads. They make little platforms for their kids - and last night somebody dropped their little daughter who fell hard and embedded a bead in her forehead. OUCH.
I go back tomorrow for more fun in the early evening. The only bummer is that I was really cold. I asked Susan to mail me my winter gear that I left at her house in Oregon, but since I asked her yesterday it's clearly not here yet.
And I am going to be a Disaster Volunteer. I knew it as soon as somebody said they needed a gallon of hand sanitizer and asked me to find an extra in the ERV. I found it in short order because everything's well-stocked and organized. Organized hand sanitizer? I'm so there. I don't know how well that will work out with my schedule, but I'll try. Another volunteer came over and chatted with us and talked about how the volunteer base was decimated with Katrina, so there's a real need. What, a need? I'm so there.
red beans and rice
We talked all day at the Red Cross station about Louisianan food - jambalaya, red beans & rice, gumbo, seafood, crawfish etouffee, etc. etc.
So I stopped at Orleans Seafood on the way home. A converted Taco Bell. As I pulled into the parking lot I saw lots of people, all African American, so figured it was good.
I walk up the counter and notice everybody behind the counter is Asian. I'm so disoriented I can't get any further than noticing that while the special is red beans and rice with sausage or pork chops or fried chicken (can't get any more southern than that, unless there were greens on the side), most of the menu is Chinese. And the people working are all Vietnamese. And the tables all have a roll of paper towels on them in lieu of napkin dispensers.
I love this city. Always pushing what I expect. And the red beans and rice aren't bad.
So I stopped at Orleans Seafood on the way home. A converted Taco Bell. As I pulled into the parking lot I saw lots of people, all African American, so figured it was good.
I walk up the counter and notice everybody behind the counter is Asian. I'm so disoriented I can't get any further than noticing that while the special is red beans and rice with sausage or pork chops or fried chicken (can't get any more southern than that, unless there were greens on the side), most of the menu is Chinese. And the people working are all Vietnamese. And the tables all have a roll of paper towels on them in lieu of napkin dispensers.
I love this city. Always pushing what I expect. And the red beans and rice aren't bad.
Saturday, February 17, 2007
beads, beads, and more beads
I'm ruined. No more parades anywhere except New Orleans. Where else do they throw so much stuff at you?
People all around me were getting beaned, so I was flinching to protect myself. Not good for catching, but I still made quite a haul.
It was Endymion, the prettiest floats I'm told. The people around me were awesome - all native New Orleanians who gave me the scoop. I went with Tami and her people, which was very nice.
And I got a rubber chicken. A little one.
Oh, and Journey and Styx were in the parade - that was wild.
Anyway, it really is a family holiday around these parts - it's not about flashing breasts and drinking until you puke. Sure, people do that ("tourists" locals sniff disdainfully, and I know they want to say "yankees.") But that's not what it's about.
It's about getting all the crap you can.
It's like the NW Coastal Indian potlatches.
Everybody on the floats was in masks, which I have to say was creepy - but not nearly as creepy as the hooded guys on horseback.
I guess you get used to it.
two thumbs up on Mardi Gras. Throw me somethin, Mister.
People all around me were getting beaned, so I was flinching to protect myself. Not good for catching, but I still made quite a haul.
It was Endymion, the prettiest floats I'm told. The people around me were awesome - all native New Orleanians who gave me the scoop. I went with Tami and her people, which was very nice.
And I got a rubber chicken. A little one.
Oh, and Journey and Styx were in the parade - that was wild.
Anyway, it really is a family holiday around these parts - it's not about flashing breasts and drinking until you puke. Sure, people do that ("tourists" locals sniff disdainfully, and I know they want to say "yankees.") But that's not what it's about.
It's about getting all the crap you can.
It's like the NW Coastal Indian potlatches.
Everybody on the floats was in masks, which I have to say was creepy - but not nearly as creepy as the hooded guys on horseback.
I guess you get used to it.
two thumbs up on Mardi Gras. Throw me somethin, Mister.
narratives
At the laundromat this morning it was crazy full. A guy put his clothes in a dryer, then his card, and started to walk away. A woman asked, "Did you start it?" I leaned over and pushed the button and another guy said, "Oh, your clothes are in the wrong one - this one's for up and this is down." The guy looked a little bewildered and I said, "Yeah, it's confusing." "I did that before ... in Houston," said the helpful guy. I did an mmm-hmmm, the kind the church ladies in the Black Baptist churches do, in their 'tell me about Jesus, brother!' way. "I was in Austin myself," said the first guy.
That's the post-Katrina narrative, the evacuation tales. It's the tie that binds. When I first got here I asked everybody their story and I heard some amazing ones. Now though I wait for these moments when the narrative emerges.
But there are other narratives there as well. Helping people before they ask, being friendly. They were helping a guy who didn't really speak English, too - though one of the guys kept saying "card" louder and louder. He's not deaf, man, he's not English-speaking. And another guy, who spoke slower and clearer, interceded and got it all taken care of. The friendliness is more than just a characteristic - it's a narrative living simultaneously in locales everywhere New Orleanians are.
Don't get me wrong - in the post-Katrina narrative it's not all love and welcome. One guy there was pissed about something - probably the difficulty getting machines - and was swearing up a storm. Two high school kids were just killed after giving a guy a ride, the same night somebody went into a Mid-City bar and shot 6 people. Domestic violence is super common, as well as violence about drug deals. And not just fighting, but killing. And don't even ask somebody to testify - which is one reason only something like 17% of the murderers here get any kind of punishment.
And that all might be a real New Orleans narrative which I choose to ignore while focusing on the narratives with the rhythm of Rebirth Brass Band's "Do Whatcha Wanna."
There was recently an article in the newspaper about a law school writing professor - her tips were great. One of the best was to craft arguments as narrative. Is there a hero epic hidden there, a Cinderella? Being a lawyer is all about storytelling and spin, summoning sympathies. Is that 15-year-old murderer a victim to be rehabilitated, who society has neglected and we have a last chance to save, or a demon seed who should be thrown away to protect our innocent children?
With that eye, I looked at the appellate brief draft I turned in last week. This poor police officer was just being polite and friendly, I asserted. Displaying our values to this foreigner who tried to break these cultural mores. (Of course if representing the other guy I would have worked the narrative of we are a nation of immigrants and he is a good guy in a persecuted minority.)
My writing instructor is a New Orleanian, so hopefully the narrative rings true to her. There are a number of places in the world where it would be a joke, but it's the NOLA narrative, punctuated by "babes" and "mmm hmmmms."
That's the post-Katrina narrative, the evacuation tales. It's the tie that binds. When I first got here I asked everybody their story and I heard some amazing ones. Now though I wait for these moments when the narrative emerges.
But there are other narratives there as well. Helping people before they ask, being friendly. They were helping a guy who didn't really speak English, too - though one of the guys kept saying "card" louder and louder. He's not deaf, man, he's not English-speaking. And another guy, who spoke slower and clearer, interceded and got it all taken care of. The friendliness is more than just a characteristic - it's a narrative living simultaneously in locales everywhere New Orleanians are.
Don't get me wrong - in the post-Katrina narrative it's not all love and welcome. One guy there was pissed about something - probably the difficulty getting machines - and was swearing up a storm. Two high school kids were just killed after giving a guy a ride, the same night somebody went into a Mid-City bar and shot 6 people. Domestic violence is super common, as well as violence about drug deals. And not just fighting, but killing. And don't even ask somebody to testify - which is one reason only something like 17% of the murderers here get any kind of punishment.
And that all might be a real New Orleans narrative which I choose to ignore while focusing on the narratives with the rhythm of Rebirth Brass Band's "Do Whatcha Wanna."
There was recently an article in the newspaper about a law school writing professor - her tips were great. One of the best was to craft arguments as narrative. Is there a hero epic hidden there, a Cinderella? Being a lawyer is all about storytelling and spin, summoning sympathies. Is that 15-year-old murderer a victim to be rehabilitated, who society has neglected and we have a last chance to save, or a demon seed who should be thrown away to protect our innocent children?
With that eye, I looked at the appellate brief draft I turned in last week. This poor police officer was just being polite and friendly, I asserted. Displaying our values to this foreigner who tried to break these cultural mores. (Of course if representing the other guy I would have worked the narrative of we are a nation of immigrants and he is a good guy in a persecuted minority.)
My writing instructor is a New Orleanian, so hopefully the narrative rings true to her. There are a number of places in the world where it would be a joke, but it's the NOLA narrative, punctuated by "babes" and "mmm hmmmms."
Friday, February 16, 2007
February 5
Everybody, right now - mark it on your calendars. Mardi Gras 2008. And y'all are coming.
Because if I don't have visitors, I don't do all the fun things NOLA has to offer. Don't get me wrong - I love all my volunteering, and I think I get to the real heart of NOLA that way - but there's obvious fun, too, to be had.
Just went to Port of Call with the random Canadian, and it was totally awesome - the best burger I've ever had. Then went to Whole Foods to get her a kingcake and it was fun just to see it through her eyes.
She's been back to Cafe du Monde three times since I took her last weekend - now THAT'S the New Orleans spirit.
Tomorrow is my first real parade - I'm stoked. I'll be miserably cold but the first time is always memorable.
Somebody just ran past shouting "Mardi Gras! Mardi Gras!" The partiers are coming ! The partiers are coming!
I'm getting more excited about the possibility of a Delta spring break jaunt, and it sounds like Karen's on board. Coincidentally, it's smack-dab between Indiana (where she's moved to) and me. Karen and I in Memphis ... we have trans-continental and three country road trip experience - this is an adventure not to be missed.
Because if I don't have visitors, I don't do all the fun things NOLA has to offer. Don't get me wrong - I love all my volunteering, and I think I get to the real heart of NOLA that way - but there's obvious fun, too, to be had.
Just went to Port of Call with the random Canadian, and it was totally awesome - the best burger I've ever had. Then went to Whole Foods to get her a kingcake and it was fun just to see it through her eyes.
She's been back to Cafe du Monde three times since I took her last weekend - now THAT'S the New Orleans spirit.
Tomorrow is my first real parade - I'm stoked. I'll be miserably cold but the first time is always memorable.
Somebody just ran past shouting "Mardi Gras! Mardi Gras!" The partiers are coming ! The partiers are coming!
I'm getting more excited about the possibility of a Delta spring break jaunt, and it sounds like Karen's on board. Coincidentally, it's smack-dab between Indiana (where she's moved to) and me. Karen and I in Memphis ... we have trans-continental and three country road trip experience - this is an adventure not to be missed.
bones are good
My bone density is better than normal. I gotta tell you, I'm loving looking at this graph that shows me in the "best" range.
So, my shrinkage is probably from bad posture and all that. Yoga should help - I've heard people can appear to gain height, just from decompressing their spine.
I wish I could get a heart scan but that's probably pretty expensive and insurance won't cover. I just want to see that everything's all good. Because if it is, I'm sticking with my thyroid the way it is.
So, my shrinkage is probably from bad posture and all that. Yoga should help - I've heard people can appear to gain height, just from decompressing their spine.
I wish I could get a heart scan but that's probably pretty expensive and insurance won't cover. I just want to see that everything's all good. Because if it is, I'm sticking with my thyroid the way it is.
no thyroid doomsday
OK, sorry, Jen - didn't mean to stress people out.
The thyroid storm is very unlikely, and if it happens here that's fine. Doctors at the student health clinic know my condition and my endocrinologist is on the ball, and now I've done enough research to have a sense of how to recognize. The only question I still have is how long the symptoms last before they get critical. Do I have three hours? 36? Three days?
I'm not worried about it happening here. I dig on stress - it lowers my blood pressue. BUT, there are different kinds of stress. The stress that is now beckoning me to read Property because my prof humiliates people - good stress. The stress that compels me to rush about doing 5 million things on most given days - good stress.
There are only really two bad stresses for me. The first was teaching - that feeling of utter hopelessness when a student had made a really bad choice and was headed off to juvie or jail. And the constant administrative/NCLB pressure combining with that - bad pressure because it never let up and was out of my control. The other bad stress is when things are bad with Dayton. It's just the nature of love, I guess, that I'm really vulnerable to him. I'm not used to being vulnerable so I don't handle it very well. It definitely takes its toll on me. My typical blustering in to fix everything just doesn't work.
Today I have my bone density scan. (Now I read, then class, then post office, then hospital, then pro bono work, then meet Canadian at Port of Call, then maybe laundry, then study - there's my whole day. Sigh.) The doctor said it probably won't tell much because of my age - but the thyroid problem I'm having usually happens in older people "after a long history of non-toxic goiter." Like 50 years of it - which I definitely haven't had. I guess I'm a quick study. :) But it'll make me feel better to know - and if my bones are fine, then I'm not in a rush with thyroid treatment.
When I had the biopsy this summer, the doctor drained the nodule saying it was decomposing cells. So here's what happens, I'm starting to piece together. For whatever reason, maybe my TSH receptors on my thyroid don't work right, my thyroid feels compelled to produce thyroid hormone without being told to - that's T3 and T4. My T4 has always been fine; my T3 sometimes is a bit high and sometimes on the high range of normal. As far as I can tell, no TSH is not a problem - it's just that doctors get worked up about it because that means the regulation mechanism (thyroid-pituitary) isn't working properly.
But what if my body regulates itself differently? What if it grows larger to produce more hormone when necessary but then decomposes that when it's not necessary? There are times in my life when I do need the energy of three people to make it through the day - what if my thyroid kicks into gear and makes it possible? What if "treating" that is just really being ungrateful to the one gland who always is there for me?
Honestly though, if things don't get better on their own I will eventually have to have treatment - my thyroid is large and it makes swallowing sometimes difficult (like right now - must be the recent appointment - it doesn't like to be poked and prodded). Talking too much gives me a sore throat. That would seem to make surgery the better option because they could actually remove that obstacle. BUT with surgery there's the chance I can lose my voice altogether (or get a way sexy husky voice), and it's pretty common that they cause permanent damage to the parathyroid glands - which regulate calcium and other really important functions. So then I'd be on synthroid for the rest of my life AND all sorts of other stuff. And have 9 cm pirate's scar across my neck.
Alcohol ablation (where they shoot ethanol into the thyroid) might be an option, but it's not done here - so if I do that I'll probably do it in summer when I can get to Mayo Clinic a few times. Because it's such a rare treatment in the US I can't find much info on it. In Europe they don't do radioactive iodine because it's radioactive and there's real concerns about that. If I were 80 and this were my only health problem, I'd be like, "I'll do it today." But I'm not even 40, and I might someday carry a baby. The radiation I'd be getting is like Chernobyl (not right up close, of course, but that's the analogy they gave) and I do know of those negative effects. I don't want to get cancer later because of this. More importantly I don't want to have a baby whose health is compromised in any way because of it - how unfair would that be? "Here, I gave you life, but your chances of cancer are really high and your thyroid will never function properly. Welcome to the world!"
So anyway, no doomsday. Chances of a fatal thyroid storm are very minimal.
Chances of being called on in Property today and knowing nothing about fee simple absolute, however, are very good. Hm ... maybe I can use my "condition" to my benefit somehow. "I'm sorry, I'm unprepared because if you stress me out I could die." It's not like that at all, though, so no worries.
I'm just really annoyed with my thyroid for not increasing my metabolism! I should be able to eat all the damn kingcake I want without retribution! Life is so unfair.
The thyroid storm is very unlikely, and if it happens here that's fine. Doctors at the student health clinic know my condition and my endocrinologist is on the ball, and now I've done enough research to have a sense of how to recognize. The only question I still have is how long the symptoms last before they get critical. Do I have three hours? 36? Three days?
I'm not worried about it happening here. I dig on stress - it lowers my blood pressue. BUT, there are different kinds of stress. The stress that is now beckoning me to read Property because my prof humiliates people - good stress. The stress that compels me to rush about doing 5 million things on most given days - good stress.
There are only really two bad stresses for me. The first was teaching - that feeling of utter hopelessness when a student had made a really bad choice and was headed off to juvie or jail. And the constant administrative/NCLB pressure combining with that - bad pressure because it never let up and was out of my control. The other bad stress is when things are bad with Dayton. It's just the nature of love, I guess, that I'm really vulnerable to him. I'm not used to being vulnerable so I don't handle it very well. It definitely takes its toll on me. My typical blustering in to fix everything just doesn't work.
Today I have my bone density scan. (Now I read, then class, then post office, then hospital, then pro bono work, then meet Canadian at Port of Call, then maybe laundry, then study - there's my whole day. Sigh.) The doctor said it probably won't tell much because of my age - but the thyroid problem I'm having usually happens in older people "after a long history of non-toxic goiter." Like 50 years of it - which I definitely haven't had. I guess I'm a quick study. :) But it'll make me feel better to know - and if my bones are fine, then I'm not in a rush with thyroid treatment.
When I had the biopsy this summer, the doctor drained the nodule saying it was decomposing cells. So here's what happens, I'm starting to piece together. For whatever reason, maybe my TSH receptors on my thyroid don't work right, my thyroid feels compelled to produce thyroid hormone without being told to - that's T3 and T4. My T4 has always been fine; my T3 sometimes is a bit high and sometimes on the high range of normal. As far as I can tell, no TSH is not a problem - it's just that doctors get worked up about it because that means the regulation mechanism (thyroid-pituitary) isn't working properly.
But what if my body regulates itself differently? What if it grows larger to produce more hormone when necessary but then decomposes that when it's not necessary? There are times in my life when I do need the energy of three people to make it through the day - what if my thyroid kicks into gear and makes it possible? What if "treating" that is just really being ungrateful to the one gland who always is there for me?
Honestly though, if things don't get better on their own I will eventually have to have treatment - my thyroid is large and it makes swallowing sometimes difficult (like right now - must be the recent appointment - it doesn't like to be poked and prodded). Talking too much gives me a sore throat. That would seem to make surgery the better option because they could actually remove that obstacle. BUT with surgery there's the chance I can lose my voice altogether (or get a way sexy husky voice), and it's pretty common that they cause permanent damage to the parathyroid glands - which regulate calcium and other really important functions. So then I'd be on synthroid for the rest of my life AND all sorts of other stuff. And have 9 cm pirate's scar across my neck.
Alcohol ablation (where they shoot ethanol into the thyroid) might be an option, but it's not done here - so if I do that I'll probably do it in summer when I can get to Mayo Clinic a few times. Because it's such a rare treatment in the US I can't find much info on it. In Europe they don't do radioactive iodine because it's radioactive and there's real concerns about that. If I were 80 and this were my only health problem, I'd be like, "I'll do it today." But I'm not even 40, and I might someday carry a baby. The radiation I'd be getting is like Chernobyl (not right up close, of course, but that's the analogy they gave) and I do know of those negative effects. I don't want to get cancer later because of this. More importantly I don't want to have a baby whose health is compromised in any way because of it - how unfair would that be? "Here, I gave you life, but your chances of cancer are really high and your thyroid will never function properly. Welcome to the world!"
So anyway, no doomsday. Chances of a fatal thyroid storm are very minimal.
Chances of being called on in Property today and knowing nothing about fee simple absolute, however, are very good. Hm ... maybe I can use my "condition" to my benefit somehow. "I'm sorry, I'm unprepared because if you stress me out I could die." It's not like that at all, though, so no worries.
I'm just really annoyed with my thyroid for not increasing my metabolism! I should be able to eat all the damn kingcake I want without retribution! Life is so unfair.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
now i understand ...
why my endocrinologist is freaked that I'm refusing treatment and could go into thyroid storm:
"Mortality/Morbidity: Thyroid storm is an acute, life-threatening emergency. The adult mortality rate is extremely high (90%) if early diagnosis is not made and the patient is left untreated. With better control of thyrotoxicosis and early management of thyroid storm, adult mortality rates have declined to less than 20%. "
Well, those odds aren't so good for me.
"Mortality/Morbidity: Thyroid storm is an acute, life-threatening emergency. The adult mortality rate is extremely high (90%) if early diagnosis is not made and the patient is left untreated. With better control of thyrotoxicosis and early management of thyroid storm, adult mortality rates have declined to less than 20%. "
Well, those odds aren't so good for me.
the heart
The heart has been on my mind a lot of late.
My friend Tiffany, who's a bit younger than me, told me about the heart attack she had last year. Thank goodness she's ok and able to tell about it!
My thyroid problem can cause several serious problems, but the most serious is weakening my heart from causing it to overwork, so the doctor always asks me about if I have any palpitations. (No, though my resting heart rate is significantly higher than it used to be. I am going to start yoga and see if it helps.)
I just relearned CPR, which is of course all about the heart. And I know I'm jaded about having to retake it, but every time it's different - they keep researching and learning new things so we get different directions.
And now this very interesting article about stress cardiomyopathy. We really can die of a broken heart. I sometimes wonder about the emotional stress in my relationship with Dayton and if that exacerbates my health problems. Yeah, maybe I just like somebody to blame. Isn't that why there are men around?
My friend Tiffany, who's a bit younger than me, told me about the heart attack she had last year. Thank goodness she's ok and able to tell about it!
My thyroid problem can cause several serious problems, but the most serious is weakening my heart from causing it to overwork, so the doctor always asks me about if I have any palpitations. (No, though my resting heart rate is significantly higher than it used to be. I am going to start yoga and see if it helps.)
I just relearned CPR, which is of course all about the heart. And I know I'm jaded about having to retake it, but every time it's different - they keep researching and learning new things so we get different directions.
And now this very interesting article about stress cardiomyopathy. We really can die of a broken heart. I sometimes wonder about the emotional stress in my relationship with Dayton and if that exacerbates my health problems. Yeah, maybe I just like somebody to blame. Isn't that why there are men around?
another cause
I really do try to restrain myself from picking fights with administrators. It helps that I like our dean now, and that he's kinda scary (he'd kick my ass in a courtroom without any doubt). And, while things aren't perfect of course, overall I'm pretty damn satisfied with my experience at First Choice Law School - and most of the things that I'm not really happy about are outside administration's realm of influence.
But I've started. Because I'm [insert name here].
The Dean of Academic Affairs sent some notice of saferide out, and I responded with a mention of a symposium happening soon on US-Middle Eastern communication. I'm freakin sick and tired of people's ignorance. Just the other day at an international law student meeting, a career counselor whose entire focus is international said we needed serious counseling if we even considered a career in the Middle East. WTF is that? At least one guy there is apparently Iranian. And the Middle East rocks. Shut up. And my classmates sometimes make little comments slip. Our writing assignment is about a Sikh man coming back from Pakistan and somebody actually said to me, "He should be racially profiled as Middle Eastern. They're all the same, and they're terrorists." Yeah, of course I let her have it - but how many people think these things without saying them aloud to me, the thought police?
ANYWAY, this dean posted it, which is good. And she said she's disturbed I've heard negative comments (I said ignorant, which is differnet) and if I want to talk to her she invites me.
So I replied that what I'd really like to talk to her about is the cloud of noxious gas I have to walk though to get to class. Smoking is allowed at all entrances, and there is no way for me to get inside the law school without exposure to cigarette smoke - it's nasty. And I think it affects my allergies, especially because it also comes inside to the first floor hallway, where my locker is. And it's unfair that we nonsmokers are punished because others have disgusting addictions. (Michele, K better not be a smoker! I like it better when you don't smoke!!)
Funny, haven't heard back from her yet.
I don't want this to be My Cause, because I'm saving that up for when I have a brilliant idea to desegregate students racially. And I'm a little worried that she'll make me talk to the main Dean, who smokes like numerous Detroit chimneys and is frequently found huddling outside the door with his nicotine delivery instrument. Like I said, he'd kick my ass and probably get me to start smoking.
I signed up for the horseback-camping thing today, which is two weeks away. Got a couple guys in my Property class interested, though one said he wanted to bring his girlfriend and they won't allow non-students. Him I know a little and he's super nice and I like him. The other guy I've never talked to before but he's friends with first guy and he sounded interested too. Sarah, a 2L, says she went on one of the trips last year and had a great time but it was a lot of 18-year-old freshmen, so I'd like a little more balance. And they both have never ridden horses before, so that would be cool for them. And they both thought my Jetboil sounds super cool and encouraged me to bring it.
Yeah, that's all it takes for me to like you. Admire my gear.
But I've started. Because I'm [insert name here].
The Dean of Academic Affairs sent some notice of saferide out, and I responded with a mention of a symposium happening soon on US-Middle Eastern communication. I'm freakin sick and tired of people's ignorance. Just the other day at an international law student meeting, a career counselor whose entire focus is international said we needed serious counseling if we even considered a career in the Middle East. WTF is that? At least one guy there is apparently Iranian. And the Middle East rocks. Shut up. And my classmates sometimes make little comments slip. Our writing assignment is about a Sikh man coming back from Pakistan and somebody actually said to me, "He should be racially profiled as Middle Eastern. They're all the same, and they're terrorists." Yeah, of course I let her have it - but how many people think these things without saying them aloud to me, the thought police?
ANYWAY, this dean posted it, which is good. And she said she's disturbed I've heard negative comments (I said ignorant, which is differnet) and if I want to talk to her she invites me.
So I replied that what I'd really like to talk to her about is the cloud of noxious gas I have to walk though to get to class. Smoking is allowed at all entrances, and there is no way for me to get inside the law school without exposure to cigarette smoke - it's nasty. And I think it affects my allergies, especially because it also comes inside to the first floor hallway, where my locker is. And it's unfair that we nonsmokers are punished because others have disgusting addictions. (Michele, K better not be a smoker! I like it better when you don't smoke!!)
Funny, haven't heard back from her yet.
I don't want this to be My Cause, because I'm saving that up for when I have a brilliant idea to desegregate students racially. And I'm a little worried that she'll make me talk to the main Dean, who smokes like numerous Detroit chimneys and is frequently found huddling outside the door with his nicotine delivery instrument. Like I said, he'd kick my ass and probably get me to start smoking.
I signed up for the horseback-camping thing today, which is two weeks away. Got a couple guys in my Property class interested, though one said he wanted to bring his girlfriend and they won't allow non-students. Him I know a little and he's super nice and I like him. The other guy I've never talked to before but he's friends with first guy and he sounded interested too. Sarah, a 2L, says she went on one of the trips last year and had a great time but it was a lot of 18-year-old freshmen, so I'd like a little more balance. And they both have never ridden horses before, so that would be cool for them. And they both thought my Jetboil sounds super cool and encouraged me to bring it.
Yeah, that's all it takes for me to like you. Admire my gear.
my reputation precedes me
I just got the revised schedule for my volunteering this weekend and they did sign me up for Saturday, Sunday, and Monday. The funny part is that I'm scheduled for two different stations on Sunday.
Now, I know I can accomplish a lot of things and have magical mystical properties - but still cannot be in two places simultaneously.
Now, I know I can accomplish a lot of things and have magical mystical properties - but still cannot be in two places simultaneously.
protein tip of the day
1/2 c dry oatmeal - 5 grams of protein (150 calories)! That's more than a tablespoon of peanut butter (4 grams, 100 calories) and almost the same as an egg (6 grams, ~70 calories).
I'm always looking for non-animal sources of protein. The more protein I eat the better I feel and the less hungry I am.
I'm always looking for non-animal sources of protein. The more protein I eat the better I feel and the less hungry I am.
camping
It's below freezing in Kisatchie National Forest right now, but I'm signing up to go camping and horseback riding there in two weeks.
Crazy? Just a little. But how can I pass up the opportunity to be outside instead of studying?
Crazy? Just a little. But how can I pass up the opportunity to be outside instead of studying?
y'all
"Y'all" is my favorite thing about the South. I love it. I use it with reckless abandon. Because what's my other option - the very gender-biased "you guys"?
I've always used it but my students would snicker and feel compelled to note how California is not The South. Whatever. It's a great word wherever I am. Glad to be in its home now.
I've always used it but my students would snicker and feel compelled to note how California is not The South. Whatever. It's a great word wherever I am. Glad to be in its home now.
listen without tapping your foot
Go ahead. I dare you.
And a little homage to Professor Longhair.
This is why I love New Orleans. Not that I go out bar hopping, well, ever. But you never know when you'll hear the music, and they use real butter in the roux.
And a little homage to Professor Longhair.
This is why I love New Orleans. Not that I go out bar hopping, well, ever. But you never know when you'll hear the music, and they use real butter in the roux.
Chernobyl in my neck
If I get the radioactive iodine, here's what they say:
"I am going to take a vacation in the United States immediately after I finish my treatment. Any special precautions needed?
The United States has recently instituted radioactive monitoring devices at some public buildings and transportation venues, which may be activated by patients recently treated with radioactive iodine. Patients planning on traveling to the US within a month of treatment should take a medical letter from their physician attesting to their diagnosis and treatment."
Great. I'll make checkpoints light up.
I told K about the side effects today and she said, "Oh, yeah, you would definitely need to wait a year before having a baby. Otherwise people'll be like, 'Oh there's [insert my name here] and Glow-worm!"
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
good adrenaline
I'm having a hard time focusing - I have one hour to do about three hours of reading. This is what I get for not taking my books home with me.
But we just finished a roundtable on Latino Legal Issues of New Orleans and it went really, really well. I recruited the speaker and coordinated that with the coordinator, and then today we went and got the catering order and showed up and there were like 30 people in the audience, which is pretty darn amazing. The speaker did an awesome job - she brought a packet of like 35 articles and talked through them, and then I did a plug for getting people to volunteer and it worked.
People were way into hearing and it was so cool. But all that adrenaline - picking up Jess and helping her finish getting food ready, going to restaurant and figuring the order, getting to school just in time, finding the speaker on the streets and leading her in to introduce her, then driving home quickly to run back to school (no parking anywhere closer than my house), then hearing her speak and helping facilitate all that - it's a lot of good adrenaline pumping with that. We were all nervous about it turning out well, and it did, so it's great.
But now I feel like I need to be driving around crazily or doing something else, and sitting still and reading is hard. I should be at a Spanish class meeting but I have too much to do. So glad I finished my paper last night!!
But we just finished a roundtable on Latino Legal Issues of New Orleans and it went really, really well. I recruited the speaker and coordinated that with the coordinator, and then today we went and got the catering order and showed up and there were like 30 people in the audience, which is pretty darn amazing. The speaker did an awesome job - she brought a packet of like 35 articles and talked through them, and then I did a plug for getting people to volunteer and it worked.
People were way into hearing and it was so cool. But all that adrenaline - picking up Jess and helping her finish getting food ready, going to restaurant and figuring the order, getting to school just in time, finding the speaker on the streets and leading her in to introduce her, then driving home quickly to run back to school (no parking anywhere closer than my house), then hearing her speak and helping facilitate all that - it's a lot of good adrenaline pumping with that. We were all nervous about it turning out well, and it did, so it's great.
But now I feel like I need to be driving around crazily or doing something else, and sitting still and reading is hard. I should be at a Spanish class meeting but I have too much to do. So glad I finished my paper last night!!
not romantic
To call at 3:30 in the morning, twice (because I don't answer my phone then), and not leave a message. Yeah, Happy Valentine's Day to me. I really don't see how we're going to work things out but it seems bad of me to break up with him today.
I have this gift of two hours because class was cancelled this morning. I slept late, but now what? I don't have any of my books here, I finished my writing (it sucks, but it's done), not enough time really to go to laundromat.
My Legal Profession class - we met last Wednesday. Monday cancelled, today Wed cancelled, next Monday is Lundi Gras so no class (OK, President's day in the rest of the country, but we're fat here two days), Wednesday he cancelled because he thinks nobody will come the day after Mardi Gras. Two full weeks without class?? Three people emailed me yesterday asking where we are in the book - we have no idea. It's really disjointed. He's only here three days a week, the others he's traveling around and teaching at another school up north. And he's not good enough to be able to swing that and do it well. I tried to meet with him about something and he never listens because there are 10 million things running through his head. I hope he doesn't have a heart attack - he's young - but he's pushing himself too hard. Some people could handle it, but he can't. And our class is suffering. Whatever - it's Ethics. I'm not real concerned about that. Sure, I want to know what could land me in prison - but what are the chances that I'd do something like that anyway?
OH, I could work on internship applications this morning (now that I've squandered half an hour away on emailing).
We didn't have electricity yesterday until after noon, and of course the law school was the ONLY part of the university functioning. Not even a tornado can keep law students away. I love our dean, but sometimes he cracks me up. So I was sitting in class with NO INTERNET. The server was down and my battery was drained anyway. What the hell was I supposed to do in class without the internet to surf? Sheesh!
I have this gift of two hours because class was cancelled this morning. I slept late, but now what? I don't have any of my books here, I finished my writing (it sucks, but it's done), not enough time really to go to laundromat.
My Legal Profession class - we met last Wednesday. Monday cancelled, today Wed cancelled, next Monday is Lundi Gras so no class (OK, President's day in the rest of the country, but we're fat here two days), Wednesday he cancelled because he thinks nobody will come the day after Mardi Gras. Two full weeks without class?? Three people emailed me yesterday asking where we are in the book - we have no idea. It's really disjointed. He's only here three days a week, the others he's traveling around and teaching at another school up north. And he's not good enough to be able to swing that and do it well. I tried to meet with him about something and he never listens because there are 10 million things running through his head. I hope he doesn't have a heart attack - he's young - but he's pushing himself too hard. Some people could handle it, but he can't. And our class is suffering. Whatever - it's Ethics. I'm not real concerned about that. Sure, I want to know what could land me in prison - but what are the chances that I'd do something like that anyway?
OH, I could work on internship applications this morning (now that I've squandered half an hour away on emailing).
We didn't have electricity yesterday until after noon, and of course the law school was the ONLY part of the university functioning. Not even a tornado can keep law students away. I love our dean, but sometimes he cracks me up. So I was sitting in class with NO INTERNET. The server was down and my battery was drained anyway. What the hell was I supposed to do in class without the internet to surf? Sheesh!
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
cain't hurt us no more
Tornadoes hit this morning.
Standing in line at the post office (where I spend the best hours of my life), regular customer asked postal clerk who always has hot pink Bluetooth on her ear if she suffered any damage. "Cain't hurt us no more," was her reply.
Kick a people when they're down? Sheesh. I've heard of one fatality, several injuries, quite a bit of damage. Stoplights out on several major thoroughfares and a major university cancelling classes until at least noon, until they can get power. Red Cross is setting up shelters, First Responders were in at 4:00 am.
I read in the newspaper yesterday, insurance industry calling for federal disaster relief fund - citing that 70% of all people in the US live in a high-danger area. I always have. Alaska we've got earthquakes and tsunamis, California earthquakes, Kansas tornadoes, etc. So why is there so little compassion? Why is there not a sense of "There but for the grace of God, go I?"
Standing in line at the post office (where I spend the best hours of my life), regular customer asked postal clerk who always has hot pink Bluetooth on her ear if she suffered any damage. "Cain't hurt us no more," was her reply.
Kick a people when they're down? Sheesh. I've heard of one fatality, several injuries, quite a bit of damage. Stoplights out on several major thoroughfares and a major university cancelling classes until at least noon, until they can get power. Red Cross is setting up shelters, First Responders were in at 4:00 am.
I read in the newspaper yesterday, insurance industry calling for federal disaster relief fund - citing that 70% of all people in the US live in a high-danger area. I always have. Alaska we've got earthquakes and tsunamis, California earthquakes, Kansas tornadoes, etc. So why is there so little compassion? Why is there not a sense of "There but for the grace of God, go I?"
Monday, February 12, 2007
toxic nodule
Today was my appointment with the endocrinologist after last week's scan.
I wish I could post the pictures here of the scan - it's way cool. And depressing. I have a toxic nodule - basically the left side of my thyroid has taken over, sort of a mutiny, and decides to create its OWN hormones rather than listen to my pituitary. Hm - doesn't take orders? Why doesn't that shock me that I would have glands like that. The picture was really clear, and even my untrained eye saw immediately what was going on.
So, I have three treatment options. One, they cut my neck open and remove my thyroid and I go on synthroid for the rest of my life. Two, they give me radioactive iodine which kills most of my thyroid and I go on synthroid probably for the rest of my life. Three, I go on medication now that requires monitoring liver function and other possible side effects and may eventually have to have options one or two.
Also, I can't get pregnant as long as my thyroid is this whacky - all sorts of side effects possible to the baby. And, if I do option #2 (the best), I can't get pregnant for at least a year. (Yet another reason to ditch what's-his-face.)
But, I don't want that to force me into a permanent procedure. So, we decided to continue with observation. I like the endocrinologist. I know she wants me to treat it because she's worried about it getting really bad really fast without warning, which can cause some serious heart damage and the like. ("Thyroid crisis or storm is an acute worsening of the symptoms of hyperthyroidism, which may occur with infection or stress. Fever, decreased mental alertness, and abdominal pain may occur, and immediate hospitalization is necessary.) While I've started showing some symptoms, I'm not full-blown.
I haven't found anything on-line about a natural way to cure this. And I'm not talking herbs or anything, but dietary and lifestyle changes I'd do. What if I start yoga and destressing all aspects of my life (is that possible while in law school?) (or - is it possible for me?)? What if I was really good about daily exercise and healthy eating? I've gained 8 pounds recently - and I know I've been lazy since I got back and got that nasty cold, but that's an awful lot of weight pretty quickly.
And I convinced her to sign off on me getting a bone density scan. She and the other doctor don't believe that I've shrunk over an inch in 20 years, but I have. Hopefully it's not a sign of bone density issues, etc. - but it could be a symptom of the hyperthyroidism which would make me more receptive to immediate treatment rather than waiting. She's not sure the insurance would cover it but she said she'd code it for best possibility. Either way, even if I have to pay out of pocket, I'm doing it this week. (I know that medical care in New Orleans now has a really bad rap - but this is honestly the best and most expeditious care I've ever received in my life anywhere.)
This all probably also means that I shouldn't leave for three months this summer. If I could thyroid storm, or if we're trying to adjust my synthroid levels, either way I don't want to be too far away from her.
Damn it all.
I wish I could post the pictures here of the scan - it's way cool. And depressing. I have a toxic nodule - basically the left side of my thyroid has taken over, sort of a mutiny, and decides to create its OWN hormones rather than listen to my pituitary. Hm - doesn't take orders? Why doesn't that shock me that I would have glands like that. The picture was really clear, and even my untrained eye saw immediately what was going on.
So, I have three treatment options. One, they cut my neck open and remove my thyroid and I go on synthroid for the rest of my life. Two, they give me radioactive iodine which kills most of my thyroid and I go on synthroid probably for the rest of my life. Three, I go on medication now that requires monitoring liver function and other possible side effects and may eventually have to have options one or two.
Also, I can't get pregnant as long as my thyroid is this whacky - all sorts of side effects possible to the baby. And, if I do option #2 (the best), I can't get pregnant for at least a year. (Yet another reason to ditch what's-his-face.)
But, I don't want that to force me into a permanent procedure. So, we decided to continue with observation. I like the endocrinologist. I know she wants me to treat it because she's worried about it getting really bad really fast without warning, which can cause some serious heart damage and the like. ("Thyroid crisis or storm is an acute worsening of the symptoms of hyperthyroidism, which may occur with infection or stress. Fever, decreased mental alertness, and abdominal pain may occur, and immediate hospitalization is necessary.) While I've started showing some symptoms, I'm not full-blown.
I haven't found anything on-line about a natural way to cure this. And I'm not talking herbs or anything, but dietary and lifestyle changes I'd do. What if I start yoga and destressing all aspects of my life (is that possible while in law school?) (or - is it possible for me?)? What if I was really good about daily exercise and healthy eating? I've gained 8 pounds recently - and I know I've been lazy since I got back and got that nasty cold, but that's an awful lot of weight pretty quickly.
And I convinced her to sign off on me getting a bone density scan. She and the other doctor don't believe that I've shrunk over an inch in 20 years, but I have. Hopefully it's not a sign of bone density issues, etc. - but it could be a symptom of the hyperthyroidism which would make me more receptive to immediate treatment rather than waiting. She's not sure the insurance would cover it but she said she'd code it for best possibility. Either way, even if I have to pay out of pocket, I'm doing it this week. (I know that medical care in New Orleans now has a really bad rap - but this is honestly the best and most expeditious care I've ever received in my life anywhere.)
This all probably also means that I shouldn't leave for three months this summer. If I could thyroid storm, or if we're trying to adjust my synthroid levels, either way I don't want to be too far away from her.
Damn it all.
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