no thyroid doomsday

OK, sorry, Jen - didn't mean to stress people out.

The thyroid storm is very unlikely, and if it happens here that's fine. Doctors at the student health clinic know my condition and my endocrinologist is on the ball, and now I've done enough research to have a sense of how to recognize. The only question I still have is how long the symptoms last before they get critical. Do I have three hours? 36? Three days?

I'm not worried about it happening here. I dig on stress - it lowers my blood pressue. BUT, there are different kinds of stress. The stress that is now beckoning me to read Property because my prof humiliates people - good stress. The stress that compels me to rush about doing 5 million things on most given days - good stress.

There are only really two bad stresses for me. The first was teaching - that feeling of utter hopelessness when a student had made a really bad choice and was headed off to juvie or jail. And the constant administrative/NCLB pressure combining with that - bad pressure because it never let up and was out of my control. The other bad stress is when things are bad with Dayton. It's just the nature of love, I guess, that I'm really vulnerable to him. I'm not used to being vulnerable so I don't handle it very well. It definitely takes its toll on me. My typical blustering in to fix everything just doesn't work.

Today I have my bone density scan. (Now I read, then class, then post office, then hospital, then pro bono work, then meet Canadian at Port of Call, then maybe laundry, then study - there's my whole day. Sigh.) The doctor said it probably won't tell much because of my age - but the thyroid problem I'm having usually happens in older people "after a long history of non-toxic goiter." Like 50 years of it - which I definitely haven't had. I guess I'm a quick study. :) But it'll make me feel better to know - and if my bones are fine, then I'm not in a rush with thyroid treatment.

When I had the biopsy this summer, the doctor drained the nodule saying it was decomposing cells. So here's what happens, I'm starting to piece together. For whatever reason, maybe my TSH receptors on my thyroid don't work right, my thyroid feels compelled to produce thyroid hormone without being told to - that's T3 and T4. My T4 has always been fine; my T3 sometimes is a bit high and sometimes on the high range of normal. As far as I can tell, no TSH is not a problem - it's just that doctors get worked up about it because that means the regulation mechanism (thyroid-pituitary) isn't working properly.

But what if my body regulates itself differently? What if it grows larger to produce more hormone when necessary but then decomposes that when it's not necessary? There are times in my life when I do need the energy of three people to make it through the day - what if my thyroid kicks into gear and makes it possible? What if "treating" that is just really being ungrateful to the one gland who always is there for me?

Honestly though, if things don't get better on their own I will eventually have to have treatment - my thyroid is large and it makes swallowing sometimes difficult (like right now - must be the recent appointment - it doesn't like to be poked and prodded). Talking too much gives me a sore throat. That would seem to make surgery the better option because they could actually remove that obstacle. BUT with surgery there's the chance I can lose my voice altogether (or get a way sexy husky voice), and it's pretty common that they cause permanent damage to the parathyroid glands - which regulate calcium and other really important functions. So then I'd be on synthroid for the rest of my life AND all sorts of other stuff. And have 9 cm pirate's scar across my neck.

Alcohol ablation (where they shoot ethanol into the thyroid) might be an option, but it's not done here - so if I do that I'll probably do it in summer when I can get to Mayo Clinic a few times. Because it's such a rare treatment in the US I can't find much info on it. In Europe they don't do radioactive iodine because it's radioactive and there's real concerns about that. If I were 80 and this were my only health problem, I'd be like, "I'll do it today." But I'm not even 40, and I might someday carry a baby. The radiation I'd be getting is like Chernobyl (not right up close, of course, but that's the analogy they gave) and I do know of those negative effects. I don't want to get cancer later because of this. More importantly I don't want to have a baby whose health is compromised in any way because of it - how unfair would that be? "Here, I gave you life, but your chances of cancer are really high and your thyroid will never function properly. Welcome to the world!"

So anyway, no doomsday. Chances of a fatal thyroid storm are very minimal.

Chances of being called on in Property today and knowing nothing about fee simple absolute, however, are very good. Hm ... maybe I can use my "condition" to my benefit somehow. "I'm sorry, I'm unprepared because if you stress me out I could die." It's not like that at all, though, so no worries.

I'm just really annoyed with my thyroid for not increasing my metabolism! I should be able to eat all the damn kingcake I want without retribution! Life is so unfair.